LAUREN

 

 

I woke in Tyler’s bed. I’m not sure when, but sometime during the night Tyler must have carried me there. He was awake beside me when I opened my eyes, sitting on the edge of the bed. Fully dressed.

“Morning.”

“Morning.” I stretched into the air, scooting across the bed towards him before stopping and remembering we weren’t what we used to be. Despite the throbbing in my head and the tenderness between my thighs, he was still Tyler, he was still Gabe’s brother and I couldn’t be with him as long as he made me feel guilty.

Tyler, having noticed my movement and sudden hesitation, looked at me, his eyes unreadable. “I was just about to head down for a workout. Make yourself at home.” Rising from the side of the bed, he strode across the room, the door closing forcefully behind him. I flopped back onto the mattress, tears pricking in my eyes. I knew that it was what I asked, what I required, but his coldness still hurt.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, the scent of Tyler drifting into my mind and bringing back the memory of the night before. Just at the thought of it, my heart beat a little faster and my palms grew sweaty. But it was just as Tyler said it would be. Last night was last night, and this morning everything would return to whatever it was we were now.

There was no point dwelling on it. No point in re-hashing my feelings, or pondering if things could be different this time. With a deep sigh, I tossed the blankets off the bed and got up. I was completely naked, my discarded clothing unaccounted for.

The door opened and Tyler strode back in. “Forgot my drink bot—”

He stopped when he saw me and I froze, unsure what to do. Did I cover myself? Did I act coy and bashful? What I wanted to do was walk over and wrap my arms around his neck, push my body against his until all his resolve melted away and he took me again.

But I didn’t. I sort of crossed my legs in an awkward position and clutched my breasts with each hand, which really did little to hide them. Tyler swallowed as his eyes roamed my body, the desire and lust in his expression as plain to see as the bulge in his pants. He didn’t apologise for staring and I didn’t reprimand him.  Tyler opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then he shut it again and walked into the bathroom to retrieve his water bottle. I hadn’t moved when he came back out, just stood there, unsure what to do. Tyler tried to avert his gaze as though it had just dawned on him that I was no longer his. No longer there for his pleasure.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

He looked tired. There were dark patches under his eyes and his hair was tousled and mussed.

He cleared his throat. “Good. Fine.” He stopped before walking out, his back to me and his head firmly forward. “Thanks for coming over last night. I needed it. I needed you.”

And then he was gone again.

I sunk to the bed, pulling the covers up around my shoulders, suddenly feeling vulnerable, rejected and cold. This is what you want, I had to remind myself. This is what you asked for. Taking another deep breath to harden my resolve, I squared my shoulders and rose from the bed. After taking a shower where I did my best not to think of all the times Tyler had pressed me to the glass walls, I found my clothing and got dressed. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to leave or wait. Did Tyler want me here when he returned? Was his thanks merely a dismissal in disguise? Did he want to talk more? Did he want to—I stopped myself from even entertaining the thought. Last night was a one-off born from too much alcohol and overwhelming news that had left him in need of comfort.

My car was parked on the ground level of the building, waiting for me. All I needed to do was leave and return back to my cramped quarters with Sadie.

Sadie. Had she noticed I wasn’t there? Did she know where I was?

I walked towards the elevator door three times, each time stopping myself before sliding the door and walking in. I was torn. Did I stay or did I go?

After almost an hour of deliberation, while I wandered around the apartment stroking Tyler’s bookcase, his stack of albums, reacquainting myself with the pictures on the walls, and the scent of his clothing, I finally pulled the elevator door open and pressed the button that I knew would send the lift my way. When it rose to the top and opened, Tyler was in it. He was shirtless and his body drenched in sweat.

He smiled.

When he saw me standing there, uncertainty resting on my face, he smiled. I loved that smile. It was everything sexy, everything wonderful, everything wicked all rolled into one.

“You’re still here,” he said.

“I didn’t know if I was supposed to leave or not.”

“I’m pleased you didn’t.” He sidled past me, careful not to get too close. I wasn’t sure if that was for my benefit or his, but either way, just the closeness of him set my heart aflutter.

Walking into the kitchen, he poured himself a mug of coffee. “You want one?” I did, but instead, I found myself shaking my head. I was too afraid to accept anything from this man. If I let him too close again, I knew I would end up in his bed. I knew any resolve I had would melt under his touch.

“Thanks for being here last night.” He glanced up at me quickly, before turning away, his voice holding the slightest hint of amusement. “For everything,” he continued. “I had, I—” He stopped, pondering his words. “I appreciated it,” he finished finally.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

“As you said last night, there’s really no decision to it. Dante is my son. I want to be there for him. I want to be his father. I’m going to call Claudia and let her know that I want to be part of his life, if he wants me. He doesn’t know yet. He might not want to have anything to do with me.”

“I doubt that. You will make a wonderful father, Tyler.”

I don’t know why the emotion crept up on me like it did. I was pleased for Tyler. I knew this wasn’t about me, had nothing to do with me, and maybe that was why tears caught in my eyes as I thought of him and his son and the woman who could give him—had given him—the very thing that I never could. I swallowed back the tears and smiled, hoping my true feelings didn’t show through.

“I hope I will. Part of me is scared I’ll be just like my father. Or like my mother.”

