LAUREN

 

 

I woke from a painkiller-fueled sleep, wincing as I twisted in the bed, pain shooting up my left side. The events of the day before were foggy. The accident. The surgery. Afterwards. It was all there in the back of my mind, but I had to wade through mud and fog to bring it to the surface.

Reaching for the button hanging beside my bed, I pressed down, relishing the comfort the morphine brought, but it wore off too quickly. During the night, one of the nurses had adjusted the dosage and it no longer worked the same as it did before. As a result, my mind was clearer, but I cared about the pain a little more. Attempting to move my left side brought nothing but pain. My leg was limp. It refused to move despite the signals from my brain.

It was still the early hours of the morning. I could tell by the faintness of the light creeping in from around the slatted curtains. Tyler was sleeping in one of the chairs, head bent to his chest and hair falling over his eyes. Dark hair grazed his chin, and even in sleep, a frown pressed between his eyes. I wished I could touch him. I wished I could rub that little spot of flesh and take those lines away.

The memory of his proposal washed over me. For a moment, I thought it was a product of my drug-induced sleep. It was so unlike Tyler.

Tyler was controlled.

He was intensity and determination.

He did not blurt out proposals.

But even as my mind insisted it must be a figment of my imagination, I also knew it to be true. The burning panic of my refusal still haunted me. Part of me wished I had just said yes. I loved him. He loved me. It was meant to be simple. But I knew how quickly I became consumed by Tyler Thornton. I knew how quickly my mind and my body betrayed my rationale. There had to be a way to love him and still keep my head.

I just hoped he would understand.

Pushing the morphine button again, the machine beeped at me, warning that it was too soon. The noise woke Tyler. He stirred, stretched high, twisted from side to side and rolled his shoulders and neck, testing his sore muscles from being crammed into a chair for the night.

“Morning beautiful,” he said when his eyes met mine. Getting to his feet, he walked the space between us and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“A little sore.” I wiggled in the bed and winced at the pain the movement brought. “What happened?”

I knew what happened. I knew about the accident and the surgery, but it was as though I needed to hear the words from Tyler’s mouth to confirm it was true.

“You don’t remember?” The lines between his brows deepened. “Maybe we should tell the doctor.”

I adjusted myself in the bed again, trying to pull myself up, but gave up and flopped back when the pain got too much. “Everything is a little hazy and I had some crazy dreams. I just need you to tell me so I know what’s true.”

Dragging a chair over to beside my bed, Tyler took my hand between his, rubbing circles on the soft pad of flesh below my thumb. “You were driving back when another car crossed the centre line.”

My eyes widened as my memory came back clearer. The flash of the headlights. The pain. Then nothing.

“The car crashed, causing a minor landslide of rocks to roll down and crush parts of the car. You were lucky to get away with the injuries you did. You did get quite the knock to your head, but they said that everything looked fine. Maybe I should get them to check again.” Tyler started to rise to his feet, but I tugged on his hand.

“I’m fine, Tyler. A bit banged up, but fine.”

He sat back down and smiled, but it wasn’t his usual smile. It was one filled with sadness and worry. The pressure band around my upper arm inflated, relaying my blood pressure levels to the machine. It had done it repeatedly during the night. I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to still be on, or if one of the nurses had simply forgotten to take it off.

“I’m sorry you had to miss out on watching Dante’s game.”

“I gave him a call last night but he must have already been asleep. I left a message though and explained what happened. I’ll call him again later today.” Tyler chewed on his lip, looking over at me hesitantly. “I was so worried, Lauren.” His voice was soft and tender. “I’ve never been so scared in all my life. I never want to lose you. Never.” The word caught in his throat and he shook his head a little as if to try and dislodge it. “You remember going over to meet Dante?”

I smiled. “Of course I do, it’s just yesterday itself that’s a little foggy.”

Tyler cleared his throat and twisted his head from side to side as though stretching his neck. “So you remember the conversation we had the night before?”

