Chapter 8
Crashing the Party
“Ana! Ana!” I shouted, trying to rouse her from her nightmare. “Wake up. It’s just a dream!”
She pushed at me hard, her fingernails scratching my arms. They healed quickly, but the sting lingered. Panting, she blinked her eyes open. Tears leaked slowly from the corners. Her cheeks were flushed, and her lips looked swollen and red like she’d bitten them in her sleep. Anamika trembled in my arms as I stroked her hair and shushed her.
The fact that she clung to me as if I was the only thing grounding her was a surprise. I wanted to link into her thoughts, to figure out what it was that troubled her. It seemed much worse than a simple bad dream. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wanted her to trust me. And if I forced the issue in that way or asserted myself, I sensed there would be much more to contend with than just her temper. Ana was teetering on the edge, fragile, and if I made a wrong move, she’d burst open like a dropped melon.
“What is it?” I murmured as I tried to calm her.
She stiffened and drew away from my arms, shifting back on the bed. “It is nothing,” she said, wiping her tears away with the heels of her hands.
“You don’t have to tell me, Ana,” I said, “but I’m here to listen if you need me.”
Nodding, she drew up her knees to her chest and laced her fingers around them. “Thank you.”
My arms felt empty and I found I missed her softness. Strange to think of the goddess Durga, the warrior I’d fought with, as being soft. Her heart had beaten frantically when I’d held her, almost like a captured bird in a cage. That reminded me that I still had a passenger in my pocket.
“I almost forgot,” I said, and pulled open the square of fabric to peek at the little creature. It angled its head to peer up at me. “This little thing belongs to you. Kadam sent him.”
Repositioning her long legs so she could scoot closer, she pushed her heavy hair over her shoulder and watched as I pulled the little bird out. He sat in my cupped palm and then, when she extended a fingertip, he peeped and hopped onto it. Immediately, he chirped a little tune and flew to her shoulder, where he hid himself inside her mounds of hair.
Anamika laughed. It was a carefree, delightful sound, and I realized I’d never heard her laugh before. Smiling myself, I rubbed a hand over the stubble on my cheeks and said, “Kadam told me you raised him from an egg. Apparently, we haven’t found the egg yet. He also warned me that the bird isn’t long for this world.”
Her face fell as she took the bird from her shoulder and rubbed him behind the head. He closed his eyes happily as she stroked his feathers.
I don’t know why I had to go and ruin her happy moment. It seemed like nothing I did regarding the goddess was the right thing. Sighing, I got up and splashed water in the basin. As I washed my face, I told her where I’d been all night.
She listened carefully and asked thoughtful questions. When I was finished, she said, “That must have been painful for you—leaving your brother in such a way so that he had no memory of what had passed between you.”
“It was,” I confessed. It still chafed. The hurt of leaving him there was like a fur-caught burr next to an already painful wound. Knowing that my actions, my decision, would relegate Ren to being imprisoned for so many years was something I wasn’t entirely sure I could live with. The idea that I was doing it more so that I would meet Kelsey than I was nobly doing my part to help the universe left the bitter tang of guilt in my mouth.
Anamika’s hand touched my shoulder. I hadn’t even heard her get up. My eyes were dry and tight, and my head throbbed from going so long without sleep. My skin felt ready to split apart but her touch soothed me. Without thinking, I drew her close and she allowed me to hold her. It was awkward at first. Her back was as straight as a board, but inch by inch she relaxed.
After a long moment, she patted my shoulder stiffly and asked, “Are you comforted enough yet, Kishan?”
I laughed and stepped back. “Yes. Thank you.”
The ice goddess had returned and she was ready to get back to business. I was used to this version of her. The other one, the wounded girl, was a stranger. I was curious but I knew better than to ask why she hid behind her mask.
