Going to Beck’s home was always a little heartbreaking, but Jaycee just couldn’t bring herself not to go to the Infamous Five nights. She’d promised Pete that she would keep supporting Beck with the twins and because she was still feeding and expressing anyway, it made sense to maintain the relationship. Besides, Jaycee couldn’t punish the twins for her and Beck’s inability to control their hormones.

She’d just put Van back into bed and come into the living room to find Pine and Pete engaged in some deep discussion. But it was Beck and Snick in the kitchen who made her more nervous. Whenever those two were alone together, she was always nervous. The guys assumed she and Snick were intimate, Beck had even threatened to talk to Snick about it. So far, he hadn’t done it, according to Snick. But she was worried that Beck could change his mind any minute.

Gossip about her and Snick kept the others from talking about her and Beck, and there were many secrets that had never been revealed about what had happened between them. Beck had backed off, he hadn’t tried to make any move on her or tried to corner her. He’d made no attempt to get her on her own and seemed to understand that she was avoiding that. So, she guessed this was it, the way their relationship was going to be from now on, friends, just like they’d wanted to be since the boys were born.

Perfect.

Snick wasn’t so great dealing with awkward questions or confrontation. So instead of sitting in the living room, Jaycee tried to stay loose as she moved into the kitchen to offer him some support with Beck, who wasn’t an easy man to handle if he decided to make an issue of something.

“He’s getting so much better,” she said, interrupting whatever the duo was talking about as she opened the fridge.

“Van?” Beck asked, moving away from the counter to get out of her way when she opened a top cupboard searching for something to inspire her. “Yeah, he’s going down much easier.”

“They’re almost six months,” she said. “I can’t believe how fast they’ve grown.”

“Who’s up for poker?”

Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Pine and Pete approaching the island to join them. Good, the more the merrier, it would break the potential tension in the kitchen.

Her stomach rumbled. Reaching into the cupboard, she pulled out the only thing that appealed to her appetite and took it to the head of the island to unscrew the jar lid, half-listening to the guys discuss stakes.

She had the glass rim of the jar against her lips and was gulping when Pete stopped talking mid-sentence. Noticing that he was gawping at her, and drawing the attention of the others, Jaycee stopped drinking to take a breath, wondering what had them so stunned.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “What?” she asked, looking at their varying expressions of shock. “What’s wrong?”

Everyone’s attention fell to her hand, or rather, what she was holding. Seeing what she’d just been drinking, Jaycee gasped and thrust the jar at Beck who just happened to be standing closest to her.

“Pickle juice,” Pete said. “You’re drinking pickle juice.”

The last time she’d done that she was… Both hands flew to her mouth; she forgot how to blink and how to breathe in. Beck was the first of all of them to move. He turned toward Snick, Pine and Pete took their lead from him.

“Congratulations.” Beck’s voice was flat. He held out a hand to the shocked Snick.

“I…” Snick looked to her for help.

A protective urge paired with complete terror made her shake her head. This was too much for her to process without having to think about explaining her relationships right now. “Please,” she mouthed, hoping he wouldn’t correct any assumptions.

Snick inhaled. “Thanks,” he said and accepted Beck’s handshake.

Her maestro didn’t look at her, he just turned to stalk out of the kitchen. Pine and Pete came around to congratulate Snick who was gaping at her. With her eyes, she begged him for his silence and didn’t even see Pine coming until he stepped between them.

“Did you know?” he asked her, but Jaycee was sure the shock radiating from her should be enough to give him his answer.

Pregnant. No. She couldn’t be…

Beck.

She couldn’t think about Pine or Pete or even about Snick or the child that may be growing inside of her. Beck was her main worry. Had she disappointed him? Was his heart broken? Jaycee knew what it was to cry over the love she’d never be allowed to embrace. But this, none of them could have anticipated this.

Her maestro was in the living room, facing the TV even though the set wasn’t on. Staring into nothing, he had to be thinking about what this might mean.

He wasn’t the only one.

Obviously, he didn’t have enough distance because he didn’t stay in that spot for long. Striding out of the living room, he disappeared down the hallway.

It would be respectful to give him his space.

But rational thought didn’t lead her into his wake. Jaycee sought him on instinct, and she found him in the boys’ bedroom. “Beck?”

He didn’t turn to face her. “Guess Pine was right about how fertile you are, Muse,” he said and then whispered a laugh. “Guess I should stop calling you that, right? We haven’t worked together for weeks… and now… you’re his.”

This was a new kind of heartbreak. The distance she’d tried to put between them was an illusion if the pain permeating her now was any kind of measure of her true feelings. “His,” she murmured and looked from one crib to the other. “The boys are—”

“We’ll talk about that,” he said. “Later, you know, when you have everything thought out. It probably wouldn’t be right to tell them they have a half-sibling, but, you know, we can talk it out when there’s more time. I know the way it goes… Have you been sick?”

