TYLER

 

I had a son. I was a father. The words still sounded strange to me even if they were only rattling around in my head, rather than being spoken. Dante was everything I wanted in a son I never knew I had. My heart swelled with pride from just looking at him. He was a good kid. One to be proud of even if I hadn’t had anything to do with his upbringing. That was going to change. Now that I knew about him, I would never let him go.

I guess that’s what made me utter those words to Lauren. It was foolish. I know that now. I knew it then. I was overwhelmed with delirium, dizzy with the emotions racing through me and I needed somewhere for them to spill.

Still, I never expected her to say no.

I wanted Lauren. I wanted more than anything to make her my wife, declare to the world that she was mine. But the moment that flash of panic darted across her eyes, the moment she uttered that word ‘no’, my heart broke. For an instant, I thought I’d lost her again. My high plummeted to a low within an instant, and I cursed myself.

It was only once she walked away, once I’d had time to think of what I’d asked, of how I’d asked it, of when I’d asked it, that I realised Lauren wasn’t saying no to me. She was saying no to marriage. She’d already refused to move in with me again so quickly, what the fuck was I doing asking her to marry me?

Even though I knew all this, I still felt like shit.

I wanted to suck the words back into my mouth, as though it were possible to undo them. But I couldn’t. And now I had to live with the fact that I had asked and she had refused. It annoyed me that my usually rational thought process was completely and confusingly irrational in regards to Lauren.

My jealousy of her past was gone. I knew that I just needed time to prove it to her. I would never treat her the way I had again. I would never speak to her like that. I almost lost her because of it. And now, more than ever, I knew I needed her in my life.

She was my life.

Lauren and Dante.

We would be a family one day.

In my mind, we already were. I just needed to convince her.

Walking back into the motel room that seemed so much smaller now that Lauren wasn’t in it, I pulled the bottle of whiskey that I had bought from the pub out of its paper bag and poured some into the only thing I could find. A coffee cup. It would do the job.

Flicking the television on, I jumped onto the bed, pushing at the heel of one shoe with the toe of the other, letting them fall onto the floor. My eyes fell to where they had dropped. I sighed and leaned over the edge of the bed to arrange them tidily.

I must have drifted off at some stage as I woke to my phone ringing. The room was dark, lit only by the TV screen and Lauren’s face as it illuminated the screen of my phone. “Hey you,” I greeted her, doing my best to keep my voice light, happy, as though her refusal hadn’t cut my heart into a million little pieces.

“Hello, is this Tyler?” a strange voice replied. It was noisy in the background. The lady, whoever she was, was shouting over the roar of something but I couldn’t make out what.

I sat up in the bed. “Tyler Thornton.” I cleared my throat. “Who is this? Why are you on Lauren’s phone?”

“Tyler, your number was in Lauren’s phone as her emergency contact. This is Katie and I’m a paramedic. Lauren has had an accident and we are currently on our way to the city hospital.”

Panic dropped like rocks in my stomach. I found myself on my feet. “What?” I shouted down the phone, matching her volume. “Is she okay? Is she hurt?”

“She’s unconscious at the moment and has sustained some injuries to her left side. I would suggest you make your way to the hospital as soon as possible. We should be arriving there in about half an hour.”

The roar in the background suddenly became clear. It was the roar of an engine and the whack of helicopter blades.

“Is she okay?” I shouted again.

“At this stage, we believe the only injuries she has are to her side. We will know more once we reach the hospital. Have you got some way of getting there? Where are you currently situated?” A beep sounded in the background and the woman’s voice became muffled.

I let the phone slip through my fingers as I dove into action. Tearing through the room, another wave of panic washed over me when I couldn’t find my shoes. It was such a small thing. Inconsequential. But at the time it seemed important. It was like my brain refused to single in on the most important information. Lauren was hurt, and instead, I chose to focus on the fact that I couldn’t find my shoes.

“Fuck!” I yelled into the empty room, folding over on myself as the pain of dread gripped my stomach. “Fuck!”

The whiskey bottle beside the bed caught my eye. I had only had a couple of drinks earlier and I was tempted to throw the rest down my throat in an effort to remove this feeling within. This panic. This dread. This terror.

I shook it off and reached down to collect my phone. “Hello?” I said into it, but the woman, whoever she was, was gone. My hands shook as I scrolled through my contacts, pressing on the number once it came into view.

It rung once, twice, three times. I started praying. “Please pick up. Please pick up,” I muttered until finally, I heard a tired “Hello?” on the other end of the line.

“Mum,” I said, my throat growing tight. “Lauren’s had an accident. She’s been hurt. I need to get to her. I need—”

“I’m on my way,” Diana replied. “Gather your things, Tyler. Do you hear me? Collect your stuff and I will be there soon.”

“Thank you,” I breathed.