I nodded. I was grateful I wasn’t still attached to the heart rate monitor as I’m sure it would have spiked a little.

Taking a deep breath, he looked into my eyes. “I don’t know why I blurted it out like that. I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair to you. We’ve just got back together and you have no basis on which to take my word that I won’t ever make you feel guilty for your past, or that my jealousy won’t raise its head again.” He shifted on the seat, his eyes glancing towards the door as a nurse walked past. “But I assure you it won’t. I meant what I said, Lauren. I do want to marry you. But I want it to be when you’re ready. When we’re both ready. When there isn’t a shadow of a doubt in your mind. I don’t ever want you to feel pressured. I love you, Lauren Greer. With every part of me. Even if that means that you never want to get married or have children. None of that matters. All I want is your love. Nothing else. You are enough. You’re more than enough. You’re everything.”

My throat grew tight. Tears formed in my eyes.

“Lauren?” Tyler said, his voice filled with concern. “Lauren, are you okay? Do I need to call a nurse?”

I shook my head, willing away the tears and tightness. “No,” I managed to squeak out.

Tyler frowned deeply, a noise coming out of his throat almost like a growl. “I’m not a fan of that word at the moment.”

I laughed at that, then clutched my side as the pain shot upwards.

“I swear I will make you want to marry me one day, Lauren Greer. You just wait and see. I will earn your yes. I will earn your trust and approval so you’ll know how much you mean to me.” He pulled his chair closer, resting his chin on the handle on the side of the bed. “But for now I am content. I’m content to just be yours and for you to be mine. I just thought you should know.”

I was dangerously close to blurting out that I wanted him then and there. That I would do everything and anything he wanted if he would only keep looking at me like that. Like I was the only person that existed. Like I was made up of everything he could wish for. Like I was perfect. But I knew my emotions too well. I knew that I was too easily intoxicated by him. Instead, all I said was, “I love you.”

And all he said was, “I know.”

“Ah, you’re awake!” The doctor strolled into the room, glancing between us when he noticed the tears in my eyes, and the look of adoration in Tyler’s that was quickly replaced with annoyance.

“Should I come back?” he asked, waving a pen towards the doorway.

“Yes,” Tyler replied at the same time as I said, “No.”

The doctor looked between us again, then lifted his brows and rolled his eyes before stepping back out into the hallway and calling for a nurse.

“Right,” he said, placing a clipboard on the foot of my bed. “How are you feeling today?” Without waiting for a response he pinched my big toe. “Can you feel that?”

I nodded, my lip caught between my teeth as tendrils of pain began to spread through my body.

“And what about this?” He tapped on my leg with his pen, and again, I nodded. “Good. Right.” He placed his pen into his pocket and faced me. “How do you feel about attempting to stand?”

“Stand?” Tyler echoed.

The doctor winked at me. “Yes, that movement when you rest your weight on your feet and legs and lift yourself upright.”

The muscles in Tyler’s jaw pulsed as he controlled his annoyance. “She only had the surgery yesterday. She’s still in pain.”

The doctor winked at me again which only infuriated Tyler more. “Hmmm,” the doctor mused, picking up the clipboard and studying the notes. “It appears you are correct, as noted by the surgeon here who just happens to be…” he screwed up his face as though pondering then broke into a smile of realisation, “me!”

Tyler twisted his head from side to side again, his jaw working back and forth. “I just thought it was a little early for her to be putting any weight on her leg.”

The doctor clapped his hands, causing me to jump and then hiss in pain. “Right you are. That is exactly why she will not be putting any weight on that leg. Once she is safely in the wheelchair, perhaps you can take her for a walk around the corridors. It might be good for you to see some different walls. Maybe then, you will realise that in these parts, the doctors are the ones walking around with the name badges and the visitors, like you, aren’t.” He smiled brilliantly at Tyler and clapped his hands together again. “Shall we get started? The sooner you’re up the sooner you can start your recovery. By tomorrow I expect you to be taking a few steps on the crutches and then you should be able to go home in a few days.”

