Now at twelve weeks, the twins were flourishing. Beck had more than stepped up for them, and as much as the Infamous Five tried to do their bit to help out, Jaycee knew those boys owed their existence to the dedication of their incredible father.

On this Friday night, she and the guys had a surprise for the man who they cherished so much. Usually this was Beck’s night off from the Infamous Five; it was the night he got the house to himself. Tonight was going to be an exception to their usual routine.

To make it happen, she’d given Beck an excuse about work and borrowed his car earlier in the week. So tonight she’d driven around, rounding up the guys and bringing her own supplies that would keep her going through the night. Yes, it was all a conspiracy against the man, but she hoped he’d forgive the subterfuge.

Trying to keep everyone quiet as they got out of the car, she shushed them, but the friends were too busy laughing, making fun of the nervous Snick.

“One of you go grab a cab,” she said, throwing her tote over her shoulder and grabbing what else she needed. “I’ll send Beck out in five minutes.”

If the guys went inside, Beck would try to talk them out of their plan to party, or there would be the temptation to delay hitting the town.

Pine handed her a garment bag and she held it against her chest as she backed toward the door, shushing the guys again. Turning at the last second, Jaycee went inside and through the kitchen.

At first, she didn’t see him, but Beck must have heard her coming because he called out. “Am I getting laid, Muse?”

She smiled and put her tote on the island. “Maybe,” she said, taking off her jacket to hang it up by the door. “If you play your cards right.”

The idea of him sleeping with another woman made her feel sick, so she didn’t want to spend any time thinking about it.

Beck sat up to reveal he’d been lying on the couch. Putting a hand on the back of the couch, he looked over at her. “For real?” he asked. “Your text just said I should shower… usually you like the way I smell. I guessed there might be licking involved.”

Licking, ha, maybe. She did like the way he smelled and shower or not, if she’d decided to have sex with her maestro, she’d have done it whether he was clean or not. Jaycee smiled and took the garment bag with her as she headed for the living room.

While the guys would stay overnight with Beck, she wouldn’t. They still flirted and had plenty of near misses during their inspiration sessions in the studio, but they’d behaved and avoided crossing the line, and hadn’t so much as kissed… at least not on the mouth. Jaycee was proud of them—there were times it was really tough to resist their attraction.

With his legs stretched out like he’d been lying down, Beck’s torso remained upright, his arm relaxed along the back of the couch. She tossed the bag onto the back of the couch and climbed on to straddle his hips.

“I want your house,” she said, picking up the end of his tee-shirt. “I want your babies. Your studio. I want your life.”

“Ok,” he said, putting up no objection to her declaration. Jaycee pulled his tee-shirt over his head and just because she couldn’t help herself, she bowed to kiss his collarbone. “We’ll get movers to your apartment tomorrow and—”

“No movers,” she said, shaking her head and resting her face on his. “Just for one night.”

“You want my studio and my babies for one night?”

That sounded about perfect, so she nodded, opening her mouth like she might kiss him, but it was a tease. Jaycee tipped her head at the last second, putting distance between their lips. “Happy birthday, Maestro.”

It took him another few seconds, then he exhaled a laugh. “Are you my birthday present? ‘Cause I’ve been dreaming about unwrapping you for weeks.”

“Nope, not me,” she said. Staying seated on him, Jaycee leaned back to unzip the garment bag. Pulling the shirt from the hanger, she swooped it around his back. “Arms.”

Jaycee was used to dressing the little Trents; this big one was more reluctant to put his arms in the sleeves. “I don’t get it, Muse. We’re going out? I just put the boys down, if you’d let me know—”

“I’m staying here,” she said, leaning back to button him up. “Your posse is outside with a cab. They’re going to get you so drunk that you’ll be sick all over Pine’s antique oak floors… that he just got refinished.”

They shared a smile while she fixed his cuff because Pine had only told everyone about his refinished floors about sixteen times this week. “Do I have to go?” he asked, cupping her ass and making no sign he was going to move. “What if I’d rather just stay here all night?”

“On the couch?” she asked, stroking his arms.

“Under you,” he said. “Yep, fine with me.”

“Nope,” she said, pulling his arms away to clamber off him. “You have to go. Get drunk. Have fun. Ogle naked women, do whatever it is guys do.”

He groaned and rolled off the couch, forcing himself onto his feet. “I don’t want the twins to see me drunk and stupid.”

“They won’t,” she said, smoothing her hands on his chest when he put his arms around her. “You’re staying the night with Pine. You come back here whenever you feel up to it. I have no clients tomorrow and although I’m due in AD tomorrow night, Pete will let me take the night off if you’re on a bender.”