It was more than just losing her brother and taking on the role of a goddess. She’d been that way before, back when I first met her. She’d seemed just as unapproachable then. Anamika came across as a very different girl than the one I’d seen interacting with her brother just before he left. Other than the few brief glimpses she’d given me, the goddess was much like the statues in the temples we’d visited. Cold, hard as granite, and rigid regarding her dealings with men.
We used the amulet to shift back to the alley and the scarf to disguise ourselves. I took the role of the man who’d disappeared while Anamika became Kadam. She dressed herself like a wealthy man of that time would, and within the hour, the transaction was complete. The two of us were now the proud new owners of a white tiger.
The hunters were surprised when Anamika as Kadam was willing to purchase the animal sight unseen, but we couldn’t risk Ren’s reaction to Kadam or his confusion over Kadam smelling like jasmine and roses. Ana had pulled enough coin and gemstones from the ground to appease the hunters, and they were greedy enough to take their money and run.
Next, we made arrangements to have Ren stay where he was, hiring a trustworthy young man to feed him and give him water. We even put the boy up at the nearby inn while we sought out Kadam’s friend. We stayed long enough to watch him and make sure he did a good job regarding the tiger.
It took the better part of the day to actually find Kadam’s trader friend. Then it required some convincing to get him to alter his course to go to the city where Ren was being kept. Anamika gave him the rest of her coins and gems and offered him a bagful more when he got to the inn if he would then transport Ren and sell him to a kind-hearted collector.
When the deal was made, Ana and I returned to our time. She disappeared into her room and scavenged a bagful of priceless gemstones, and within the blink of an eye, she had gone back to meet the trader at the inn and give him his final payment.
She was gone for less than thirty seconds, and when she told me that Ren was safely on his way, I immediately transformed into a tiger and fell into a deep sleep on the grass. After I woke, I found Ana sitting near the fountain cradling her little pet. He was still alive, but it was plain he wouldn’t be for long.
“I thought he’d like to be outside,” she said.
I lay down, making myself comfortable by her feet, resting my head on my paws, and kept her company. Before the hour had passed, the little bird was gone. Gently, she placed him in a golden box that a devotee had given her. His bright red plumage was soon hidden beneath the lid. Using the power of the amulet, she excavated a space in her garden and placed the box inside. She stood there for a moment, silent, and then I heard the whisper of dirt as it covered the golden box.
When she was done, she approached me and sat down on the grass, threading her hands in my fur and stroking my back. I rolled over on my side so my head was in her lap. She tugged on my ear gently and draped an arm around my neck. Instinctively, I knew she needed me, needed the tiger side of me. She relaxed with me easier when I was in my tiger form. Her scent of roses and jasmine wafted over me and I closed my eyes.
I was soothed by the closeness as well. Being with her like that reminded me of being with my mother. Granted, there was an aspect of it that was very different. I was aware, of course, that Anamika was a lovely young woman and there was nothing motherly about being near her, but at the same time, there was a certain comfort to it. I felt completely at ease. She wasn’t, at that moment, judging me or harassing me. She was just…there.
We stayed like that for a while until I realized she’d fallen asleep with her back against the fountain. After easing away, I switched to human form and picked her up. When she wasn’t in battle gear and sporting all the arms and weapons of Durga, when she was just Ana, she seemed so small. I knew she wasn’t. She was nearly my height. But most of her was legs. Long, long legs.
I set her down on her bed, purposely placing the kamandal and all her weapons nearby, then I took the scarf and headed to the bathing chamber. After a quick bath, I used the scarf to change into an old man in a suit. Thinking it best to leave the scarf with Ana, along with a note, I headed back to her room.
She’d turned on her side, her fist cupped under a cheek. Her pink lips were slightly open and her hair tumbled over her face. I pulled her blanket up around her shoulders and then glanced in her mirror. Adjusting the tie, I smoothed down my salt-and-pepper hair and grunted. With my gray suit, I looked more like I was dressed for a funeral than a party, but decided it would do. Quickly, I jotted a note and left the scarf next to it, then I clutched the amulet and disappeared.
