“You’ve been staring at the ceiling forever,” Beck said, getting onto the bed to lie beside her again. But when his first two fingers touched her neck, she twisted to look at him, and he smiled. “You haven’t been up to pee for at least two hours, I was checking for a pulse.”
“I’m not going to wet the bed,” Jaycee said, opening her hands on her swollen stomach. “You know the last time I went on top was when you let me reverse cowgirl you in front of The Abyss.”
And she must have come about forty-five times that day. Ok, so that was an exaggeration, but it sure felt that way and the memory would always be that potent. He’d helped her step into the square, flat donut that was The Quag extension and sat on the floor in the middle, right where the main piece would eventually go when it was hung. And then he’d pulled her into his lap.
Yep, it was the sexiest experience of her life. Making love with the artist literally in the piece they’d worked on together with a direct view of The Abyss on the wall in front of them. Oh, Jaycee shivered, the aftershocks of orgasm from that day were still going.
Except, at a day shy of thirty-five weeks, she barely had the energy to walk up the stairs, let alone take over in bed. There was also the chance that she’d crush Beck if she even thought about sitting on him now.
Most of their sex was low-impact stuff, he did take her doggy style, but mostly it was him doing the work in a spooned position. Jaycee was tired, so tired that she’d skipped work for most of the week. At least here at home she could still help Beck with the art, and she still did most of the chores because she wanted to stay active. But she didn’t have anywhere near the same level of energy as she used to.
When they’d started having sex, she was pretty athletic about it. These days she liked to initiate things, but Beck knew the hard work would be down to him. The kitchen counter was one of her favorite places because she could bend over and he could take her from behind, though she did have to stand on a step, which she joked broke the mood, but it didn’t really because he knew to kick it under her feet while they were kissing.
They spent such a huge amount of time making out and touching each other that it seemed the whole building fizzed with constant sexual energy. Neither could pass the other without touching or stopping for a kiss, but she missed him, missed how close he used to be able to get to her and Jaycee kind of wished they’d started with the sex stuff earlier so she could’ve maximized all the opportunities this home gave them.
She had ideas, fantasies, about things she’d like to do with him, but shit, they were pipedreams. Some days Beck had to help her put on socks or tie her shoes, so doing it against the wall or even on the couch was out for sure.
“You want to go on top?” he asked and picked up her leg to hook it over his hip. But she resisted when he tried to roll from his side to his back to bring her onto him.
“I’ll squish you,” she said, laughing and pushing at him.
“Don’t be crazy. I can carry all three of you,” he said, stroking her face as he pulled her close to him, well as close as her belly would let them get. He had carried her. When she fell asleep downstairs on the couch, he’d bring her up to the studio, Jaycee was in awe and had no idea how he managed it when she felt like a Heffalump most of the time. “Climb on board and give it a go.”
His form hadn’t changed at all, although she did feel like she was more attracted to him now that they’d been getting all the way intimate for so many weeks. “You have to go to work,” she whispered, drawing her finger down his arm.
“I can stay,” he said, “I’ll call Pete and—”
“No, you can’t, he’s already a guy down,” she said. “And if something goes wrong tonight, you can’t say you weren’t there because you were getting it on with a pregnant heifer.”
“Muse,” he said and laughed at her as he cupped her face. “Don’t be like this. You’ve never looked sexier. Your body is beautiful, so beautiful.” He kissed her. “I know you’re tired and fed-up… but seeing you like this turns me on.”
That was the truth. He had a permanent boner in the studio these days, maybe because he was allowed to use it now whenever he wanted, so he could let loose. But even when he sketched her, he struggled to contain himself.
Letting herself believe him as he slid his tongue into her mouth, Jaycee curled her arms around him and exhaled.
He was right that she was tired and part of the reason she was fed-up was because she had barely been out of the house this week. Pete hadn’t actually told her that she wasn’t allowed to come into work. Maybe if she got out, she would regain some of her energy. She’d have to get a shower, but that would give Beck a chance to gas up the car.
Beck had been taking the bike into AD when he’d been working at night because he said it was the quickest way to get back to her if she needed him and he liked to leave the car for her. He’d timed it that he could get from AD to their home in eight minutes, six if he sped and there was no traffic.
Although he didn’t say it, she guessed he was that worried about timings for when she went into labor, but they had some time before they’d have to worry about that. Although she couldn’t deny that she’d been aware of the looming deadline too, but for different reasons. The idea of labor was terrifying.
