Chapter Six
When Heidi woke up the next morning, she knew exactly where she was. She could smell Declan around her. She was in his room, on his bed. Her hand instinctively reached out for him, but he wasn’t there. The bed on his side was still warm, so he must have got up only a short while ago. The curtains were still pulled and the room was dark, and memories of the previous night came flooding in.
It was an experience that would last her a lifetime. She was simultaneously both glad she hadn’t picked someone else and at the same time worried that her inexperience had made her not good enough in bed. She wondered what he had thought of her. She had seen glimpses of anger in his eyes, as if he was being forced to have sex with her, as if he didn’t want to and wanted to stop, but couldn’t. He had been gentle and rough, dominant and tender…and she could still feel him inside her.
Heidi pressed her legs together and she throbbed. She wasn’t going to forget the previous night easily, especially since she was going to spend more nights in bed with Declan. What would they be like? Did she want to do it again? Had this changed their friendly open relationship? What relationship? They barely knew each other.
Heidi sat up in bed, forcing her limbs to move, and then the door opened. Maud entered with a tray of breakfast and the room filled with the smell of eggs and sausages.
“Here you go, miss. Mr. Declan is downstairs in his study,” Maud said, forcing a smile onto her disapproving face as she lay the tray of food next to Heidi on the bedside table.
“Thank you, Maud,” Heidi said, rubbing her eyes. She was sure Maud and everybody else in the house must have heard them last night.
“Have a good day, miss,” Maud said, with a slight nod of her head, and then she was gone, leaving Heidi alone with her thoughts again.
She stared at the food and realized she wasn’t hungry. What was Declan doing in his study already? Working? Did he always get up this early? Or, like her, had he not been able to sleep well the previous night?
Heidi ran her fingers through her hair. She remembered their legs touching in the night, him turning towards her and placing a lazy arm on her body, and then slowly pulling it away when he awoke. Did he detest her now? Was she just another one of his brash one-night stands?
Heidi picked up a piece of toast and chewed on it, then stuffed some scrambled eggs forcibly into her mouth. The orange juice she gulped down. Eventually, she managed to get out bed, and realized she had nothing fresh to wear.
She looked around the room and eventually opened the closet that Declan had brought out the T-shirt from last night. A whole stack of them lay there, neatly arranged, and she picked out another one.
She found her jeans from the previous night in the bathroom and tucked the oversized T-shirt in before zipping them up.
She washed her face and her mouth, then tied up her hair in a thick ponytail and left the room.
The house was buzzing. She could hear a washing machine churning in the background somewhere and a vacuum cleaner in the living room. A young girl appeared from there as Heidi descended the stairs, and they exchanged smiles.
“Hi. Where’s Declan’s study?” Heidi asked her, stopping her in her tracks. The girl gave her a wry, knowing smile and then showed her the way. Heidi tried to give her a confident nod as the girl stared at Declan’s t-shirt.
Heidi found the study easily enough, and she waited outside the door for a few seconds, trying to prepare herself. She could hear the strum of a guitar from inside. When she knocked, the music stopped, and then his voice came through, telling her to “come in.” Just his voice was enough to stop her heart. She was more nervous about being around him than she had been the previous evening when they had first met. She’d lost her courage now. What did he actually want?
She walked in, pasting a cheery smile onto her face, and found him sitting on the floor. He was on the carpet with a guitar in his hands and a notebook in front of him.
“Morning,” she said and stood looking down at him, her arms crossed behind her.
“Hi,” Declan said, looking up at her. He looked different from the previous evening. He’d showered and changed into casual clothes, and his blonde hair was still damp. He pushed the strands away from his face as he looked up at her, unsmiling.
“I took the liberty of putting on another one of your t-shirts. I still don’t have my clothes,” Heidi said, and he nodded.
“Sure. Help yourself. I’ll send Stuart to your apartment today. You can go with him, if you want,” he replied, pressing his fingers down on a chord. He was giving her the impression that he didn’t want her there for long, that she was troubling him with her presence.
“That’d be great. Listen, Declan…” Heidi was forming the sentences slowly. She was looking around her for some help. This needed to be sorted out before it spiraled out of control. Declan stopped fidgeting with the guitar and looked up at her, a blank expression on his face. He didn’t look like he wanted to talk about it. This wasn’t the Declan she had been introduced to the previous night. He wasn’t good-humored, funny or easy-going this morning. Something had changed in him. “I just thought we should clear the air,” Heidi said, frowning, a little upset that he wasn’t really helping her out or making it any easier for her to talk about such a sticky subject.
“You have nothing to worry about. It won’t happen again,” he said and looked back at his guitar. Heidi let out a sigh, pursing her lips together. That was it?