The room folded around me, and everything went white as I raced through time in a stream of wind. I materialized on a rooftop and made myself invisible, which was a smart thing since there were people everywhere. They were dressed in impeccably tailored clothing and they were smiling and laughing. I headed around a dark corner and, finding I was alone, let myself become visible.
I stood on a long balcony that wrapped around the roof. The entire upper floor of the building was made of glass, and the lights from the skyscrapers surrounding me twinkled like diamond stars, bathing everything in soft light. At first I thought I’d carried the scents of rose and jasmine from Anamika’s room with me, but as I turned a corner, I saw the entire floor was covered in flowers of all description.
I fingered a familiar flower, a tiger lily, and frowned. This was going to be painful.
Following the other guests, I made my way toward the sound of lilting music and the quiet murmurings of a large gathering. Passing an elevator where more guests arrived, I noticed ushers taking cards and checking lists. Luckily, I’d bypassed that. What would I have said? My invitation must have gotten lost in the cosmic mail?
Each step I took was weighted, like I was trying to stay upright as I strode deeper into the ocean. The farther I went, the greater the risk of drowning. Even though I was disguised, I felt recognizable, out of place, like a flower in a fruit basket. I nodded at people when necessary and made my slow way over to the bar. When the man asked what he could get for me, I stared at him mutely for a moment and then said, “Just some water, please.”
He slid me a sparkling water and I took a seat, sipping on it as I scanned the room. Nilima was the first person I noticed. She entered the party wearing a beautiful dress. Her smile was brilliant as she took the arm of a tall man who looked vaguely familiar. I sucked in a breath when I realized who it was—Anamika’s brother, Sunil. He looked just as happy as she did and much more comfortable than I would have expected considering he was from a different time.
Looking around, I recognized Kelsey’s foster parents and a few of the people who worked for Rajaram Industries. Sipping my drink, I studied Nilima and Sunil. He was deftly keeping all the other men wanting to dance with Nilima at bay. His hardened expression when anyone approached was very effective. Seeing her glare at him and lean close to give him a lecture was heartening. I smiled, happy that Nilima might have found someone, and I hoped when I told Ana that she would be pleased.
Despite my interest in them, they weren’t who I’d come to see. A kind of breathless anticipation, a churning in my stomach stole through me. When the bartender asked if I wanted a refill, I gave him a curt nod. A trickle of sweat crept down the back of my neck, and I tugged at my collar, feeling hot.
Then, all at once, the music halted and a new song began—a lovely one I remembered that Ren had written for Kelsey. My heart wrenched. Almost as one, the expectant crowd turned to watch the front of the room. Before I could prepare myself, they were there. The wedding guests cheered as the couple entered the room. Ren beamed and waved a hand as he proudly guided his new wife. He looked dashing in his sherwani coat, his dark hair slicked back, but Kelsey was breathtaking.
Once my eyes found her, I couldn’t look away. All the light in the room seemed to slant toward her, framing her lovely face. My mouth went dry and it was all I could do to inhale and exhale. Together, the couple began winding their way through the room, accepting congratulations from the well-wishers.
Inside, I was a man tormented—the teeth and claws of my tiger scratching and biting, eager to break free and attack my rival. On the outside, I was cold and numb, slowly melting like snow in the sun. The sparkling, happy melody washed over me, finding nothing to latch onto. And I sat frozen in place like a man who’d just lost everything.
My eyes clung to them. To Ren’s back, where the tailored coat clung to his warrior’s frame. To his face that looked confident, happy, full of life. And then my tawny-gold tiger eyes, hidden behind a pair of tinted glasses, sought out the one I still loved. She was a brilliant flame in her white dress, and the sweetness of seeing her as a bride pierced my chest and melted my bones.
They made their way over to me, and I sat there, as still and as mute as a statue, just staring at them as they came closer and closer and then stopped in front of me. My mouth went dry and I stopped breathing.
