Jackie

I got in the van and put my head on the steering wheel. What the hell was I thinking? Well, it was pretty clear I wasn’t thinking at all. Or my lady parts had taken over my brain parts. Before I started up the van, I checked my phone. Ten messages from Sharon.

Shoot. I was supposed to drop by her place after I finished up here. In my lust-daze, I had completely forgotten. I called Sharon. “So sorry, I got tied up. Is it too late to drop over?”

“You know I’m a night owl. But I was worried about you. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I ended up having dinner with Leo and forgot I was seeing you.”

“Who’s Leo?”

“Umm, Leo is Coach Jerk-head.”

“Oooh,” she cooed. “You’re on a first name basis now?”

“Yeah. That’s what I need to talk to you about. See you in fifteen minutes.”

I released the parking brake and eased out from the curb. Was there any chance that Leo was watching me now? Then he’d know exactly what I was: a sexless hockey mom. V-A-N spelled out woman used to hauling large numbers of kids and groceries, not woman used to hauling high heels, lingerie, or sex toys. Maybe you didn’t even need to shop for those things. Maybe if you were a femme fatale, your many lovers brought you sexy gifts and laid them at your stilettoed feet—like Minx brought her ratty mouse to me every day.

Blergh. He probably drove a sports car or something.

Even thinking about Leo was making me breathe faster. He was so incredibly hot. Not only that body, but also his take-charge manner. Why did that caveman thing turn me on?

I parked in front of Sharon’s house. Like the shoemaker’s children, her place was always in the midst of some renovation. Right now the front steps were missing, so I climbed up the cement blocks that were a substitute. I knocked and walked right in.

“It’s me. Not a burglar or anything. Shouldn’t you be locking the door?” Sharon was in the living room with her feet up and a glass of wine beside her.

“You think whenever you leave the safety of West Van, you’re entering a war zone.” She shook her head. “Soooo, what the fuck’s up with this coach?”

“Oh God. I went to his place to finish up the kitchen and hang the curtains in the little girl’s room. I thought he was on a road trip, but it turns out that’s next weekend—”

“Get to the good stuff.” Sharon handed me my own glass of wine and then relaxed against the cushions.

“He walked into the kitchen while I was there and scared me.”

Sharon frowned. “Is that it?”

“No, he had just taken a shower, and he was only wearing a towel. He has this amazing body, with muscles here and here.” I motioned to my chest and arms. “And there were little beads of water on his skin. He looked so hot.”

I paused and closed my eyes, remembering everything about how he looked. “He’s good-looking too. Not in a conventional way, but he has these sharp angles in his face. His cheekbones, his eyebrows, his mouth... everything.”

“So far you’re only giving me an inventory of facial parts.”

“Oh, sorry.” I snapped out of my daze. “I saw his business too!”

“His business? For fuck’s sake, Jackie, how old are you? You mean his penis, right?”

I nodded vigourously. “Through the towel. It was um, impressive. And you know what? My mouth actually fell open, and he laughed at me and said something suggestive.”

“Seeing that he was half-naked and you were drooling, I’m surprised that nothing happened. Nothing happened, did it?”

“No.” My lower lip turned down. “Not tonight anyway. He asked me out.”

“Fuck, yes! You’re finally going on a date. It’s about time.”

“I’ve been on dates,” I protested.

“Yes, innocent, polite little coffee dates. Not evening dates with the possibility of sex.”

I swallowed hard. Could a date with Leo end up in sex? I was willing to make whatever ritual sacrifices were necessary to make this happen. “He’s the first man I’ve been attracted to since Brent. And it’s huge.”

“Are we talking about his dick again?”

“No! I mean the way I’m attracted to him. It’s almost overwhelming. I hardly know him, and I wanted to have sex with him, right there in the kitchen.”

“Mmmm, I am so happy to hear you say this. You’ve been strangely asexual for months.”

I shook my head. “What’s it like? Having sex with someone new. The last time I took my clothes off with a new person, I had a fabulous twenty-something body. All firm parts and flawless skin.”

“Yeah, but did you know that then? In our twenties we all agonized about tiny food babies or a single zit. Now if I get up and nothing new sags, I’m throwing a fucking party.”