“A few days?” Tyler repeated.

The doctor looked up and blinked twice before saying, “Yes.”

“Maybe you should head down to the café and get us something for breakfast?” I said, looking over at Tyler. His eyes narrowed and flicked to the doctor, but then he nodded and walked out.

The nurse walked in as he left and I couldn’t help but notice the way she eyed him appreciatively. Her cheeks reddened when she looked back into the room and saw that I was watching her check Tyler out. I wanted to tell her it was okay. I still stared too.

“Right.” The doctor clapped his hands together again and I wondered if it was the best habit for a surgeon to have during his post-surgery care. “I am going to leave you in the lovely hands of Maggie here, and she will assist you to stand.” He walked out the door then popped his head back around the corner. “Don’t push it too far this time. Just stand, stretch a little and then Maggie will help you lower yourself into the wheelchair.”

The nurse with the red cheeks stood by the bed. “I’m just going to lower you down a little and then, if you can, move over to the edge of the bed.”

The bed moved down robotically, startling me a little. I was a lot jumpier than usual and it wasn’t exactly helping my pain levels. Lifting my injured leg was difficult. It wouldn’t cooperate. In the end, I had to haul it over the edge with my hand and the nurse helped me lower it to the ground. Already my pain had increased dramatically, but I knew I had to do this. And with the way Tyler was acting, it was better that I did it while he was out of the room. Nurse Maggie pulled a walking frame over and help me stand. I was only allowed to rest one toe of my injured leg on the ground. Once I was fully standing, with my lip pressed between my teeth and a fine sheen of sweat covering my body, the nurse clapped enthusiastically. I was beginning to wonder if everyone that worked in the hospital had this habit.

“Perfect! You’re standing.”

And I was. But I did not feel well. It was almost as though I could feel the blood draining from my head and pooling in the pit of my stomach. The nurse must have noticed too as she very quickly brought over the wheelchair and lowered me into it.

Tyler still wasn’t back from the café, so I took the opportunity to wheel myself into the small bathroom. The nurses had removed my catheter in the middle of the night and I had needed to use the bathroom for a while. The thought of standing was the only thing that stopped me. It took a few grunts of pain, but using the sink to steady me, I stood. Fumbling with the ties of the hospital gown, I undid the knots at my shoulders and sides and let the material fall to the ground. It was the first time I had seen myself since the accident. The left side of my face was covered in small cuts from the shattered glass and bruising had started to swell over my chin and cheekbone. Mascara left over from the day before shadowed the hollows beneath my eyes. My shoulder looked the worst, even though it felt fine. The bruising had already turned a deep purplish colour. Cuts littered my legs and the single bandage down the side of my leg was the only tell-tale sign I had had surgery. I sighed and ran my fingers over my side, testing for tenderness. I imagined the painkillers were dulling a lot of my senses and I was grateful.

A knock startled me. Again.

“Are you alright?” Tyler's voice drifted through the door.

I looked at the gown on the floor. I looked over at the toilet which I needed to somehow get myself to and everything overwhelmed me.

“Can you help me?” I asked, my voice quiet and resigned.

The door opened and Tyler took in my naked form. I watched him in the reflection of the mirror. “Lauren,” he breathed, walking to stand behind me. His eyes met mine in the mirror as he feathered his hands over my shoulder, too scared to touch. “Are you… Is it…” He let his words fall.

My grip on the sink intensified. “I need you to help me get onto the toilet.” A tear slipped down my cheek. Tyler stood on my good side, the side not covered in bruises and cuts, and I lifted my arm over his shoulder. Being as gentle as he could, he helped me manoeuvre my way over and sit down. Tyler walked out the door to give me privacy and came back when I called, helping me back into the gown and then into the wheelchair.

Wheeling me outside, we sat in the fresh air and nibbled on the muffins Tyler had bought and sipped on our coffees. Tyler kept looking at me, then turning away as though there was something he wanted to ask, but couldn’t bring himself to.