Ren offered a hand and said, “Thank you for coming.”
I parted my lips to reply but found I couldn’t. All I could do was give a slight nod. He cocked his head as if he was going to say something, and I thought, for a panicked second, that he might have seen through my disguise. Maybe he’d recognized my scent. But no, he no longer had that ability. It was sad to think of Ren as being just a human. But that’s what he’d wanted. He’d never embraced the tiger as I did.
Someone caught his attention and Ren’s eyes left me. I finally let out a pent-up breath. Then I inhaled. Peaches and cream. She was in front of me. Close enough to wrap my arms around her. Close enough to kiss. Her soft brown eyes twinkled and her lips slid into a sweet, welcoming smile.
Having her so close, her scent enveloping me, was like rain on parched earth. I soaked up every second. When she offered her hand, I took it gently and just held on. She shook it and then her hand slipped away. It was like someone had stolen the sun. Kelsey and her warmth had left me. Each step she took, putting more distance between us, was like a draught of slow poison that sunk into my veins bit by bit.
Nilima’s voice echoed as she spoke into a microphone. “The bride and groom will now have their first dance!”
The guests clapped and an undercurrent of comments ensued as they remarked on the couple, on the exquisite food and décor, on the beauty of the bride. My body flamed up like a dry tree in a fire when I overheard a few jealous young women saying Ren had married beneath him. I bit my lip until I could taste blood and the tang of salt.
But then the dance began.
Almost involuntarily, my eyes followed them as they made their way around the floor. They moved in absolute harmony—Ren debonair and confident with his hand pressed against Kelsey’s back. His lovely new bride had eyes only for him. Her fingers were twined in the hair at the nape of his neck, and he leaned close to press his lips to her ear and whisper something. The crowd stilled, as transfixed by the obvious love between the couple as I was.
They are happy.
The thought came to me, unbidden and unwelcome. I shoved it away like it was toxic.
I’d known they would be, but I had to see it. I’d hoped that laying eyes on the two of them at the peak of their marital bliss would do a sort of magic. Steel my resolve. Help me get over it. Get over her. But it did the opposite. Ren was getting my happily ever after. I didn’t blame him for wanting it. But I deserved it as much as he did.
Time passed and I stewed in my resentment. Then Ren and Kelsey split apart. He asked Nilima to dance while Kelsey danced with Sunil. Waiters carrying trays of delicious hors d’oeuvres stopped and offered food, but I waved them on with an irritated gesture.
Another song played and Kelsey moved from one partner to another. Almost without thinking, I stood up and straightened the jacket of my suit. Purposefully, I strode forward and waited for my chance. When the song changed again, I stood before her, capturing her hand and bowing low over it.
“May I have your next dance, young lady?” I asked.
“Yes,” she answered pleasantly. “Thank you for the honor.”
“It is I who am honored.”
The music began, and though I tried to remind myself I was playing a role, I found I was utterly undone by being near her. I let my imagination run away with me and dreamed it was our wedding day and I was her groom. That she had vowed to be mine and not my brother’s. I closed my eyes and relived a sweet kiss we’d shared so many months ago.
How could she be so close and yet so far away from me? Couldn’t she sense me? Did she think of me? Did she miss me? Regret leaving me behind?
As I looked into her eyes, I didn’t see any doubt there. The song was half over and I hadn’t even spoken to her. My fingers tightening on her waist, I said, “I was sorry to hear of the passing of your groom’s brother and grandfather.”
Her eyes fell away and then returned to my face. “Thank you. It was a great loss. Both of us wish they were here with us today.”
“Perhaps they are,” I said softly.
She didn’t respond to that except to give me a grateful smile and a nod. “How long have you worked for the company?” Kelsey asked, politely changing the subject.
“Not long,” I answered. “It was kind of your groom to invite me.” Scrambling for something else to say before she asked me more details about my supposed job, I said, “The flowers are lovely.”
“Yes. Nilima took care of all the details.”
