Loving Beck was easy as long as they both respected their unspoken rule of not discussing the future. That was particularly tough on days like this.
At thirteen weeks, they were back in Doctor Nicks’ office. The doctor had just told her to go behind the screen when his phone rang, taking him away from the couple.
Linking her fingers with Beck’s, Jaycee took her maestro around the curtain with her and then unzipped her jacket. “We should get one of these chairs for the studio,” Beck said, dropping into the doctor’s stool that sat in front of the gynecological chair. “Hop on up.”
When he flicked his tongue, Jaycee laughed and tossed her jacket on his head. “Now every time I sit in that chair I’m going to be picturing you doing that,” she said and rolled up her sleeves.
It wasn’t even that chair she was going to be sitting in today.
Behind the equipment at the back of the chair was another curtain, one that had always been drawn until today. Now she saw the window beyond it and although the blinds were closed, that space was much lighter.
A different kind of examination table was situated in that corner, and it was there they’d get their ultrasound.
“Must be a tough job,” Beck said, scrutinizing the procedure chair.
“Are you being sarcastic?” she asked, leaving her man to go over to the other table, which was basically just a medical bed.
“No,” Beck said, following her. “Imagine having to play with pussy all day and never having any fun, must screw with a guy’s head.”
“Help me up,” she said.
With her jacket still hooked over his forearm, he came over to lift her onto the bed. “Don’t you have to take your clothes off?” he asked, going around to the other side of the table to sit in the comfy armchair beside it.
“What kind of ultrasound do you think this is?” Trying to lie down, she couldn’t get comfortable, so she shifted herself higher. “I told you I was wearing an empire line top for a reason.”
“I wasn’t really listening,” he said and glanced toward the window.
Jaycee rolled her top up to tuck it under her chest, then tried to squash down the waistband of her skirt. “I should’ve worn pants,” she muttered.
He turned back to her and laid her jacket on the arm of the chair before he rose in a crouch and slid his hand up the inside of her thigh beneath her skirt. When he got close to her panties, she clamped her legs tight together.
“Now, Miss Kirk, just relax, this won’t hurt a bit,” he said in his best doctor voice, but when he bowed over her and kissed her lips, she smiled. “I’ll be gentle.”
“This is one of the few times, here in this room, when that part of my body is safe from examination,” she said, curling her fingers around the back of his neck.
But he scowled at her. “I’m around,” he said. “That part of you is always subject to spot checks when I’m around.”
“Spot checks,” she said, shoving his shoulder.
“Ok, let’s see…” the doctor came around the screen and Beck dropped into his seat again. “This is your first ultrasound?”
“Yes,” she said.
The doctor came over and switched on his screen then typed in a few things. Curling an arm around the back of her head, Jaycee turned to Beck to see him frowning at what the doctor was doing.
“Are you hanging with the guys after work?” she asked and when he didn’t respond, she waved her hand in front of his face to get his attention. When she had it, she smiled. “The guys, tonight, are you hanging around at the club?”
“What?” Beck asked and picked up her hand to squeeze it tight in both of his. “No. I’m not. We have work to do.”
They’d been working on The Quag almost constantly since inspiration had struck during his last boys’ night. Her morning sickness had been worse over the last couple of weeks, though she’d had a reprieve from it that morning and she hoped it was a sign that maybe that period of her pregnancy was coming to a close.
“You should,” she said and gasped when Doctor Nicks squirted something cold onto her stomach.
“Sorry,” the doctor said. “I should’ve warned you, that’s cold.”
Yeah, after the fact warnings weren’t that useful. Jaycee knew that this was a big day for Beck; he’d been excited about it. She was apprehensive. This was going to be the first time they saw their child. The child she was contractually bound to abandon.
“You should hang with the guys,” she said again. “You should take every chance you can to have fun now before… you know…” Parenting was going to be full-time for him, she’d be off the hook and she hated herself for forgetting that when she made a point of forcing him to restrict himself in their contract too. Beck was sacrificing the next twenty years, she was sacrificing nine months and there was less than six months of that left. “Your life isn’t your own.”
Doctor Nicks pressed a wand against her belly and Beck touched his mouth to the back of her fingers. She didn’t have his attention, so there was no point in her talking any more. Focusing on the blinds, she looked at the way the depth of the light was affected by the rigid boundaries of the slats. So regimented, it was absolutely perfect and kind of astounding that something so basic as a few pieces of wood and fabric could seemingly control the sun, the burning nuclear bomb that dictated so much of their universe and had the power to destroy them all.
