Chapter 29
Birds of a Feather
I was happy. Happier than I ever remembered being. I was out hunting with a group of young men. They were strong of body and keen of mind. I was in my tiger form but they seemed comfortable with that fact. One stopped behind a tree and signaled me with his hands in a way that Kadam had taught us as warriors. His hair, raven black and wavy, was tied at the base of his neck. With his copper skin and sky-blue eyes that pierced, even in the predawn light, he seemed familiar.
He gave the sign that the prey was close. I was to circle around it while he and the others took up position. When they were ready, I’d flush out the game. I slunk through the brush until I came to a hill overlooking a meadow. The snap of twigs alerted me and I crouched down, tail twitching slightly. A small group of deer grazed lazily below.
When I heard the cry of an owl and recognized it as human-made rather than bird, I sprung from my hiding spot. The deer immediately spun away from me and darted through the trees as fast as they could go. The twang of an arrow was followed by a cry from one of the animals. It fell immediately and when I leapt over it, the animal was already dead. An impressive kill.
The hunters were so skilled I wouldn’t have heard them at all if I didn’t have enhanced hearing. They were invisible as well. Only my nose told me where they were and even then, one of them surprised me. He’d hidden his scent by staying downwind. He took down a second animal using a spear, and the third man caught his prey using a weighted net. The pinned deer struggled until the man appeared and efficiently drew his knife across the animal’s neck. He kept his hand on the deer’s back, stroking it soothingly until it finally stilled and died.
After the deer were prepared for travel, trussed up on long poles, six of the young men hefted their loads while two more scouted ahead. I walked between them and the one on my right turned to look down at me with a cocky sort of grin. “You’re getting a bit slow, aren’t you, old man?”
The other boys laughed softly as I growled and snapped at him halfheartedly. The woolen cloak we wore flapped around his boot-clad legs. I noticed how easily his broad shoulders carried the weight of the full-sized buck. He was proud of the kill and he deserved to be. The animal hadn’t suffered. His marksmanship was better than any of the soldiers I’d trained over the years.
I glanced up and the boy’s bright green eyes sparkled as he said, “Would you say we won the bet, father?”
Changing into human form, I punched him lightly on the shoulder, and smiled at him. “If anyone here is getting older, it’s you. It was a nice job you did back there, and yes, I’d say you won the wager. Don’t tell your mother though. You know how she is.” The boys laughed and my heart swelled in my chest. Mine, I thought. Those handsome young men were my sons. I don’t know how I knew it, I just did.
One of the scouts, a younger boy of about sixteen, returned with an expression of alarm. “Father, do you see that smoke on the horizon? A village is being attacked. Should we summon the goddess?”
“How many?” I asked, musing.
“Two dozen by my estimate.”
“Do you think we can handle them?”
The boy raised his eyebrows and gave me a look that said I should already know the answer to that question.
“All right,” I said. “I don’t see any need to bother her. We’ll have to stash the deer, but we can come back for them. Hopefully something else won’t drag them off first.”
“Lives are more important than meat,” the quiet blond boy at my left remarked as he and his brother lifted the pole into a nearby tree, positioning the deer as high up as they could and hiding it with branches. They didn’t look like brothers, but I knew they were. The other boys followed suit, and soon all three of the kills were carefully camouflaged in the canopy. The scent would still draw scavengers, but with any luck, they wouldn’t attract anything too big for us to chase off.
The corner of my mouth lifted and I nodded proudly as I watched them. I’d taught them to think like skilled hunters both human and tiger. When they were done, I said, “Then, let’s go and see what would-be potentate is causing havoc now.”
We set off and I was swept into another dream. This one a sweet image of Kelsey holding a golden-eyed baby she called Anik Kishan. He was her first child. The scene played out, and for the first time, I noticed a difference between dreaming now and when I’d seen the vision before. In the other dream with the boys, I’d been a part of their circle. I’d spoken the words and felt what that version of me felt. When I saw Kelsey, I was happy but that sense of pride was missing. I was an outside observer. It didn’t feel wrong. Not exactly. It was just different.
One of my hunters was tawny-eyed with a strong nose and sharply hewn features. He much resembled my father. I’d always assumed he was the adult version of Kelsey’s baby, but now I noticed subtle differences. The shape of the nose was wrong. The scent, which was strong even in dreaming, was not the same.
When that scene had played out, I was taken elsewhere. I was in a jungle talking with Kadam. He was sad and he stroked my tiger head while he sat next to me, his back against a tree. The two of us watched the sun set and my heart was heavy and hopeful at the same time.
That one faded and a new dream took its place. I heard a woman’s laughter as I chased her in the dark. There was a veil over my eyes and she didn’t have a scent at all. “Come find me, tiger,” she beckoned with an invitation that promised more than a successful hunt. My claws scraped the log I balanced on as I leapt. Transforming as I neared the ground, I caught the woman around the waist and we rolled together, stopping with her on top of me.
“What do I win?” I asked breathily, smiling as I stroked her hair away from her face. I still couldn’t see her or smell her but the curve of her cheek was familiar to me.