“You’ll take care of the boys?” he asked, pulling her tight to him.

With a single nod, she smiled. “All weekend if I have to… Go have fun, Maestro, you deserve it. I will be here caring for the angels just like they were my own.” That made both of them pause for thought until she laughed. “Well, you know what I mean.”

Spending time with the boys was a treat and one she looked forward to every day. It was easy now while they were so little. She didn’t feel that there was any chance of her screwing them up when all they needed was food and diaper changes. Now that she’d had practice, Jaycee was confident enough putting them down to sleep, so she had all bases covered.

“As long as you’re here, I won’t worry about them,” he said and ducked to rest his head on hers and breathe in her hair. “But I’d rather spend the night with you than the guys.”

That was a good segue and she prodded a finger into his chest. “And you can get laid.”

He lit up, leaning back to search her eyes. “Then I’d definitely prefer to skip the drinking part of the night.”

“Out there,” she said. “Halle is taking a gang of her gal pals in to AD. I don’t know if you guys are going to be in there, but I’m telling you, it’s ok. Don’t think about me if you get the chance to enjoy yourself with… whoever.”

“Muse,” he warned.

There was something sort of inherently wrong about having to tell her platonic friend that he was allowed to be intimate with another woman. But it was so typical of their relationship. If she didn’t say this, he would be worried about hurting her.

Jaycee would be heartbroken if she heard about him being intimate with another woman, but she’d keep her feelings to herself. It wasn’t fair for her to ask him to abstain when he wasn’t getting any from her and there was no chance of a relationship between them.

“I mean it, Maestro. You’re so hot and you should be taking advantage of every second you can to be a man instead of just a father.”

Offense tensed his expression. “I love being a father.”

“I know,” she said, laying a palm on his face. “And you’re incredible at it. I’m just saying, be yourself. Go out and have fun… whatever that means.” He nodded and although he was hardly overcome with excitement, he started to move past her. Panic and doubt, that she probably did a terrible job of disguising, made her snatch his wrist and wet her lips. Her throat bobbed in an awkward swallow when she tried to think of what to say. “Just… use a condom, ok? And… don’t tell me anything about her.”

“Jayc,” he breathed out and curled a finger beneath her chin to lower and kiss her in just a light brush of their lips. “There isn’t a chance in hell I’ll be near another woman tonight.”

“Maestro,” she murmured the word.

Her hands slid up his chest, and he opened his mouth on hers. They weren’t supposed to be kissing. His tongue wasn’t supposed to be sliding between her lips and her fingers weren’t meant to be linking themselves at the back of his neck, but they were. As he angled to deepen their kiss, she admitted to herself that it had been coming for a while.

How could they get through this? How would they ever get through this when they kept pulling each other back?

Pressing his chest, she swayed back, but his arms kept her body against his. “The guys are outside,” she said, her heart rate skyrocketing. “They’re waiting.”

“I don’t give a damn about the guys,” he said and tried to kiss her again.

But she pushed all her weight onto her hands. “That’s why this is so wrong,” she said. “You should care about your friends, Beck.”

“I care about them,” he said. “But this moment is more important.”

“And if they walk in? If they see this, what—”

“You don’t think they know how we feel about each other?”

With another shove, she struggled to tug his arms from her body to put some space between them. “You told them about us?”

“I don’t have to tell them anything, it’s in the way we are with each other… Do you think we do a good job of hiding our feelings?”

That was maybe the shortest argument in history. She and her maestro argued sometimes. They were good at compromise, but sometimes if they were tired or at the end of their patience, they’d snap. But they were always quick to make up. Usually a hug was enough; sometimes just an exchange of eye contact did it. But there was no denying they had a connection, one unlike any they had with other friends. She’d be kidding herself if she believed the guys hadn’t noticed it.

Beck’s question put his position in perspective; Jaycee couldn’t argue against it. They didn’t hide their feelings for each other. Not in the way they should.

She picked up his hand, appreciating that he laced their fingers together. “Do you think the twins know?” she whispered because it was her greatest fear that the kids would know how strongly she felt for their father.

Because loving him this much meant she’d follow Beck to the end of the earth if he asked her to go. So when she walked away, there was the risk that the boys could blame themselves when it couldn’t be further from the truth.

“I think your relationship with the boys is perfect,” he said, stroking her face. “You belong here, Jayc.”

As a friend or as more? If he was suggesting the latter, she’d have to think about withdrawing from his life soon. “Sometimes I wish…”

His tender expression became concern. “Sometimes you wish what?”

