“This place is a shithole.”

“Why thank you, Liam,” Jaycee said, pouring wine for him and grabbing a bottle of water for herself.

Leaving her open-plan kitchen, it took two steps for her to reach her couch, against the wall of her small living room. “No wine?” he asked her when she sat down beside him.

“I’m feeding,” she said, touching the top of her breast. “Sort of.”

“I still can’t believe you had a kid,” he said.

They’d gone out for dinner after leaving AD, and she’d filled him in on Mavis and her decision to play surrogate. “Two of them,” she said. “Not that it was planned that way.”

“You should’ve told me about Mavis.”

“How was I supposed to do that?” she asked. “I haven’t seen or heard a thing from you for three years, or is it four? Besides, you’re as broke as me most of the time.”

Liam’s family had lost their fortune in the legal battle fought to try to keep most of them out of prison. His corrupt father hadn’t been forgotten by justice, he’d been put away on charges of corruption, conspiracy, embezzlement; the list went on and on. For most of his life, Liam had worshiped his father and intended to go into the family business: politics.

When the truth came out about how dirty his father was, he’d defended him at first. But there came a time when that wasn’t possible anymore, like when his father tried to assign his sins to his son.

Jaycee had been a key witness, having worked as masseuse to many people in that elite circle at that time. She’d overheard conversations, seen evidence lying around, been in a position to incriminate or vindicate many of those who saw her as an invisible, insignificant member of staff.

The cops interrogated her so thoroughly and so often that she’d worried for her own sanity. But she was no fool and recognized what their questions were implying; they wanted to take Liam down too. She hadn’t let it happen.

That time was like a different lifetime. Her life had changed dramatically after the trial and for a while she’d been blacklisted. Rebuilding her career had been a struggle, and then Mavis had her stroke and she’d faced a whole host of new problems.

“I’ve made some money on the lecture circuit.”

“You always were good at that,” she said and laughed when he scowled at her. “Public speaking. You were always good at public speaking.”

Liam’s life had been turned on its head too. He didn’t talk to most of his family and had gone off on his own after the trial. Jaycee didn’t blame him for needing to clear his head. Through the course of the trial, they’d gotten close and they’d always been friendly before it when she worked for him, but she didn’t blame him for needing to get a fresh start, she’d needed one too.

“So what’s he about?”

“Who?”

“The father,” he said. “You told me about the doctor and the procedure, you didn’t tell me why the guy couldn’t just do it the natural way. Is he gay?”

Jaycee had avoided talking about Beck because she and Liam were usually honest with each other. Given the need to maintain Beck’s anonymity, it wasn’t possible for her to be completely truthful in this situation.

Withholding specifics from Mavis had been straightforward; Jaycee played it as helping out a friend, and being paid for her trouble. Mavis wasn’t a fool, she knew the home needed to be paid. Until she met him, her grandmother might have assumed that Beck was gay, but she didn’t ask. Whatever assumptions Mavis had made, she hadn’t pushed for an explanation, and Jaycee hadn’t offered any additional information.

But here was Liam, putting her on the spot. “He’s not gay,” she said. “He was the guy in AD, at the bar. I talked to him before I left.” Liam bobbed his head and took a drink of his wine, his loose expression made her suspicious. “What?”

“Nothing just… aren’t these things easier if they’re anonymous? Were you a thing?”

“Before I got pregnant or after?” she asked, quickly regretting her response. “No, no we’re not a thing.”

Liam laughed. “Jaycee, you’re terrible at hiding how you feel. You hooked up with him after you were pregnant? I guess that makes sense, you told me about the procedure, why would you do that if you were sleeping with him? So how did it happen? How do you end up sleeping with the father you’re surrogating for?”

It might seem like a crazy thing from the outside, but it hadn’t been crazy from within the relationship.

“I don’t know, we were living together, we got close…”

“You’re both attractive… and you’re always horny…”

Scowling at him, Jaycee thought she’d prefer judgement over amusement. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now. It was over when I gave birth.”