Considering this, she thought about how Beck might translate that into a work of art and speculated on the discussion that may lead to another bout of inspiration. When she saw Beck rise a fraction and his mouth leave her fingers, Jaycee didn’t like the scowl on his face. Was he worried? Was there something to worry about?
The sound that came crashing through the speakers startled her and she inhaled. Was that… A heartbeat? She didn’t mean to turn her head, didn’t mean to look at the screen, but… wow… that was…
“Oh my god,” she whispered.
“Hmm,” the doctor said and pushed the wand deeper into her, making Jaycee gasp and clutch Beck’s hand tighter.
Beck’s hand smacked down over the doctor’s. “Don’t you hurt them.”
Taking her hand out of Beck’s, Jaycee ran her fingers into his hair and when they made eye contact she smiled and tried to loosen his glare with the warmth of her own gaze. “We’re ok,” she whispered.
“I… I didn’t mean to cause distress,” the doctor said.
Jaycee took Beck’s hand away from the doctor’s and brought it to her face so she could kiss the heel of his thumb. “Maestro,” she whispered, brushing her lips back and forth on his skin until he relaxed.
When Beck was happy with one hand on her face and the other on her thigh under the hem of her skirt, the doctor returned to his work and she realized for the first time that she was capable of controlling Beck’s mood.
Sure, she knew when they fought that she could cause him to get angry or annoyed. But she’d never realized that the way she responded to an external factor could cause such an abrupt shift in his emotions.
Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on the heartbeat. Jaycee had always believed herself to be good with music, but it was difficult to pick out the regularity of the rhythm.
“I…” Doctor Nicks seemed nervous and as her eyes snapped open, she struggled to contain her panic.
“Is something wrong?” she asked and this time when she tightened her grip on Beck, he surged to his feet. “Please, doctor, what’s—”
“It’s twins,” the doctor said and looked at her before he looked at Beck and she understood why.
Beck sank down into the chair at the side of her bed and let her go as he dropped against the back. “Twins?” she asked. “But… no… you said, you said there was a risk of multiple births with drugs, we didn’t… we didn’t do the drugs.”
“I’m sorry, Miss Kirk, but it’s definitely twins,” the doctor said and went back to his examination. “Best I can tell they’re sharing a placenta, but there are definitely two distinct fetuses.”
Pushing the screen around, the doctor showed her the blurry image and went into a speech about what he could see and what each part of the babies was, but Jaycee phased out.
Two babies.
They were having… two babies?
The unexpected news led to another silent car journey home.
They had a habit of doing this. Each needed their time to process any new developments before they threw their thoughts at each other. But this was a big one. She was having two babies!
Jaycee had been worried about giving birth to one child and now she had to think about giving birth to two.
As soon as they got back to the warehouse, she saw Pine’s car parked outside. She hadn’t known that he was coming over, but the guys often popped around. Now that they were used to her being in Beck’s life, and there were no secrets, they would come around for dinner or coffee on random occasions. Beck explained that it had always been that way. His place was a sort of central drop-in joint for the Infamous Four, or as they’d now become with her on the inside, the Infamous Five.
With his work, sometimes Beck ignored them and they’d drink coffee alone and leave. Other times, they’d have to drag him out of his bed or pep him up. Now that she was around, the guys were drinking coffee with her if Beck was busy, not that Beck was always happy about his friends taking her away from him, but she felt it necessary to play hostess.
Beck did open her car door for her and take her hand, but they still weren’t talking and she couldn’t be angry about his reticence because she was stunned herself. He guided her inside and they found Pine on the couch watching TV.
As soon as they entered the living room, Pine turned off the set and twisted to look at them. “So, come on, show me the little guy, they gave you a picture, right? Let me see the kid.”
“Which one?” she asked, stepping over his legs to slump down onto the couch on her back.
Dropping the back of her hand over her eyes, Jaycee couldn’t even bring herself to take off her jacket or shoes.
“Which… Wait, what’s she talking about?” Pine asked.
“It’s twins,” Beck said and from the direction of his voice, she’d guess he was in the armchair at the head of the coffee table.
“Damn,” Pine said. “What? No way!”