She shook her head, tears slid from her lashes. He wouldn’t even look at her. He didn’t see her shaking her head, so probably assumed she hadn’t responded, and eventually he turned.

With his hands in his pockets and his body rigid, he couldn’t look less like her maestro.

It felt like she’d done something wrong, like she’d slapped him hard. Her heart clenched, and her palms were sweating. She needed him, now more than ever, but she had to beg his forgiveness first, to make him understand. “Beck, I… I had no idea. I promise, I didn’t know.”

“I can tell from the look on your face.”

In the past, he’d never been able to keep his hands off her when she was upset. Now she had tears staining her face and a quake of terror wracking her, but he wasn’t trying to touch or comfort her. Even though he was right there in front of her, he felt so far away.

“I’m scared.”

Her whispered admission made him relax a fraction. “Because of the hemorrhage the last time?” he asked. She nodded again. “The chances of you having twins again are probably quite low, so there will be fewer risk factors… You should go to Nicks. You know him, you trust him.”

“I can’t afford—”

“Snick can,” he said. “He’s a good guy.”

Snick. Right, Snick could.

Damn, was this real? Was she pregnant? Could she really be pregnant? But she was breastfeeding, kind of, most of the time, wasn’t that supposed to be some kind of contraceptive? Goddamnit. This wasn’t… this couldn’t be happening. Jaycee didn’t want to be a mother! She didn’t have the capacity to love her children.

Looking from one crib to the other, she felt an overwhelming sense of grief. She was going to lose these beautiful boys. Despite saying she couldn’t love them or be a mother to them, she feared now becoming a statistic. Jaycee couldn’t even imagine how she’d cope being a single mother. She… couldn’t. How could she shun these boys and embrace a different child? Not that she would ever take these boys from Beck. No, it was the child who could be inside her now who she felt sorry for.

“I won’t be able to do this,” she whispered.

“Jaycee, you’ve been great with the boys. You have it in you, you’re a natural mother, and now you have the chance to do it all the way… If you can handle this pair, you can handle one newborn.”

His voice was strained, like he was fed-up talking to her. “Will you hold me?” she asked and took a step forward, but he took one backward.

“That wouldn’t be right,” he said, severe in his answer. He turned away from her again, blocking her out. “Snick’s out there, he’ll comfort you.”

Snick.

Beck didn’t want her near him. This was what it took for him to push her away. Jaycee hadn’t wanted to sever all ties from him, but she feared now this would make it happen.

There was nothing she could say to make it right. Retreating from the bedroom, she felt sick knowing Beck despised her. Of course he did, he thought she’d just gone out and got herself knocked up by one of his best friends. She’d hate her too if she was in his position.

Unable to even look at the other guys, she went past them all to the front door, grabbing her jacket and purse on the way.

She didn’t say goodbye, didn’t say anything, she just slipped outside and took a breath in.

Goddamnit!

The tears were in free-flow and she didn’t even try to stem them. Pregnant. How fucking stupid could she be?

“Jaycee.” Snick’s voice forced her to start moving; she marched down the drive toward the gate. “Wait, Jaycee!”

When he shouted, she stopped, it wasn’t fair to drop him in the shit and run away. But she just wasn’t ready to talk yet. “I’m sorry,” she said, before he came around to look at her. “I’ll fix this, ok. I’ll tell him it’s not yours, just… can you give me some time?”

“I don’t care about taking the heat if that’s what you need me to do. I’m used to dealing with the guys,” Snick said. “Are you pregnant? Really?”

Opening her mouth to suck in a breath, she held it for a score of seconds. “I don’t know, Snick. I had no idea that…” She took another breath. “I don’t know, ok? That’s why I need some time. I need to be sure.”

“You want to get a test? I can be with you when—”

“No,” she said and squashed her lips together in the best smile she could muster. “You’re so sweet, Snick.”

His urgency dwindled, and he took a second before he asked, “But it’s… it’s possible? You’re not saying it’s not?”

It was dark out here, but she was sure she saw a blush in his cheeks. “You’re asking if it’s physically possible, if I’ve had sex?” Still nervous, he nodded. Picking up his hand, she gave him a squeeze. “I can tell you one thing for sure, if I am expecting… you’re not the father.”

They’d never had sex. But part of the reason she was reluctant to make any assertions was because she wanted to confirm this pregnancy before blowing up her life. If she wasn’t, they could all forget this debacle and pretend it never happened.

“I know that,” Snick said. “I won’t say anything to the guys, not until… not until we talk again.”

Putting her arms around him, she gave him a grateful hug. “Thank you, honey. Like I said, you’re so sweet. The sweetest guy I ever knew.”

Snick was in her court, that was something, though how long that would last if it turned out she was pregnant, she didn’t know. But for now, one ally was better than none.

All she had to do was confirm it; was she pregnant? There was only one way to find out.