“When you almost died? What a prince. You squeeze out his kids, end up at death’s door, and he’s like, ‘see ya!’ Sounds like a great guy.”

“He is a great guy. I was the one who wouldn’t let him see me. If I’d needed a place to stay or asked for his help, he’d have been there for me.”

“Then you’re crazy,” he said. “You shouldn’t have left the hospital and come back here alone. What if something had happened?”

Squirming, she licked her lips and dropped her eyes because the truth was sort of embarrassing. “I couldn’t go home with him.”

“Why not? If he had space and you’d been living there…”

“The plan was always for me to leave after I gave birth. He was taking care of two newborns—premature newborns—it wouldn’t have been fair to ask him to care for me too.”

“And you didn’t trust yourself not to jump him.”

Grabbing a pillow, she socked him with it. “Liam! No!” Although yeah, that was part of the problem. “For your information, we’re trying to be friends. We’re trying to build a friendship.”

He laughed again. “Good luck with that. The guy is raising your kids, mother or not, they’re yours and one day those kids will ask who their mother is. If you’re friends with this guy, you’re going to have to do a helluva lot of explaining.”

Anxiety sped her heart. “Are you telling me to cut ties?”

“No. I think you’re letting your relationship with your own mother ruin your life.”

“You always said that,” she murmured.

With a finger under her chin, he raised her eyes to his. “Because you always had such a hatred for family.”

“That’s not true, I love Mavis.”

“Yeah, but your parents, you hated them because you believe they hated you.”

“They did… they do.”

His eye narrowed, was he trying to figure her out, or had he already? “Is that why you did this? You think somehow you’d end up like your mom?”

“Isn’t that what always happens? Women become their mothers and men become their fathers?”

“Fuck, I hope not,” he said, settling back. “I fought pretty damn hard not to become mine… it was a battle you helped me win, remember?”

“I remember,” she said, putting her bottle on the table. “Maybe you’re the exception.”

Picking up her hand, he put his glass aside to free the other so he could stroke her face and lean in closer. “Maybe you are too,” he whispered. “You’re an incredible woman, Jaycee, you know how I feel about you. I don’t think it’s possible for you to hate anyone. You have a good, kind heart. You’re nothing but love… And nothing anyone says will change my opinion about you, sweetheart. Nothing.”

Being this near to him relaxed her and she smiled. “Thank you, Liam. And thank you for coming; I need a friend so much right now.”

He pulled her into his arms, letting his mouth sink into her hair. “I’m more than your friend and you know it. I’ll always be here for anything you need. Anything at all.”

 

 

Spending time with the twins when Snick was around was the safest choice for Jaycee. Quite often when he or the other guys were hanging out with Beck, she’d go over just for an excuse to see the boys.

Liam had been staying with her for a week and it was nice having him around, but entertaining a guest at home meant she’d missed out on playing with the gorgeous little Trents. So when Snick had called her in a panic saying Beck had gone into AD and Pine hadn’t come over to help him with the twins, Jaycee had been more than happy to step in. She might not have taken much persuading when Snick called her, but Liam had sure enjoyed listening to her explain where she was going.

She left him to his smirk in her apartment.

With the twins on her schedule, there wasn’t anything that was going to bring her down.

Unfortunately, Beck had put the boys to bed before going to work, so she hadn’t had much play time when she got over there. Snick was grateful that he didn’t have to take complete responsibility for the twins, but Jaycee thought she should really be the one thanking him, given how much she’d missed her tiniest friends.

The boys had perfect timing because they didn’t wake up until the credits rolled on the movie she and Snick had watched. He had offered to help, but she actually wanted to be alone with the babies. So Snick left her alone.

She sang to them, and played with them. Van fed first. Gogh was good about playing on the floor while she changed Van’s diaper and laid him in his crib. Gogh was starting to fuss when she picked him up, but the moment she sank into the chair on his side of the room, he started to settle.

“You know what’s coming, don’t you, baby boy?” she asked, unbuttoning her shirt to free her breast. Gogh was trying to latch on before she’d even unfastened the front clasp of her bra. “Oh, baby, wait a minute, sweetheart.”