But as she searched his eyes, Jaycee decided that there were some things she couldn’t confess. “Nothing, never mind,” she said and grinned. “Go out and have fun, don’t you worry about a thing here. Not a thing.”

Beck wasn’t going to leave it there, other words flavored his tongue, but he had no chance to say them because the door opened, and Pete swung into the kitchen. “Get a move on. The meter’s running.”

“Get your wallet,” she said when Beck ducked to kiss her cheekbone. “It’s in the kitchen drawer.”

“You call me if you need anything,” Beck said, swiping his phone off the coffee table.

“You’ll be too drunk to answer,” Pete said. “Any problems, call 9-1-1.”

Beck looked panicked, but she laughed. “You too, Pete. You bring him back here in one piece or you’ll have me to answer to.”

“Yes, miss,” Pete said and grabbed Beck the second after he took his wallet from the drawer.

She and Beck didn’t need to say any more words; she understood everything he wanted to convey when he made eye contact with her as his friend dragged him out. Then the door was closed, and she was alone in the house she’d promised herself she wouldn’t spend the night in again.

But this was for a good cause and so what if they’d had one slip? It was minor. One kiss. No big deal. Just a little slip. One they’d never have again. Never.

 

 

“You’re some kinda fun tonight,” Pete said, hopping onto the barstool next to Beck’s.

Beck was hunched over his beer bottle with his back to the room. Tired of watching the nightclub crowd scrunched together, flirting and writhing around in the cramped space, he’d been trying hard to block it out.

His focus was on one thing.

They’d kissed. His muse had finally let him close enough to taste her. If he’d been thinking straight, he’d never have left with his friends, he would’ve stayed home to explore how far she’d let their slip take them.

Getting Jaycee out of his mind was difficult most days, tonight it was impossible. Every person who’d come into his line of sight irritated him. There was nothing in this club, or any of the bars they’d been to tonight, capable of catching his interest. So far, he hadn’t seen anything worth looking at or interacting with. But that could be because all he wanted to do was sit and brood and think about his muse.

“Go have fun,” Beck mumbled, twisting the bottle by its base.

“The point is you’re supposed to be having fun, man,” Pete said, giving him a shove. “Loosen up. What’s the problem?”

Inhaling through his nose, Beck couldn’t deny to himself why he wasn’t in the mood to let loose like the guys wanted him to, but he couldn’t confess the why to them. “No problem,” he said. “Just out of practice.”

“You’re not gonna get back in the saddle if you spend all night over here… Come on, you know how many hot women are out there? This is your chance to clean the slate, you know? Forget about fatherhood and your muse, forget it all, and just be a guy with us… Jayc gave us orders not to report back, so you’re free to do whatever you want. She’ll never know.”

His friend might be laughing through his teasing tone, but Pete couldn’t know how close to the bone he was cutting. Jaycee was exactly why Beck was sitting over here counting the seconds until he could go home. He didn’t want to spend the night at Pine’s; he wanted to be under the same roof as his boys.

For the first time since Jaycee had been released from hospital, everyone he loved was spending the night in one place, yet he’d been exiled. It was a slight he couldn’t let slide, he’d never forgive himself for missing this opportunity.

“Where’s the party?”

Pine’s voice came up behind Pete. His two friends began to talk to each other. The music obscured most of what they were saying, but Beck picked out a couple of lewd comments and some laughing. They turned away to focus on a group of women at the other end of the bar who’d been trying to get his attention for a while, and that was the moment Beck decided he was done.

Pushing the full beer bottle away, he sat up straight and dug his wallet from his pocket to toss some bills on the bar. He couldn’t be here anymore. His skin was itching, his mind was screaming, and he was beginning to feel sick.

Leaving his friends to their leering, he got up and strode away. If this was his birthday celebration and he was supposed to be having a good time, there was only one place he belonged. And it wasn’t in any nightclub. His friends would figure out that he’d bailed, and they were drunk enough not to care, especially now that they had the attention of the group of women.

Beck should’ve known the night was doomed when he was reluctant to drink that first beer. He hadn’t wanted to wash away the taste of Jaycee’s lips from his. The guys thought this was going to be a night of partying, but he hadn’t been able to shake his preoccupation.

He’d missed her lips, her kiss, his woman. Out here, in this world the guys kept trying to drag him back to, there was nothing for him. Beck was done pretending, done making it easy on her and done denying himself. Jaycee wanted him as much as he wanted her. He didn’t care about getting away with screwing around. All he wanted was to look at his muse, to drink her in, and to taste her again if she’d let him.