“She even added your favorites,” I mentioned. When she frowned and tilted her head, I hastened to add, “I was tasked with sending you flowers once, many months ago.”
“Ah,” she said, accepting my lame attempt to cover my error.
Kelsey glanced over my shoulder and smiled. It was the most breathtaking expression I’d ever seen. My nostrils flared. Ren was close. She tossed a lock of hair over her shoulder and a sparkle at her neck caught my eye. I recognized the form of the Mangalsutra and knew what it was—a traditional gift a groom offered his bride on their wedding day. But that wasn’t what had caught my attention.
Two chains, one of gold and one of blue, wrapped around each other. Diamonds and sapphire flowers chased down the length of the chains, but in the center was a teardrop diamond surrounded by lotus flower petals made of ruby. It was the ring I’d given her. The teardrop was Kelsey’s. Durga had turned it into a diamond, and the ruby gems had been fashioned from the large stone I’d won in the House of Gourds when we’d been in Shangri-La together.
I wet my lips. “Your…your Mangalsutra. I know something of the tradition but I’ve never seen one as original as this. Tell me, what does it symbolize?”
Her hand went up to her neck to finger the lotus flower. “This was a gift from Ren’s brother. I wear it to remember him.”
“Ah, I see,” I said. “I forget his name.”
“Kishan. His name was Kishan.”
I searched her face for something, anything. Regret. Pain. Longing. But all I saw was a softening. A quiet peace.
“Isn’t it, ah, traditional for the bride to wear something to help her remember the groom?” I laughed as if trying to pass off my question as casual, but it sounded forced, even to me.
“It is,” she acknowledged. “But it was Ren’s idea. Both of us wanted to honor him. If he hadn’t been so selfless, we wouldn’t be together today.”
A lump big enough to choke me swelled in my throat. I feared my emotions were plain on my face. I looked down at the shadow we cast as we danced together and had the sudden notion that my presence was casting a pall over the joyful proceedings. “It is apparent that you miss him,” I said.
“We do,” she added and her eyes glistened.
How can I do this to her? On her wedding day, no less? She remembered me as selfless, as sacrificing. Yet here I was trying to ruin what should be the happiest moment of her life. Of both their lives. My shoulders slumped, and I felt like I was wearing my shame like a too-tight necktie.
I kept silent for the rest of the song and just moved across the floor, memorizing the feel of holding her in my arms. Ren found us at the end, and just as I was handing her back to him, I looked up and locked eyes with another woman. She was disguised but she’d done a poor job. She stood out in the crowd like a peacock among pigeons.
With a nod to Ren and a quick thanks to Kelsey, I strode through the crowd and took Anamika by the arm. “What are you doing here?” I hissed as I tugged her to a darkened hallway. It was only the presence of other people that made her refrain from ripping her arm away from me.
“Kishan?” She frowned and scrutinized my face, rubbing her arm as if I’d contaminated her with germs. I’d learned about germs from Nilima, who always kept a bottle of some kind of liquid with her to prevent sickness. Germs didn’t bother me, of course, and I doubted the goddess had any idea what germs were as I’d never bothered to explain them to her.
“Who else would I be?” I asked, irritated and a bit offended that she wanted to wipe my touch away.
“You’re so…old,” she said, her pretty face turning into a grimace.
“Yeah? And you’re too…blonde,” I finished, tugging on a long lock of strawberry-blonde hair. “Ren may not have his sense of smell anymore but I can assure you that his eyes work. Even with blonde hair, they’d see you coming a mile away. What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like…like that?”
“I would ask you the same question!” she spat. Her eyes were like rusted swords, sharp enough to do damage and yet timeworn enough to cause more pain than necessary.
I ignored the steam coming from her ears and took in her clothing. The fluid silk of her halter dress clung to her frame like foam on the beach. I’d thought her green hunting garment was distracting, but the ice-blue creation she wore now was debilitating. The neck of the dress was cut low. Much lower than anything I’d ever seen Kelsey or Nilima wear. And the slit on the side exposed almost the entirety of her leg.
