Chapter 37
A Dream Realized
Pulling away, I kept Ana’s hand in mine as I turned my back on the jungle.
“You’re certain, then?” Ana asked, her voice halting.
“I am.”
She laced her fingers through mine, and I wasn’t sure if it was her hand trembling or if it was me. I walked over to Ren. He was on his hands and knees. His blood pooled on the floor. Crouching down next to him, I touched his back. “I wish I could say I was confident that you would make the same decision if you were in my place. You trusted me before. I’d like to think you’d do the same thing again. My biggest regret is that I wasn’t the brother you deserved. At least, not for many years. All I can promise is, I’ll try to do better by you in the future.”
I glanced over at my former self where he was bent over the body of the girl he loved, his face a mask of agony. Would a part of him remember any of this? I wondered. Probably not. I supposed it no longer mattered. Not for the first time and probably not for the last, either, I questioned if I was doing the right thing.
Ana’s voice in my mind quashed my hesitation. You know what to do, Sohan, she said.
Placing both hands on my brother, I called on the power of the amulet. It flowed through me and around me. The amulet hung from my neck, the tip of it touching my brother’s back. I leaned closer and the entire piece settled on the spot between his shoulder blades. Light shot out from the carved tiger on the amulet and enveloped both of us. I heard a noise and turned to see Ana. She had become the goddess, and all eight of her arms were lifted in the air, magic weaving between her limbs.
Ren’s body trembled beneath my hands and time moved forward in slow motion. Not even the goddess Durga or her tiger could stop its progress. We no longer had control of it. My brother screamed in agony as the light from the amulet twisted and curved, sinking into his body. I glanced up at my old self. He’d covered his ears to try to block out the powerful hum of the goddess as it grew in volume. As I closed my eyes, I wished I, too, could cover my ears.
Then, I heard him. Smelled him.
Claws clicked on the marble floor and I raised my head and looked into the eyes of a tiger. He was massive. His white fur was wet from the damp jungle and he had mud caked between his claws. Leaning closer, he sniffed me and then Ren. He’d heeded the summons of the amulet. Having witnessed the other creations of the goddess, I knew what I needed to do next.
“Will you serve?” I asked him. “Will you become a part of my brother?”
The tiger lowered his head and growled softly, then he came closer and nudged my hand with his nose. He chuffed and my vision blurred.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “Take care of him.” Lifting one of my hands, I placed it on the head of the tiger and felt the thrum of his energy. “When the time is right, we will return and release you,” I said.
The great creature disappeared before my eyes, giving his life force in service to the goddess and bowing before the power of the Damon Amulet. I pushed the essence of the tiger into my brother and then stood on shaking legs, watching as the man and the tiger dueled for control. Ren’s skin rippled and tore, healed and stretched, as time moved slowly around him.
Ana took my hand and guided me over to my other self. “You cannot put your hands on him,” she warned, “but you can gift him through me.”
A gift, she called it. I smiled and touched her face. You would think of it that way, I said to her mind.
In your heart, you know it for what it is, she said.
I do.
My old self had leapt in the air, his face full of fury, as he attacked Lokesh. Ana inserted herself between the two men and used the power of the wind to lift the airborne body a bit higher. She placed two of her hands on his cheeks and looked to me.
I turned to the open jungle and called out, “I know you’re there. If you will serve, come forward.”
We waited for the space of one moment, then another. I felt the weight of his presence but he was still undecided. Finally, I heard a snarl and a second tiger leapt up the stairs in a bound. He paced before me, his teeth bared. When I lifted my hand, he whipped around and roared loud enough to scare the myna birds from the trees.
“You know who I am,” I said, “and what I ask.”
The great cat strode in a circle, his tail whipping back and forth as he took in the scene. The animal was beautiful. The fur was dark, his stripes thick and black. His eyes flashed with intelligence as he watched me. Seeing I wasn’t going to make a move, he stopped his pacing and sat, panting. Then he leisurely licked his paw.
“Will you serve?” I asked humbly.
The tiger lifted his head, mid-lick, and growled, then he shook himself and approached the goddess. “Hello, handsome,” she said and reached down to stroke his head with a pair of hands.
The animal twisted his head so she could scratch the ruff of his neck and then rubbed the length of his body against her thigh.
“He’s clearly claiming you,” I said.
“That’s as it should be, is it not?” Ana said with a smile. “What say you, great cat?” Ana asked. “My Sohan may not be as beautiful as you, but he is a worthy fighter. He embraces the hunt and favors long, lazy naps,” she finished with a wink in my direction.