 

 

Little more than four hours after their kiss, Jaycee was pulling the boys’ bedroom door closed and yawning when she turned and saw the figure at the end of the hallway.

Gasping, she pressed a hand to her chest and might have screamed if he hadn’t started toward her and come into the glow of the boys’ nightlight.

She exhaled and swatted his chest. “Geez, Beck, you scared the crap out of me,” she whispered, grabbing his wrist and tugging him into her bedroom to keep him away from the boys’ room. “Are you drunk? I don’t want you going in to see the boys if you’re drunk. You were supposed to stay at Pine’s.”

“I’ve had two beers,” he said, crowding her near the end of the bed. “And I ditched the guys in a club.”

“They’ll be worried about you,” she said, glancing back at the bed behind her. “Would you back off? Why are you—”

“No,” he said, with some kind of determination in his eyes. “No, I won’t back off.”

Grabbing her face with both hands, Beck hauled her to the ends of her toes and stole her mouth. She shoved him and squealed in disapproval, but it didn’t stop him. He bent to hook an arm under her ass and then he was crawling up the bed on his knees, laying her down so he could position himself between her thighs.

“Beck!” she said when he dragged his teeth down her chin and picked up the hem of her tee-shirt to pull it off, leaving her naked under him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Getting inspired,” he said, scanning her body and loosening his jeans with one hand.

“Don’t you even think about it,” she said, using her most stern voice. “We are not having sex! We are not doing it.”

“Ok,” he said, circling her clit with the head of his dick. “This is us not having sex.”

“Beckett Trent, we agreed. We are not doing this.”

“I need you, Jayc… I couldn’t stop thinking about you all night… I need this. Baby, I need you, and it’s my birthday, right?”

His birthday, a likely excuse, but it was one she could use too. “No, we can’t. You know better than this!”

“Please, girl.”

It was easy to chastise him. Easy to sound judgmental as she scolded him. But his upper body was high enough above hers that if she really wanted to dig her heels into the mattress and push away from him, she could.

Her pussy was betraying her good sense. The push of that thick, hard member was making her juices flow and when the first inclination of pressure touched her opening, she tensed and grabbed his shoulders.

“Go slow, Maestro,” she whispered. “I haven’t done this since before the birth.”

“You’re safe with me, Muse,” he said, bowing to kiss her. “I won’t hurt you. I can’t hurt you, girl.”

And then he was sliding into her. Oh damnit, yes. Jaycee immediately felt whole. The meaning of life became clear to her as he moved inside of her. When he stopped kissing her and met her eye, the intensity of arousal that sparked between them made it seem that her skin was becoming tighter, squeezing her. But Jaycee welcomed the shortness of breath, and welcomed the chill on her heated flesh that was sweating and freezing at the same time.

“Beck,” she panted. “Oh, Beckett.”

“I’m here,” he said, kissing her. “I’m here my beautiful, wonderful, amazing, Jaycee. My incredible muse.”

His tongue delved against the roof of her mouth and he swallowed her scream of orgasm that came in time with his own groan. Their simultaneous release was a testament to their need for each other, their desire had been palpable and impossible to ignore, which was why she couldn’t deny that his friends probably knew about their feelings. Whether the couple had admitted to them aloud in public or not.

When he rolled onto his side, Beck pulled her body to his and they breathed together for a while. She didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what this was going to mean to him. Jaycee knew what it meant for her and that was what brought the tears to her eyes. These weren’t hormonal tears, they were resigned ones.

“Oops,” he said, curling his hand around her head to gather her hair from her face.

It was enough to make her hiccup a laugh. Yes, just like the first time they’d had sex, this was against the rules. “We’re such idiots,” she said, tracing her fingertips up and down his pec.

“I love you, Jaycee.”

“Don’t,” she said, pulling away to touch his lips. “Don’t say that. We don’t say that to each other. We can say anything… anything except that.”

Taking her wrist, he kissed her fingertips then moved them aside. “We should say it to each other.”

“Do you think I don’t know how you feel about me?”

“If you know it, what does it matter if I say it or not?”

“Exactly, so you shouldn’t say it,” she argued. “Saying it makes it real. Saying it means we have to confront it.”

While she felt a rising panic, he was completely calm as he shook his head. “No, we don’t,” he said. “I can say I love you without having any expectation of it meaning anything to you.”

Sitting up, she was offended as her mouth fell open. “How can you think it doesn’t mean anything to me? You bastard,” she said, slapping her hand on his abdomen. Beck smiled and rolled onto his back and she sagged forward, her face sinking against his stomach. “Oh, Maestro…. We’re right back where we were and it’s just as hopeless.”

