Running up the stairs, he swung around into the studio to see the vision of her naked back and ass as she stood in front of The Quag. Well so much for his hope that this might get intimately interesting.
Heading over, he waited for her to give him a critique of the work he’d done that morning and he hoped to God that she liked it because it had felt weird to work without her guiding hands nearby. He’d been so unsure of what he’d done without her that he’d turned the piece to the wall. Apparently, she didn’t want it there at the edge of the room because she’d moved it back to where it had been.
Taking a place beside her, Beck couldn’t let himself look at her body or he’d touch her and if he did that when she wanted to work, she’d get annoyed. The longer she stood there saying nothing, the more nervous he got.
Ok, well this was only going to go one way.
Unfastening his jeans, he bent to pull them down.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Getting changed. You want to work, right?” he asked. “I screwed it up.” When he stood up, he noticed the tears in her eyes and immediately panicked and grabbed her face. “Muse? What the fuck, I’m sorry, I—”
“It’s beautiful,” she sighed out and grabbed his neck to leap up and kiss him. “Take me to bed, Beck.”
Bed. Yep. He could take her to bed. But he couldn’t… take her… to bed. Carrying her to the mattress, he lowered her onto her back, keeping his mouth locked over hers and his hands roaming her skin. How could he be so in love with this incredible woman who wanted him too and still be forcing himself to hold back?
“Beck,” she whispered, driving her hands under his tee-shirt to pull it off. “You didn’t want me in his apartment.”
Beck didn’t know if it was a question or a statement, but he lifted his weight onto his hands and straightened his arms. “You’re thinking about Pascal,” he said, struggling to stop panting. “Now?”
“I’m thinking about you,” she said, running her hands up and down his torso. “It was almost… jealousy or… possessiveness… I don’t know…” She stopped watching her hands to look at him. “I liked it, Beck… Why does everything you do make me hot?”
That question had a very simple answer that he didn’t mind sharing as he brushed a finger down her jaw. “You’re my muse.”
Her hand was slow as it moved to his neck and guided his mouth down to hers. Whatever she wanted to say, everything was in that kiss. This wasn’t any more casual for her than it was for him. But that didn’t mean they could confess all and make it real.
She was pregnant with his child. A child she hadn’t coveted. He wanted the baby, she didn’t. He didn’t want a wife and she didn’t want a readymade family.
Circumstances were going to keep them apart. But they could still love each other now.
Sinking into another kiss, Beck was thinking about how incredible her mouth was. The wet heat made him consider the next piece they’d work on together; he was going to design it around this kiss.
Jaycee scratched her nails down his belly and he felt the movement of her hips as she parted her legs wider and raised her knees. It wasn’t unusual for her hands to find their way inside his underwear and he was enjoying the motion of her hands tugging on him when she wriggled down a little and he felt the wet kiss of her pussy on the head of his dick.
He pushed onto his hands again. Shock might be gripping him, but she was so hopeful looking at him with those wet eyes and her teeth in her lip, all hungry, seductive innocence. He groaned. “Muse, don’t ask me, please,” he murmured, combing his fingers into her long bangs.
Damn, she was right there, ready for him, asking him with her eyes if not with her mouth. She wanted him inside her and she’d lined up their bodies perfectly. All he had to do was thrust his way home. One push, that would be it, he’d be inside her and they’d be linked.
Compromise.
Damn compromise.
All he had to do was ask her not to ask and his tender tone was enough to make her give up. Jaycee let him go and sank down into the mattress; her whole body went limp. She’d lost hope for tonight, but he hoped not forever.
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Muse,” he said and lowered to kiss her, but she turned her head and he got her cheek.
“I want to get up now,” she said, and he was forced to drop onto his side to let her leap from the bed and storm into the bathroom.
She slammed the door hard. Yeah, he was frustrated too, but there wasn’t a lock on that door, so if she wanted to keep him out then she was out of luck.
He was still lying there on his side, with his head on his hand when he heard the water go on. Windows into the bathroom sounded like a perfect idea to him right now, he just wished he’d installed them already so he could watch his woman fizz.
Beck stood and put his dick away before grabbing his clothes to get dressed again. One of them would have to broach the subject of what this was and what they were going to do about it. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew she’d been avoiding putting labels on what they were to each other, just like he had.
He’d have to think about what he wanted before he spoke to her about it. If she wanted to create a family, did he? That could get messy. The idea of a surrogate was to have a child that would be a hundred percent secure and be raised in a loving environment.
If him and Jaycee were great, that would be great, twice the love. But she was emotional, and flew off the handle meaning he regularly had to rein her in. And he wasn’t innocent, he had a habit of getting grumpy and sulking when she upset him. That wouldn’t be a great environment for a kid, and as long as they were focused on each other, they weren’t focused on junior.
Beck was supposed to be a father who’s only priority was his child. If he had a wife, a Jaycee wife, he’d be distracted. They were so full-on, it might burn out. If that happened when she was pregnant, ok, fine. But if they lasted a few years, the kid might have to see them grow to hate each other and again, that wasn’t the goddamn point. The point was unconditional love.
Jaycee didn’t want a child either. She’d never claimed to want one, not that she’d claimed to want marriage. But she had referenced a Mr. Right, if she was looking for one of them, he wasn’t it. Beck had been with dozens of women, most of whom liked the mysterious thing he had going on. They thought it was alluring, when really it was a necessity. He had to go to their apartments, had to keep relationships casual, because there were just too many tells around here.
Why the hell had Jaycee been different? And she had been, since day one of this journey, since before then.
He’d noticed her at AD.
A lot of men did.
She was beautiful and had the voice of an angel that could tease and seduce any man. Pete had been a fan of hers too and often spoke about her when they were all hanging out. But Beck had never considered himself the type to be in a “relationship”, not for years.
When he was younger, sure, he thought he’d find someone, then he learned women were a bore. Not that it was their fault, it was just what he figured. Like he’d said to Jaycee, sex was great, but everything else seemed superfluous.
So he got over the idea that he’d ever have a healthy intimate relationship with anyone and had been fine with that because he liked his own company and being selfish with his time.
When he’d noticed Jaycee, he figured his interest was a typical attraction, which he wasn’t immune to, and shrugged it off.
He hadn’t given it that much more thought until Pete brought up her name when they were talking about kids. As soon as he heard it, Beck had jumped at the idea that she could be his surrogate. She sounded perfect. Except he hadn’t known her, not the truth of her.
Yet somehow… he had.
If he hadn’t, why had he brought her up here so quickly?
She slept in here every night now. A woman. In his studio. Watching him work? Working with him? Anyone watching him work? It was unbelievable. But with Jaycee it was… natural.
He hadn’t thought about it, he’d acted on instinct and now not only did he expect to have her around his work and in his bed, he wanted her there.
No one else had even seen what she dubbed The Quag, and yet she was now as much a part of its creation as he was.
“Beck?”
Spinning around, he saw her standing inside the bathroom peeking through the narrow gap of the open door. “Muse?” he asked.
Crooking a finger through the gap, she beckoned him over. When he got to the door, she rested her hand over his heart. “I’m sorry, Maestro,” she whispered and scratched her nail on his sternum through his tee-shirt.
“It’s not that I don’t want to.”
“I know,” she said, lifting her eyes to his.
“Let me kiss you.” When she shook her head, he felt a rush of petulance much like Jaycee probably experienced when he limited her access to his work. “Why not?
“ ‘Cause if you kiss me I’m going to invite you into the tub and the guys are downstairs.”
Thank God for that. She wasn’t refusing him, or putting up barriers, she just didn’t want to start something they couldn’t finish. “Remind me never to invite them over again.”
“You should’ve told me about Pete,” she said and when her nail scratched higher, he caught her hand and pressed it against his lips.
“No more secrets,” he said, but as soon as he did, he wished he hadn’t. He was keeping a secret—his love for her.
“Beck,” she said, casting her eyes beyond him.
He turned, half expecting to see one of the guys in the room, but they were alone. “What?”
“It’s so beautiful.”
“Because of you,” he muttered.
If she hadn’t called him out when she had, it would’ve ended up in the unfinished pile with a bunch of other stuff.
“Because of us,” she said, and opened her hand on his jaw. “Go have fun with your friends.”
“We’re good?” he asked, and she nodded. “Come downstairs when you’re done.”
“Is that ok?”
She really seemed surprised and it was laughable. He’d invited her into his bed, just been thinking about how shocking it was that she was in his studio and she thought it was outrageous that she might be allowed to hang out with him and his friends.
“If you’re not at my side in an hour I’m coming up here to find you.”
“That might be fun,” she pouted, making him laugh again.
“Though if I have to come up here to chase you down, I might spill some paint stripper on The Quag by accident.”
She shot to full height and her expression got so mad that he panicked, especially when she hit his chest. “Take your hands off me!”
“Muse, I’m kidding, please don’t be upset.”
“That’s not funny, Beck!” she said. Surprised by the strength of her reaction, he felt an urge to laugh. “I don’t think that’s even a little bit funny… Are you trying to wreck this tonight, is that it?”
Oh, nope, his urge to laugh fled in a flash. “Hell, Muse,” he said and brushed a finger down her nose because it was the only part he could reach as she tried to pull her arm from his hand. “You love that piece, don’t you?”
“I love all of them. It’s the second piece of art we’ve created together.”
“Second?” he asked. She was in love with The Abyss, but hadn’t been in his life when he created that, so he didn’t know what she was referring to.
“Yes, second,” she said. “Jeez, who are you tonight?” She put her other hand on her belly and began to stroke. “Cover your little ears, my sweet, Daddy’s sorry.”
Gritting her teeth as she glared at him, Jaycee expected an apology, not for her, but for… “You mean the baby,” he said, the words a whisper of incredulity.
“Yes, I mean the baby. He can hear you know. He’s the most beautiful thing you’ll ever create, you know that? I love every piece you’ve ever painted and sculpted but this little guy is the most precious thing you’ll ever produce. Do you understand that, Beck? Do you? This isn’t a flash in the pan; he’s a work of art. One you’ll have to tend every day for decades. You’ll never be able to ship him off and forget about him. He’s going to be your magnum opus and if you forget that for one second, ever, don’t think I’ll hesitate to come back here and throw paint stripper on you.”
Jaycee slid her hand from his grip and the door closed again. Beck couldn’t breathe. She cared about the baby, she cared about their child. She… loved him. And she was protecting him. Yes, she was still referring to leaving the baby with him, but she was acting like… a mother.
Beck had told her to come down the stairs when she was done in the tub. Jaycee didn’t have many clothes up in the studio, so she grabbed one of the shirts Beck had given her to put over her clothes when they were painting and buttoned it over her naked body before descending the stairs.
The men were laughing about something and there was a quiet murmur of music coming from the speakers that were built-in all around the building. The sound system was incredible, Beck didn’t often use it, but she’d become proficient with the control pad in the kitchen that let her pick from thousands of tunes. She could isolate the speakers and adjust the volumes and playlists, all from the tablet or from the app he’d authorized on her phone.
Pete was sitting at the head of the dining table with his back to her. Beck was to Pete’s right, facing into the kitchen while Pine was to Pete’s left, opposite Beck, with the Snick guy beside him.
She was yawning when Beck noticed her rounding the bottom of the stairs and Pine noticed her a few seconds later. Going to Beck, she squeezed his shoulders and let her hands drift down the front of his body so her chest was pressed into his shoulder blades.
Her hands settled over his groin and he welcomed her cheek against his. Relaxing her face to his, Jaycee turned to sing the words of the song that was playing in his ear as he tipped his beer to his lips. When he put the bottle back on the table, Beck picked up one of her hands and kissed her palm before pressing it against his heart.
“Do you get a lot of private shows?” Pete asked, and it took Jaycee a second to realize they were talking about her.