The last time she’d used the car, it needed gas. So, while she got ready, she could send Guy out for fuel. Yep, when he left those gates he stopped being her Beck and maybe that was why she hadn’t enjoyed spending time at the club because she loved this. She loved lying with her man, creating with her man, just being with him, even when they were doing things for the twins.
At first, she was reluctant to get too involved with preparations for their arrival, but it was impossible not to be infected by Beck’s enthusiasm for the children growing inside her. And she couldn’t ask him not to prepare, that wouldn’t be right at all. These babies were going to live here way longer than she was, and Beck would be raising them alone. He wouldn’t have time to think about decorating and building furniture when he was worried about feeding two hungry mouths every two hours.
Jaycee believed in the power of the mind. She could get herself through anything with the right attitude, she had before. When she was alone, caring for Mavis, it had been difficult, but she’d got through it, with a change of attitude.
Beck was still hers when they left their gates because Guy didn’t belong to anyone else, he belonged to her too. Hmm, she’d never thought of it that way before. Her lips curled to a smile and she withdrew from the kiss to let her man kiss her chin, her neck, her throat.
Something made her decide to test the theory and the taste of another man’s name. “Oh, Guy,” she sighed out and his mouth stopped.
But when he rose to look at her, she smiled. “What?” he asked. “What did you call me?”
“I want to be Guy’s girl too,” she said and looped both arms around him.
“You’ve been Guy’s girl for weeks,” he said and kissed her. “And Kett’s girl, and Trenton’s—”
“I’ve been sleeping with five guys!”
“Simultaneously,” he said, and his hair tickled her forehead when he bowed to kiss her nose. “You’re quite the slut, Muse.”
Opening her mouth on his chin, she dug her teeth in. “I don’t even have space for all those guys in my body.”
“Well you’ve satisfied all of them every time, so you’re doing something right,” he said and kissed her again.
The quickest way for him to calm and reassure her was to kiss her, she forgot about everything negative when his mouth was spoiling hers. It was good that he wasn’t offended; in fact, he seemed amused by the idea of her playing with her array of men.
Now that she’d put the pieces together, she started to have a different kind of fantasy and she wondered how he’d feel about her using his alter egos’ names between the sheets. Would it make him uncomfortable? Turn him on? Amuse him? Could it be like an inside joke? Jaycee was going to spend some time over the next few weeks trying them out.
But she still had to make a decision about the night ahead. Going in to work might mean facing more whispering. The gossip she could handle, but she did wonder how things would change after she gave birth and came out of the hospital without her children.
“What do they say at AD about me?” she asked when he released her mouth. “Everyone knows I’m pregnant now, but I don’t answer questions.”
When arousal and inspiration were warring in his eyes, she knew he was at his peak. But they couldn’t think about getting intimate now, no matter how turned on they were, they didn’t have time. “I know you don’t,” he said.
“But they must talk about it around you.”
“Everyone’s noticed that we’re close. They know you’re staying with me.”
Spreading her hands on his shoulders, she stroked his arms. “So, you think they assume the babies are yours? Has anyone asked you if you’re the father?”
“No one’s asked me directly,” he said and given that he was the king of keeping secrets, he knew not to offer any more information than he had to.
“And what if they do?” she asked. “Will you deny them?”
“Deny my children?” he asked. “No. Why? Would you ask me to?”
She didn’t know, should she? Jaycee didn’t have a clue how to explain any of this to anyone. She wasn’t embarrassed to admit that she’d been intimate with Beck, but if she did confess, it would complicate the contract. Pine still didn’t know they’d had sex. As far as she knew, no one knew about what they’d done with each other.
If they told the truth about the surrogacy at work, everyone would want to know what Beck gave her to make her do it. And just like she had been, their colleagues were ignorant to the funds he had at his disposal. It also wasn’t right that he should be forced to admit how strong his desire to be a father was, not that it made him less of a man, but Guy was a different kind of persona to the Beck who nurtured her.
“I don’t know,” she muttered.
Beck was quick to reassure her with warm, soothing words. “We don’t care about them, Muse.”
No, their colleagues weren’t her close friends. She’d never had time to really cultivate relationships with the people who worked at AD. Jaycee had always been too focused on keeping Mavis going and working to build her bank balance to cover bills.
Beck had spent more time with their colleagues than she had. Before the pregnancy, he had often stayed behind late to play cards or drink with the other AD employees. Jaycee had always been aware of her first massage appointment in the morning or tailing home whoever was giving her a couch to sleep on. Hanging around to have fun and bond hadn’t been on her agenda.
