Jackie

I went home feeling fantastic. Of course, the whole time I’d been aware that Leo was going to come over afterwards, but so many amazing things happened that I had no time to worry or wonder.

Brent had taken the kids home, but they were still awake when I got home. I stopped by both their rooms to kiss them good night. Tristan gave me a big hug and suggested that we all go out for a celebration dinner on the weekend.

“That’s a great idea,” I told him. “You can choose the restaurant.”

“We could do this whenever you sell a painting, Mom.”

I laughed. “Not every time, but whenever I have a show, for sure.”

He hugged me again. He was getting so strong now. I swallowed. I hated seeing the changes in my baby, even though I enjoyed what an interesting kid he was becoming.

“Love you, sweetie.” I tucked the covers around him.

“Love you too.” With his eyes closed, he looked like a younger Tristan. The one who hated going to bed because he feared he’d miss something, but then conked out almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Hannah was almost asleep. I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her too. Then I went to the kitchen to make myself some herbal tea. As I walked into the room, Leo was already there, getting a drink of water.

“Holy crap! What are you doing here already?”

“Sorry, Jackie. I kept knocking and nobody answered. I didn’t want to ring the doorbell in case the kids were asleep. So I tried the door, and it was open. Should you be leaving the door unlocked?”

“Probably not. But luckily, the way my heart is thumping now, I’ll be dead if it’s a burglar.”

“This is how we met,” he pointed out. “Except now it’s reversed. I scared you in your kitchen.”

“Yeah, and I’m not wearing a towel.” I was still dressed up in the sparkly outfit I had on for the opening, except I’d shed the high ankle boots.

His gaze raked over me. “I wish you were…”

I ignored his suggestive look and put the kettle on. For some reason, Leo being here in my home, my safe place, felt like an invasion. While I’d been shocked and then happy to see him at the show, now I felt cautious. How many nights had I spent in this very room, cradling my cup of tea and wishing that he were here. Yet now that he was, I didn’t feel like I could trust him. As Sharon said, he couldn’t waltz in and expect things to magically go back to the way they were. Ugh. Conflicted didn’t even begin to explain my feelings.

“I’m going to make some tea. Unless you want a beer?”

He shook his head. Once the tea was ready, we sat across from each other in the living room.

“How did the opening go?” Leo asked politely.

“Great! You started something, I sold five paintings altogether.” My mother ended up buying one. But best of all, three complete strangers bought paintings as well. To me, it was a huge thrill that someone bought a painting because they loved it and not because they liked me.

“Congratulations,” he said with a smile. Leo’s natural expression was stern and wary, but his smile transformed him. I resisted an urge to touch the angular planes of the face I’d missed so much. Despite all my efforts, I still cared a lot. It was too hard to forget everything that Leo had been to me.

“Alors, it’s late, and I don’t wanna keep you up.” That slight French-Canadian accent once more twigged something inside me. Right from the beginning, the differentness of Leo was so fascinating.

His whole body trembled, like he was shaking something off. “I can see that things are going great for you, and I just got some good news too.”

“What is it?”

“Sophie is transferring with her hotel to work here. She and Wes are going to move to Vancouver by the end of the year.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s fantastic. You’ll get to see Charlotte all the time.”

He nodded vigorously. “Yeah. I realized that if I wanted a true relationship with my daughter, I couldn’t keep seeing her only during the summers and holidays. You helped me to see that being a real parent means doing a lot of little things. You know, taking responsibility for the day-to-day stuff.”

“You can braid hair now,” I pointed out.

The smile faded from his face. He leaned forward and I tensed, wary of what he was going to say next. He was so persuasive, but I couldn’t let him back in unless I could truly trust him. Your Jedi mind tricks are not going to work on me, Coach.

“When Sophie called to tell me, I was happy. But not as happy as I should have been. You know, I asked her to move here the day after you left. I figured that at least if I had my family—like you do—I would feel better. I promised Sophie that I’d stay in Vancouver for at least three seasons if they moved here.”

“Really? That’s new for you.”

“What’s a season or two in a long-term career? Besides, I like Vancouver.”

“So, it sounds like things are good for you too.”

“They’re not.” His voice was deep and insistent. “That’s exactly what I thought too. Once the season starts, things will be fine. Once the team begins to gel, things will be fine. Once I find out that Charlotte is moving closer, things will be fine. Yet none of these things did it for me.”

He cracked his knuckles. I looked down at those long fingers and remembered the pleasure that his touch brought to me.

“Jackie, I’ve been seeing a therapist.”

“Really?” That was pretty shocking. Leo always seemed like a person who had everything together. No weaknesses.

“Yeah.” His mouth twisted into a half-smile. “Have you been before?”

