M y phone rang. I groaned and rolled over. Poppy glanced up from her book, and raised an eyebrow .

"My brother," I croaked. I'd been in bed for three days now. The cramping and tenderness in my belly had faded to a whisper, and I reassured my mother that she could leave me in my friends' care, that I'd be up and at 'em soon enough. Stiff upper lip and all that. She'd believed me and left with strict instructions to call her if I needed anything .

I'd agreed and promptly crawled back into bed .

Poppy had to be missing all her classes, the way she was hovering. Now she was glaring at my phone like she wanted to incinerate it with her eyeballs. I sat up and waved my hand. "It's okay," I mumbled and pressed the answer button. "What do you want?" I answered with a forced smile on my face .

"Stinky! What are you doing right now?" My brother sounded like he'd been celebrating .

"Right now?" I mumbled, sitting up straighter and wincing. "I was actually taking a nap, right now ."

"You're boring," he sighed .

"I'm the smart one in the family," I shot back .

He ignored that. "You have a break coming up, right ?"

"How do you know this ?"

"It's on the university calendar ."

"Are you stalking me ?"

He laughed. "No, mum told me you were feeling down, so I was just being a good big brother. Just like I was when I bought you the ticket to come down and stay the week in Italy with us ."

I felt my throat go dry. Poppy, who'd been on red-alert these past few days, snapped back up from her trashy romance novel and gave me a wary glance. I swallowed hard and tried to sound normal when I said, "With us? Who's us ?"

"Well who else would I be with on a break from touring ?"

"The band?" I said faintly. Poppy leaned forward and started shaking her head vehemently. Without thinking, I closed my hand over my tender belly. "The whole band ?"

"Why are you being weird?" Niall said, immediately picking up on my hesitation. "You're telling me you don't want an all-expense paid vacation to the Amalfi Coast ?"

I inhaled sharply and my fingers swept over to my abandoned sketchpad. The past few awful days, I hadn't been able to sketch. I'd opened it and leafed through the pages, the things that had caught my eyes before...before... but now the only bits and pieces I'd managed were a few sketches that were so dark and twisted I'd abandoned them rather than see where my subconscious was leading .

A week on the Amalfi Coast, sketching the architecture, the scenery, might jumpstart my brain out of this bleak, black place .

But then again, being near the reason for the bleak, black place might be even worse .

"Stop being an idiot," my brother said, breaking in to my mental breakdown. "I realized how much I missed you during the wedding. Come hang. I promise not to cramp your style too badly ."

At that I flashed back to the night of Niall's wedding, the way he watched as Hudson and I danced. If he only knew how true his words were ringing...would he even speak to me anymore? Would he break up the band ?

"Um," I said, faintly. There was this sore place, deep inside of me. It had been days now, but I could still feel that empty ache .

"Tally, what's wrong?" Niall said, sounding for all the world like he'd heard my thoughts spoken aloud .

"Nothing is wrong," I lied. It felt...off, to lie to my brother this way. To lie to myself. I curled my lips into a smile that felt as false and hollow as a jack o'lantern's grin. "I was just thinking what I was going to tell Mum to get her to agree to let me go ."

"Just tell her big brother's watching out for you ."

"Big brother is a notorious rock star," I teased .

"Right, well, I'm still your brother. So I'll make sure you have none of the fun I'm having ."

"That's supposed to make me want to come ?"

He laughed. He sounded so happy. He sounded so much like everything was completely normal. "Miss you, Tally. Get your ass down to Italy ."

I hung up the phone and carefully set it down on the bed. Poppy looked up again, still on the same page, I noticed. She hadn't turned it at all while Niall and I were speaking. "You're going to Italy," she said, as carefully and tactfully as if she were speaking to a mental patient .

"How was I supposed to say no, exactly ?"

"You're sick?" she supplied .

"I'm not sick. Every day I feel a little better ."

"Tally," she warned. "This is nuts ."

I shook my head, and for the second time in as many minutes, I opened my mouth and lied to someone who cared about me. "It's not nuts. Yeah he'll be there, but so will my brother. It's not like anything will happen. And besides, he's got nothing to worry about from me anymore, right ?"

Poppy winced and gave me a sad smile. I ran my hand over my belly again and then laid back down in my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin .