When the milk was ready, he left his friends to take it over to Van who was beginning to complain. “Can you move the coffee table?” Jaycee asked before Beck had even bent down. “Please?”

She slithered off the chair to sit on the floor in front of Van and reached up to take the bottle out of his hand. Beck hadn’t even made eye contact with her and she was testing the temperature of the milk before feeding it between Van’s lips. Somehow, she was managing to keep Gogh connected to her body at the same time.

“The coffee table?” Beck asked.

“It blocks them from you when you’re in the kitchen. It’s like a negative barrier between you and them. If the space is more open, they won’t feel as penned in.”

Beck was still thinking about it when she tipped up her chin and blinked at him. “I shouldn’t have told you about the big eyes thing,” he said, picking up the coffee table to carry it to the side of the room. Putting it under the window, he saw that she was right, opening up the area between the couch and chairs would give the boys more room to play.

“I knew about the big eyes thing way before you said it,” she said, relinquishing control of the bottle when he came back to sit on the floor with her and the boys. “Did Gogh feed this morning?”

“I tried him with the formula, he didn’t take much,” he said, holding up the bottle for Van who was eating so fast she’d probably think the baby hadn’t been fed for a month.

“I can tell.”

Concern made him put a hand to Gogh’s head. “Is he hurting you?”

“No,” she said, stroking her hand over his on Gogh’s head. “He’s just hungry… Not as hungry as this guy though.”

When she moved her hand off his to stroke her fingers down Van’s cheek, she was glowing, and the bottle-fed baby turned his eyes to his mother and smiled again.

Here they were forming a circle, with him feeding Van and touching Gogh while Jaycee fed Gogh and touched Van. No part of him was in physical contact with his muse, but he’d never felt closer to her than he did right now.

It was insane.

The whole idea of a surrogate was that he didn’t want complications. He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with the mother of his children. He wasn’t supposed to want her to be in his life let alone be in their boys’ lives. But as Beck sat here with the three of them he couldn’t remember why he’d ever tried to reject this notion.

“Maestro,” she said and when he focused again, he saw the curiosity in her eyes. “Are you inspired?”

Tipping his head to the side, he indicated she should lean toward him and she did. He loved how instinctive their communication was, just the slightest movement could convey a novel’s worth of information to the other.

Leaning in to her, Beck rubbed his cheek on hers, appreciating the softness of her skin against him. He could’ve stayed there all day, right there, with his muse and his boys. “Breathe in,” he murmured, and she did as he said. “Out… In… Out… Again… Slow.” Controlling her breathing was an intoxicating power, and she was handing it to him with complete trust. “That’s all you have to do to inspire me, Muse. You are my breathing inspiration.”

It would be so wrong of him to kiss her now, but when he eased back and their eyes met, their mouths were so close that he was tempted to say to hell with their rules. To hell with platonic. But Beck was taken back to their first kiss in the AD corridor and somehow knew her reaction to a kiss now would be as averse as his had been back then.

How could he ever have not wanted to kiss this woman? How could he ever have believed he had any power over the strength of his feelings for her?

“You’re trying to seduce me,” she said, and for a second he thought she was making an accusation, and then she laughed.

Shit, he thought he’d pissed her off, instead she was telling him that he was turning her on. Good. Great. Beck had no problem with her having those kinds of thoughts about him. But instead of capitalizing on her feelings, especially while the guys were in the room, he chose to play with her.

“Wanna see my etchings?”

Her mouth opened as her chin rose and she laughed. One of those full body laughs that reeked of her heart. Gogh was so startled that he released the suction he had on his mother. “Oh, I’m sorry, sweet,” she said, grasping her breast to brush her nipple on his lip. Gogh blinked, forgave his mother, and latched on again. As soon as the baby was enjoying his meal again, she pinned her smile on her maestro without missing a beat of their conversation. “How many times have you used that line on women?”

“The etchings thing?” he asked and shrugged. “A couple of times maybe.”

“It’s cheesy,” she teased, pouting at him.

“Hey, it worked.”

Bowing closer, she murmured. “No, it didn’t.”

“My dick thinks it did,” he said, bobbing his head.

But she smoothed a hand down his face. “This worked,” she said, and let her hand descend to his upper arm. “And this worked.” Her hand moved across his body to settle in the middle of his chest. “This too.”

“No, girl, it’s women who use their chests to attract the opposite sex,” he said, eying her breasts, though one was currently occupied.

Scooping a hand under his chin, she made him look at her. “I meant your heart,” she said. Returning her hand to his forehead, she swept it down to his chin and let it follow the same path it had before as she spoke. “Women are attracted to your mind… your muscles… and your heart.”

Edging nearer to her, he kept his voice quiet in case any of the guys were trying to listen in. “That what attracted you?”

It was amazing how her smile was so free and she had no qualms about sharing it with him. “No. I could say it was and you’d believe me. But I have to be honest.”

“So, what was it?” he asked because if he knew then maybe he could use it again. But when she caught the tip of her tongue between her teeth, he knew she was feeling playful. Becoming deadpan, he sat straight. “It was The Abyss, wasn’t it?”

Exhaling her laugh, Jaycee tried not to disturb the baby with this one. “That and your smell.”

His smell? Grabbing his neck, she pulled him forward and pressed her face into his throat. When she exhaled a whimper and opened her mouth against him, he needed to use every ounce of control he had not to growl at her and do what he wanted to with his mouth as well. She should know better than to provoke him like this.

Except when she leaned back, her petted lip was out. “We need to get you painting… You smell too clean… Though the baby powder is a nice addition.”

She made some kissy faces at Gogh who had his eyes closed and wasn’t paying attention. Van got a kiss on his head and one on his cheek and the baby actually got his fingers into her hair. “Feels good, doesn’t it, son?” Beck asked as she drew back to free Van’s fingers.

Jaycee opened a hand on Van’s stomach and checked Gogh’s breathing at the same time. It was incredible how much she cared about these boys and how attentive she was. Jaycee said she didn’t do commitment, that she couldn’t love her children because her mother couldn’t love her; it was just unfathomable to him how she could feel that way.

Reading her journal had been eye opening, she thought so little of her maternal ability. It was incredible how a woman who was so confident in other areas of her life could be so down on herself when it came to her mothering instinct. Except she was proving that she had it in spades.

And that shouldn’t have been a surprise given how Jaycee had cared for Mavis, something she’d done on her own for a long time before her grandmother went into the home. Maybe she’d forgotten that. But Mavis had needed care with everything when she had her stroke. Rehab had been arduous for both of them. But Jaycee had stuck it out and made sure Mavis was strong enough to be accepted into a place that had limited capability for rehabilitating patients.

Jaycee’s hand slid off Van’s stomach, but Beck didn’t notice until she curled her fingers around his. Scrutinizing her expression as she toyed with his digits, he wondered why she looked so forlorn and so hesitant. There was something she wanted to say to him and he was offended that she should be coy about asking him anything.

Yes, it was a question, she had something she wanted to ask. Did she want to stay? Move in? Let the boys call her mom? Instinct made him want to say yes out loud. Beck didn’t even think about how he really felt about any of those things or what it would mean for their family long term. He just had an urge to say yes to her.

“Muse?” he asked in a murmur.

She took her time about licking her lips and didn’t take her eyes off their hands on his leg. “Why were you talking about pussy?”

“We weren’t talking about yours,” he said in case she was worried he’d spilled the truth of their relationship to his friends. Relationship? Or former relationship? Was it former? If it was, someone needed to CC his dick.

“Another woman’s?”

And when she peeked at him from the top of her eyes with her head still bowed, he felt like a heavyweight had just socked him in the chest. Letting go of her hand, Beck picked up her chin and yanked her forward. When her cheek was on his again, he stroked the other, keeping her face clamped tight to his.

“You have nothing to worry about, Muse. Nothing. Ok?” he asked, feeling her nod against his skin, but he didn’t believe she’d been assured. “Jaycee Kirk, you don’t ever have to worry about that. You are my muse. My only muse.”

“It’s wrong that I’m jealous,” she whispered, like there might be tears in her eyes. He closed his.

Damnit.

He recognized his hormonal Jaycee, but just because hormones were making her irrational didn’t lessen the influence her distress had on him. “I’d be hurt if you weren’t, girl.”

Gogh loosened his suction and Jaycee sat back to check their boy was done. When she was sure the baby didn’t want more, she put him on her opposite shoulder and began to pat his back. Impulse made Beck cover her up, but she laughed at him.

“Does my breast offend you, Maestro?” she asked. “You’ve seen them a thousand times.”

“Yeah, but they haven’t,” he said, bobbing his head back to indicate the guys who better still be in the damn kitchen. Taking the muslin from his shoulder, he leaned over her to tuck it under Gogh on her shoulder. “In case he pukes.”

“I probably still have clothes here and I know how the washer works. I’m not offended by some baby puke.”

Van drew in a breath and started to complain. Beck turned to see his boy had drained the bottle and was still whimpering. “Crap,” he said, thinking he’d have to start preparing bigger portions for the older twin.

“Switch with me,” she said, handing Gogh to him and unclipping Van from his seat to attach him to her other breast.

It took a few tries of bouncing and whispering to him, but she got the bigger boy latched on and smiled at him.