“She sings all the time,” Beck said, taking a handful of popcorn from the bowl further down the table.
Oh, food! Straightening up, she leaned over him to scoop up some popcorn, but he grabbed the bowl and pulled it from her reach. “Beck! Did you just take food away from a pregnant woman?”
“There’s salt in it,” he said. She screwed up her face. “I left some naked stuff in the kitchen.”
His attention to detail would be humbling if she took a minute to think about it. But she was too hungry to focus. Jaycee ran her fingers through his hair and moseyed toward the kitchen. “She doesn’t like salt?”
Jaycee was pulling apple juice out of the fridge when Snick asked his question. Pouring some into a glass, she wondered why Pete hadn’t addressed her directly either. “Did you tell them not to talk to me, Maestro?” she asked, seeking out the bowl of naked popcorn on the kitchen counter. She sniffed it, took out a kernel and licked it to assure herself that she’d found the right stuff.
“I told them not to upset you,” Beck said. “I guess they’re worried that’s an easy thing to do these days.”
Grabbing her juice and her popcorn, she took both to the table, but only put them down at the place next to Beck, she didn’t actually sit down. “I’m not that high maintenance,” she said and although Beck’s brow arched, he kept his attention on his cards and tossed a couple of chips into the pot. Jaycee picked popcorn from her bowl. “Want me to perform for you? I could stand on the table to sing.”
This time he did look at her, but his keen eyes descended to her legs as he slid a hand around to the back of her thigh to skim it up under the shirt she was wearing to cup her bare ass. “No,” he said when he confirmed that she wasn’t wearing underwear and took his hands back to his cards.
“You don’t look pregnant.”
That was Snick, and he made her smile. “Well thank you, sweetie,” she said, tossing more popcorn into her mouth. “But even when I do, you probably shouldn’t tell me that I do.”
“I shouldn’t?” Snick asked and searched the other guys for an explanation.
“Yeah, never tell a woman she looks fat,” Pine said and when she made eye contact with him, he paled. “Not that you do.”
She tangled her fingers in Beck’s hair. “So far, Snick is my favorite of your friends.” Snick smiled. “I’m definitely thickening. You want to feel my belly, Snick?”
But before she could get a step away, Beck took her hand from his hair to twine their fingers. “No, he doesn’t want to feel your belly.”
“You said it was nice that there was a sign he was in there,” she said to Beck, wondering why he wouldn’t want to share his happiness with his friends. Guiding Beck’s hand onto her stomach, Jaycee pressed both her palms over his knuckles.
“Do you feel him kicking?” Pine asked.
She shook her head. “Won’t for ages yet,” Jaycee said. “But Beck says I’m putting on weight. I’m trying to avoid the scales.”
“Yeah, Beck’s feeding you up,” Pete said. “The guys at the club have sure noticed how your tits are poppin’ these days.”
Jaycee took that as a compliment, but she guessed from the way Pete recoiled after Beck’s chin tipped toward him that her roommate didn’t feel the same way. “At least someone’s enjoying them. They’ve been so sore and super sensitive, haven’t they, Beck?” she asked.
Oops, yeah, she probably shouldn’t have said that.
Pete grinned, Pine gaped, and Snick choked on popcorn. “How the hell would he know that?” Pine asked.
Pete nudged Beck. “Something you want to share, buddy?”
“I tell him,” she said, because while that wasn’t exactly what she’d meant, it was true. “I have never told a guy so much about my body as I tell Beck. It’s like the weather report. He gets hourly updates.”
“Nice,” Pete said, but he was laughing again.
“It’s only fair, right?” she asked. “He’s the guy who has to deal with me when I’m sick and emotional.”
Beck took his hand from her stomach and she hoped she hadn’t pissed him off. Moving around to his back, she squeezed his shoulders again to work on massaging his neck and down his arms. “Don’t really figure Beck as the taking care of someone type,” Snick said.
“He’s wonderful,” she said. “Patient… most of the time.” Tugging on the neck of his tee-shirt, she slid her hand beneath it. “Want to take this off, Maestro?”
