LAUREN
Squished beside Billie, I rested my head against the glass and stared out the window at the blurred scenery, asking myself how I ended up here. Billie obviously hadn’t told any of the others that I’d be coming on this awful trip, judging from the looks of surprise when I climbed into the van. No one said anything, though. They looked about as happy as I was about my inclusion.
Since Hamish sat in the front seat beside the therapist/driver, I had the option of sitting between Gabe and Tyler, or climb over Jake and Billie to sit next to the window. The choice was simple.
Hillis, Billie’s therapist, looked nothing like I imagined a therapist. Instead, he reminded me of the outdoor instructors we had on school camps. Dressed in cargo pants, a light t-shirt and a cap, he chatted from the driver’s seat, intentionally or unintentionally unaware of the discomfort surrounding him. His jokes met silence from everyone apart from Billie and Hamish who were going overboard in an attempt to find him funny.
Hamish appeared different after his time spent in rehab. More open, more interested in Billie but at the same time, less sure of himself.
The drive took about an hour and a half and only Billie, Hamish and Hillis spoke. Finally pulling up in a gravelled carpark, the van stopped and I was grateful to stretch my legs, doing my best to avoid both Tyler’s and Gabe’s gaze.
“Welcome to Camp Hillis.” The therapist smiled broadly. “Yes, I named the camp after myself. No, it isn’t really called Camp Hillis. That only happens when I’m running the show.” He paused, waiting for the laughter that Billie and Hamish gave. Taking off his cap, Hillis called us to form a circle around him. “First, the rules. No cell phones.”
“Excuse me?” Tyler spluttered.
“You’re excused.” Hillis grinned, shoving his cap towards Tyler. “Cell phone.” When Tyler refused, Hillis rolled his eyes. “There is no reception, and no data available out here anyway.”
“Then there is no reason for me to hand my phone in,” Tyler growled.
“For fuck’s sake Tyler, it’s just a phone.” Gabe pulled his from his pocket and placed it in the bowl of the cap.
“Thank you,” Hillis said exaggeratedly. He shoved the cap in Tyler’s direction again but Tyler shook his head. The rest of us put our phones into the cap. All except Jake. He didn’t bring one. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if he owned one.
“Now, as I suspect Billie would have explained to you, this weekend is to help you all with your relationships and dependency on alcohol and drugs as coping mechanisms. I’m looking at you, Gabe.” Hillis gave him a stern glare as Gabe smiled innocently and held up his hands. “And also to help you re-connect as human beings.”
Leaning closer to me, Gabe whispered, “Just shoot me now.”
“So,” Hillis continued. “Back to the rules. There is to be no drinking, no drugs, and no communication with the outside world. During your time here you will refrain from any conversation which brings tension or attention to the relationship issues you are currently facing. Nothing between fathers and sons. Husbands and wives. Girlfriend and boyfriends. Exes.” He looked pointedly at me. “And nothing between brothers. If a conversation does come up, you are to stop it immediately. This weekend is to develop relationships first and deal with issues at a later date.”
“Doesn’t that kind of defeat the therapy part of this weekend?” Gabe whispered.
I took a step away.
“You will be eating together, completing activities together and even sleeping together.”
Gabe looked over and wiggled his eyebrows. “I don’t have any objection to that.”
“So if everyone would gather their gear and follow me, I will show you the accommodation quarters.”
What I expected was a dorm room with single beds evenly lined against the wall. What we got was an empty room with mattresses and pillows laid in a circle, heads together, with handwritten name cards resting on each pillow.
“Go ahead, place your bag on the mattress with your name. This will be your bed for the first night here. Each sleeping arrangement has been made from understanding the family dynamics and placing people where they would benefit from the most growth.”
I wandered around the circle, looking for my name. Sure enough, there I was, wedged between Tyler and Gabe. Gabe looked at me and shrugged, a smirk stuck on his face. Tyler didn’t look at me and instead, threw his pack onto the mattress. Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, he looked nothing like the calm and controlled businessman he usually came across as. His t-shirt was tight, emphasising the sculptured swells of the body beneath it. Despite telling myself not to, my eyes kept slipping to him, reminding me of all the times I had lifted his shirt over his head, exposing the chiselled chest below. Of all the times I had pressed my lips to his chest. Of all the times I had run my tongue over his flesh.
“Isn’t this exciting?” Billie chirped, interrupting my thoughts. “It will be like we’re all kids again, sleeping on the floor during a sleepover. I haven’t done that in years!” She clapped her hands together.
“See?” Hillis said. “Billie’s got the right attitude. The only way you are going to get something out of the weekend is if you put the effort in with the right attitude. Billie and Hamish have that attitude and since the rest of you agreed to come along, I suggest you start by adjusting yours to follow suit.”
“There is some debate on the agreeing part,” I muttered.
“I don’t even know why I’m here,” Jake said, throwing his bag to the floor and then flopping onto the mattress. “I don’t have issues with anyone.”
“But you do have issues,” Gabe teased.
“None that can be solved by singing around a campfire.”