“Shall we start with a kiss and see where it goes from there?” she said with a husky laugh.
“I think I can manage that,” I said as I traced her face, drawing her down. Light bloomed around us as our mouths fit together perfectly, outlining her shape. Our lips brushed, blending as seamless and true as the horizon, the distance between us indiscernible. Cupping the back of her head with one hand and trailing the other slowly down her spine until my hand found the curve of her hip, I squeezed the soft flesh and tugged her against me, then murmured against her lips, “I want to see you.”
She touched a fingertip to my nose. “Not just yet, I think.”
Groaning, I touched my lips to her neck and tugged the sleeve of her dress down her shoulder. She made a soft little mewling sound as she arched her neck, giving me more access. I rained kisses over her jawline, then down to the curve of her shoulder, taking my time as I explored every inch.
Impatient, she turned my head and touched her velvet lips to mine, wriggling her body ever closer. Her lush form was crushed against me and I cradled her close, willingly giving her the slow, drugging kisses she desired as I slid my hands up into her hair. I heard the patter of a spring rain shower tapping on the canopy high above us though I still could see nothing. I no longer cared about my limited vision. If I could feel her, touch her, that was all that mattered.
Pressing her back gently, I rolled us again so I hovered above her and lifted up on my elbows so as not to crush her with my weight. She took hold of my shirt, trying to tug me back down, but I resisted and covered her hand with mine, where it rested over my heart. “I love you,” I said. “Have I told you that recently?”
I didn’t need to see her smile to know it was there. “You tell me often and with such bruising intensity that no one who hears it can deny your claims.”
“Good. No man should ever entertain the thought that you are not claimed.”
She punched my arm but then lifted her head to kiss my ear softly as she murmured, “I love you as well, you rangy beast. However, should you cease kissing me, I might consider a different suitor.”
“Well, I certainly can’t have that, my lady fair,” I said suavely.
Her silky mouth found mine quickly and I was soon lost in her embrace. As her arms twined around my neck, her lips opened and the dream slid into something more powerful, more compelling. The scents of the forest filled my nostrils. Flowers of all kinds surrounded us. Roses, jasmine, lilies. There was also evergreen and crushed grass.
The light had dimmed as well. It was now muted—smoke gray and petal pink. Slowly, I became aware that I was no longer lying on the ground but in a bed as soft as fairy wings. My sight had returned. Raising my head, I saw my fingers interlocked with hers where our hands rested near the headboard. Our palms danced together, fingers tightening and squeezing. I let go of her hand and ran my fingertips down the length of her hair, which spread out in a halo, spilling over the pillow and sheets.
She made a little impatient noise and cupped my jaw, willing me to turn my head back to her. I closed my eyes again and lowered my lips to hers. The woman I kissed held me tightly, her hands kneading my back and then sliding between us to stroke my bare chest where my shirt gaped open. My mind was foggy with sleep and I had no immediate reason to want to wake up. The dream was sweet and passionate and perfect. My mouth moved with hers as she teased and tantalized me with her soft, honeyed kisses.
She tugged at my shirt and I mumbled against her lips, “Just a minute, my lovely jaani.”
Detangling my limbs from hers, I rose with the intention of removing my shirt, when I suddenly realized I was no longer dreaming. My hands froze on the buttons as I looked down on the woman who was now very visible. Anamika lay on the bed as beautiful and soft as a plucked flower, her lips rosy from my kisses. A becoming flush on her heaving chest rose all the way to her cheekbones and even tinged her shoulders pink.
Ana’s hair framed her lovely face, the waves of it radiating away from her like brilliant rays from the face of the sun. I wanted to sink my fingers into it and gather it up by handfuls. To look at her was to understand the meaning of innocence and passion, siren and supplicant, strength and vulnerability. She was woman and goddess and girl all wrapped into one enticing creature.
As I stared down at her, my mouth open in shock, she reached toward me and ran her hand up my arm. I trembled with the fervent need to sink back down against her again and take advantage of the desire I saw in her eyes. The hunger I felt for her was overwhelming, and I couldn’t understand how the Grove of Dreams could have led me down such a shameful, guilt-ridden path.
“Sohan?” she said, her brows furrowed, but her moss-green eyes were still heavy-lidded with sleep. “What’s wrong?”
“I…I…I’m sorry,” I said. My body finally caught up to my brain and I scrambled away from her as quickly as possible. She sat up, her silken nightdress slipping farther down her shoulder. It was dangerously close to exposing her. Spinning around before it did, I fumbled for words. “I, um, I’ll be waiting for you out there.”
Whipping through the hanging vines, I ripped a few of them off the trees and tossed them violently aside as I stomped noisily through the forest. My whole body shook with tension. Leaving her and her intoxicating scent behind proved nearly impossible. Pacing back and forth like a caged beast, I ran a thumb across my mouth and closed my eyes. I could still taste her. My blood pounded in my veins, my body insisting I was an idiot for leaving a very warm, seemingly willing woman in bed alone.