Stroking his hair, she smiled at his blissful expression. Gulping fast, it was clear how his strength was growing. Van started to gargle and whimper, so she stood up to check on him. As soon as she peeked over the edge of his crib, he opened his mouth to begin crying. She had asked Snick to leave her alone and she didn’t want anyone bursting her bubble with the boys, so she had to silence him.

Gogh was concentrating so hard that it wasn’t difficult to hold him in place and scoop a hand under Van to pick him up at the same time.

“What’s the matter with you, little Trent?” she asked, taking Van over to the chair to bounce him on her free shoulder. But as she relaxed back, he slid lower and managed to move her open shirt aside. “Little Van, are you still hungry?”

Tipping him down beneath her arm, she let him latch, and he really did start to eat. “My God, little Trent,” she laughed as he gulped. “Guess you didn’t get enough.”

Van had come off her breast on his own before, but he must have made room when he brought up his wind because he was feeding like he’d been starved for weeks.

“Oh, my beautiful babies,” she breathed out, bouncing in the seat. She stopped. No, they weren’t hers, they were Beck’s babies… Why did she feel such a potent surge of emotion while holding these little bodies?  

Jaycee was still gazing at her feeding boys when the nursery door opened. Snick had never seen her topless, and although the boys were eating, her shirt and bra was open. But when she looked up, he wasn’t the one coming in.

“Maestro,” she said in greeting, turning her chin down to gaze at the twins.

“You’re feeding them both at the same time,” he said, closing the door and crossing to crouch in front of her. “That’s amazing.”

“I fed Van first,” she said. “But he wasn’t happy when Gogh started feeding; I guess he thought he was missing out on something. He’s really loud, he’s dying to talk, he babbles all the time, I love it. And Gogh, he’s trying to roll over, he was on the floor, really giving it his best down there… What will it be like when they’re crawling? You’ll need to get a baby gate for the stairs.”

“I will,” he said, laying a hand on Van’s head to stroke him. “Is he hurting you?”

“He knows how to do it now,” she said. “He’s a good boy. They’re both good boys, Beck. They’re just beautiful. You’re doing a wonderful job with them.”

“Thank you,” he said. “I have a lot of help.”

Van loosened his grip and tried to turn toward his father. She laughed. “He heard your voice and wants to say hello… will you take him?”

Beck took Van from her and said hello to the baby with kisses and cuddles. Watching him and his child together was an incredible sight. It provoked that same surge of emotion she’d felt earlier. “Did you do his diaper?” Beck asked, patting the little one who was curled into his shoulder.

The question took her from her daze. “Uh, yeah, yes. But he was just wet,” she said and smiled up at Beck. “Maybe he was saving the dirty one for you.”

He smiled at her and then turned his lips onto his son. “That what you were doing? Saving the dirty diaper for Daddy?”

Beck went over to the dresser to change the baby and she kept on feeding Gogh. “Pine couldn’t come over,” she said. “I know you weren’t expecting me to be here. Snick called and—”

“You don’t have to justify being here or with the boys,” Beck said. “You’re always welcome, Muse.”

“I’ve missed them, Beck. Is it crazy that I’ve missed being with them this week?”

“No,” he said, his back was to her, but he was working fast, he was well-practiced with the babies. “They’ve missed you too. But I guess you’ve been busy with Howell this week.”

“I have,” she said. “But I was so glad that Snick called.”

Beck picked up the changed Van and patted his back. “You’ve got a lot going on,” he said, carrying his boy over to his crib. Laying him down, he turned on the musical mobile and came back to her. “Do you need anything?”

When her eyes drifted up to his, the air began to crackle. In this almost dark room, the energy grew more charged with every breath she took. She was feeding a child, there was a baby in the crib across the room, but with the attention of her maestro pinned to her, Jaycee felt like the only being on earth.

“Did you seal The Quag?” she asked, but he didn’t answer. “Please, Beck, don’t look at me like that. We shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts.”