“What?” I said finally.

“Would you consider staying with me while you recover?” He rotated the cup in his hand and took another sip. “You can go back to Sadie’s whenever you feel like it, but just for the first couple of days, you know, until you can get around the place by yourself, you could stay with me so I could look after you.”

“Well—” I started to say but Tyler cut me off.

“I just think I’d worry about you too much if you were alone. And we both know that Sadie will be busy with you off your feet.”

“Won’t you be busy too?” I asked, popping another piece of muffin into my mouth. It was blueberry and the purple stained my fingers.

“I can arrange things to suit. Work more at nights while you’re sleeping. Work a little from home.”

“Hmmm,” I pondered, almost enjoying the way he was so eager to convince me.

“You can go back to Sadie’s anytime you please. You can—”

“Yes.”

“Yes?” he questioned.

“Yes,” I repeated. “The thought of trying to get around that tiny house with the narrow hallway on crutches isn’t exactly appealing. It’s a good idea.”

Tyler smiled and this time it wasn’t one marred by sadness or worry. “I will wait on you hand and foot. I will be your loyal servant and fulfil all your wishes.”

I looked over at him and smiled seductively. Or at least I hoped it was seductive. Goodness knows how it came off in my current state. “All my wishes?”

Tyler tilted his head to the side, grinning wickedly. “Maybe not all your wishes. You need time to heal. But everything else.”

“Everything else?” I repeated, emphasising the ‘everything’.

“Stop it,” he warned, adjusting the placement of his hips on the seat. He gazed over the carpark. “Speak of the devil,” he muttered.

“Morning!” Sadie called out. She was styled perfectly. Her hair was smooth and straight, falling like a blonde curtain down her back. She had on a dark suit, heels and just a flash of lace on her chest. She sat down beside Tyler. It amazed me how she always managed to look so put together and act such a mess. Reaching over, she plucked some of his muffin off and popped it into her mouth. “Sorry I’m late,” she mumbled around the food.

“Late?” I asked.

“It’s fine,” Tyler replied.

“Late for what?”

Sadie chewed some more then swallowed. “Tyler has to pop into work for a bit today and get some things sorted. He asked me to get here by eleven but that meeting ran late. Got here as soon as I could.”

I raised my eyebrows at Tyler.

“What?” he said, attempting to look innocent. “I just wanted to make sure someone was here to look after you in case you needed it.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s what all those nurses and doctors are here for. In fact, I’d almost say it was their job.”

Reaching for Tyler’s muffin again, Sadie took the whole thing and started to break off little pieces and pop them into her mouth. “Sorry,” she said. “I’m starving.” She hit Tyler’s arm with the back of her hand causing crumbs to fall off the muffin and onto his leg. “Well, fuck off then.”

Getting to his feet, Tyler stood behind me. “I’ll just push her inside.”

Sadie rolled her eyes and shoved the last of the muffin into her mouth and stood. Pushing Tyler aside, she grabbed the handles of the chair. “I told you to fuck off.”

A smile danced around Tyler’s mouth as he bent to kiss me. “I’m wondering if I made the right choice in calling her to stay with you.”

“Argh.” Sadie turned the wheelchair sharply, taking me away from Tyler. “You two are gross. She’s injured for crying out loud. Take your mouth off her.”

Once back inside, and cruising down the hallways at a speed that would make Tyler shudder, Sadie updated me on the meeting she had with some prospective clients. They were the owners of a small animal park outside the city.

“I feel pretty good about it all. I think they liked me.”

“But most of the questions they had were about photography. How did you handle that?” I twisted to look behind me.

Sadie shrugged. “Fake it until you make it, baby.”

“I should have been there.”

“Yup,” Sadie agreed. “It was really rather rude of you not to consider that when that car ploughed into you. You heard anything about the driver?”

“Only that he didn’t have quite the same level of injuries that I have. The police are going to lay charges, Tyler said. It was someone used to driving on the other side of the road.”

“Bloody tourists,” she muttered.