The tiger in me saw nothing wrong with what I’d done. Ana was mine as I was hers. We were already bonded in a way that was incomparable. Nothing in the universe could keep us apart should we wish it. The tiger was driven by want and need and he was very close to the surface. Even now, a part of her called to me or, perhaps, to him. I stumbled a few steps and then heeded her summons, returning to the grove but not entering.
“I’m here,” I said through the vines stiffly. “What do you require?”
The plants lifted of their own accord as she stepped through. She wore a formfitting tunic as blue as a turquoise sea with soft doeskin breeches and knee-high boots. The clothing enhanced her figure enough to make my throat go dry and my pulse pound. Her hair was swept back, and I could see the slight red tinge on her neck that had likely been caused by the stubble on my jaw. I winced and looked away.
“What I require is that you explain your actions,” she said quietly.
“I…I don’t know what to say. I was dreaming and—” My mouth worked but no words came out. Glancing up, I saw her typical stubborn stance, her hands on her hips.
“Go on,” she said. “You were dreaming and…”
“And…nothing. It was nothing. It won’t happen again. I apologize. There was no reason for me to…”
“To…what?” She came closer, her long stride quickly closing the distance. Uncomfortable, I backed up and kept moving until my back hit a tree.
“To kiss you like that. I didn’t mean it. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“Oh?” She took another step, and if I could have disappeared into the trunk of the tree, I would have. “You didn’t mean it, you say? It felt to me like you meant it.” Ana wrapped her hand around my bicep and leaned into me. Her face was illuminated by a soft light that accented her features, especially her rosy sculpted mouth. My eyes drifted down to her supple lips and she smiled.
Sensing her emotions, which were as close to the surface as my own, I detected a lingering trace of desire there, but it was now hidden behind something else. Fear? Nervousness? Whatever it was, she wasn’t sharing. In dreaming, I’d been open to the woman, to Ana, completely, but upon waking, both of us put up our walls once more.
Still, she used our connection to speak to me. I dreamed too, Sohan, she said in my mind. There is indeed a space for me between the past and the future. I have seen it. And now that I know it is there, my aim is to take it for my own. Would you seek to deprive me of it?
“No, I—”
She interrupted me. You have always said that you are a man who fights for what he wants. Taking a small step closer, her thigh brushed against mine, and all coherent thought flew away like the wish of a fairy. Ana touched her fingertip to my collarbone and traced it slowly down my chest, only stopping when her finger met the fabric of my shirt. I felt every single millimeter of it.
Her eyes were fixed on my chest for a long moment. Then she splayed her hand over my heart. I’ll admit that what I want tortures me in more ways than one. Her voice was a quiet whisper in my mind. Turning her head, as if she could no longer look at me, she dropped her hands to her sides and asked, What is it you want, tiger?
“I want…I want…” I couldn’t think of a blessed thing in the world I wanted. At least, not anything appropriate. Not with her lips only a few inches away from mine. I’d promised Ana that I would be like a brother to her. Like a bosom companion. Not someone who constantly thought of her generous bosom. I closed my eyes, trying to remember the younger version of her. The child who relied on me, but I couldn’t bring her image to mind.
Ana looked up at me, studying my face for a long moment. Her mouth turned down as if disappointed. “Hmph,” Ana said and then flicked my nose with her finger. “Let me know when you figure it out.” She spun quickly and began marching off down the path. “Come, tiger,” she said. “We have work to do.” As I hiked behind her, I tried to look at the birds and the sky and the trees, anything but the sway of her hips or her long, long legs as she walked, but even when I stared at the ground, I thought of her mocking mouth that just begged to be silenced with a kiss.
When we reached the pass between the mountains where Kelsey and I had first spotted the giant tree, I was shocked to see it was already there. “Did you do this earlier?” I asked.
“No,” she said distractedly. Lifting her arms, she fashioned a bubble around us and we floated down to the ground far below. She stared up into the branches deep in thought as we walked. I described the tree and four houses in great detail as we moved along, but it was almost as if she wasn’t hearing me at all.
“Ana,” I said. “Ana, what did I just tell you?”
She waved a hand. “Something about the ravens, I think.”
“What’s bothering you?” I asked.
“It’s this tree.” She stopped and looked up, then snapped her fingers, and a giant leaf detached and twirled over us like a large kite until it settled on the ground nearby. Picking it up, she ran a hand over the leaf and closed her eyes. A few seconds later, they snapped open, an expression of surprise and delight on her face. “How fascinating!” she said.
“What?” I asked, running a hand across the back of my neck and swatting at a bug.
“The tree. It responds to emotion. Come here. Let’s test this out.”
“Test what out?” I groused as I followed her to another tree, a small sapling that grew beneath the branches of its much larger brother.
“Here,” she said. “Turn around and stand right there.”
“Okay,” I replied, folding my arms across my chest. “Now what?”
“Now…you need to kiss me.”
My mouth fell open. “I need to what?” I asked, hoping my mind was playing tricks on me.