“Yeah, that’s pretty much all I’ve been thinking too,” she mumbled.
“Do you want a drink, Muse?” Beck asked.
She smiled. If he was trying to take care of her again, he wasn’t mad at her. Though it wasn’t like she’d orchestrated this. “No,” she said, exhaling and unzipping her jacket to lift enough that she could wrestle it off and drop it onto the floor.
“I don’t…” Pine at least was vocalizing his shock. “How did this happen? How fertile are the two of you?”
Her smile became a laugh that became a sob and before she could take a breath, she started to cry. “Muse,” Beck exhaled. She heard him move, then he was stroking her face, picking her hand from her torso to press it to his chest. “It’ll be ok, girl, we’re… we’re gonna…”
Rolling her head on the arm of the couch, Jaycee found him kneeling on the floor beside her. “What?” she asked. “What are we going to do, Beck?”
Wiping the moisture from her face, her maestro appeared to be too distressed by her tears to come up with a cogent plan. “The way I see it there are four options,” Pine said.
Well at least someone was thinking, both she and Beck looked to him though the lawyer was frowning in the direction of the TV.
“Four?” she asked. “What four?”
“One, we find out if it’s medically possible to abort one of the children.”
“Beck!” she screeched, and her maestro rose up to smack his friend’s shoulder hard.
Pine leaned away holding up two hands. “Ok, then there are three options.”
When she tucked Beck’s hand under her chin, he lowered back down and kissed her forehead before brushing her hair away in a rhythmic motion that soothed her. “One, we add an amendment to the original contract and Beck takes all responsibility for both children, but that’s a helluva big job for one guy on his own, especially one without experience.”
“Option two?” she asked, scooting up the couch into more of a seated position so she could focus on Pine as he spoke.
“You separate them,” Pine said. “Take one each.”
She looked at Beck, but he wasn’t looking at her. “Three?” Beck asked.
“You put one up for adoption.”
How could they do that? How could they choose which child to keep and which to hand over to the authorities? “No,” she said. “That was never the point. Beck was tossed into the system when he was born and that’s not what he wants for his child… And how would that child feel when he grew up and found out what we’d done?”
Pine sighed. “Then it’s door number one or door number two.”
Sinking back down, she covered her eyes with the back of her hand again. “Beck can’t take on two newborns alone,” she said. “But I can’t offer a child the same life that he can… It wouldn’t be fair. Living with me would be no better for the kid than adoption… He’d be better off in the system than with me. I have no stability, no savings, nothing to offer a child.”
Nothing was said for a minute.
“I’ll do it,” Beck said. “Write the second child into the contract.”
Seeking out his gaze, she was shocked. “You can’t. It’s too much.”
“They’re our children,” Beck said. “We didn’t ask for this, but neither did they. We should’ve been smarter and considered it. Especially after Nicks suggested it.”
Of course there was a severity about the way he looked at her, he had to be freaking out and was probably trying to hide his worry from her. But, this was… huge. “He suggested it could be a result of the drugs, and we didn’t do the drugs. We had no way to… No way to know that this would happen.”
“But it has,” he said.
He was just accepting their predicament and adjusting, but this was way beyond any kind of compromise they’d made before. “But two babies, Beck, it’s a lot of work.”
“And if I need help I’ll hire help,” Beck said.
What he was suggesting could combust his whole life. “But your anonymity—”
“Isn’t worth more than our child’s life.”
It was incredible how sure he was about this, he’d be an amazing father because there was nothing he wouldn’t sacrifice for his children and as they searched each other, Pine left the couch.
“There is one more option,” Pine said, taking his jacket from the dinner table. “But I feel I should beat a hasty retreat as I throw this grenade into your trench.”
“Just spit it out,” Beck said. “What is it?”
Pine pulled on his jacket before he considered them both. “You do it together.”
Oh no. He’d just broken the silent rule.
Reversing past the dining table, he rounded the kitchen island and departed. Jaycee listened to his car start and the engine noise fade away before she rolled her head on the arm of the chair and looked at Beck, but he seemed to be fascinated by the back of the couch.
Jaycee didn’t even know what to say. Did Beck want them to do it together? No, he’d specifically said that he didn’t want a wife and she’d been adamant that she’d stick to the terms of the contract.
