Their day couldn’t have been better; it was the best day she’d ever spent with a man, bar none. Jaycee felt bad because it was only as they were travelling home and she saw that he was scowling all the way that she remembered what he’d said about hating every date he’d ever been on.

Ok, so it wasn’t exactly a date, but he had been forced to spend the afternoon with a woman when he’d probably have preferred to stay in the warehouse with The Quag, which was what she’d taken to calling his work-in-progress. Well, it was what she called it to herself; she’d never said it aloud.

After Beck spent some time in the basement gym, he ate with her and his mood didn’t seem to have picked up. But they both got ready for work in record time and at least in AD they could avoid each other.

It was impossible to avoid him completely. She was on stage for most of the night and every time he took his turn away from the front door to circulate in the bar, she had to watch him move through the patrons wearing that scowl.

What was pissing him off so much? Yeah, ok, so they’d been out together, but it had only been for a few hours and it was over now, shouldn’t he just get over it?

She wondered if it was something about the exhibition that annoyed him, maybe he didn’t like the setup or the captions. But he’d been great at talking her through each piece and answering her questions as she asked them, though of course they had to talk in whispers. And it had been his suggestion to go to the coffee shop for cake before they left, not hers, so he was the one who’d extended the day. Beck seemed happy enough after they’d walked through the exhibition.

Jaycee announced her second break to the AD crowd, put on the background music and went to the restroom, as was her routine. It was only when she sat down that she felt the first pang of pain, and when she wiped, her heart sank.

What was she supposed to do now?

Numbness crept through her, shrouding her in an icy blanket as she washed her hands and stood staring at herself. She knew she had to move, but was terrified to leave this room. How could she tell him? And why was she so devastated? The last thing she wanted to do was disappoint Beck, but there was no way to avoid it. This was going to hurt him.

Forcing herself to move, she put one foot in front of the other and walked back into the crowd. The noise and humidity hit her like a two by four to the back of the skull, but when she gasped and lifted her head, the first thing she saw was Beck, there in the middle of the room, not far from where he’d been when she first said she’d grant his wish.

Jaycee tensed, if she ignored him, avoided him, ran away fast and far… No, she couldn’t do that. Couldn’t do any of that. The odd thing was, she felt an overwhelming need for comfort… his comfort. Something in her was drawn to him and that magnetism made her move like she was powerless to stop herself.

It was crazy, but the nearer she got, the hotter the tears burned in her eyes. She was going to break his heart and she’d never hated herself more.

Her stupid body. It was biologically designed to do this one job. It was honed by eons of evolution. It was supposed to be able to do this one thing. After keeping herself alive, she was built to procreate, or she should’ve been… apparently, she was broken.

Coming at him from behind, Jaycee had the chance to flee almost until the final second and then just in that last breath, Beck turned around like he’d sensed her there. His attention zoned right in on her and concern spread all over his face.

She couldn’t speak, didn’t know what to say, didn’t want to shout over the din. The tears were too close to the surface and she found her body acting without her say so again. Creeping forward, Jaycee went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face against his chest.

Damn.

She had to get control of the tears, this was crazy; they’d expected this. Hadn’t she been the one to say they’d do this as many times as they had to? That meant she hadn’t expected the procedure to take. So why was she so upset?

Beck bent his knees, put one solid forearm around her waist and picked her straight off her feet. Jaycee didn’t know where they were going when he started to move, but he did, he had purpose. She kept her face against him. It was making her feel better to be this close to Beck.

Yes, all she had to do was breathe him in. The laundry detergent he used was now hers too, that deodorant was part of her everyday life and the paint, oh it was hot, but the combination represented her association with Beck. Just being near him, knowing he was here, it made her feel better.

He sat her down and eased back, stroking her hair from her face over and over as he tried to tempt her from his chest so he could look into her eyes. They were at the bar, on stools, facing each other. He’d pulled his up so close to hers that her knees were together against his groin.

“Look at me,” he murmured, his face right in front of hers. “Please, baby, look at me.”

With webbed lashes, she took a breath and forced herself to focus. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, stroking her hands from his shoulders to his pecs and up to his neck trying to reassure him as she consoled herself.

He might not even have heard her, they were in such a crowded space, but he was so close. All she could see was him. All she could feel was the strength of his hand as it moved from her face through her hair and back again.

“Girl, tell me what upset you. Please, baby, did someone hurt you? Are you—”

“I got my period,” she murmured and his concern froze. He couldn’t help it, and the next thing she registered was his disappointment. Her mouth opened in a sob and the tears skittered over her lashes. “I’m so sorry.”

“No,” he said, still trying to stroke her, but she didn’t believe his attempt at a smile.

“I wanted to do this for you, so bad. So bad, Be—”

She couldn’t use his name here.

God, what an insensitive bitch. What the hell was she doing telling him this awful news here at the bar? She should’ve waited until they got home, when they were alone.