“You told me I made you cry,” he said. “You’ve no idea how that’s been tearing me apart.” Hunkering down, he slid his hands onto her knees. “I never wanted to make you cry.”

“We shouldn’t be talking about that either… Aren’t you supposed to be quiet and brooding?”

“Out there, yeah. With you…”

With her. Everything was different with her because it was different with him. She knew exactly what he meant, even if the rest of the world didn’t understand it. “There’s a reason we haven’t been alone recently.”

“A reason you’ve been avoiding me,” he said. “I know. And you shouldn’t have been afraid to tell me.”

“Afraid to tell you?”

“I’m not gonna lie, Jayc, I hate the idea of you with Snick, but it hurts me more that you couldn’t be honest.”

Both Pine and Pete had tried in their own way to ask what was going on between her and Snick. At first, the accountant had liked that his friends thought they were involved and hadn’t minded playing to it. Jaycee said nothing either way about it.

Snick was safe. She liked spending time with him because there was no pressure for her to perform, no worries about him making a move, literally nothing sexual between them.

But as long as the others thought she was with him, she had a barrier that prevented her from worrying about having to pretend to be interested in anyone else.

“You and I haven’t talked much,” she said. “I would never hide anything from you.”

“Guess Howell showing up caused a few issues,” Beck said. “Snick’s a good guy, a bit green maybe. If you didn’t make promises about being exclusive then you’re free to do what you want with Howell, but… Snick’s a good guy.”

Frowning at him, all she heard from him was accusation, even though his tone was neutral. “You said that already.”  

“I’m just telling you not to play with him. You’re an easy woman to love, Jayc, and he won’t know how to… fight for you.”

Gogh unlatched at just the right moment; maybe he sensed her urge to slap his father. Jaycee put him in his father’s arms, forcing Beck to back off. “I can’t believe you’re accusing me of playing them off each other,” she said, pulling her bra closed. “You know me better than that, Beckett. At least, I thought you knew me better than that.”

Bouncing Gogh on his shoulder, Beck rubbed his boy’s back. “I’m not accusing you of anything,” he said. “I don’t want to see you get hurt either. I plan to talk to Snick about—”

“You better not,” she said, taking Gogh away from Beck to carry him over to the changing table. “You have no right to interfere in my life.” Jaycee began to change Gogh’s dirty diaper. “Snick doesn’t need your input either. What we do together is nothing to do with you and neither of us belong to you.”

“Apparently not,” Beck said, handing her a clean diaper. “But you’re both my friends, isn’t that how I’m supposed to deal with this? As a friend?”

“And friends aren’t supposed to—”

“What? Look out for each other? Yes, they are, Jaycee. I don’t want you hurt, I don’t want this to get messy.”

“Well you’re the king of that, aren’t you?” she asked. “Gogh needs a new sleepsuit.”

Beck went to retrieve one. “I think we’re the king and queen of messy, and if you’re screwing around with Snick now too, it’s just going to get more complicated. Did you tell him about us?”

“No,” she said, giving him Gogh’s dirty clothes to take the new ones. “I didn’t tell Liam who you are either, if you were wondering about that.”

“I trust you. I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t.”

Still, he acted like it had been a conscious choice to reveal his identity to her. But it wasn’t really a decision he’d made of his own freewill. Jaycee would never have agreed to have the babies of a stranger who kept secrets. Revealing himself to her was the only way for him to prove he could hold up his end of the deal. If he hadn’t been honest, he’d never have gotten what he wanted from her.

When Gogh was changed, she picked him up, kissed his head, and then gave him to Beck. “Don’t get involved. Leave Snick alone. Don’t say a word to him. Let me live my life, Beck, and I’ll leave you alone to live yours.”

Leaving him in the nursery, she asked Snick to drive her home. Beck didn’t need his friend staying the night and now she was worried about them being alone in case one started asking questions of the other.

Great. So everyone in the Infamous group thought she and Snick were screwing; it was official. And if Beck’s comments were an indicator, they thought she was sleeping with Liam too. Only she knew that it was her maestro who she couldn’t get out of her head or her heart.

Complicated didn’t begin to explain her life.