But Jaycee did have to wonder why Pine had even thought it was a possibility. “Did you tell them?” she asked. “About MAC?” Beck shook his head. “Then why would he—”
“I don’t know,” he said, getting to his feet. “But it’s nothing, that’s not an option.”
“Right,” she said, watching him move toward the stairs. “Not an option.”
Because he didn’t want a wife and Pine should’ve known that. It was insensitive of his friend to make that suggestion when he knew the point of this was to avoid complications. “I’m going to work,” Beck said and ran up the stairs.
It had been a long time since he’d gone into the studio without asking her to join him. It could be the shock of the day, he did have a lot of emotion running through him, and she understood how overwhelming it was to think about raising two children. She’d only considered it in the abstract, but the real pressure was on him.
Two children.
In a few months, she’d have to go through labor and that was a daunting idea. But she’d be in a hospital, pumped full of drugs, and it would be a temporary experience. Beck had just been told he was going to have a hundred percent more children than he’d been expecting.
Pushing up, she didn’t think too much about what she was going to do. They’d been using their instincts with each other for weeks and she’d never felt that they’d steered them wrong. Yes, there was going to be a massive crash at the end of this, but that was coming no matter which way they looked at it.
Taking off her clothes as she ascended the stairs, Jaycee was terrified that she might lose the man, but he’d never belonged to her, he’d only belonged to the children she was growing for him. He’d paid to rent her body for nine months and she was going to give him everything she could in that time, even if it meant never recovering from the pain.
He was standing in front of The Abyss when she went into the studio. The Quag extension was on the floor behind him, but he didn’t seem to care about that. He was just standing there staring into The Abyss, literally.
Beck didn’t even turn when she went to him and she didn’t know if he knew she was naked or not. But it didn’t matter. This was for him. She was for him. Creeping behind him, she wasn’t going to make him look at her or think too much about what she was doing. All she needed him to do was feel.
Reaching around, Jaycee unfastened his belt and then his jeans. He didn’t object. He didn’t say or do anything to encourage her, but that he didn’t freak or shout at her was enough to persuade her to keep going.
Drawing him a quarter turn, she met him in the middle, but dropped to her knees at the same time. Opening her mouth wide, she sucked him into her throat and closed her eyes. It might make him feel better, it might not, but this was the only way she could worship him now.
Having children was all he’d ever wanted and now he’d have a family, a sibling for their baby. It was going to be difficult, but she hoped, she prayed, that he’d be grateful in the long-term. Jaycee hadn’t known her body would do this to them, but it was more her fault than his… she thought.
Pushing him farther into her throat, she opened her eyes, but found them drifting toward The Abyss. She wanted reassurance and it was something she always got when she looked at that piece.
Beck’s hand stroked down the side of her head and when she blinked her eyes up to him she was so inspired to see him smiling. “You’re making me jealous,” he murmured.
That was quite an achievement when the head of his dick was hitting the back of her throat over and over, but she smiled and drew back, keeping her fist tight around him as she freed her mouth. “This is like my ultimate fantasy,” she said and kissed his head. “I did come up here to do this for you, but…” Her head tipped toward the art on the wall and she sighed. She was still pumping her hand on his dick, but he lowered onto his knees in front of her. “No, I want to finish.”
“No, you don’t,” he said and skimmed his hands down her sides. “Lie down, Muse.”
Looking left she saw The Quag on the floor, then right there was The Abyss on the wall; she shivered at the rush of adrenaline that fired through her. What he was suggesting was so overwhelming that tears sprang to her eyes. “I won’t be able to handle it,” she whispered.
“You’re giving me such a gift, Muse,” he said, pushing her hair over her shoulders. “Let me give you one back.”
When he picked her up and lowered her onto her back, she stayed tense, but it didn’t last when his head dipped down between her thighs. “Beckett,” she breathed out and arched into his mouth.
“You keep those eyes open, Muse,” he said. “Experience the beauty.”
Was it possible to die of hormone overdose? Maybe. She couldn’t feel the work surrounding them and the artist’s mouth on her at the same time without being infused with the emotions of the day and the pregnancy hormones.
She laughed that day. She cried. She came. Oh, damn, she came, and so did he.
One of the most shocking and heartbreaking days of her life was also one of the most intense and powerful.
Yeah, Beckett Trent was more than the father of her offspring. She gave him more than her heart that day, he took her soul, and Jaycee would never, ever ask for it back.