The tiger looked up at the goddess and then over at me.
“I do not know when or if you will be released,” I said, “but I can promise a long life and, if we’re lucky, a beautiful goddess willing to scratch our back.”
Sitting, the great animal considered me for a moment and then finally chuffed his agreement, twisting his head so the goddess could play with his ears. I strode closer, careful not to alarm him, and placed my hands on Ana’s back.
“Are you ready?” I asked.
“Are you?” she countered.
In answer, I removed the Damon Amulet from my neck and used the power of the wind to position it against the chest of my old self. One of Ana’s hands held it in place as I put my hand on the tiger. The old me screamed. The tiger next to Ana dissolved into light and his life essence shot into the body Ana touched.
Once the tiger was there, struggling inside his new form like Ren had with his tiger, I assumed our work was done, but Ana, her hands still on my former self, said, “Now we must make him Damon.”
I furrowed my brow. “I thought gifting him with the tiger was enough.”
She shook her head. “We must name him and seal the amulet to him forever. This tiger’s curse of yours was never about Ren or Kelsey. It was about you, my love. It was always about you.”
Closing my eyes, I let the impact of her declaration sink into me and settle. Damon was a name I would carry for the rest of my life. The black tiger and I would be together until the universe deemed our sojourn was over and the work was done. Sucking in a breath, I considered all of the things I had given up and would give up, but then I reflected on everything I’d get in exchange. When Phet offered me the soma, he’d said it would give me what I wanted most in the world but would leave me lacking something as well. I’d accepted that drink of the gods then and I’d still accept it now.
“Will you help me give him this final gift?” Ana asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“I…I don’t know how,” I confessed.
“Do you remember when Kelsey and Ren touched?”
“It produced the golden light.”
She nodded. “We must create a light of our own and pour it into him.”
Pressing my cheek to hers, I slid my palms down her arms, careful not to come into contact with my former self. He was still moving in the air, but it was slow enough that we could compensate for it. I closed my eyes and let my mind and heart open to Ana. Our energy mingled until our hearts beat as one and the air entering and exiting our lungs moved in perfect synchronicity.
“Prince Sohan Kishan Rajaram,” Ana said with the voice of thunder. “We gift you with a new name. Henceforth, you will be called Damon, and you will be imbued with all the powers carried by the goddess Durga as well as those of her tiger consort. All our manifold abilities will be yours to wield. You are tasked to serve the goddess for the remainder of your days. The Damon Amulet is, and has always been, your legacy. We charge you with guarding it and its power. Do you accept this duty?”
My old self, mouth still wrapped in a scream, was unable to respond, so I did instead.
“I do,” I murmured softly.
“Then so be it.”
There was a rush of power that flowed out of both of us and into my old self. If I thought embracing the tiger was painful, it was nothing like taking in the power of the goddess. The eyes of my old self rolled back and he passed out and I caught the scent of burning flesh. The amulet around his neck had branded him. A red welt, the outline of a tiger, rose on his bare skin.
Ana stepped back, holding the Damon Amulet, and lifted a hand to her lips. She blew him a kiss and the skin on his neck healed instantly. She took my arm, pulling me away. “It is done,” she said. Whispers of threads moved across her body and her extra limbs shimmered and disappeared. Soon she was back in her green hunting dress. Snapping her fingers, Ana worked her power so time flowed naturally around us once more.
Ren transformed first. The white tiger burst from his form, claws first. He shook himself and snarled at Lokesh. The old Kishan was falling. His human form had been unconscious but the tiger was very much awake and aware. He transformed before his body hit the ground. The tiger leapt forward immediately and led the way to the jungle. Ren followed him. The two tigers paused at the tree line looking back.
Ana smiled as they disappeared in the greenery and clutched my arm, pressing her head against my shoulder.
Before we left, I went back to Yesubai. Gently, I touched her face. Picking up her hand, I pressed my lips to it. “She didn’t deserve this fate,” I said. “By cursing myself and Ren, I’ve cursed her too. It’s selfish of me.”
“No, Sohan,” Ana said. “You gave her the greatest gift a person can give another.”
I glanced up at her and dashed my hand across my face to wipe away a tear. “What do you mean? It was Yesubai that gave us the gift of healing at the cost of her life.”
“That is true.” Ana nodded. “But did you know she herself wondered if it might have been better if she’d never been born? Yesubai didn’t want the fate of your family to be in her hands. She thought herself a coward for not standing up to her father earlier.”
“He would have killed her.”