Swallowing, I took a step back. Not even sure how she came to be there, let alone dressed like she was. The moon shone through the window, lighting her skin with alabaster rays, and I swiped at the trickle of sweat on my temple. With her hair blonde, she looked like Aphrodite emerging from the sea. I clapped a hand on the back of my neck, wondering where to start.
She folded her arms and cut me a stern look, but my eyes drifted from hers because I was too distracted by the way the movement caused her chest to swell. The round curves of her body, entirely too exposed, in my opinion, were on display like gleaming pearls, for all the men at the party. I ripped off my jacket and held it out. “Here, put this on.”
“No. Your jacket does not match my dress.”
“Doesn’t match your…” I caught myself looking again and shook my head to clear it. “Ana, now isn’t the time to argue with me. Put it on. You’re practically naked.”
“I am not naked,” she groused as she tugged my jacket on. “Besides, your jacket is too warm.”
“Look, what you’re wearing, it’s…it’s inappropriate.”
Anamika glanced down at her body and frowned. “But there are many women in the party who are dressed in the same fashion.”
“Yes. Well…maybe that’s true.” Had it been? If there had been a woman dressed like that, I would have noticed. At least I think I would have.
“It is true. I copied a woman’s dress exactly. Only the color is different,” she said.
“Yeah?” I rubbed a hand over my cheek. “Look, even if you’re right, you’re too…too…” I waved my hand in the direction of her body, swooshing it in circles to indicate her hair. “And your face is too…” I slumped. “Ana, you just can’t wear dresses like that.”
“Why not?” she pushed, bracing her fists on her hips.
I groaned and closed my eyes.
“Is the color…unattractive?”
“No, the color is… It’s fine,” I said. “It’s very…” I paused and my eyes drifted to her full lips. “Attractive,” I finished.
“Then tell me what is wrong with it so that I can correct it in the future,” she said quietly. “I need to learn.”
Her innocent comment undid me and I was able to regain my self-assurance. This was why she needed me. I was her guide in a world she didn’t understand. “Ana, you are a very beautiful woman. Surely you know this.”
“I,” she stammered, taking a step back, suddenly hesitant. “I am a goddess.”
“Yes, but you’re also a woman. You were a beautiful woman before you were a goddess.”
“But I am disguised here. They do not know me.”
“These people might not see the goddess Durga when they look upon you, but they will see a goddess all the same.” I cupped her shoulder with my palm and squeezed reassuringly, giving her a brotherly smile. “In this time, as in many other centuries, there are some who see beauty and desire to possess it, even if the beauty does not wish to be possessed. Do you understand?”
She cocked her head to study me. “So you wish for me to be old and ugly like you,” she said and then gasped. “Is there a woman here who desires to possess you? Show me where she is and I will tell her you are not hers for possessing!”
“No, Ana. There’s no one here who desires me.”
Her frown turned into a half smile. “I suppose not. No woman wants to spoon-feed her enfeebled mate.”
The corners of my mouth lifted, and I was about to refute her remark when her eyes widened and she gasped. I turned and cursed under my breath when I saw Nilima on the arm of Sunil. He escorted her to the elevator and pushed a button. Nilima made some remark about how he’d finally learned how to push buttons, and was securing a section of her dark hair behind her ear, when his eyes lit.
Narrowing the distance between them, Sunil slid his hand around the curve of her neck and lowered his mouth to hers, tentatively at first, and then he pulled her against him, angling his lips more fully against hers. Nilima’s arms slipped around his waist, and neither of them noticed when the elevator dinged, opened, and then closed again.
“Sunil,” Anamika mumbled brokenly, and before she could step around me and approach her brother, I wrapped her in my arms and made us invisible. With her luscious curves pressed tightly against my body, I swept us away in time, her tears wetting my shirt.