“You need to kiss me. Just like you did before.”
“Um, no. That’s not a good idea.”
“Why? Are you afraid I’ll hurt you?”
I snorted. “No. It’s just not the way a brother should act.”
Ana scowled. “You are not my brother.”
“No, I’m not. But if he were here, he would agree with me. It’s a bad idea.”
“Why are you proving difficult? I simply wish to test my theory. All I ask is a simple kiss. You did not object to it before.”
“I didn’t know what I was doing before.” I’d raised my voice and even to my ears I sounded a bit hysterical and nervous. “Look,” I said, trying to figure out a way to avoid doing what she asked, “What are you trying to accomplish here?”
Ana put her hands on her hips, and the part of my brain I was trying to turn off sent me the idea that I could easily do as she asked by grabbing her around the waist and tugging her toward me. I told that part of my brain to shut up and frowned at her.
“That tree,” she said, pointing to the tree behind us while keeping her flinty green eyes trained on me, “was created by us, by our kissing this morning.”
I openly scoffed. “That’s…that’s not possible, Ana.”
“Is it not? The roots go all the way back to the Grove of Dreams. There is a direct link. I can feel it.”
“And you learned all this from a leaf?”
She blew out an impatient breath. “See for yourself,” she said, placing my hands on top of the leaf. “Can you feel it?”
Quickly, I snatched my hand away. I felt it, all right. The quivering leaf trembled like Ana’s limbs had when I stroked them.
Ana went on, “The tiny green veins of the leaf pound against my palm like your heartbeat did against my hand. The roots tickle my toes, asking for more nourishment. The creaks of the branches are wistful. The wind teases me with the memory. I am the goddess of growing things as well. This is my realm. It makes sense that the land responds to me in this manner.” With each statement, she inched closer.
I swallowed and tried to think of a way to reject what she was saying. “So…you’re saying you just want to test this theory. Just a simple kiss and you’ll know.”
Arching a delicate brow, Ana answered, “Yes. I will know.”
Sucking in a lip, I said, “Okay then.” I let out a breath like a man going to the guillotine and placed my hands on her shoulders, barely touching her with my fingertips. “Then let’s do it.”
She frowned and said, “Open your thoughts to the sapling behind you. See if you can sense it as I do.”
Leaning forward, I hesitated long enough to see Ana close her eyes and lift her mouth closer. I pressed my mouth against hers as chastely as I could and then pulled back. I couldn’t help but notice her body shuddered.
She slapped my arm. “What was that?” she demanded.
“A kiss. Just like you asked.”
Pacing as she considered, Ana mumbled, “That was nothing like the kisses you gave me before.”
“No, but that’s all I’m willing to do right now.”
“Kishan—” she began.
My old name lit a fire in me. I yelled, “I told you not to call me that!”
“How about if I call you buffoon, you thick-headed tiger?”
Behind us the little tree shook, and now that I was paying attention, I felt it responding to us. The small leaves curled up on the branches and the color dulled.
“Stop!” she said, raising a hand and fingering a leaf. The dying foliage detached and fell to the ground, dropping at her feet. “Now do you see what you have done?” she yelled, pushing me away from the tree. “You killed it!”
“I killed it?” I said, slapping a hand on my chest. “Whose big idea was it to kiss in the first place? I’d say you’re the one who killed it.”
Both of us froze when we heard the groan of a heavy branch overhead. “Shh,” Ana said, grabbing my hand and squeezing my fingers. “We have to stop fighting. We might destroy the great tree otherwise.”
“If I admit you’re right, can we just drop this and finish our work?”
Ana gave me a long look and then nodded.
As we walked to the giant trunk, I thought about what she’d said. Is it possible that the land responds to her? Absolutely. What I didn’t get was how kissing her could create a giant tree.
Standing at the base, she closed her eyes and murmured, “Fanindra, I have need of you.” Ana twirled her hand in the air and touched the amulet that hung around her neck. Light shimmered around her hand, and a moment later, Fanindra was there, her golden head lifted to the goddess.
“I need your assistance,” she said, and pressed her hand to the ground. Fanindra hissed and then lifted her upper body, opening her hood. She swayed back and forth hypnotically. Soon a green snake slid out from the grass and touched his nose to hers.
“Yeah,” I said. “He’s a bit too small. Like I said, the snake was giant.”
“Why do men have so little patience?” Ana asked Fanindra. “They cannot perceive what lies right beneath their noses.” The golden snake twisted her head as if considering me and stuck out her tongue. Leaning down, Ana stroked the green snake’s scaly head. “How would you like to do a favor for your goddess?” she asked.
After waiting a beat and cocking her head as if listening to an answer I never heard, Ana worked her magic. She channeled a few different abilities using the kamandal for healing and Fanindra as well as the earth and air portions of the amulet. Twisting them all together in a new, unique way, she imbued the snake with her gift.
Before my eyes, the snake grew and gained the power not only to camouflage himself but to speak. Ana gave him instructions, and he bowed his head to her before disappearing around the side of the tree. His body made a peculiar kind of sliding noise, and it took several minutes before the end of his tail finally vanished.