Beck was in awe. He just couldn’t get over her. She was… amazing. He didn’t even care that his friends were here because he was sitting close enough that her body should be concealed from them. It might be stupid when she was doing something so natural, but Beck didn’t want any other man admiring her beautiful, perfect breasts.

“Are you sure you’re ok with him?”

“You took the hunger out of him,” she said, patting Van’s butt. “He’s not as desperate so he’s gentler.” But her smile vanished. “Why? Do you want me to stop? Have I overstepped? Oh, Beck, I’m sorry—”

“Stop it,” he said, stroking his thumb across her cheek. “You’re feeding hungry children, who would be upset about that?”

It warmed him to see her smile return and she turned her face to Van to whisper to him. His muse adored the twins already; it was a bond he envied. Beck was close to both the boys, and Jaycee did look at him with that same adoration, but she was freer with them. She was letting herself love them, she just didn’t know it. She was more guarded about letting herself love her maestro.

He winded Gogh and put him in his seat, Van fed for another ten minutes and when she put him on her shoulder to pat his back, Beck was quick to cover her up again. She was used to being as naked as she wanted to be in this house and he loved that, except when the guys were here.

“Can I have a glass of water?”

What a fucking idiot! “Yes, babe, shit, I’m sorry,” he said, pouncing to his feet. The woman was giving her sustenance to the boys, feeding both of them with her own stores of energy and he hadn’t even gotten her a drink. “I have milk. I can make you a smoothie or there’s decaf coffee.”

She screwed up her face. “Coffee doesn’t taste right anymore,” she said. “Water is fine.”

It felt a bit pathetic to bring her plain water, but if it was what she wanted, that’s what she’d get. By the time Beck turned to go into the kitchen, she was talking to Van again.

“You two look…” Pete didn’t seem like himself when Beck got to the kitchen, none of the guys did, they all looked kind of dumbstruck.

“We look what?” he asked, wondering if he was about to get another lecture. “She’s great with the boys. I’m not going to tell her to stay away from them. I’m not—”

“No,” Pine said, turning his back on the living room as Beck poured Jaycee’s water. “You look normal, Beck… Like a family.”

“Why do you think we stayed out of the living room?” Pete asked. “You’re like… I don’t know. It’s just… what it should be.”

What it should be because of him and Jaycee? No, they couldn’t mean that because the guys didn’t know about the relationship. So it was what a generic, typical family should look like? How did he feel about that? Weirdly, he was proud, that was kind of exactly what he’d been going for.

His upbringing had been far from normal and all he wanted was a typical family. He’d thought that meant cutting out other parental influences, maybe he’d been wrong. Beck knew he could be an arrogant jerk, but hadn’t meant to imply only he could do the parenting thing right, he’d just seen too many adults together screwing kids up. He’d never experienced two adults being together in a healthy relationship. But surely if such a thing existed, that environment would be more beneficial to the children.

Although, everyone thought they were happy, together and in love, especially at the start of a relationship. Except, he and Jaycee weren’t at the beginning anymore, they’d been living together for a year, kissing and sleeping together for almost as long as that, MAC had gone on for months before they’d started having sex.

Beck could tell himself that he’d found a woman and got it right. But that would mean avoiding one obvious flaw. What he and Jaycee had wasn’t healthy, not at all. They were completely codependent. His need for her was matched or maybe trumped at times by her need for him. They often got to a place where they became obsessed with each other.

How many times had they shut themselves in upstairs for days or weeks at a time creating and pleasuring each other? They’d gone through phases where their lives consisted of nothing else, just them, basking in their worship of each other.

No, he had to be smart, had to think of the boys. If he let himself get lost in Jaycee, the twins would be neglected. Man, it fucking ripped apart his insides to think of putting any kind of distance between him and his muse, but she was smarter than him. Jaycee was right to have left last night, right to tell him they had to be platonic, right to tell him not to touch.

With the glass of water in hand, Beck turned around to find she was gone, and so were the boys.

Hmm. Ok then.

Leaving the guys behind, he went toward the boys’ nursery assuming she must have taken them to their room. As he approached, he heard her talking to them.