He shook his head. Usually if she was massaging him, which she often did, he didn’t mind stripping off for her. But it wasn’t typical for her to do her work in front of people. She just hoped that was what was preventing him and not that he was in a sulk.
When her hand opened on his chest, he seized her arm and pulled her hand out of his top. Jaycee worried that he might just toss her away. Instead, he pulled her arm forward, forcing her chest to the back of his head. As she steadied herself with a hand on his other shoulder, he drew a horizontal line across the top of her palm with his fingertip.
She didn’t know what he was doing, but his delicate action transfixed her until she couldn’t even look at the others around the table. Watching him bend her fingers just slightly, he angled her hand one way and his head the other way before he trailed that finger down the center of her hand, across the sensitive inside of her wrist and all the way down her bare forearm.
“Texture,” he muttered and kept caressing her with that fingertip, but he did tip his head slightly toward her. “We can use a thick transparent sealant to create a smooth edge, a frame.”
“An invisible barrier,” she said. “An illusion of…”
“Security,” he said and gripped her wrist to guide her around onto her knees on the floor at the side of his chair. When she was there, he twisted to pin his focus on her. “It’s a false sense of control. The idea that we have the ability to keep the truth of ourselves secure.”
“A moat,” she said, and his eyes grew.
“Yes,” he breathed. “We’ll expand the piece; create an external frame with an empty space around the original. A second piece framing the first… but we leave a foot of distance between the two canvases.”
“A foot?” she asked.
He tilted his head. “More?”
Grinning, she shook her head. “It’s perfect.” Beck drew a fingertip down her jaw. “But do we just use the sealant on—”
“No,” he said, turning his body toward hers and opening his legs around her kneeling form. Relaxing his hands, he began to gesture and that was a true sign of his burning inspiration. “We have to layer the black, just like before, but we’ll use smooth ridges this time, not the same sharp angles.”
“The color should be more intense, more tightly packed on the perimeter piece.”
He closed his hands on her cheeks. “Yes, thick at the edge, so thick that the darkness can’t find its purity.”
“What about the Limitation foe?” she asked.
But he was peering past her, shaking his head. “No, this is an internal battle; our external foe is not the greatest threat.”
“We are the greatest threat to ourselves,” she said. “Oh, Maestro, I love it.”
“You told me it was missing drama,” he said. Her excitement was difficult to contain as he curled a finger under her chin. “You get the tools out and we’ll build the frame tonight.”
“And pin the canvas?” she asked.
“If we have time for…” When she slumped in disappointment, he smiled. “Yes, Muse, ok. I’ll stay up all damn night if I have to.”
Oh, this was immense; she was going to be present from the inception of this add-on, all the way from the beginning. “Thank you,” she said, and pushed her hands onto his thighs.
But before she could get up, he clutched her face again. “Wait. Don’t move,” he said, and his gaze began to dart all over her face, from her hairline to her temple, her cheeks, her eyes, her chin.
She laughed and reached up to put a hand over his eyes. “You won’t have time for that tonight,” she said, knowing exactly what he was thinking. He was trying to commit this moment to his memory so he could sketch it later.
“It’s your hair, the way it shines as it tumbles over your shoulder,” he said. “And the way the light catches your eyes when you’re inspired.”
“When I’m inspired?” she said, dropping her hand because it didn’t matter if she covered his eyes or not, he could still see her even when he was blinded. “Oh, you have no idea what you are.” Pushing herself high on her knees, Jaycee cupped his face and brushed her nose across his. “My Maestro.”
Whispering the words, she resented their audience because she wanted to kiss him so bad right now. But there was work to do.
When Beck angled his mouth like maybe he’d forgotten that they had company, she rose onto her feet away from the temptation of his kiss and turned to sashay toward the stairs.
At the bottom of the staircase, she turned to see he was still staring at her. Oh, God, she was in love with him. There wasn’t a shadow of doubt in her mind. She was in love with the man she’d promised never to love.