It felt like forever before I saw the flash of her headlights approaching. Images kept flashing through my mind. Lauren lying on the ground, a wound on her head, blood creeping out onto the dirt. Her face twisted in terror as she plummeted off the road. Some maniac crashing into her and her body flying through the windscreen. I had packed my bags, throwing clothes and toiletries in without even comprehending what was going into my bag. For all I knew, I had half the hotel’s belongings in there.

Opening the door before the car had even rolled to a stop, I jumped into the passenger’s seat and tossed my bag over the back.

“How is she?” Diana asked.

“I don’t know.” I let out a breath of air, pushing away the hair that fell in my eyes. “I tried calling her phone again but no one answered.”

Diana reached over and patted my knee. Her hand felt strange, unfamiliar, but it did lend some comfort. “She’ll be okay, Tyler.”

I prayed that she was right. I no longer cared that she had said no. I no longer cared about anything other than if she was okay.

Diana kept talking to me for most of the journey but I didn’t remember what she said. I must have registered her conversation on some level though, as I found myself replying to questions, though I don’t know what my answers were. I only heard my voice as some sort of muffled drone in the background.

When we started around the road that hugged the edge of the lake, my heart twisted in my chest. Up ahead were lights. Flashing lights. My car, the one that Lauren had been driving, was ploughed into the side of the road. Rocks above had crashed into the side of the car, pushing over to where Lauren would have been sitting.

My stomach lurched. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Roll your window down,” Diana ordered. “Take in a deep breath of air.”

I did as she instructed, grateful to have someone to tell me what to do. My brain was scrambled. All I could think about was Lauren lying in a hospital bed, face white, and covered with blood. It would be another three hours before I saw her.

I stared out the window at the men sweeping glass from the road. Another car was getting loaded onto a tow truck. It was obvious that the other driver had been the one to cause the accident. It had travelled across the line, directly into Lauren, shunting her into the side of the cliff, causing the rocks to slide down and… I stopped myself from thinking any more. I couldn’t think about her lying there alone.

Alone.

The word rattled through my mind. I could do something about that. Grabbing my phone, I pushed the contact for Sadie. She didn’t answer. So I called the next person I could think of who would be close, who would look out for Lauren no matter what, who cared about her almost as much as I did.

“Gabe?” I said after his bleary hello.

“Tyler?” There was a muffled sound and then his voice became clearer. “Why are you calling me? Is everything okay? Is it Jake?”

“No, Jake’s fine. But I need you to do something.”

“Sure,” he replied hesitantly.

I swallowed the swell of panic that rose to the back of my throat again. “Lauren’s been in an accident. She’s at the hospital. I’m on my way but I’m not going to get there for another couple of hours. Would you go to her? Make sure she’s okay.”

There was nothing but silence on the end of the line.

“Gabe?”

“I’m here,” he replied. “I’m on my way.”

Relief flooded me and for a moment the panic and dread and terror subsided. I could breathe.

“Ty?” Gabe questioned. “Is she okay?”

Tears pushed. “I don’t know.” My voice was hoarse.

“Keep your phone close. I’ll call you as soon as I know anything.” Then he hung up and I stared at the blank screen. My mind immediately went back to Lauren. I pictured medics doing CPR. I pictured the slackness in her features as they tried to force life back into her.

I needed to stop thinking.  

So I concentrated on the other driver and hoped that they had died. It was a horrible thing to wish death upon another human being but it calmed me. Gave me a sense of control as my world was spinning. More than anything, I just wanted to hear her voice, know that she was okay.

It wasn’t until we reached the city boundaries that I thought of calling her family. And Peta. They would need to know. But know what exactly? I had no news to give them. Nothing other than the fact that she had been in an accident and was injured. I decided to wait until I had more information. They were hours away and there wasn’t a single thing they would be able to do to help. It was better to spare them this pain of the unknown. My phone rang, startling me, even though I was staring at it.

“How is she?” I asked Gabe as soon as I pressed the phone to my ear.

“I haven’t seen her yet. She’s still in surgery.”

“Surgery?” Nausea rained down on me once again.

“Apparently something hit her side and cracked her pelvis. They are unsure if there’s any damage to her internal organs.” Gabe's voice was tight. Strange. Almost as though he was finding it difficult to speak. “Are you almost here, Ty? She’ll want you when she wakes.”

I looked out at the lights flashing by. “About forty minutes away,” I estimated, gauging from the familiar landmarks passing by in a blur.

“Second floor,” Gabe said. “I’m in the waiting room. She’s been in there for a couple of hours.”

I let the phone fall to my lap once he was done talking. I just wanted to be there with her. I needed to be there.

Diana’s hand rested on my knee and I jumped a little. “She’s going to be okay,” she said for the millionth time. But this time it didn’t reassure me. It did nothing but panic me more. She didn’t know if Lauren would be okay or not. None of us did.