“You will be like neither. You are kind and caring and I know you will do right by him.”

We stood face to face, keenly aware of the lack of distance between us. I took a deep breath and stood back, plastering what I hoped was a confident smile on my face. “Well, I suppose I should get back home. Sadie will be worried about me.”

“I haven’t told her yet,” Tyler said. “I’d appreciate it if you’d let me be the one to tell her.”

“Of course,” I replied. “I won’t say a word.”

“She’ll ask,” he said.

“Ask what? She has no idea why I left.”

“She’ll want to know where you were.”

“I’ll tell her…”

My voice faded as Tyler took a step forward, lowering both his head and tone to whisper in my ear. “You’ll tell her you were in bed with me? That last night you rode me?”

I felt a flush of colour race to my cheeks. “I don’t think she needs quite that much detail.”

Tyler’s lips brushed against my ear. “I miss you, Lauren Greer.”

I laughed or coughed, it was a noise that sounded like a strangled cry, anyway, and I stepped away before I found myself in his bed again. The man was hard to resist and his voice, his eyes, and his hands did things to me that had me wanting to tear off my clothes and jump into his arms.

“I should go,” I said, my voice barely a whisper.

“You should,” Tyler agreed, his lips still dangerously close to my skin. “Unless…” he left the word hanging, one eyebrow raised into a question.

“Please don’t, Tyler,” It was a plea. I knew I was defenceless against him if he pushed the matter. If he touched me. If he chose to dip his head and place his lips on me.

“I won’t,” he promised. “I won’t unless you ask me to. From now on these hands will not touch you unless you instruct them to. These lips will not come near yours until they beg me to. And Lauren, they will beg me.” His voice was low and like gravel. My insides literally quivered under the spell of his voice, his words, and my body gravitated towards him.

But resist I did, because nothing had changed.

* * *

“Where the fuck have you been?” Sadie greeted me as she yanked the door open before I even had the chance to insert the key. “I’ve called you three times already. You had me worried you were face down in a ditch somewhere.”

I pushed past her, bumping into her elbow jutting into the hallway as she stood with her hands on her hips. “What if I had been face up?”

“What are you talking about?” Sadie was annoyed.

“You said you were worried I was face down in a ditch. Would you not have been worried if I was face up?”

“Don’t try and change the subject. Where were you? I even tried calling Tyler but his phone was off. Why was his phone off? He never has his phone off. Were you with him?” She clapped her hands. “Oh, please say you two are back together. I’m sick of seeing him mope around, talking about you constantly.” She rolled her eyes and mimicked a talking mouth with her hand flapping open and closed.

“We’re not.” I gave her no other information but she still followed me into my bedroom.

“So where were you? Please do not tell me you were with Gabe.”

“Of course not!” I replied sharply. “Gabe and I are done. We were pretty much done the moment I laid eyes on Tyler.”

“So you were with him!”

“I never said that.”

“So why is your dress on inside out?”

I looked down in horror but Sadie merely laughed. My dress was not on inside out.

“You were.” Sadie crossed her arms. “You were with Tyler.”

“And what if I was?”

“If you were, I’d be thrilled. You know I think you two belong together.” She flopped onto my bed. “So how did it happen? Did you grow lonely night after night pining for him and just couldn’t stay away any longer? Did you—Hold that thought.” Sadie ran into her room to collect her ringing cell phone. “Why hello, Tyler,” she said, grinning knowingly at me. “Fancy hearing from you.” She pressed the phone to her stomach, covering the speaker. “Don’t go anywhere,” she warned. “We’ve got to go check out this office space in a bit, which is why I tried calling you all those times.” She lifted the phone to her ear, her wicked grin back in place. “So tell me, Tyler Thornton, what did you get up to last night?”

As Tyler spoke, the grin on Sadie’s face faded. “You’re shitting me.” She walked into her room, closing the door behind her.

When Sadie finished talking she came into my room and sat down heavily on the edge of the bed where I was listening to music. “Well,” she said. “That was a bit of a shock.”

“Tell me about it,” I replied, taking the headphones off and placing them on the bed.

“You could have warned me.” Sadie laid back, her head flopping over my legs.

I shrugged. “He asked me not to.”

“So he’s had a kid for all these years. Seems strange to think about it. I mean, it just can’t happen for us like that. If you give birth to a kid it’s rather hard to not know it happened.” She sat up again. “Fuck Hamish Thornton. He had no right to take that decision away from Tyler.”

“I’d really prefer not to.”

Sadie looked over at me, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Fucking Hamish. I’d rather not.”

“You’re in a weird mood today.”

I didn’t tell her it was because while receiving the shocking news of Tyler’s son, I had also succumbed and spent the night with him. A night that I was struggling to get out of my mind.

“By the way, your sister called. She wanted to make sure you’ve remembered that you’ve got to pick Madi up tomorrow evening.”

“Shit. I’d forgotten.”

“She said you would. Why is she coming again?”

“She’s got a hockey tournament on Friday and Morgan didn’t like the look of the people that volunteered to have the girls stay. She didn’t trust them, she said, so she asked if Madi could stay here instead.”

“She’s met you, right? I mean she knows you’re probably less trustworthy than those strangers.”

I threw a pillow at her. “Let’s just go see this office space.”