After she gave birth, and appeared at work not pregnant, her colleagues would probably think she was a deadbeat mom who’d abandoned her babies with their father or given them to the state. That wouldn’t be far from the truth. But it might complicate things if people already assumed Beck was the father and then the staff saw him at work with or without children.
Especially if she and Beck were avoiding each other, which they’d have to, they’d just have to. Jaycee wouldn’t be able to hang out with him like they were buddies or shoot the breeze when most of his life would be taken up with caring for the children she’d turned her back on.
Except Jaycee didn’t know how much Beck intended to be around AD after she gave birth or if he planned to bring the boys in for visits with Uncle Pete, as he’d probably be known. Initially, the boys would most likely overwhelm their father so he wouldn’t leave the house much. But once he got in the swing of parenthood, Beck wouldn’t want to be cooped up at home all the time and AD was his way of getting out into the world.
AD was Beck’s. It had been long before she started working there, so that led her to one obvious, though heartbreaking, conclusion.
“I want to come to work tonight,” she said and pushed her maestro away so she could sit up and stretch.
“You don’t have to come into AD,” he said. “Stay here. Rest and—”
“I’ve been doing nothing but rest all week,” she said. “I want to sing there while I still can.”
Climbing off the bed, she went into the bathroom and turned on the shower before pulling a towel from the closet. Beck had done as she’d asked and glazed a third of the bathroom wall. Looking through the panes at the studio around her, Jaycee felt like an idiot.
What the hell had she been thinking making requests of him to remodel the room when in a few weeks, it would be all his again? Once the babies were born she would never, ever be in this building again. His next muse might not appreciate the view or may be coyer about teasing him.
Bringing the towel to her mouth, Jaycee clenched her teeth in it to stop her gasp from escaping.
His next muse.
Oh no.
This was almost over.
In time, another woman would take her place. Maybe not in a day or a week, but eventually her maestro would have another muse inspiring him, and another female in his bed. The idea made her feel sicker than the morning sickness that had plagued her at the start of this pregnancy journey.
Beck with another woman… touching another woman… drawing her… making love to her…
Oh, she felt ill.
“Girl?”
Turning around, she noticed Beck in the doorway, his hands in his jeans pockets, his chest bare and his shoulder propped on the frame. He was perfect. The pure, perfect art of his body wrapped around the best heart she’d ever known.
Changing the subject was all she could do; she couldn’t share her thoughts. That was the truth more frequently these days. As time galloped on, Jaycee was learning to keep more and more to herself instead of sharing with him.
“The car needs gas.”
But he wasn’t interested in the car or in being practical. “What does that mean? While you still can?”
She should’ve expected him to ask. As much as she didn’t want to, now was as good a time as any to explain. “AD,” she said, putting her towel on the sink. “This might be the last night I ever get to perform there.”
Pushing away from the doorframe, Beck came toward her. “Why?” he asked. “Why would it be the last—”
“I can’t keep working there after the boys are born,” she said and shook her head. With the way she’d been feeling, if tonight didn’t go well, she might be too tired to return to work in the next couple of weeks. “It wouldn’t be fair.”
Coming up close, he lifted her focus with a fingertip. “Fair on who? This is why we didn’t know if we should tell you about Pete… I don’t want you to quit, Jayc.”
Confessing her intentions wasn’t meant to lead into a debate, as far as she was concerned, there was nothing to discuss. Her decision was sensible. “We shouldn’t talk about this,” she said and tried to move away.
Beck grabbed onto her. Tension that wasn’t quite anger radiated from him. “We never talk about this. We’re running out of time to talk about this.”
Understanding his frustration, sharing it, didn’t mean she could do anything about it. “There’s a reason we never talk about it,” she said, tears sprang to her eyes. “Because it’s hopeless.”
“I’ll shut the whole damn place down if you quit,” he said.
It wasn’t like him to make threats, not to her, but his stern tone told her that he was serious. “Beck,” she breathed. “You can’t put everyone out of a job, and our customers, where will they go?”
But he didn’t respond to her question. “I was thinking, when we found out we were having twins and Pine updated the contract,” he said.
She wondered what the hell this had to do with AD. “Yeah?”
“You didn’t get anything extra,” he said. “I got a whole other kid and you got… nothing.”
Jaycee would never have asked for more than he was already giving her, didn’t he understand how much his support of Mavis meant to her? “Beck,” she said, opening her hands on his chest. “I can’t take care of a child. You’re stepping up. I’m in awe of you and you… you’re already paying for more than you should with Mavis. I don’t need anything extra. I just need you to take care of the boys as best you can… I need you to love them, to teach them to love each other.” Her tears slid over her lashes to track down her cheeks. “Please, Beckett, give them that love that just pours out of you.”