As soon as we arrived, Diana dropped me at the entrance of the hospital and I ran inside, up the stairs, taking them two at a time and ran breathlessly into the waiting room. It was empty. I scanned the area and spied a nurse walking down another hallway so I sprinted to her.

“Lauren,” I called out, panting. “Lauren Greer. She was just in surgery. She had a car accident and—”

“Oh, yes,” the nurse replied, smiling brightly. I wanted to push her against the wall. Yell at her. Scream. Demand she tell me where Lauren was this instant. She pushed buttons on a device. “Yes,” she said, flashing me another smile. “She’s back on the ward. One level up. Room 318.”

I didn’t thank her, I simply tore away and headed back for the staircase, hauling myself up the steps as fast as my body would allow. The numbers on the rooms were hard to read in the dim light, but eventually, I found her room. Gabe was standing beside her bed, her hand in his, a nurse adjusting the drip hung above her.

I froze.

Gabe smiled. “She’s okay,” he assured me. “The doctor said she’s going to be okay.”

Life drained out of me at his words. My body slumped. My throat grew tight and a giant sob escaped. Attempting to blink away the tears, I stepped towards her and Gabe transferred her hand from his to mine.

“Lauren?” I whispered, bringing her fingers to my lips. Her skin was cold and pale. A drip was inserted into the vein in her elbow. A clip was clamped over her finger with a dull red light illuminating the tip. A reassuring beep sounded periodically in the background.

“They said she woke up in recovery, but fell back asleep before they transported her here,” Gabe said, taking a step back and allowing me closer.

“And she’s okay? You sure she’s okay.”

Gabe nodded, walking over to take a seat near the window. “The doctor said he’d come back in a few minutes to discuss everything, but he wanted to wait until you arrived as you’re listed as her emergency contact.” Slumping back into the chair, Gabe let out a long breath and rubbed his hands over his face. “Did you call her parents?”

I shook my head, my eyes stuck on Lauren. She was so pale. Even her lips were white. Scratches marked the left side of her face. Bruising was visible on her shoulder. A pale blue blanket covered the rest of her.

“I didn’t know what to tell them.”

“You want me to do it?” Gabe asked.

I shook my head again. “I’ll call them soon. I just need a minute.” I concentrated on the rise and fall of Lauren’s chest, reminding myself that she was alive. She would be okay.

She moaned and her face twisted in pain. Her eyes fluttered open, blinking a few times before focussing on me. “Tyler?” she said, a smile stretching across her face. “Is that you?”

Relief escaped as tears. “It’s me, baby. Are you okay? How do you feel?”

“Baby?” She moved in the bed and tensed a little when she discovered she couldn’t move the lower portion of her body properly. “You’ve never called me baby before. It’s weird.” Her eyes had trouble focussing but then she smiled up at me brilliantly. “I feel fantastic.”

I laughed, wiping tears away from my eyes and lifting her hand to press kisses to her knuckles.

She looked around the room, giving Gabe a large smile, her wide and dark eyes looking at everything in wonderment. “Where am I? What happened?”

“Ah, you’re awake.” A doctor walked into the room, dressed in blue. “Are you Tyler Thornton?” He held his hand out.

After I shook his hand, he moved to Lauren’s bed, his hand resting gently on her right leg. “How are you feeling?”

She grinned again. “Great.”

“That will be the morphine.” The doctor looked at me and wriggled his eyebrows.

I wanted to grab him by the neck and thrust him against the wall. “Is she going to be okay?” I asked instead.

The doctor patted her leg again. “She’s going to be fine.”

Walking over to the wall, he flicked on a light that illuminated a panel and took x-rays out of her file. Pressing them against the lightbox, the stark black and white images shone back at me.

“Lauren has sustained injuries to her pelvis. As you can see, it has been cracked in two places.” He ran his finger along the faint line that I wouldn’t have noticed unless he pointed it out. “Unfortunately, the places they occurred meant that the fractures were unstable, and we have had to place pins to repair the damage and hold everything in place. She should make a full recovery. Other than the injuries to her hip, she only sustained cuts and bruising to her left side. She’s a very lucky woman.”

I no longer wanted to throw him against a wall. I wanted to hug him. He kept on talking, but I barely heard a word he said. Tracing across Lauren’s forehead with my fingers, I pushed her hair away from her face. “Did you hear that?” I whispered. “You’re going to be fine.”

She let out a snort. “Of course I am. I feel wonderful.”

“Well, at least she’s sorted out how to work the morphine button.” The doctor chuckled.

Lauren lifted her hand, a button held tightly in her grasp and pushed. There was a small whirring sound and a lazy smile crept over her face. “Yup,” she muttered contently. “Got it sorted.”

