Chapter Eight
I returned to California a different person. Dad and I talked over dinner, and he apologized for being so cold since Mom died. He just didn’t know how to handle it apart from working as much as possible. He assured me that he wanted me to live my life and even admitted to dating a woman in the city. I told him that I was happy for him and gave him a tight hug before I boarded the plane.
I missed Nathan more than I ever imagined I would. I knew that he was coming to see me and we talked every few days as well as sent a lot of texts. The conversations were casual, but I think we both felt what was bubbling underneath the surface.
When he was at my door a few weeks later, I hugged him and pulled him into my apartment. His lips were crashing against mine as he pressed me against the wall and released the apparent desire in both of us. I took him to my bed, inviting him into my life as my heart broke into a million pieces at the idea of him leaving.
We had a great week together before we returned to our long distance relationship. I’d nearly told Nathan that I loved him before he left but held it back. I wasn’t ready to face that yet.
Life had a different plan for me. I started feeling sick a couple of months later, thinking at first that it was just the flu. After some time passed, I thought back to a few of the times when I’d been careless with Nathan in the heat of our passion. I took a test once I couldn’t stand the mystery anymore and cried brokenly on my bathroom floor when I realized that I was pregnant.
I admittedly pulled away from Nathan after that, actually from everyone back in New York. I had to sort through what was happening and decide what to do, though abortion and adoption weren’t options for me. I loved this baby, this little piece of Nathan and me. I just wasn’t sure how to tell him.
One Saturday morning Nathan came knocking at my door and I burst into tears all over again. He took me into his arms, and even though I wanted to send him away, some powerful hormones came with this pregnancy, so I dragged him into bed instead. I fucked him as many times as I could stand it before I was exhausted and he watched me as I snuggled next to him. “What’s wrong with you, Alyssa? Why have you been avoiding me?”
“I…I found out I was pregnant about a month ago. I’ve been lost about it and tried to figure out what to do,” I told him after several moments of silence, burying my face in my pillow.
“Pregnant? With my baby?” Nathan questioned as I groaned out loud and closed my eyes.
“I haven’t been with anyone else,” I shot back as I felt him move close to me, lighting the fire inside of me all over again.
“I know that. I’m sorry.” Nathan apologized, and I raised my head to look at him.
“Have you?” My voice was high, and I stared at him as he gave me an incredulous look.
“Fuck, no. I miss you, Alyssa. Come back to New York. We can make it official and raise this baby.”
“Are you insane? Dad will be pissed, Nathan. You might lose your job and your life there.”
“So what?” He asked as I rolled away from him. “Alyssa, come back. I can work anywhere, here or there.”
“You’re not throwing away your career there for me,” I scoffed as I pulled on a robe and walked into the kitchen.
“I love you, Alyssa. I want all of this with you. I just didn’t know how to say it before.” I looked out of my window and wondered when everything went so wrong, why this happened to us. It was good sex, hot and wild, nothing that needed to turn into shared parenthood.
“I’m tired. I can’t deal with this,” I told him as I went back to bed and pulled the blankets over my head.
I shut down, and he went home angry and resentful at my attitude. I didn’t know what I was doing as I worked through my days and cried myself to sleep. I missed him so much, but it seemed hopeless in my mind.
I noticed that the phone calls stopped and the texts just didn’t come through as I kept being silent. I was scared that I’d lost Nathan, but maybe that was best. I had a good job, and I could raise this baby myself.
I was checking the mail and found an envelope that was marked with Nathan’s return address. I carried it to my place and sat down to open it, finding a plane ticket for the following weekend. I grabbed my phone.
Me: What the hell is this?
Nathan: I want you to come here so we can figure this the fuck out. I am going to talk to your dad and tell him everything, Alyssa. I love you, and I hate that I’m missing everything about this pregnancy.
Me: Are you insane? I wasn’t going to tell him that it’s yours.
Nathan: I want the world to know that this baby is mine. I’m sick of hiding this. Get your ass back here on that flight and face your life. I've had enough of this.
I smiled and started to cry.
Me: Okay. Know something? I love you too.
I was scared to death the entire flight as my stomach twisted and turned inside. Nathan picked me up at the airport and drove me to his house, announcing that we were having dinner with my father the following night. I still tried to argue the idea, but he shut me up with a kiss, something that I needed.
It felt good to have him bare inside of me. It was not necessary now, and I rode him that night hard and deep as I gave into the orgasm that I desperately needed. We stayed in bed until we needed to get ready for dinner, and I slipped on some leggings and a long t-shirt as I pulled my hair back.
Dad looked shocked when I showed up with Nathan. He stared at us as we sat down at the table and his face turned beet red as Nathan told him what was going on. “She’s my daughter. How dare you think that this is okay.” Dad growled as I jumped in my seat and felt Nathan take my hand.
“I wouldn’t have chosen this for her, but it happened. I love her, and we’re going to have a family. I’ll do right by her, Brad.” Nathan told him as Dad threw down his napkin, stomped out of our dining room and slammed a door in the house.
“That went well,” I muttered as Nathan stroked my hair.
“Give him time,” Nathan murmured before he led me out of the house, getting Thai food on the way back to his house.
Dad wasn’t there when we found out the baby was a boy, at a doctor’s office in New York. I’d agreed to move back in the week that I was visiting. Nathan insisted that I take it easy and we stayed in the house after I’d sorted everything out in California. I knew that I wanted to work eventually, but I let him have his way for now.
He had proposed a week before the baby was due, in front of the fireplace. I was heavy and full of our son and cried buckets as I sobbed that I would marry him. We’d worked through a lot in the few months that I’d been back and I suspected that Dad was coming around. Nathan worked it out enough to stay at the firm, and he even agreed that Dad was warming up to the idea of us.