“Yes. And I would agree that Yesubai’s short life was tragic. Her potential was wasted. But you, my wonderful tiger, loved her, and she was able to love you in return. I’ve heard the pleas of countless people who suffer loneliness, heartache, and longing. Above all else, they desire love. Most of them die never having discovered it. It is a most precious thing—a miracle—a spark in the heart that not even a goddess can produce. Though her time on earth was brief, she tasted something that was delicious to her soul. Love. You gave her that.”
Ana stayed with me as I sat there holding Yesubai’s hand. Finally, I kissed her forehead and said good-bye. Wrapping her arms around me, Ana said, “Come, my tiger. It is time to leave the past and set our feet on the path that leads to our future.
We spun in a vortex and were back at our home on the lawn of her rose garden before I knew what was happening. Ana stepped away as if to leave me, but I skimmed my hand down her arm and took her hand.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“I…I thought you would like to be alone.”
“I think I’ve been alone far too long. Besides, you promised me a vacation.”
She cocked her head. “And you wish to begin such a trip now?”
“Hmm, I think I could be talked into it.”
“Very well, then where shall we go first?” she asked as I took her in my arms.
“I think there’s something we need to discuss before we make any further plans, Ana.”
“Oh? And what is that?”
“It’s the way you keep flinging around that blasted word. The one I hate.”
“What word?” she asked, puzzled.
“Consort.”
Ana snorted a laugh. “Am I to understand that you are offended by this word?”
“I am.”
“I see. Then what word would you prefer me to use when speaking of you?”
“Oh, I don’t know. How about husband?”
Ana’s smile was slow and sweet, and when it burst forth in all its brilliance, it took my breath away.
***
We sought out Kadam and asked if he would do the honors. He’d been thrilled when we asked him to marry us, but both of us knew by looking in his eyes that he’d already known we would. When we said we wanted the wedding to take place in Shangri-La, he nodded and pulled out a document that, in fact, granted him the ability to perform such a wedding. Ana shook her head, laughing over my insistence at formality, but I wanted to start off our relationship properly.
Kadam smiled at Ana and kissed her on both cheeks, then he clapped me proudly on the back and began lecturing me in his familiar way about the duties of a husband. He disappeared for a few moments and I pulled Ana close, pressing my lips to her forehead. I hadn’t been planning on asking Ana to marry me the way I had, but when I did, it felt right. We were already a bonded pair as goddess and tiger but I wanted more. I wanted Ana to be mine in all ways.
We separated for the space of a day. Kadam left with Ana so she could rest from our trials and have time to prepare for the wedding. I also slept and ate and slept some more during our time apart. When I woke, I felt ready in all ways except one. I wanted to give her something. A token of my affection. I mulled over the perfect gift, leaping through time to try to find inspiration, but I couldn’t settle on any one thing. Nothing I chose seemed right. Still, I gathered a few different tokens, hoping she’d appreciate at least one of them.
With a bag slung over my back, I set my sights on Shangri-La and was met by Kadam. The banns had been announced, and the fairies sang joyously over my arrival, excited to witness the nuptials of the goddess who created them. The trees and homes were dripping with jasmine and honeysuckle, and flowers of all types bloomed between every rock and around all the borders.
Kadam told me the Silvanae women had taken Ana off to prepare her. He said she’d be gone an entire hour, which gave me plenty of time to talk with Kadam.
“You know he’d be here if you wanted him,” Kadam said. “They all would. Sunil would be thrilled to give her away.”
“I know. We spoke of it but decided to leave them alone for the time being. Both of us know, like you, the burdens of having too many secrets to keep.”
“Are you never going to visit them?”
“Maybe someday.”
Kadam nodded. “It’s your decision, of course. I’m happy for you, son.”
“You knew, didn’t you?” I asked.
“I did.”
“You could have told us.”
“We both know I could not.”
We talked of Ren and Kelsey, Nilima and Sunil. Kadam was always careful only to add to the conversation when I spoke of what I’d seen first. It made me wonder what else he knew. Perhaps he was right, that it wasn’t always good to know the future. Knowing didn’t always make the journey easier.
There was a knock on the door. Kadam rose to answer it. “It’s time,” he said, turning to me with a smile.
Kadam stood next to me, both of us barefoot and wearing the white pants and white gossamer shirts preferred by the Silvanae people. The only differences between our clothing were the roses woven into the collar of my shirt and the Damon Amulet that hung around my neck. The warmth of perpetual summer enveloped us as the departing sun stretched its long rays over the land, as if the sun, too, was unwilling to leave before witnessing the wedding.
Then Ana appeared. As she walked toward me, the fading light framed her lovely form, bathing her skin in gold hues. But as brilliant a sight as she was, it was the smile she gave me that made my heart flutter in my chest.