“Alright. But…” she started to say, but he interrupted her.
“Look, I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t want to blame the alcohol, but it definitely played a role,” he said. Heidi took a few steps towards him.
“It’s not like you forced me,” she said, surprised by her tone of voice. She sounded like she was trying to convince him that it shouldn’t end. That she wanted more.
“I know. But I shouldn’t have fucked my best friend’s sister. That’s just wrong. And David trusts me. He might pretend like he doesn’t, but he trusts me to not do something like this.” He was glaring at her. That same look of anger from the previous night had returned to his eyes. Heidi bit down on her lip. So this was what it was. He was upset that he had betrayed David.
“I’m my own person, Declan. I’m an adult human being, capable of making my own choices,” she said, placing her hands on her hips.
“Yes. But you’re still David’s sister. This won’t happen again. Besides, this is business. We have to live together for some time.” Declan was looking up at her with sullen eyes. It was hard for Heidi to tell what exactly he was thinking. He was angry, sad and upset all at the same time. It was not the best reaction to see in a man who had just taken your virginity!
“Fine. Yes, you’re right. Can we just be friends again, at least?” she asked him, and Declan raised an eyebrow.
“Of course. I like you. Any other girl, this would have been way too awkward,” he said, a sudden childish glimmer returning to his eyes. Heidi felt a wave of relief wash over her face. She had been hoping to see him smile again. Declan smiled then, the dimples on his cheeks reappearing as he played a chord on his guitar.
“I agree. Big relief,” she said and faked wiping the sweat off her forehead. Declan laughed.
“Okay, good. I need some feedback. I’m trying to settle on a tune. Here, listen,” he said and started strumming his guitar. Heidi couldn’t help the smile spreading over her face. He was himself again. She listened to him playing the tune and was nodding her head excitedly just as the door of the study flew open.
“Morning!” David announced, walking in with a spring in his step.
“Hello, hello,” Declan greeted him, ending his tune with a flourish.
“Is that the new one?” David asked, sitting down on one of the couches.
“Yep. Heidi likes it.” Declan started to get up off the floor.
“Speaking of which, how was your first night together?” David turned to his sister and Heidi could feel her ears going red and beginning to burn. She blushed and looked away from him, towards Declan, for support.
“It was good. We can do this, can’t we?” Declan came over and patted her on her shoulder like an old chum. Heidi felt her stomach churn. She was delighted by the touch, but the nature of the touch angered her. Just hours ago, he had been pumping into her, and now he was slapping her back like an old friend.
“So, nothing to report?” David asked, and Heidi turned to him, trying to smile.
“Nope. We just went to sleep and I woke up with breakfast in bed,” Heidi said.
“Glad to hear you’re being looked after. I can’t imagine that Maud is too happy.” David’s voice dropped as if Maud was in the room with them. Declan laughed, as did Heidi. She knew what he was talking about. She had sensed the hostility from the moment she had stepped into the house.
“I think Heidi will be able to handle her. They might become great pals eventually,” Declan said. He walked away from her to the back of the room, where a large collection of vinyl were stacked in wall cabinets.
“So how should we spend the day today?” David asked, watching Declan moving around the room. Heidi had planted herself on the edge of a desk, her legs dangling off it. She was watching Declan move around the room too, yearning to feel his touch on her skin again.
“A makeover for Heidi?” Declan said, whipping around to look at the two of them. David exchanged looks with Heidi. She could start to feel fear creeping up. She hadn’t intended on this fake relationship with Declan leaving any permanent marks on her lifestyle.
“Sounds good,” David said, and Heidi rolled her eyes.
“Nothing too extreme, boys,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Declan and David laughed.
“No, I’m serious. What makes you experts in women’s fashion, anyway? Maybe I should be allowed to control this makeover,” she said, looking from one to the other. She was absolutely serious, even if they weren’t taking her seriously.
“We might not be experts, but we’ll do a better job than you, sis,” David said, and Declan came over to exchange a high-five with him.
“How dare you?!” Heidi screeched and jumped off the table. She lunged towards her brother to wrestle with him, until Declan came and broke them up.
“Like kids,” Declan said, holding them both apart. Heidi and David were laughing. For a few minutes, she had managed to forget the growing exasperations of her life.
“You know I’m only kidding, sis. You’re good at baking, I’m good at creating public personalities. We both have our strengths,” David said, pulling his sister close to him. Heidi smiled and nestled into her brother’s arms. He didn’t know it, but she definitely needed a hug. What she wanted was to be in Declan’s arms, but he only stood by watching the siblings with a pleased smile on his face.
Heidi caught his gaze and his smile slowly dropped, and then he looked away from her. He didn’t want to be reminded.