“I hope he remembers everything,” Ana said.
“Why wouldn’t he?”
She shrugged. “He is rather simple-minded. Fanindra says she will help him though.”
Straightening, Ana made a door in the tree, and just as she had with Shangri-La, she lit the inside of the tree with her power, remaking and refashioning it far beyond what I could see. “Come, Sohan,” she said. “Fanindra, you may return to Kelsey if you wish or accompany us for a time.” The snake answered by wrapping around Ana’s arm.
Enclosing us in her bubble, Ana lifted us into the air, remaking the wood inside the tree into steps and hollowing out places inside where we could ascend. It only took a moment to create the house of gourds. When we came to the house of sirens, she fashioned the place easily enough, the dark wood ceiling stretched high above us, but didn’t know where to find sirens.
A trickle of water ran down the inside of the trunk and Ana let the water pool on her fingers. “My teacher, I mean, Kadam once told me that sirens were mermaids, a sort of half fish, half mortal who live beneath the sea.”
“In some stories, they are.”
“Perhaps, like the Kappa demons sprung from tears, these creatures come of their own accord.”
“What are you saying?”
Anamika didn’t answer. Instead, she opened her palm and whispered something I couldn’t hear. The trident materialized in her hand. Touching the tip of it to the stream of water and closing her eyes, she whispered a summons.
At first, there were no signs that her call was understood, and I was about to approach her to discuss other options, but then she lifted a finger and pressed it to her lips. “Do you hear them?” she asked.
I shook my head.
She cocked hers and smiled. “You may show yourselves.”
A grayish fog streamed from knotholes in the wood and grew, forming into human shapes. When they materialized, they bowed to the goddess. I recognized them immediately as the sirens that trapped me and Kelsey. As one of the handsome young men bowed over Ana’s hand and pressed his lips to her skin, my own grew hot.
“Move away from her,” I said, pushing my hand against his bare chest and shoving. He simply smiled at me and then I felt a woman’s hand on my arm. I threw her hand away. “I don’t think so,” I said.
“Now, Sohan,” Ana said, “You are being impolite to our guests.”
“Guests? Really?” I hissed. “Do you know what they are? What they can do?”
“Of course.” She walked over to a young man and he offered his elbow. A chair materialized and he bade her to sit and relax. The girls gave me a wide berth as I glowered at them and strode over to Ana, where she sat lounging on the chair. One of the young men had removed her boots and was massaging her feet. “Ah, that feels nice,” she said. “I think your massage even rivals my tiger’s.”
“Ana,” I said, my voice sounding sulky and petulant. “I insist we leave here at once. You don’t know how dangerous these creatures are.”
“Dangerous?” she laughed. “They are about as dangerous as a robe spun of silk.”
I folded my arms. “A silk robe can be dangerous if worn by the right person.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I assure you, they mean no harm. They are outcasts from their realm. They are clouds without water. To receive love and give love gives them purpose. It fills them.” One of the men knelt at her side and rested his head in her lap. She stroked his hair and it lit an unquenchable flame in my gut to see it. Almost fondly, she toyed with his hair as she said, “They have drifted for millennia like clouds pushed about by the wind. I have allowed them to take shape. I give them purpose.”
“You know they literally love people to death.”
Ana had never, ever been as physically comfortable around me as she was behaving around them.
Sensing the change in her mood, they backed away and helped her stand. “Is that so wrong?” she argued. “Even when the ones they love turn old and gray, they love them with all the energy of their souls.”
“They cloud minds. Confuse people. Manipulate their emotions. Titillate their senses. They’ve even managed to seduce you within the span of a few seconds.”
“No,” Ana insisted. “They give the lonely what they want. Fill the emptiness in their hearts. I will admit there is a certain dulling of inhibition, but they do not take away freedom of choice.”
“And what if their victims want to experience that connection with other people? With someone special?”
“You know nothing of what it means to be a victim.” She spat her words with trenchant cuts. “There are many people in this world who never find someone special. True, the affection they shower ends with the death of their chosen vessel. In fact, they cease to remember them after they are gone, but at least those people have experienced touch and kindness and companionship. There are many who die with less.”
Distraught, the four sirens circled behind her and laid sympathetic hands on her shoulders.
“Ana,” I said slowly, “I didn’t mean…”
“I will not be a flower that wilts on the stem, unnoticed and shrinking. Yes. I have been razed by a storm. I have been crushed by a man’s bootheel. What is weak and vulnerable in me has been exposed and then tossed aside like so much rubbish. But I am alive still. This broken girl has sprung back. I have turned my face to the sun and taken nourishment from it. Do you not see? I, too, long for human contact. I want to be touched and loved by one who treats me with kindness and caring. I will accept nothing less, Sohan. Not when I’ve seen what is possible.”
