"W here are you now?" my mother hollered into the phone .

I laughed and held it away from my ear. "You don't need to shout, Ma. I can hear you clear across the Atlantic ."

"Sorry, sorry," she grumbled. "I hate the way the lines hiss. Makes me feel like I'm talking to you while you wander through a den of snakes ."

"I'm not in a den of snakes, Ma. I'm in Madrid ."

"Spain?"

"No, Texas ."

"What?"

"Ma, I'm kidding. Yes, I'm in Spain ."

"Oh, I've always wanted to go there ."

I felt a tug at my heart at her wistful tone. "Well you can. Want me to fly you out ?"

"Oh, Hud, you're such a sweet boy. But I can't..." Her voice got suddenly all soft and girlish. "I met someone, you see ."

Immediately there was a flare of something fierce and protective in my chest. I wanted to bellow at her to be careful and also to put the asshole on the phone so I could read him the riot act. But I tamped it down. "You did?" was all I said .

"I know. It was kind of sudden, but I've known him forever. You remember Judy Bradburn up the street? Sometimes she'd watch you and Nikki ?"

I had a vague memory of a short gray haircut and a fierce, Jay Leno-like jaw. "She was the one with the beagle, right ?"

"No, that was Yvonne, she had the five kids and was always losing one of them ."

"Oh yeah, right. Judy was the one with the soap operas on all day ."

"Right," my mom sighed. "Well she's watching soap operas with Saint Peter, now. She passed last year ."

"Jesus Ma! You didn't tell me !"

"You'd just started with the band. What was I going to do, make you come home for your old babysitter's funeral ?"

"Huh," was all I felt I could say .

"Well, you probably never saw him because they got divorced before you started going there, but her ex-husband Trip is a very nice man. We met at the funeral and ..."

"You started dating at Miss Judy's funeral ?"

She made a scandalized noise. "Honestly Hudson, you make it sound like we were making out over the coffin. No. All we did was catch up a little and exchange numbers. He took me out for a few drinks and we hit it off really well. He's had dinner with me and Nikki a few times now ..."

"You're really dating again," I interrupted .

"I know, it's ridiculous," she sighed. "You don't have to say it . "

"Nah ma," I protested. "I'm proud of you. It's about fucking time ."

"Hudson," she laughed. "Language ."

"Sorry," I said automatically. "But I hope he knows how lucky he is ."

I could hear her wide smile. "Oh, he tells me every day, sweetheart. He's a really loving guy ."

I was grinning for her. I could see myself in the reflection of the sliding glass door. "I'm looking forward to re-meeting him next time I'm home," I told her .

"Whenever that might be," she sighed. "How about you, sweetheart? Dare I even ask if you're dating on the road or is that information your old mom would rather not know ."

I chuckled. "You don't have to worry, Ma. I'm being a good boy ."

"I know, you're always a good boy, but aren't you feeling a little lonely?" she pressed. "You like having someone to take care of, Hud. I know that ."

I grimaced at my reflection but kept my tone light so she wouldn't realize the nerve she'd struck. "And it looks like Trip Bradburn has taken my job of taking care of you," I mock-grumbled to make her laugh .

"Oh, stop it," she said, acting put out for my benefit. "You leave your mother alone. I'm having fun ."

"And I want you to keep having fun, Ma." I took a deep breath. "I gotta shower now, you take care ."

"I love you, Hudson. Thanks for calling ."

"Love you too, Ma. Be good, now ."

Her laughter rang out more freely than I'd heard her laugh in a while. I ended the call and shoved my phone into my jeans pocket, feeling a strange melancholy settling over my shoulders in spite of the bright, Madrid sunshine streaming in through the windows of my hotel room. My mother dating. It was a long time coming and I wanted to be happy for her. But I kept feeling this odd sense of loss. Like I was losing out .

Tallula. I hadn't called her since we left for tour, and now that I thought about it, that kind of made me a scumbag .

But then again, it wasn't even that. If I was just calling because I wanted to make myself look good, she would know. Tallula was smart. That's what I liked about her .

I also liked how she'd been so willing, so hot and so fucking eager to do what we did .

If we'd had more time, I'd spend all of it teaching her about that lush body of hers. All the different ways I could make her feel so good ...

Fuck, the way that orgasm took her by surprise had been jack-it fuel this whole tour .

My fingers hovered over my phone. I could just check in, remind her that I didn't want to leave. But was that even fucking fair? I had left. She was at university now, looking the way she looked. She probably had a million guys vying for her, all close at hand. Why the fuck did I think I had a right to disrupt her, calling from a thousand miles away to remind her that we couldn't be together ?

Her body under mine ...

That's why I had the right .

I scrolled to her number still saved in my phone from the wedding. Her voicemail picked up on the second ring and I had a moment of pure, blinding happiness to hear her sunny, clipped accent chirping into my ear. "Hey it's Tally and you know what to do when the beep starts so I'm not going to tell you how to live your life ."

I chuckled, because that was about as Tallula as you could get. Then I cleared my throat. "Hey Tallula," I said, before I could think to long about what to say. "It's hot as hell in Madrid and it's got me thinking of you. Hope you're wearing sunscreen ."

Then my voice caught as my heart started hammering in delayed panic. I hung up and wondered what the fuck I'd just done. Calling her like that. There was no earthly way I could pretend that it was innocent. I rolled scenarios through my mind, wondering if there was any possible way Niall might find out I'd done it .

Fuck, I was losing it. If Niall found out about us, he'd get me fired. Flat out. He'd told me as much when he and Reese were dating. "Are you after my sister, Hudson?" he'd asked me, point blank. And I'd lied to his face and told him no, and added how stupid that would be as a little icing on that lie-cake .

I'm not stupid .

I shoved my phone back in my pocket. I still needed that shower but I needed to move even more. I set out in the winding streets, enjoying the anonymity of being outside of the band. A few people gave me second glances, but without the context of the three other guys, I was relatively unknown .

I was nothing without the band, and I knew it. As if I needed to be reminded of that fact .

My phone buzzed in my pocket. Breathless, I yanked it out, ready to hear Tallula's voice one last time. Last time. It had to be the last time. I needed to fucking stop with this sorry obsession. It wasn't fair to me or her .

But I didn't recognize the number, even though it did have a UK calling code. I held it in my hand a moment, fleeting panic running through my head. I wished I'd programmed Niall's mom's number into my phone too, because then I'd know if this was her calling to ream me out for touching her daughter .

The ringing stopped and it went to voicemail. Immediately the little indicator lit up next to my mailbox .

With a feeling like my throat was closing, I held it up to my ear .

It was her. I could tell by the quick inrush of breath before she spoke, but there was something wrong with the way she was talking. It wasn't the usual avalanche of words. It was soft, measured. Like she'd rehearsed it .

"Hudson. It's Tallula. Call me back, yeah ?"