The doctor patted her leg again. “I’ll be back in the morning to check on you. Any questions in the meantime, call the nurse.” He picked up another button that was draped over Lauren’s bed. “That’s this button. Not that one.”

Lauren gave him the thumbs up.

As soon as the doctor left, she turned to me. “You look worried,” she said, a frown creasing her brow.

“I was. You gave me quite the scare.”

Her frown deepened. “I didn’t mean to.” Looking over at Gabe, she flapped her hand at him. He pulled himself off the chair and stood at the other side of her bed. “Do you know where they keep the ice blocks?” she whispered.

Gabe grinned and looked over at me, shrugging his shoulders.

“You two have been playing nicely, haven’t you?” Lauren asked, her eyes darting between us.

“Always,” I said to her.

“Liar,” she muttered. She started toying with my fingers, threading and unthreading hers through mine. “Did you tell him you asked me to marry you?” She blinked at me innocently.

“You what?” Gabe spluttered, taking a step back.

“Oh, don’t worry.” Lauren opened her eyes in a wide gaze. “I said no.”

“It’s the morphine,” I growled at Gabe.

“You asked her to marry you?”

“But I said no,” Lauren forcefully assured Gabe. She yawned, a giant yawn that overtook her face. “I’m going back to sleep now,” she informed us as her eyelids drooped.

Gabe stepped away from her bed. “You fucking what?” he hissed at me.

“It was just something that came up, a spur of the moment thing.”

“You don’t do spur of the moment things, Tyler.”

“Well, I do when it comes to her.” I spat back at him. “There is no doubt in my mind that I want to be with her.”

Gabe smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. “But she said no.”

“It wasn’t the time.” Placing Lauren’s hand down at her side, I walked over to him. All the promises I had made to myself about waiting, about giving her time flew out the window the moment of her crash. “But I’m going to ask her again. When she wakes up. Wakes up without her system being drowned in morphine.”

“Don’t,” Gabe warned.

I stepped closer to him. “I just about lost her, Gabe. She could have died tonight. I won’t risk that again. I want her. I need her to know how I feel about her.”

“You’re fucking relentless, you know that, right?”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

Gabe stood taller. “In this case, yes.”

“What would you know?” I muttered, glancing back at where Lauren was sleeping peacefully.

“What would I know?” Gabe walked back to the seat by the window and sat down, his elbows resting on his knees, his eyes lifted to mine. “Well, I know that I pretty much dated her for three months before she would even tell anyone. I know that you pursued her ever since I introduced her to you. Relentlessly.” He emphasised the word.  “To the point that she broke up with me after almost seven months of dating. Then, you didn’t even wait two months before you fucked her. Literally. You wanted her to move to the city, so she did. She moved her life for you. And then, only months later, you humiliate her in front of friends and family. Now, days after you’re back together, you take her to meet your mother and ask her to marry you. You need to let her breathe.” He let out a long breath as though demonstrating. “Well, at least you didn’t start pressuring her to talk about kids or something.”

My wince must have been visible.

“Fuck, Tyler. What is wrong with you? Have you only got one speed when it comes to her? Lauren’s had a shit storm thrown at her, thanks to you, to us. Just let her be. She loves you, Ty. It’s clear for anyone to see.”

My body was tense and tight, ready to fight, but after his words it all drained from me. I collapsed into the chair beside him. “Fuck. You’re right. When did you get to be so wise?”

“I’ve always been wise,” he said, sitting back and placing his hands behind his head with a wicked grin. “You just never listened.”

Leaning forward, I covered my face with my hands. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. It’s like I’m on a fucking emotional roller coaster.”

“Give yourself a break. And count yourself lucky that you told me you were going to ask Lauren again and not her.”

The door to Lauren’s room burst open and Sadie appeared, hair in disarray, eyes darting around the room. “Why didn’t you answer your phone?” she yelled at me as she darted over to Lauren’s bed. “Is she okay?” She picked up her hand and held it tightly between both of hers. “Are you okay?” she whispered.

“She’s fine,” I told her. “Well, apart from a fractured pelvis and bruising and cuts all down her left side.”

Tears sprung to Sadie’s eyes. “Fuck,” she said. Letting go of Lauren, she wiped her tears away and came over to wrap her arms around me. “Are you okay?”

“Not really,” I replied, struggling to keep the tightness at the back of my throat at bay. “I thought I’d lost her.”

“But you didn’t.” Sadie stroked my back reassuringly.

“But I could’ve.” My words were muffled by her shoulder.

Gabe stood and stretched high into the air. “I might get going. Give me a call in the morning and let me know how she is. Let me know if there’s anything I can do, yeah?”

I nodded and detangled myself from Sadie. “Thanks.”

“And Ty?” I looked over at him. “You’d better call her family.”