I looked from her intense and pleading eyes to the four beings standing behind her. My hands itched to tear them all to shreds. Then I looked at her and my heart ached. Ana had become important to me, but if being with them would make her happy, then who was I to stand in her way? The man squeezed her arm lightly and she didn’t even flinch like she had when I touched her. My mouth in a tight line, I said, “Fine, Anamika. If they are what you want, I’ll leave you to them. Come and find me when you’re ready to leave.”
Turning on my heel, I tore out the back of the house, and, finding a familiar set of stairs, I bounded up, changing into my tiger form on the way. I roared out my frustration as I ascended the tree, only stopping when I found a little hollowed-out corner. It was fortunate I spotted it at all since I’d barely been able to see without the light that surrounded Ana’s body naturally. Crawling inside, I put my head on my paws and closed my eyes, trying to ignore the disparate feelings coursing through me.
I must have slept deeply because Ana came upon me without me knowing. “Have you stemmed your volatile emotions yet? Are you ready to wake, Sohan?”
Rising abruptly, I bumped my head on the roof of my little cave. Shaking my head, I hopped out and changed back into human form.
She had no idea what volatile emotions I was feeling right then. I had no idea how long I’d been asleep. How long Ana had stayed with the sirens. Just the thought of those men putting their hands on her, kissing her, holding her was like a vice around my chest. How could she kiss me like she did before and then turn to them without so much as an explanation? It didn’t make sense.
“Are you not going to speak to me?” she asked as we made our way forward.
“I see no reason to.”
“Ah, you are upset.”
“No. You can do what you want with who you want. It’s not my concern.”
“Oh? Then if it is not concern I see on your face, what darkens your mood?”
I shrugged. “I just want to get this over with.”
“I, too, want to get this over with.”
“Then, by all means, let’s go.”
She sighed and shook her head, and I followed her through the inner maze of the tree to a wide cavern that seemed vaguely familiar. When I spoke, my voice echoed in the space that, with the glow of the goddess brightening the outer rim, looked like a steep, tiered basin pockmarked with tall, petrified peaks. Each peak was connected to the next with bridges made of interlaced roots.
“Is this the bat cave?” I asked.
“I believe it is a good place for it.”
“It doesn’t look right. Kelsey and I had to scramble on hands and knees to get here and the bridges weren’t here. I had to leap from place to place to rescue her. It was some sort of test the bats made me go through.”
“Ha,” Ana barked a laugh. “Sounds like something you deserve.”
“I deserve? I’m not the one who—” The wood around us shifted and one of the bridges twisted and fell.
“I’d be careful if I were you,” Ana said, clicking her tongue. “You’re likely to collapse the entire area.”
She made her way to a bridge and started up. Grudgingly, I shut my mouth, fearful that anything I said would cause us to fall. We were hard to kill but I didn’t want to risk anything unnecessarily. Ana paused, her hand on a vine that sprouted green beneath her fingers.
“What is it?” I asked.
“A memory,” she answered, looking back with a sad sort of smile. “This root bridge, like all the others here, was created earlier. This one grew when you twined your fingers in my hair.”
She moved ahead and I stood there immobile, thinking about what she’d just said. Even when I went on, I was still processing it when she pointed to something else. “Do you see the way the tree bends just there?” she asked. “That was when—”
“Yeah, I get the picture,” I said, cutting her off. The way the tree curved around itself at the top gave the very clear image of two lovers entwined. “Why don’t you warn me when you come upon the section created when you embraced your sirens, so I can give it a wide berth,” I said.
Ana paused. I heard her voice carry to me softly. “There is no such place,” she said.
I lowered my head and refused to look at my surroundings anymore, telling myself it didn’t matter whether she meant nothing had happened between her and the sirens or if the phenomenon only occurred between the two of us. When I got to the top, she opened a doorway in the tree that led directly out onto one of the large branches. She lifted her arms and laughed as hundreds of small, screeching bats entered the cavern. Their sounds merged with her voice until it sounded like all the bats were laughing along with her.
Their hard, beady eyes flashed in the dim light. With the power of the amulet, she gifted them like she had the snake. They grew before my eyes and were granted with the power to speak. After leaving them with her instructions, we departed.
“Why did the cave look so different?” I asked.
“Perhaps you will irritate me again on this journey and the beauty of the tree will further deteriorate.”
“Very funny. No, I’m serious, Ana.”
She turned and shrugged. “Maybe it’s because you and Kelsey will not be visiting this place for a century.”
“We’re that far back in the timeline?”
“Things die, Sohan. Time turns everything to dust. Even tigers,” she said, poking my chest.
I didn’t like how flippant she was about it. The idea that I could die didn’t bother me so much, but her? I’d never thought of the goddess Durga as being mortal. I made a mental note to ask Kadam about it. Not that he was likely to tell me anything.
Ana’s foot slid off a branch and I grabbed her hand. Unfortunately, the dew on the branch caused me to slip too, and as we toppled over the side, I pulled her close to me and wrapped my arms around her, turning to protect her from hitting the branches. The wind raced past us, lifting our hair as we tumbled. But then we were no longer tumbling. Ana’s arms were laced around my neck and we were floating up higher and higher.