“…so that doesn’t matter,” she said. “You’ll fight all the time. You’ll steal each other’s toys and probably bop each other a few times too. And that’s fine. It’s ok if you have little arguments. But you have to stick together when it counts. So if anyone else says anything bad about your brother or tries to hurt him, then you have to stand together.” Beck stopped in the hallway, out of view of the room, to keep listening. “And you have to tell Daddy if anyone hurts you. Anyone at all. If anyone upsets you, you have to tell Daddy. Your Daddy loves you both, very, very much.” She was doing something as she spoke, it sounded like a diaper change. “Now you’re going to learn that Daddy can be a grump sometimes. He gets in his own head, or he gets annoyed, but he’s never annoyed at you guys, ok? The way he loves you, it’s amazing, and nothing will change that. The only way you can hurt your daddy is if you hurt each other. You stick together. There, Gogh, look at you… gorgeous. Now you stay there, and I’ll deal with your brother…” He smiled when the foul smell drifted out to him. “Oh, Van, honey, look at you, you’ve made a big mess.” Beck was about to go in and save her when she laughed. The sound made him freeze. “You are too gorgeous to upset anyone, so gorgeous, both of you… Let’s get you changed, ok?”

There was movement and he heard a drawer open. Oh no! Where were the boys? On the changing table together? She couldn’t leave them up high like that on their own. Moving forward a fraction, he saw two pairs of baby legs on the floor in the middle of the room. She’d laid out the changing mats and towels for them to lie on.

Wow, Beck should’ve known better than to assume she’d make a rookie mistake like that. Jaycee was caring for them, protecting them; it was instinct.

Gogh was sucking his fist, but he couldn’t see more than Van’s feet.

“Blue and white. Blue and white,” Jaycee’s voice carried to him. “I’m going to have a conversation with your daddy about color. Who’d have thought, huh? I didn’t know artists needed inspiration for baby clothes too… Oh, red! Van, honey, you are going red today.”

Beck ducked back when she came into view, but she didn’t see him. After a second, he peeked around the doorframe to watch her sit on the floor with her back to him, parallel to the open door. “Some will tell you that red is the color of anger, but it’s the color of passion too, and you, my little strawberry, are as passionate as they get. You’re going to be so like your daddy, Van, honey. You’re a lucky boy. You’re going to be big and strong just like him and he’ll teach you everything you need to know about taking care of your brother.”

They were twins and may grow up to be exactly the same build. At the moment, there was disparity in their weights because Gogh hadn’t thrived as much as Van, but Beck could see that changing now that their mother was in their life. Gogh sure loved her milk and he had more energy after just a couple of feeds. In a few days, he’d make progress and in a few weeks, he might match his brother.

“I’m going to ask Daddy for permission to buy clothes for both of you,” she said and laughed again. “These are just adorable. I had no idea how adorable baby socks were. Van, stop kicking them away, honey… Maybe I’ll just buy socks. Daddy can’t get mad if I buy socks, can he?”

Daddy wouldn’t get mad at her buying their boys anything. Falling back against the wall, his head met it with a thump and he closed his eyes. His life was on a loop and he was back on the crazy train.

In the kitchen, when he was away from her, he told himself they needed distance. Then he came down the hall, heard her voice, and started to wonder how mad she’d be if he chained her to the wall and never let her leave.

“Beck?” Her voice carried to him and he leaped away from the wall to peek around the door to see she was holding Gogh in her arms. “Can you check I tucked Van in ok? I changed his clothes ‘cause his diaper leaked. And I don’t know how the monitor thing works.”

No question about why he’d been loitering in the hall. No indication of how long she’d been aware of him, though he’d made a noise when he hit the wall, so that was likely when he’d been made.

“There’s a button on the bottom,” he said and showed her how to turn them on before she offered him Gogh for a kiss.

Jaycee was so paranoid about putting them down that she asked him to check them over and again, but Van was just fine, and Gogh was too after she tucked him in.

“They’re precious, aren’t they?” she asked as he dimmed the light and moved out of the room.

“Yes,” he said, handing over her water. She drank all of it down and then took his hand. “Will they nap for a while?”

“Yeah,” he said, but couldn’t put a number of hours on it because they’d both slept better after she spent time with them last night, so now that they’d both had a feed from her, they could be down for the whole damn night for all he knew.

“Good, come on.”

“Where?” he asked, pulling her back as she moved away down the hall.

She pushed him to the wall and he started to get his hopes up when she unbuckled his belt. “I’ve been sleeping in your old room, if you want to…”

She laughed like he was kidding, he wasn’t. He should be. Sex was a terrible idea for a couple who were trying to be platonic. But, to hell with it, would he really stop her if she dragged him into the bedroom and demanded his carnal attention? No. No, he wouldn’t.

“We’re going to make you smell right,” she muttered and this time when she pulled him down the hallway, Beck let himself be led. “We’re going upstairs, guys. Listen for the boys, will you?”

Upstairs? They were going upstairs like “they”? If they were then she could’ve been subtler about declaring it to the guys. As it was, all Beck could do was shrug and traipse after her as she pulled him up into the studio.

His muse wanted to work, and he felt inspired. Checking out that ass of hers as she started to strip, yep, inspired… that was one word for it.