Mine, I thought, proudly. Ana is mine.
Kelsey would have given me grief over such an assumption. I, of all people, knew that the goddess Durga, and no woman, in actuality, was a possession for a man to lay claim on. I’d even killed a man who’d assumed such about Ana in the past. However, I was also a creature driven by instinct, and right then, I was feeling decidedly territorial about the woman I loved.
I’d been happy before. Many times, in fact. But no event in my long life had ever filled me with such a profound sense of contentment. Everything that had happened to me, each moment in my life, had led me to this one, and I’d go through it all again just to feel the intense joy I was feeling at that moment. Watching Ana make her slow way to my side, I marveled at the sheer blessedness of the gift I’d been given. To be a husband to such a woman was a miracle I certainly didn’t deserve.
The birds sang in the trees, and the Silvanae stood on either side of the path, humming with their ethereal, lilting voices as a few of them played the pipes. Their haunting music was at once magical and singular, fitting for the wedding of a goddess. The fairies had fashioned a dress for Ana. The sleeves, narrow and tight on her arm, opened at the wrists in a swoop of material that resembled calla lilies.
White roses had been woven into her diaphanous train that, instead of dragging on the carpet of grass, was being carried inches above the ground by the winged fairies. Her long hair was braided with flowers of all colors and hung in rich waves down her back. Ana’s feet, like mine, were bare, but bangles of silver adorned her ankles and wrists so that each step she took rang with the sound of tinkling bells. The largest bouquet of flowers I’d ever seen hung down nearly to her feet.
When she finally stopped next to me, I held out my hands. She shifted and her bouquet fluttered and lifted away from her, transforming into hundreds of colorful butterflies. I heard gasps from the crowd as the beautiful creatures settled on the trees, houses, shoulders, and plants. My breath caught when Ana stepped closer and touched her palms to mine.
I couldn’t look away from her. Instead, my eyes traced the curve of her cheeks, the line of her jaw, the sprinkling of freckles across her nose, the slope of her lips, and then, finally, I was lost in the green pools of her eyes. Time seemed to stop as we stood there, enraptured with each other. The Silvanae voices had hushed and even the birds were quiet. The air felt expectant, heavy.
“Are you ready?” Kadam asked.
“I am,” I said, unwilling to look away from her.
“Then, let’s begin. Anamika, will you place your arms on top of his?”
She glanced at him, her eyebrows raised. “Like this?” she asked as her hands slid up my palms and locked onto my forearms. I gently held hers as well.
“Yes, exactly.” Kadam began. “The two of you are familiar with the warrior’s vow. I personally have taught it to you both, but now you will know its true origins. A long time ago, there was a man who embraced the life of a tiger. This man sacrificed everything for the love of a goddess. Their story was handed down through the ages. Though many forgot that the tiger was not simply her companion in battle, the one who carried her across vast plains, or the one threatening her enemies, they did remember the special bond that existed between them.
“Kishan, if you will repeat after me. Anamika Kalinga…”
I rubbed my thumbs on her arms. Energy hummed between us. “Anamika Kalinga,” I repeated huskily.
“I am yours in life.”
“I am yours in life.”
“And yours in death.”
“And yours in death.”
“I vow to respect your wisdom.”
She smiled when I echoed, “I vow to respect your wisdom.”
“And will remain ever vigilant in my duty to you as your husband.”
“And will remain ever vigilant in my duty to you as your husband.”
“For you, I will brave all things.”
“For you, I will brave all things.”
“And from this day forward, I will reverence you above all others.”
“And from this day forward, I will reverence you above all others.”
“Very good,” Kadam said. “And now the last part. Anamika Kalinga, I, Prince Sohan Kishan Rajaram, am now yours as you are mine. This is my vow.”
“Anamika Kalinga,” I said softly. My throat felt tight as I finished. “I, Prince Sohan Kishan Rajaram, am now yours as you are mine. This is my vow.”
I touched my forehead to hers briefly and then Ana repeated the same words back to me.
“Prince Sohan Kishan Rajaram,” she began. “I am yours in life. And yours in death.” I watched her sweet mouth form every word. She spoke with a surety and confidence that amazed me. Her steadiness was something I knew I’d cling to over the years. The Ocean Teacher had once told me I could be a rock that could withstand the buffetings of storms. Whatever strength I possessed, I knew it was because Ana was my anchor.