Hillis looked over at Billie sharply. “I told you not to tell them any of the activities.”
“I didn’t!” Billie exclaimed, her eyes growing wide.
“Shit,” Jake cursed. “We’re seriously going to sing songs around a campfire?”
“Is there a local taxi service available?” Tyler asked.
“Of course not,” Hillis replied impatiently, taking Tyler’s question more seriously than intended. “Now that the surprise has been ruined, if you would all meet me outside for our first night, we will be cooking sausages for dinner over the campfire.”
Billie frowned. “I don’t eat meat.”
“Since when?” Hamish asked.
“Since I decided not to,” Billie replied, somewhat aggressively. “Most likely when I was left alone while you were in rehab from drunk driving your car into the front of the casino.”
“Lead the way,” Jake said to Hillis, rubbing his hands together. “Let’s get this over and done with.”
Of all the things I imagined myself doing with the Thornton family, sitting around a campfire eating half-cooked sausages off a stick was not one of them. Billie and Hillis led the conversation, talking about frivolous things that no one else was interested in since topics of any depth were strictly off limits. Hillis told us of the activities we could expect over the weekend. First on the agenda for the next day was rock climbing. Apparently, trust issues would be dealt with during this exercise as we would be responsible for belaying each other as we climbed. A nauseated knot began to twist in my stomach. Although I had never had a problem with heights before, the thought of dangling from a rope wasn't appealing. After the rock climbing was complete, we would eat lunch and then head off on a silent trek to a campsite where we would spend the night in tents under the stars. I failed to see how any of this would help, but Hillis assured us that he had completed many of these activity therapy weekends with many families, and they always ended with a positive outcome. What he considered a positive outcome was never discussed.
After we ate black and pink sausages, Hillis got out his guitar, but after two failed attempts to get everyone to join in, he excused us for the rest of the evening with a resigned, but not defeated look on his face. On our tour of the facilities earlier, we had been shown a heated rock pool in a man-made cave just down a grassy hill. Making sure everyone else was occupied, I slipped on my bathing suit and headed down the path with a towel securely wrapped around me.
I needed to be alone.
I needed for Billie’s voice not to be sounding in my ear, Gabe’s eyes not to follow my every move, and for Tyler’s avoidance to stop playing over and over in my mind. He had not uttered one word to me, and although I had caught his eye a couple of times, he looked away quickly as if determined to show me he didn’t care if I was here or not.
Steam floated out from the cave to greet me. I had to duck my head, but once I was inside, the cave opened up into a small room with seating around the water's edge so you could sit with just your feet dipped in or submerge yourself completely. Lights recessed into the ceiling reflected on the water. Unwrapping the towel, I sunk into the liquid warmth, sighing when I lowered to my shoulders, letting my head fall back on the edge of the pool. It was exhausting just being around these people. Hamish mainly avoided me, but a small frown appeared in the lines between his brows anytime he was confronted with my presence. Gabe vied for my attention. Jake didn’t care. Billie’s voice had reached a level of shrillness unheard before in her efforts to convince herself this was a good idea, and Tyler’s refusal to even look at me affected me more than I cared to admit.
With steam coating my lungs and heat caressing my body, I was in a state halfway between awake and asleep when I heard a throat clear.
“I didn’t think anyone was here.”
Tyler stood at the entrance to the cave, a towel wrapped around his waist, the rest of him unclothed. I swallowed the wave of desire that overwhelmed me at his appearance and nodded.
“Don’t let me stop you,” I said, impressed with the lack of emotion placed in my tone.
Tyler removed the towel, folding it into a neat pile before stepping into the water. He submerged himself next to me, only a swirl of water between us, and rested his head against the edge. “Do you think we’re actually allowed to talk in here?”
I laughed, tension melting from me when he spoke with no malice in his voice. “I’d say it depends on the topic of conversation but maybe we should run it by Hillis just to make sure.”
Tyler lifted his arms and stretched them along the pool, his fingertips resting just by my shoulder. “I’m surprised you agreed to come.”
“I wasn’t really given a choice.”
“Me neither,” Tyler agreed. “That Billie, huh? She’s rather skilled at getting her own way.”
“I’m blaming the baby.” Sitting up, I fanned my hands over the surface of the water, acutely aware of how close Tyler’s body was to mine. If I just let my foot float a little to the left, I would touch him. While staring down at my skin, made so pale by the water and the lights, Tyler shifted, the water swirling around his body as he moved closer. Putting his arms back on the edge of the pool, one of them reached behind my shoulders, skimming the air between us but not touching.
His eyes were closed, his head leaning back, his face tilted to the light. Shadows danced in the hollows of his features, shielding his expression. It would have been so easy to reach across and touch him. So easy to ignite the feelings that jolted between us like lightning. Although the state of our relationship had changed, my feelings for him hadn’t. The need to touch him, the need to have him touch me was as strong as it had ever been. As if sensing my eyes on him, Tyler opened his and my heart raced as his gaze fell from my eyes to my lips. His eyes darkened with desire and he moved towards me, his body about to trap mine when Gabe sauntered in.