“You’re right. I felt like I was getting more confidence as I got older, until....” Until Brent left. My life these days could be divided into two parts: Before Brent Left and After Brent Left. But when Leo had touched me, it wakened all my buried senses. If he could do that by touching my hands and hair, imagine what his hands on my body could do. But taking off my clothes in front of a stranger was still daunting. Things had changed while I was married. Even naked bodies were different these days.

“Can we talk about shaving?” I asked.

Sharon’s hand flew to her upper lip. “Fuck. Am I turning into my Nonna? Why didn’t you tell me before?”

I giggled. “Not you. I mean me. Do guys expect women to have full Brazilians these days? I’ve never done that stuff.” I trimmed because otherwise Brent complained about going down on me. But that hadn’t been necessary lately.

“You’re in luck. I heard that the bush is back.” She had a big sip of her wine. “You know that guys shave now too, right?”

I winced. Hairless made me think of Greek statues, not real men. “I heard about that, but I thought it was only young guys.”

She nodded. “Yeah, most guys our age won’t go near their balls with a razor. However, if it makes their dicks look bigger, sometimes they’ll take the risk.”

“In fairness, women go through a lot of pain to make themselves look good. Still, why bother? Once I’m naked with a man, it’s not like I’m going to change my mind because of some optical illusion that his penis is larger.”

Sharon giggled. “Have you not learned that when it comes to penises, guys don’t do a ton of logical thinking?”

I tried to imagine Leo naked. It wasn’t hard since I had already seen him half-naked. Would he be shaved? His chest was smooth, firm, and muscular. What would it feel like to run my hand over those muscles? Lick off those tiny droplets of water and then suck on his little—

Sharon interrupted my fantasies. “Jackie, you’re mouth-breathing. This guy’s got you horny as fuck.”

“Unnngh. Leo’s body is so incredible. Brent in his prime was not built like that.”

“When are you going out?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Fuck, yeah. You two don’t waste any time.”

I laughed. “I don’t have time to waste. There are only a few days I don’t have kids.”

“It is possible to get babysitters you know.”

I sipped my wine. It had been a while since I’d needed a babysitter. I could ask my parents, but that was a two-hour drive. Post-divorce dating was going to take a lot of planning.

“So he’s hot? Did he used to play hockey?” Sharon picked up her phone. “Let’s find out. What’s his last name?”

“Gauthier.” I spelled it out in case I wasn’t pronouncing it right. “He’s French-Canadian. He has this tiny accent when he says TH words. It’s hot.”

“Oh my God. You’re worse than Kayla. She’s got a crush on a guy named Ivan, and that’s all I’ve been hearing about. Ivan does this and that, and it’s so hot.”

“At least she tells you. Hannah never tells me if she has a crush on anyone.”

“Leo Gauthier. He’s a cutie pie. You have good taste, Jackie.” She scrolled on. “Hmmm, he’s a big deal coaching prospect apparently. Smart too, for a hockey guy. He’s got a Masters degree in psychology. And... oh, no fucking way! He’s 35 years old.”

My eyebrows shot up. No wonder his body looked so good—he was still young and full of testosterone and collagen. “Well, that’s it. I can’t go out with someone who’s seven years younger than me.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not a cougar. Besides, it’s too weird, I could have been his—” I paused. Biologically, I couldn’t have been his mother. “—uh, babysitter.”

“Young guys always get crushes on their babysitters.” Sharon was a master of plausible yet unprovable statements like this. “But for you to be this nervous and excited, you must feel like there’s a chance something real could happen.”

I nodded. “I know that it’s been years and years since I dated, but there’s this vibe between us. It’s intense. Unless he’s like that with all women.”

I rubbed the palm of my hand in exactly the same place he had touched me. “Maybe it’s silly, but I’ve already spent so much time in his apartment, trying to figure out what he likes. So I felt like I knew him already. But he certainly wasn’t anything like I’d imagined he’d be like.”

“So, are you going to cancel the date because he’s younger than you thought?”

We locked eyes and laughed simultaneously. There was no way I wasn’t going out with Leo.