She snuggled against me, resting her head against my shoulder, and almost without thinking, I stroked her long hair. We said nothing, not out loud and not in our minds. We’d been closed off to each other since that morning, and I had no idea how I could breach the silence. The two of us arrived at the top too soon for me to figure out what I should do next. It only took her a few moments to create the Stymphalian birds and place the Divine Scarf beneath one of their ginormous eggs. Next, Ana whispered the words that would grant Ren and me the ability to be men for twelve hours a day the moment the scarf was recovered by Kelsey and my former self.
The Stymphalian birds had been soaring eagles before she tampered with them, and like the other creations she’d fashioned, she asked permission before gifting them with armored beaks and razor-sharp feathers made of metal. I shivered, remembering how close I’d come to dying the last time I’d encountered them. They seemed safe enough now, but I knew how dangerous they would become.
Seeing it was time to go, I reached down and swept her up in my arms. I kissed her forehead as a sort of apology. Ana gave me a beatific smile and kicked her legs as she used the air to lower us softly down. Her smile warmed me even in the shadows of the great tree.
While we soared high among the branches, I asked, “Why don’t they remember me—the sirens, the birds, and the bats? Did you take their memories?”
“Well, like I said, the birds and the bats are first generation. It’s highly unlikely that they will pass on stories of you to their descendants. Their understanding of things is very limited.”
“Okay, then what about the sirens? They’re the same, er, people, as they were when I encountered them.”
“Yes, well, in their case, I wiped their memories.”
“Oh. Bet they regret that,” I said petulantly. “Surprised you didn’t wipe mine.”
She gave me a curious look and said, “I told you I would never take your memory.” She blinked rapidly, then asked softly, “Do you wish to forget what passed between us?”
“No,” I answered immediately. “Do you?”
“I do not.”
The relief I felt surprised me. The shock of finding Ana in my arms in the Grove of Dreams had worn off. My dream woman, the one who’d haunted my mind for years, had been replaced by a very real girl. I’d always assumed Kells was the one I’d chased through the woods, kissed, and declared my love to. But now I suspected it had been Ana all along. It made sense. Ana was the only one who had the power to both blind me and hide our scent. Her hair was much longer than Kelsey’s and she was much taller.
“That leaves one last thing,” Ana said, thankfully interrupting my thoughts before they went much further.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“The ravens.”
“Right. Are you going to summon them?”
“Not exactly.”
We stopped on a tree branch high above the ground. The air around us blurred as Ana moved time forward. My stomach lurched and I grunted as my muscles trembled. Two people came into view—me and Kells. Ana whispered, “Now, whatever you do, don’t come in contact with yourself.”
She snapped her fingers, and the magic of the scarf wrapped around us despite the fact that we’d just left the Divine Scarf at the top of the tree. It transformed us into ravens. I flapped my wings with irritation, cawing at Ana, who gave me a bird wink, but she leapt off the branch. Flying came as naturally to her as everything else she did. Her feathers were the color of her hair and they shone in the light as we trailed the people below.
I nearly fell as I flapped awkwardly and beat my wings hard to avoid coming in contact with myself. “Caw!” I said, when I meant to say, “Look out!” Luckily, I landed in an upright position, and then immediately took off, trying to put distance between me and my former self.
Time sped forward in spurts and I used my connection to Ana to find her in the little tree house. She was sitting in a nest there, pecking at some honey cakes. Kelsey’s bracelet and the camera were lying beside her.
What have you been up to? I asked.
Stealing things. It feels gratifying for some reason. Don’t worry, I’ll give them back. They don’t need them right now. What does that box do anyway?
It’s a camera. You take images with it. Remember when I explained them at the circus?
How does it work? she asked as she pecked at the cakes.
Here, I’ll show you. I managed to take an image or two with my tiny bird tongue, which was harder to do than I thought it would be, and showed her the images.
Just then, I heard noise. We peeped down over the edge of the nest. It was surreal watching me and Kelsey scramble into the tree house. If I could have rolled my eyes at the idiot I was making of myself as I swung into the tree house like a monkey, I would have. It was a pretty pathetic show I was putting on. At least Kelsey called me on it.
“Stop showing off, for heaven’s sake. Do you realize how far up we are and that you could fall to a grisly death at any moment? You’re acting like this is a great, fun adventure,” Kelsey said.
I tried to tune the rest out. Clearly, I was making moves on Kelsey, and it was embarrassing to know Ana was right next to me watching it. Unfortunately, it was also eye-opening to see how Kells wasn’t really responding in the way I’d thought she was. Sure, she liked me, but as I studied her from a new perspective, I could see how me being hands-on made her uncomfortable.
Ana was fixated on the show below. If I could have groaned I would.
How did you do this? I asked in an attempt to distract her from the scene below.
Do what? she replied, her eyes fixed on the other me.
How did you change us into Hugin and Munin. I wrote off the orange tiger version of myself as a simple rearranging of color, but the birds? I didn’t think it was possible.
