T he pond water looked pretty from afar. But up close, it was a foul, sulfury-smelling mix of weeds and dead fish guts. I probably smelled like something that died .

But I didn't smell like sex anymore, so ...

All the better .

Tallula was crying. I didn't know what to do, but something in me understood so I didn't try to stop her. I hugged her, getting her wet in the process. And then silently gave her the hem of my shirt to wipe her tears .

Which made her laugh. "You're wet," she complained .

"Now you are too, though ."

Her smile twitched and she gave me that look. The one that made me want to lay her back down in the grass. "I am," she said, with a perfectly arched brow .

"Fuck me," I hissed .

"You sort of just did ."

"Sort of ?"

She went up on her tiptoes. "You absolutely did ."

"For the first time ."

"And the last ."

We both fell silent. Only the sound of a fat fish flopping in middle of the pond startled us out of our brooding. "Right," she said, perking up. "Let's get you out of those wet clothes ."

I grinned as her mouth fell into a little o. "Hard to resist the innuendo, I know ."

"I swear, I'm not usually like this ."

"I'm a bad influence ."

"I'd say so. I'm forever sullied ."

She must have seen the way my face twitched, because she placed her hand on my arm as we trudged back up the hill to the house as slowly as we could. "I'm fine, Hudson. I wanted it. I asked for it ."

"Begged," I corrected .

She smacked me in the arm. "Careful," I warned her. The windows of the first floor were rising into view over the short horizon, and it may have been my overactive imagination but I thought I saw shadows milling around on the other side of them .

The guys were waiting for me. All of them. With a start I realized we'd been gone way too long .

Luckily, my bedraggled appearance spoke volumes. "Oy!" Ewan cried, stepping back from the door as I entered. "What in bloody fuck happened to you ?"

"Thought it would be obvious," I grunted, moving quickly away from Tallula, who had stopped short upon seeing everyone assembled .

"You fell in the fucking pond?" Niall asked incredulously .

"Sure did," I said, grabbing an apple from the basket in the center of the kitchen island and taking a bite. I could feel Tallula stiffening behind me and took a step over to block her from view. Give her some time to collect herself .

Niall had a way of looking at you like he already knew all of your secrets and he was staring at me with it right now. "How on earth did you do that ?"

But I'd been around him non-stop for a solid year of touring. I was immune to his glares. I took another bite of the apple, chewing thoughtfully. "Ever heard of noodling?" I asked him .

Jules was still looking at me like I'd pulled down my pants and shat on the floor, but he recovered at that. "Yeah, course. Like when you fuck around on a guitar ?"

"That's one use of the term. Other one is catching catfish with your arm ."

Niall shook his head. "You Yankees are all out of your bloody minds ."

I gestured with my apple. "I was trying to show Tally how it's done," I said. Tallula started nodding so fast her head was a blur .

Luckily Niall was still stuck on me. My hair was steadily dripping onto the marble countertop. "There are no catfish in our pond, mate," he said slowly, as if explaining to a child. "It's not the bloody bayou ."

"Found that out when I fell in," I said, which made them all laugh. Good. If they were laughing then they weren't wondering what happened in the moments before I belly flopped my way into a lie. "I'm gonna go shower off now, okay ?"

"Van picks us up in fifteen minutes," Niall warned .

I heard Tallula breathe out, a sigh only I could hear .

"Right," I said, trying not to think of telling her goodbye. "Well it'll take me five. I'm not Jules with all his lotions and hair cream ."

"Hey fuck you, August likes me groomed," Jules complained. I grinned as Ewan and Niall turned on him, giving him ready and much deserved shit for his bag full of hair products .

I took that as my cue to leave. I walked up the stairs feeling Tallula's eyes on me the whole way up .

As I scrubbed in the shower, it felt like I was washing her touch away. Which made me angry .

I hated this. And I wanted her .

But what I wanted wasn't really the issue here. Tallula wanted to keep this a secret, wanted her brother to both keep me in the band, and keep seeing her as the little kid sister and not the woman she was .

And that was her choice. I didn't get a say in it. I wanted one, but I didn't get it .

But what bothered me most was that now, and forever more, I'd be the asshole who blew through town and rocked her world before leaving forever. Even when leaving was the last thing I wanted to do .

For a brief, selfish moment, I let myself hope that I'd forever ruined her for other men .

But that wasn't fair either .

None of this was fair .