Chapter 31
Mouth-Breathing, Small Peckered Octopus
When we pull into the parking lot of the school Adrian's face lights up. It's obvious that teaching has become something he enjoys. I like happy, playful Adrian.
When I open the door the second thing I notice, after the screams of children, is the smell of fair food. It reminds me of when I was younger. Every fall my parents would take us to the local county fair. I would eat fried food until I couldn’t breathe then I’d climb onto the rusted out, pieces of crap they called rides and try not to vomit. Holding down a couple pounds of fried food, while violently spinning in circles, is a feat that should merit an award.
Walking up beside me, Adrian inhales deeply. “Ahh, nothing like the smell of a heart attack,” he says, then grins down at me.
I decide to warn him of my impending pig-out. “Just a heads up, I will be eating at least two corn dogs and a huge bucket of fries. If you have a problem introducing me as your girlfriend after that, then you should take me home now."
With a proud smile, Adrian wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. “More proof that you and I were meant to be together. I’d only be embarrassed if you tried to order a salad or some shit like that. And, you’re my fiancé, not girlfriend.”
I look away, not needing him to see the effect of his words. I keep pushing, each time thinking this will be the shove that sends him away, but instead it’s as if I’m pulling him closer.
He releases my shoulder and grabs my hand. "Come on, I wanna play in the jump house before my shift at the dunk tank.”
Adrian buys me my fries and one corn dog, telling me that if I still want another one, he’ll get it for me before we go. He must not think I can eat that much crap without being sick. See, if I had gotten an award from the fair, I could prove it.
He introduces me to a couple of the kindergarten teachers, as a bucket of vinegar and ketchup saturated fries hang from my fingers. They both look from the fries to my legs then up to my face. That’s right girls; I eat like this all the time and I refuse to exercise. Go ahead and tell each other how much you hate me when I walk away, I get it.
All the teachers are nice enough, but I don’t miss the subtle language of jealousy. They don't seem too pleased to see me here with Adrian, and it’s not because of my legs. No, it appears as if Adrian has a following here at Jackson Elementary, and they’re all too old to be checking out his ass the way they do.
As we walk away, they band together and sigh, almost staring a hole through his jeans. So, when Adrian reaches down to entwine my fingers with his, I allow it. I am supposed to be his girlfriend after all, so we need to put on a good show.
A couple little girls come running over, and one reaches up to Adrian for a hug. He squats down and wraps his arms around her tiny frame.
“Who’s your pretty friend,” the other little girl asks, with a mischievous smile.
He gestures to me. “This is my girlfriend, Keegan.” He points to one then the other. “This is Macy and Lily. They are both in my class.”
Both girls’ eyes go wide and Macy’s mouth forms an “O.” The girls look at each other, then take a step back.
“She’s the evil witch?” Lily asks, looking terrified.
Um, what?
Adrian waves both his hands in front of him, trying to stop the girls from talking. “No, no, Macy. I told you that’s not what I meant.”
I clear my throat. “What didn’t you mean, Adrian?” I ask through clenched teeth.
“They, uh, were… uh,” he stutters, looking concerned for his safety.
I turn to the girls and squat down in front of them. With my biggest smile and sweetest voice, I ask, “What did Mr. Elliott tell you about me, Lily?”
Her frightened expression relaxes, but she doesn’t get any closer. “He was reading us a story about a princess and Melanie, that’s another girl in our class,” she says, pointing at the school, “she asked Mr. Elliott if he found his princess yet.”
Macy, who still looks scared, is now standing behind Lilly. She reaches around Lily and points at me. “He said you’re more like the wicked—”
“Okay, okay,” Adrian says, clapping once. “I think they’re gonna close the bounce house soon so we should go get in line.”
Lily looks confused. “It just opened a few minutes—”
“You two never talk this much in class,” he says as he grabs the girl’s hands and starts dragging them toward the inflatable. “Be back soon. Love you,” he says over his shoulder.
“No you don’t,” I yell back, wondering how I’m gonna corner those little girls to get the whole story. It’s not that I think I should be compared to a princess. I want to know which evil witch he thinks I am. If it’s Maleficent, I’m okay with that, but if it’s Ursula, then I’m gonna think Robert’s on to something about me needing to exercise.
While watching Adrian jump with his little princess’, I can’t help but smile. I tease that he’s immature, but the fact that he can be so happy, after what he’s been through, is remarkable. I wish I could let go of my past, laugh and take risks, the way he does.
One of the teachers who was staring at his ass earlier comes up next to me, interrupting my thoughts.
"How long have you and Adrian been dating?"
I'm tempted to start talking about how incredibly crazy awesome he is in bed, but I know women. If these cougars are interested in Adrian, it's not his mind. Validating how great he is in bed would only feed the fire. So I choose a different tactic.
"Not long actually, it's kind of been an impulsive thing for us.”
"But you’re engaged, right. If you've only been dating a short time, why are you already engaged?"
"It was all his idea,” I explain, telling a half-truth. “I mean we hadn't been dating, we’d only been hanging out as neighbors for a few weeks. But," I pause and bite the inside of my cheek, trying to look as if pondering whether not to share the secret. "I'm not sure I can go through with it."
Her eyes go wide as she leans in and gives me her full attention. "Why?"
I look around, playing up the whole secret. "You know the whole size doesn't matter thing?” I cringe. “Well I think we all know it does, but even if you don't have the right equipment, you can sometimes make up for it with the right moves. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the size or the moves."
Cougar number one looks extremely disappointed. She glances at the bounce house, where Adrian is now laughing with the kids. "So what are you going to do?"
I try to look pained at the idea of to make this decision. “I’m not sure, but I do know I can't go the rest of my life having sex with a mouth breathing, small peckered, octopus."
Cougar number one shivers. "It's that bad?"
Frowning I nod. "It's a damn waste, I mean, that face and that body,” I shake my head, “truly a damn waste.”
She shakes her head, looking sad as she walks away to report back to the rest of the pride.
A part of me feels bad because I can only imagine what those women are going to be saying about him behind his back, but I don’t like the idea of them drooling over him. I don’t take time to analyze my thoughts any further.
When Adrian finally leaves the bounce house, I watch him walking toward me. He's actually sweaty and panting hard as if that was one serious workout. The closer he gets the more I notice how his shirt is clinging to his chest, defining has amazing muscles. I look away because if I don’t, I’m going to drag him behind a concession stand. If the cougars see me attacking him, I’ll be busted on my big fat lie.
"Hey, I saw you were talking to Julie,” he says, nodding in the direction of the cougars. “Was she telling you what an amazing student teacher I am?” I guess Julie is cougar number one.
I smile and wink, in an attempt to hide my guilt. "Absolutely that's exactly what we were talking about.”
He grabs my hand and begins pulling me through the crowd of people. “Come on, I’m gonna be late for my shift at the dunk tank.”