You forget how we changed the young silk maker into a horse. Perhaps you should redefine your parameters for what is possible and what is not. Now shush, Sohan. I want to listen.
I puffed out my feathers, irritated that my not-too-subtle attempt at diversion had failed.
“…I like being a man all the time,” the other me said, “and I like being with you.”
Oh, brother, I thought. It was awkward knowing Ana was watching my old self fawn all over Kells, especially with everything that had recently happened between us. Finally, they sat down and Kelsey pulled out her trusty notes. Gotta love Kelsey’s efficiency. I missed that about having her around. We remained quiet, watching them and listening as they talked. Finally, I got impatient and made a noise.
“Hello? Is anybody here?” I heard my old self say.
What do we do? Ana said, her bird voice honking.
Uh, let’s see. I bobbed my head up and down. I don’t really remember. It was something about clearing thoughts.
Ana ruffled her feathers and squawked at me. Never mind, she said. We’ll figure it out.
She took off and I followed, still awkward in flight though she pulled off a few very impressive pirouettes. My old self actually pulled out the chakram. Please, I thought. Don’t strain yourself. Only I would be wary enough to try to cut off the head of a raven with the chakram.
Always the smart one, Kelsey said, “Let’s wait and see what they do. What do you want from us?” she asked.
Ana landed and echoed, “Wantfrumus?”
“Do you understand me?” asked Kelsey.
Ana nodded.
“What are we doing here? Who are you?” Kells asked.
Taking my cue from Ana, I tried to channel bird and said, “Hughhn.”
Ana cawed and said, “Muunann.”
Kells asked about her stolen items and the honey cakes, which Ana had mostly eaten already. She was probably hungry. I hadn’t thought to try and find her some food. So much for taking good care of the goddess. Now that I considered it, I was starving myself.
Wanting to get the show over with, I hopped onto Kelsey’s knee. When she tilted her head, it came back to me what Hugin did. He’d cleared her thoughts, showing her what she’d face at the top of the tree. That was easy enough. Using the power of my connection to Ana, I placed a thought in her mind. It was more of a memory, actually. I showed her one of the birds who guarded the scarf at the top of the tree. Then I impressed upon her mind what the scarf could do and how she could use it and would use to help them on their quest.
I also gave her an extra memory. A vision of how we’d saved Ren.
“What are you doing?” she asked as my little talons clutched her shoulder.
“Thoughtsrstuck,” I replied.
When I was done, a tiny, wispy worm clung to my beak. I didn’t conjure it so I guess it must have been Ana. I opened my beak and swallowed it like I remembered the bird had done before. It tasted like nothing but fog. When Kelsey gasped, accusing me of brain damage, I could have laughed.
Ana, as Munin, did something similar to me, well, the old version of me.
Kells asked me if Ana was clearing thoughts too. I just twitched back and forth on my bird legs and waited for Ana to ask me what she should do. She never did.
Kelsey kept pestering me and finally I said, “Waitforit.”
Finally, Ana hopped down to the floor holding a wispy black strand the size of an earthworm. She swallowed it.
Um, what was that, Ana? I asked.
When she didn’t answer, I listened to my old self talk. I remembered it, but it felt like it had all happened decades ago.
“I’m fine,” my old self said. “He . . . he showed me.”
Ana bristled. Ruffling her feathers at being called a he.
The old me spouted off about Yesubai and the things I remembered from my past.
What did you do, Ana?
I took away your blame, she said softly. Yesubai would not blame you. Your love and concern for her caused you to remember what happened differently.
Did you alter the memories?
No. I just shared your blame, much as I shared your pain before. In that way, it is diminished.
You didn’t need to do that, Ana, I said.
I had to, she answered softly. A goddess and her tiger are meant…meant to share everything.
Everything? I asked quietly, and hopped closer to her.
Yes. In doing this I was able to…to open your mind to new possibilities. She paused, then said, It was interesting, seeing it from your viewpoint. Poor girl.
Yes, I thought. Poor girl.
You loved her.
Not enough.
Enough to punish yourself for centuries. That speaks of a love that lasts through anything.
Does it? I asked. I wondered if that was true. Was my love for Yesubai epic? I didn’t think so. I didn’t know her. Not really. I was infatuated with her. Ready to marry her. But after loving and losing Kelsey, I had a new perspective. What could have been is never equal to what was or what is. Time changes everything.
Ana, as if reading my thoughts, added, Yesubai was a whirlwind caught up in the shadowy storm of a villain. You only felt the possibility of a life with her. The brush of the frenzied gale that was her life touched your cheek and changed you. You are a better man for having known her, Sohan. Do not regret her influence over your life.
Kelsey reached past us and took down the nest. My old self nearly touched me. I screeched in alarm and flapped away desperately.
She took her belongings from the nest, and we watched them as they gave us tokens, thinking we were upset. I looked down at the objects my old self left and, thinking about how he could have made use of them instead of giving them away, said, Why was I such an idiot?
I ask myself that question constantly, Ana replied and laughed as the two of us swept out of the nest and flew off toward the village of the Silvanae.