“It’s not hopeless,” he said, stroking the back of her head. “Love isn’t hopeless, we should be grateful for it.”

With her face still buried against him, she asked, “Even if we can’t be together?”

“Yes,” he said, and it was such a quick response that her heart broke a little. He wasn’t even trying to persuade her, he was so damn respectful that he was accepting her position while remaining sure of his. “Me and the boys are here, Jayc. We’re not going anywhere. Whatever happens, we’ll always be yours. That’s just a reality you’re going to have to accept. It doesn’t matter if you want it or not. It just… is.”

“Is this about your dream?” she asked, shifting to lie on her side so she could rest her head on his torso and look up at him. “Because when you thought you’d lost me, you swore to never be with another woman?”

He’d told her about his dream of her death a couple of weeks ago and it had made her cry. After hearing that story, she’d never wanted to leave his arms, and now, lying in this bed, she was wondering how she ever had.

“No, it’s because I know what love is. I know it, Jaycee. And tonight, out there in the bars and clubs, seeing all that bullshit, it’s not even close to what I want.”

“What do you want, Maestro?”

“Not what you want,” he said, running his fingers through her hair. “And that’s ok. I’m allowed to want what I can’t have. I’ve never forced you into anything, have I?”

She shook her head. He was always infinitely patient with her. “Thank you for taking the boys to see Mavis,” she said, having just heard that day that Beck had been to the care home to visit.

“She wanted your portrait finished,” he said. “I’m going back next week. She’s good with them and they love being fussed over. Seriously, they’re babe magnets. I walk in anywhere with them and every woman in a five-block radius finds an excuse to come over.”

“Then you shouldn’t have needed to have sex with me,” she said, rolling her head to lick him just because she couldn’t resist the temptation.

“Are you kidding? With those two around I don’t get a look in; no one notices me when they’re present. I even have to fight them for your attention sometimes.”

Yeah, she couldn’t deny that, but opened her hand to stroke his chest as she rose. “Oh, I’m sorry, Maestro… do I neglect you?” It was such a thrill to be able to kiss him, but as she felt the urgency of his need grow, she sat up again. “I should sleep next door.”

“Next door is a textile factory,” he said, running his palm up and down her body from her hip to her waist. “They’re closed, but I’ll bail you out if you get caught breaking and entering.”

Pinching him, she tossed his hand from her body. “I meant in the next bedroom. I don’t want to leave you alone with the boys when you’ve been drinking.”

“You think I’d hurt them?”

“I think if you fall asleep, you shouldn’t have to worry about getting up,” she said and shimmied to the edge of the bed.

Beck launched forward to grab her hips and haul her back. Somehow, he got her onto her back and himself between her legs again. “I’m not done with you, Muse. That was just the quickie to take the edge off. We have a whole night ahead… it’s my birthday!”

This man didn’t give a hoot about his birthday, she’d never known him to before, and even the guys had been reluctant to set anything up. But after the year Beck had had, and with all the time he’d put in with the boys, Jaycee wasn’t going to let this milestone go by unnoticed.

“We had sex. That was naughty,” she said. “We shouldn’t do it again. Let’s just chalk this up to one mistake.”

Before they did permanent damage. She thought it, but didn’t say it, though it was a joke to think they’d escape it. She and Beck had done permanent damage to each other’s hearts long ago.

“One?” he asked, and she read his mischief before he kissed her. “We should have a shower…”

“You’ve been drinking,” she said. “If we fall and knock ourselves out what would happen to the boys?”

It would be far from hilarious if the guys found them both passed out naked in the bathroom. They’d have a mammoth task to explain that mishap. “Ok,” he said. “But, you know, we have a routine. One time means one night… means one week—”

“Ah,” she said, plastering her hand to his mouth. “No chance, Maestro. We had an end date when we made that plan before, what’s the end date now? When the boys go to school? When they graduate?”

“When we die,” he said under her hand, making her laugh and drop her hand as he put his forehead to hers. “We can have tonight, can’t we, Muse? Just… forget the bullshit and have tonight?”

Making it sound so simple, like it was no big deal, he managed to make her relax. Yes, she was still nervous, but Jaycee loved Beck whether they spent the night together or not.

The boys had been premature, cutting the couple’s sex time short. They were due a goodbye, and maybe this was good, tonight could be their goodbye and after it, she’d put a big, fat period at the end of this flirtation. She’d have to, for her sanity, for Beck’s, and most importantly, for the twins.