Grabbing her hand, he pulled her from her stool. His strong grip gave her no choice except to follow him as he led her to the back of the room and into the staff corridor. It was quieter there and at least she had a solid wall to lean against. Beck put his elbow on the wall above her shoulder and leaned in close, sliding his fingers under her chin.

“Please don’t cry, Jayc.”

“I’m sorry,” she squeaked, sucking in a breath that brought her lower lip with it. “I… I feel horrible. I’m sorry I… I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” he asked, running his thumb along her jaw. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We knew this might happen.”

“I know, but I… this was me. It was my responsibility and I failed, I hate to fail, but it’s worse that I… worse that I failed you… Oh, Beck. I’m so sorry… please don’t hate me.”

More tears streaked down her cheeks. Standing up wasn’t as easy as she thought. Weakness overtook her, making her want to sink down onto the floor and curl into a ball.

Slipping her hand onto his upper arm to steady herself, she didn’t mean to slide it higher over his shoulder or to curl it around the side of his neck to pull him closer.

“I could never hate you,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss the moisture on her cheek. With her eyes closed, she edged her chin up when his face pressed to hers. “Shit, Jayc, I could never…” Angling, he kissed the moisture on her other cheek, keeping his face in contact with hers the whole time.

“Beckett,” she whispered and as her free hand found his ribs, she inched her mouth higher.

The first contact of their lips was barely a whisper, just the slightest brush that may or may not have happened. It resonated through her whole body and when she breathed in, she gave him permission to do it again.

This time his arm curved around her waist and he pulled her body away from the wall to dip her against him, forcing her head back as the possession of his mouth commanded the submission of hers.

No kissing, they shouldn’t be kissing. But, this was… it was instinct. It was right. She didn’t want him, he didn’t want her… At least, that’s what they’d been telling each other out loud.

Jaycee surrendered to whatever this moment was. It felt pivotal to what the rest of her life would be. Combing her fingers through his hair to the back of his head, she opened her lips wider when his tongue moved deeper into her mouth.

He was so powerful; his kiss was so sure. The need of his mouth asserted its authority over hers. He wanted her, needed this kiss as much as she did and she wanted to always feel like this, like she was the oxygen he required to exist.

In this moment, Jaycee was his life, his whole world, and she felt what it was to be shaped and transformed by this creative genius. Right now, she was his latest creation. All she could remember was being his doll, a precious construction, completely at the mercy of this man, her maker.

“Beckett,” she breathed his name again when his lips relaxed. “Oh, Beck, we—”

The intimate moment was obliterated when he put a hand on her upper chest and thrust her flat to the wall. It took Jaycee a second to realize he’d moved away from her and was holding her a whole arm’s length away.

She didn’t know what to say or what he wanted her to say, but his scowl was back and it was ten times greater than it had been before that kiss. “Go back to work, Jaycee,” he said when she thought to give talking a shot.

He turned and left her here, against the wall, panting, upset, and completely confused.

 

 

Jaycee wasn’t sure he’d wait for her at the end of the night, he’d been so abrupt in the hallway, but he did. They travelled home, saying nothing to each other on the short bike trip, not that conversation was easy when they were zipping through the city streets at a thousand miles an hour.

Since the procedure, they’d used the car more, but she’d found that she liked the bike now that she was used to it, so they used that for their trips to AD because it was easier to park too.

But Beck had changed his habits, driving slowly and more carefully, taking less risks. Except now that he knew she wasn’t pregnant, he went back to how he’d been before.

It was probably that and his anger.

Jaycee wouldn’t blame him for being angry about the pregnancy not taking. She might even understand him blaming her. Intellectually, she knew it wasn’t her fault, but she still felt guilty, which was why she’d gotten upset.

The last set of her show had been near impossible and even upbeat songs were difficult to handle. Her upset made it tough to hold the long notes as her lungs didn’t want to take full breaths. But when she noticed how Beck kept his back to the stage she found herself getting more and more annoyed.

Yeah, be upset about not being pregnant, be annoyed that she’d told him there, but seriously, was he pissed at her about the kiss? He didn’t get it. Didn’t get it at all and he had no right to blame her for something that was just a mutual comfort.

Beck parked the bike and didn’t even look at her as he gave her his arm to help her off. Soon as her feet were on asphalt, he stalked to the door without even waiting for her as he usually did at night. Nothing could happen to her here, they were on private land, so she wasn’t afraid, but it felt rude.

Jaycee planned to tell him that as she went inside and found him throwing his leather jacket on the kitchen island.

The second she put her helmet on the surface beside it, he spoke. “I’ll pay the full eighteen months,” he said.

Because he was standing at the other end of the kitchen island with his back to her, she wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. “What did you say?”

Picking up his arm, he slammed his knuckles down on the island that he still had his back to. “I’ll pay Mavis’ everything for eighteen months. That’s what the contract provides for if I back out. It’ll give you a chance to build some savings and if you ever get—”

“You’re backing out? Is that what you just said?”

Rushing forward, it was rage she felt before anything else and when she swatted his back, he spun around, his eyes filled with ire. “Don’t! Don’t give me another one of your little speeches, ok? We both know what the fuck happened tonight.”