“Yes. I went when Brent left.”

“Me too, when I split with Sophie. I went because I was having trouble working. I learned ways to cope that made me a better coach.” He gazed off into the distance. “This time, it was a new therapist, but I brought him the same problems. I’m having trouble sleeping and concentrating. Can you help me tune out the distractions and become a better coach?”

I waited. I had zero idea what was going to happen next.

“But instead of telling me how to focus better, he asks me, ‘Do you think perhaps your body is telling you something?’” Leo shook his head. “Typical Vancouver guy, right? Instead of practical advice, he wants to get into my head. So we talked about everything that’s been happening in my life.”

Leo glanced at me, and I had a feeling that I was something he’d discussed.

“How did that go?” I asked. Obviously we had different experiences in therapy. I’d loved being able to unload on Dr. Veol.

“Instead of helping me work harder, Edgar suggested that my priorities might be wrong. He talked about having balance in my life and how it could help my coaching by giving me perspective.” Leo’s eyes met mine. “You can say it now if you want.”

“Say what?”

“‘I told you so.’ You’re the one who said I needed to open myself up to a fuller life, to take the chance of getting hurt again so that I could experience the good parts of a relationship too. Turns out I could have saved a lot of time and energy if I had listened to you in the first place.”

I nodded. This was all so strange and unexpected. Again I got the feeling that my secret, unimagined fantasy was for him to say all these things to me—all these very un-Leo words about caring and emotion. It was unreal.

He continued, “Yeah, you think I’m so smart, but I’m certainly a dummy about some things. You’re what’s missing in my life. Even if everything else is perfect, I can’t be really happy unless you come back. I’ve missed you so much.”

He moved onto the couch beside me, but I backed away. It could not be this easy. “How do I know I can trust you? I’ve been hurting ever since I left your place that night.”

“I was too, Jackie. So many times, I thought how easy it would be to call you and beg you to come back.”

That was ridiculous. What a waste of time and emotion. I stood up and walked to the window. Outside the wind was whipping leaves into a whirlwind in the streetlight.

“Why didn’t you then?” I spoke without even turning around. I’d survived without him, but I’d suffered. Was that all unnecessary?

Leo came up behind me but didn’t touch me. I could feel the heat from his body behind me. I longed to lean back into his muscular chest, but I refused to be that weak.

“Because I’m a stubborn guy. To get to this moment with you, I had to rethink everything I believed about myself: that I was this lone cowboy who rode into town and solved the hockey problems and then moved on. That I didn’t need people or roots because that was the way to the top.

“Jackie, I knew how much crap you’d been through already. I wasn’t going to ask you to come back until I was certain I could be the man that you needed. Someone you could rely on. Not just for a few months, but for real.”

I waited, not moving and barely breathing.

“Maybe it’s presumptuous of me to think that you would still want to get back together. But we were good together. We had something very special. You knew that before I did.”

“It’s not the same anymore,” I told him. “We can’t go right back to where we were.”

In the reflection of the window, I saw his eyes widen and his hand rise towards my shoulder and then fall back. “I can’t apologize enough for hurting you, but you should know that I’ve replayed that night a thousand times in my head. How hurt you looked. How helpless I felt because I couldn’t help the one person who had done so much for me. How dark my world became once you were gone.”

He bent his head down, and I could feel the heat of his breath on the back of my neck. That sensation brought back the sensory memory of our intimate time together. I shivered.

Leo’s voice was hesitant, faltering, so unlike his usual confidence. “I knew the risks from the moment we met. I could tell that you were vulnerable. I knew we shouldn’t go out…” His voice faltered completely into a silence that was filled with tension. “But you pushed your way into my life. I couldn’t resist your sweetness… your generosity. It’s what you do, Jackie, you open up your heart and give yourself to everyone. You’re like a fire that everyone wants to warm themselves around. Even someone as cold as me.”

Finally his hand lay upon my shoulder, but his touch was so light. Like I was as delicate as dandelion fluff.

“Please, Jackie. I’ve always been honest with you. So I waited until I could promise you what you want. Love… and maybe a future?”

He sounded so uncertain, but I heard the truth in his voice. He loved Charlotte unconditionally, and now he was offering his love to me. He couldn’t promise not to hurt me again—no one could predict the future. All we could ask for was a chance. I whirled around to face him.

“That is a completely half-assed way to say the words I’ve been waiting to hear.” I smiled, and Leo’s solemn expression fell away. His eyes crinkled at the corners, and his mouth spread into a huge grin. He put his hands on my shoulders firmly and pulled me closer to him. I felt the strength of his solid body against mine. All my resistance melted away.

“I love you, Jackie.”

To hear Leo say these words in a voice filled with tenderness made my heart soar.

“I love you too.”