“Jayc,” he said and held her face in both hands to peer into her. “Don’t quit. Promise me you won’t quit AD.”
Why was this so important to him? Jaycee didn’t know why he wanted her to make the promise, but it seemed to be so important to him that she nodded. If he planned to stay home with the boys, he wouldn’t be coming in to AD every night anyway.
It would probably be healthier for both of them if they got a clean break and stayed as far away from each other as they could. But she was one of the few who knew the truth about who he was, so maybe he just wanted to make sure she was in a place that he could keep an eye on her.
Making this promise to him was selfish; she wasn’t doing it for him, she was doing it for herself. Jaycee didn’t want to admit the truth out loud that she wasn’t ready to walk away from him, but she couldn’t deny it to herself.
Eventually, she would have to leave AD for one reason or another. By then, Guy may be working full-time again, but even if he was in just once a week, it would mean them crossing paths. Now she wasn’t ready to say goodbye but someday they’d both have to make themselves walk away.
Standing on the AD stage again felt good. At least, it did for the first hour and then Jaycee started to get some discomfort in her abdomen. She was so used to the indigestion and the heartburn already that she was learning to breathe through the aches and pains. It was all part and parcel of being pregnant. Doctor Nicks could advise and provide some relief, but most of it just had to be endured.
After making one promise to Beck, he asked for another; that she’d only sing as much as she wanted to and that she’d take regular breaks. Even knowing that he was the money behind AD, she still considered Pete her boss, so whenever she needed anything or wanted time to relax, she always consulted him, bypassing Beck, which confused her maestro and amused Pete.
Pete never refused her, so her requests were really just for show. But symbolism was important, and she wasn’t going to change her behavior just because Beck decided he wanted to play boss man. He was in charge in the studio, and in their bed, but Pete was her superior here and Guy was just a meathead.
Smiling to herself as she went into the next song, she couldn’t believe that she’d ever considered Beck a meathead or thought for a second that he might not have artistic talent. The man was a genius; there was no other word for it.
Yes, she could admit to being biased these days because now he was her man. Hers. At least for now. Every time he moved into the AD crowd, she followed him with her gaze. Often the lights blinded her, blocking her view, but even when she couldn’t see him, she could feel him. Just like she felt The Abyss, like she felt The Quag, and even the Limitation.
Another stabbing pain in her belly made her smile fall and she dropped the note of her song. Shit. She just lost her concentration and…
An abrupt pain in her belly made her hiss in and then it subsided just as fast as it appeared. But…
Something wet on her leg made her stop breathing and then the trickle became a gush and she screamed out. Oh hell. Her waters…
The microphone was right there; and she was grateful for the breath she had to draw in because it gave her a second to think of what name she should use. Except, before she could call out for him, someone leaped onto the stage.
“Girl?”
Smacking a hand to his chest, she grabbed his tee shirt in a fist and used his strength as her support. “I think my… my water broke.” Blinking her terror up at him as her shoulder collided with his torso, Jaycee gasped. “It’s too early… Oh my god… it’s too early.”
“No, it’s ok,” he said and bent down to scoop her into his arms. Her legs were probably still working, though with the shock of what had just happened she was glad he didn’t ask her to try them. “Move! Get out my way! Move!”
Beck screamed at every person who thought about getting in front of them until a path cleared for them all the way to the stairway. Walking sideways, he took her up and into the street to put her into the car.
Thank God, they’d brought the car.
“Gas,” she said as he settled her in the back of the car. “We need gas.”
“I’m on it, Muse. You just stay right there, baby. I’ve got you, ok? I’m gonna look after you.”
He closed the door and she pushed further into the backseat to stretch out. It was too soon. She was only thirty-five weeks. Doctor Nicks had told them that twins could be premature, but she hadn’t expected them this early.
She took her hand from her eyes to see Pete outside the car, throwing Beck’s jacket at him over the hood as her man hurried around to get in the driver’s seat. The men exchanged a couple of rushed words and then Beck was in the car, and they were moving.
“How you doing, girl?”
“It’s too early, Beck,” she said. Her tears were burning as she slumped onto her back. “It’s too early. What if something’s wrong? What if—”
“I’m going to take you to the hospital. We’re going to get you checked out. Everything’s going to be fine, baby. Just fine. You’re with me. You’re my muse. You’re always safe with your maestro, right?”
Right. He was trying to reassure her, but she could hear the worry in his voice. If something happened to the boys now, after everything they’d been through, she’d never forgive herself. Never.