“I don’t know why you’re in a mood, but I know it started before we kissed,” she said. “Yeah, I’m not afraid to say the words. We kissed!” Opening her arms to the heavens, Jaycee tipped her head back. “An adult man and an adult woman shared a consensual kiss! Whoop-de-do!”

Beck grabbed her arm and rushed her back against the fridge. “Don’t make out I’m being some fucking prudish asshole,” he snarled. “Yeah, we kissed, that’s not why I’m pissed.”

“Well you wanna tell me why you are? ‘Cause you’ve had a bug up your ass since we left the damn gallery.”

“You wanna know why?”

Sneering at him, she nodded her head quickly. God, he was an idiot, look at how pissed he was, and he was pissed, this was ridiculous, how could he hate her so much so quickly? “Yeah, Beckett, enlighten me.”

“ ‘Cause I had the best goddamn day of my life.”

Yeah, that was a reason. What? Jaycee couldn’t hold onto her anger. Confusion made it difficult to figure out what the fuck he was talking about. “You’re pissed off because you had fun?”

Taking a long step backward, he folded his hands on the back of his neck. “You don’t get it; I’ve never had fun on a date. Today wasn’t supposed to be a goddamn date, I know, but… you’re so… Hell, Jayc! I couldn’t stop looking at you! I wanted to rip fucking every piece from their mounting just so I had space to draw you right there on the damn gallery wall! The way you smiled, the way your eyes narrow and light up as you examine every stroke I made with my pencils. You’re in my fucking head,” he said, jabbing his own finger at his temple. “I knew this wouldn’t work! I knew it! I knew it in that goddamn doctor’s office and I knew it today when I thought about buying every damn cake in that coffee shop just to keep you there longer.” Jaycee didn’t open her mouth. She didn’t understand and yet… she did. Lunging toward her, he brushed his thumb along her jaw. “And then I kissed you… like a fucking idiot… I kissed you.”

“It’s ok,” she made herself say though she didn’t have a clue what she was supposed to feel.

“But it’s not,” he said, sliding the mesmerizing pad of that thumb back and forth from beneath her ear to her chin. “I kissed you and that means it’s over.”

“You kissed me because we were upset,” she said, not sure what she was supposed to feel in this moment. “I was emotional and you were comforting me. It was just a kiss.”

“Did it comfort you, baby?” he murmured and she nodded. “Just a kiss? If this was about sex, I’d get over it. Tonight proved it’s more than that.”

“What?”

“When you spoke, I didn’t hear that we weren’t pregnant. I heard that something hurt you… I want a child more than anything in the world. It’s been my only real goal in my life, even the art was secondary. But tonight, you were upset and I didn’t even think about me, or my child, I thought about you.”

This was like talking to a stranger, not because of him, but because she couldn’t… she just… couldn’t… “What does that mean?”

Beck was supposed to be her stabilizing force, she’d thought of him as the anchor that could give her a guiding light to keep her eyes on and now he was screwing all that up.

“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head and letting his arms fall as he stood up straight. “But it means you can’t be my surrogate.”

That was a blow. Like a physical blow. The words hit her hard square in the middle of the chest and it stole all the breath from her lungs. “Beck—”

“I don’t want a wife, Jaycee. I’m sorry.”

When he turned away from her, she leaped forward and grabbed his wrist in both hands. “We have a contract!”

“I won’t abandon you. My feelings changed, this is me and my shit. It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t be surprised that I screwed it up for myself; that’s what I usually do,” he said. “I’ll pay the eighteen months. If you need help after that I’ll—”

“Don’t do me any favors,” she said, throwing his arm away from her grip. “Go to hell! I knew you would do this to me! I knew you’d make a fool of me.”

Leading with anger was probably unfair, but Jaycee couldn’t believe he was changing the rules in a snap. Beck didn’t argue or defend himself, in fact there was an odd calm around him. “Then you should be glad it’s over.”

“Damn right I am,” she said.

If he wanted this over then it was over, she wasn’t going to beg him to reconsider, she wasn’t going to beg him to let her have his child. Screw him. This was his idea and if he could get bored with it so quickly then he didn’t deserve to be a father.

Yeah, she’d got away just in time.

“Where are you going?” he called after her as she headed for her bedroom.

“Away from here,” she threw over her shoulder. “I’ll pick up the rest of my stuff soon. I don’t have a vehicle to take it all tonight.”

“Girl, you don’t have to—”

“Don’t you dare, ‘girl’ me, Guy,” she said, stopping with her hand on her bedroom door handle to glare through the shadow at him.

What else was there to say? All that held them together was that contract and if he was voiding it then this, their friendship, was over.

“You don’t have to leave in the middle of the night,” he said. “Stay, take as much time as you need to get yourself setup somewhere. I can pay—”

“Is that your answer to everything?” she asked. “Don’t worry about keeping me sweet, I don’t give a damn about your secrets. I’ll forget everything you ever told me…” Turning to her door, she focused on the wood. “Especially the part where you said someone’s word was enough.”