“I vow to respect your wisdom,” she said. “And will remain ever vigilant in my duty to you as your wife. For you, I will brave all things. And from this day forward, I will reverence you above all others.” Ana squeezed my arms. “Prince Sohan Kishan Rajaram, I, Anamika Kalinga, am now yours as you are mine. This is my vow,” she finished quietly.
“Excellent,” Kadam said. “Now I believe it is the time for the exchanging of gifts.”
Ana began, passing her hand over mine. A silver ring appeared. “This is made from the first weapon you ever gave me,” she said.
I lifted my hand to examine the ring. “Do you mean the knife I used to kill the man who took you as a slave?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Doesn’t it bring back bad memories?”
“No,” Ana said. “It does not. It is a reminder to me that you would descend into the darkest of places to find me. This ring will always serve as a beacon of hope to me.”
“And the gem?” On the outside of the ring, bordering both edges, was a glimmering stone.
“Do you not recognize it?” she asked.
I shook my head.
“It is comprised of fragments from the truth stone.”
“Ah.” Now that she’d said it, I felt the hum of the stone where it touched my finger.
“This way, you will always know I speak the truth. It is a sign of my fidelity.”
“Does marriage tempt you to lie to your husband already?” I teased.
Leaning closer, she murmured, “I am assuming, of course, that my husband will never give me cause to lie.”
I laughed. “It’s perfect. Thank you. Can I give you your gifts now?”
Her eyebrow raised. “You have more than one?”
“I do.”
Kadam assisted by taking the items I’d placed in a bag and handing them to me one by one. “The first,” I said, “is a belt woven from phoenix feathers. The new phoenix, Nightfall, offered them as a wedding present. It took me a while to get them to lie straight. It turns out that phoenix feathers are very unwieldy.”
Ana took the gift and stroked the feathers. She lifted her head, her face surprised. “There’s magic in them!” she exclaimed.
I nodded and smiled. “There’s a bit of magic in all my gifts.”
“What’s next?” she asked eagerly, handing the belt to one of the Silvanae women.
Kadam passed me a small seedling in a clay pot. It was only a few inches tall.
“What is it?” she asked, taking the plant.
“A mango tree, or at least it will be someday. It represents our new union, which will hopefully grow as tall and fruitful as this tree.”
She passed the little tree back after touching her fingertip to one of the three quivering leaves. Next, I gave her the gift Lady Silkworm had fashioned from the fabric Nilima had given her. The finely woven veil was the same color green as Ana’s eyes. She lifted it over her head and the fairies helped hold it in place. The fabric shimmered and sparkled with a power of its own. For a moment, I was distracted by the sight of her beautiful eyes framed by the veil.
I cleared my throat. “This one is to replace the traditional mangalsutra. I know it’s a simple thing but I’ll add to it later. The pearls are apparently incredibly hard to find.” Ana smiled and turned so I could fasten the thin chain around her neck. The one black pearl slid down, finding the center of her delicate neck.
“I love it,” Ana said, turning to me and touching the shiny pearl.
“I know none of these are traditional gifts.”
“Ours is not a traditional union,” she said, taking my hands and squeezing. “The greatest gift you will ever give me, Sohan, is the choice you made to stay by my side.”
Clearing my throat, I said, “Last is a ring.”
“But you have already given me one.”
“I’ve modified it.” Closing my hand, I whispered some words and light bloomed between my fingers. When it dimmed, I showed her what lay in my palm. It was the silver ring with vines entwined, but now brilliant emeralds rested between each loop with a large cut emerald in the center surrounded by diamonds. “It’s from the gem you gifted my parents when you visited. Kadam saved it all these years,” I said. “The green is the exact shade of your eyes.”
Ana held out her hand and I slid the ring onto her finger. “It’s perfect,” she said, grasping my hands.
“Right,” Kadam said. “Then, if the two of you are ready, I think it’s time we cap this most auspicious occasion with the groom kissing the bride.”
I gathered Ana close, a smile on my face as I lowered my head, but just as my lips touched hers, she spoke in my mind.
There is one more gift I need to give you, Sohan, she said.
And what is that, Hridaya Patni? I asked, more than a little distracted by our kiss.
She didn’t respond with words. Instead, her mind opened to me. Ana peeled back the layers of her soul, shining beautiful light on everything she had been, all she was, and all she would become. We embraced with all that we were, holding nothing back. With all the barriers stripped away, we discovered one another on levels so deep and so profound that nothing would ever be able to come between us again, sealing forever the bond that had its beginnings so long ago.
Though to the others, the kiss was over in a relatively appropriate time, we’d spun in each other’s arms, drifting through time and space, lost in each other so completely that not even a goddess or her tiger could have found us.