Chapter 14 - Carter

I watched Vivian leave with shock on my face. I picked up my phone and read the message she had seen. I should have told Shane that this wasn’t a bet anymore. I should have told him that it was real to me and to back the fuck off.

But I hadn’t and now Vivian was rushing away from me in tears. I walked to my desk and sat down, taking a few slow breaths. I messaged Shane back, telling him that the bet was off. That it didn’t matter any longer.

I dropped the phone and rested my head in my hands as I felt the stress rush into my stomach. Fuck. I did this to her and it was all on me.

I left for lunch and told some of my managers that I was going home early. I knew that I wasn’t going to get any work done today. I went to my apartment and called my parents to ask for advice, though I didn’t go into detail about the woman that I was referring to or the reason she had left. I just asked them how to fix a big screw up, causing Mom to squeal with joy at the idea of me settling down. Dad had to take over the advice part of the situation.

“Do you care for her, Carter?” he asked me and I knew that I did. I was falling back in love with her at a surprising rate.

“Yes, I do,” I said.

“Then you need to prove it to her. I don’t know what happened but think about what matters the most for her. Buy some flowers and be ready to admit your wrongs. Be honest. There’s no point in trying to fix things if you’re not open with her.”

“I know, Dad. I just…hurt her,” I said, regret filling my voice. I felt like shit. “I’ve never cared about hurting a woman before.”

“We all have to learn sometime. I messed up pretty badly with your mother in the beginning and she’s still with me, even though I had a few repeats,” he assured me. I hoped to hell that he was right. “If it’s right for her, she’ll forgive you.”

I sat back on my couch. I couldn’t get her out of my fucking mind. Fucking Shane with his fucking timing. I thought for a moment before sending Vivian a text. I didn’t expect her to get back to me. She was hurt and angry when she walked out on me and I didn’t doubt that she’d ask for a transfer. Vivian wouldn’t be the type to give up her job over this, not with a son to raise.

I got myself a beer from the fridge and dropped back on the couch, losing myself in thoughts of Vivian, of our trip to LA, of our high school memories. I stood and walked to my bookshelf, searching for a photo album that I’d brought with me to New York. I found it on the top shelf and pulled it down. I sat back down and opened the thick cover that dated back to baby pictures of me. I thought that there might be some of Vivian as well since my mother was through with this kind of thing.

I glanced at the early memories of holidays and childhood as I smiled softly. I had a great life growing up and I was so eager to rush through it and live my dream. Where the hell did that get me right here in this moment?

I kept flipping through, looking at pages and pages of family photos. I lost both sets of grandparents fairly early and while I had memories of them, it was good to see their photos as well. I gazed at my paternal grandparents and smiled before focusing on my mom’s parents. I had always adored them and I looked at them for a long moment before frowning and staring at Grandma. Her eyes popped out at me.

They were green, like Vivian’s son’s eyes.

I froze for a moment. Holy fuck. I went back to pictures of me as a kid and noted the similarities before continuing to the photos of my high school period.

There were several with Vivian and I realized that her son bore a strong resemblance to both of us. I kept looking for the proof that was already in my mind. I started calculating.

I leaned back and closed my eyes. Why had she never told me? My parents didn’t know that they had a grandchild. If all this was true, I had lost five years of my son. I missed first words and steps. I hated her for not telling me but then I remembered how I’d just left. All I was interested in back then was making it big in the city. As much as I had cared for Vivian, she was easy to leave at the time. Maybe I made it easy for her to hide that I had a son. Still, I had missed out on his life.

I ordered takeout, not feeling like going to a restaurant to eat. All I could think about was Vivian and her son. I tried to watch a game when my phone lit up beside me. I glanced at it to see Shane calling. I just let it ring. I didn’t want to deal with him right now, if ever. He was the one who ruined what we were becoming, even if he didn’t know. I should have been honest with her from the start. Just like Dad said.

I needed to win her back. I needed to change my ways. I needed to prove to her that I was a good man. If he was my son, I wanted to give him everything that I could and be a part of his life. Even if Vivian didn’t want me back, he needed a father in his life. She needed help. It had to be difficult to raise a child on her own.

It all clicked into place now, why she was so worried about us getting involved. She was scared that she might lose her job and that I would find out about her secret. All of it made sense now.

I fell asleep on the couch after finishing my third beer. I dreamed that I was with Vivian through the pregnancy and living in Vermont. Our families were close and all involved in our lives. Vivian was happy and beautiful as she grew bigger with my son.

We got married just after he was born. I saw the birth in my dream and the tears that ran down her cheeks as the strongest love that I’d ever felt hit me like a freight train. I saw everything that I missed and woke up with a start as I looked out of the window to see the sky lightening.

I knew that I couldn’t sleep anymore and dressed for a run. I ran a few miles more than usual and hit the gym for an hour once I was done, all the while thinking about today. I didn’t know if Vivian was planning to come to her office today at all with her abrupt exit yesterday but she had to come into the building to see HR about the transfer. She wouldn’t just quit when she had a son to raise.

I dressed in one of my best suits before going in a little earlier than normal. I sent an email to Pam in HR to alert me immediately if Vivian showed up there and warmed up my computer as I walked to make some coffee. I wanted to make Vivian coffee and just see her today. I wanted to turn back time and make everything all right again. She deserved my honesty the same way that I did hers.