Chapter 64
The Last Piece
I leave Adrian alone that night, hoping he’ll sort himself out and come explain his shit to me. By the next morning, I’m a mess, needing answers. I’ve been texting him, but no response. I go to his apartment to find him, planning to threaten his roommates with bodily harm to tell me where he is. Turns out I don’t have to because he’s home. When I walk into his room and see him packing a suitcase, my confusion turns to anger.
“What are you doing?” I ask, scanning the room for answers I know aren’t there.
When he lifts his eyes to meet mine, I know that my life has just been turned upside down. How is it that one look can change the rhythm of your heartbeat, the pace of your breathing, and the clarity of your thinking?
When he doesn’t answer me, I ask again, only louder. “What the fuck are you doing?”
He visibly swallows. “I was getting ready to come see you.”
“You need a suitcase to come visit me across the hall?” I ask, nodding at the large bag sitting open next to him.
His expression is unreadable as if he’s pulled on a mask. He begins to speak, but I already know what’s coming.
“Why?” I snap, wanting answers so I can run away, far and fast.
“I decided I want a family,” he explains, shocking me. “That’s why I was asking you last night. It’s been bugging me. I can’t explain why, I just know I want a family. You made it clear last night—”
I cut him off. “I made it clear, way-the-fuck-before last night, that I don’t want kids. So, why now? Why, outta the fuckin’ blue, did you decide that having kids is more important than me?”
He flinches, and I almost regret the question. I know it’s an extremely selfish question, but I don’t care. I need to put myself first sometimes because hell if anyone else will.
He closes his eyes and I can see the muscle in his jaw twitch. He’s pissed? This piece of shit forces me to fall in love with him, knowing I don’t want children. He begs me to trust him, knowing that trusting a man, to me, is tantamount to making a deal with the devil. Then he promises me that he’ll never walk away. NEVER, his words, not mine. I even told him that’s a big promise to make for someone who’s not God, but he insisted that he’d cut off his own nut sack before he’d walk away, knowing that’s the one way to cause me the most pain. Now, here we are. Adrian, the boy of many promises but only half a heart, suitcase in one hand, waving goodbye with the other.
When he opens his eyes, the mask is gone and I see regret. Regret for the promises or for breaking them? Honestly, I don’t give a shit. He’s gone, he may still be standing here in front of me, but in his mind, he’s already gone.
“Keegan.” He pauses, running his hands through his hair, looking tortured.
I feel like an entire week passes as we stand there and stare at each other, me waiting for him to speak, and him searching for the balls to say what he needs to say. The longer he looks at me, the more I see remorse in his eyes, which makes me want to pull his hair and poke his eyes out. But, I do neither of those because I need to hear what he's going to say. I've had enough of guys walking away from me, leaving me behind without the words. This time I'm getting the fucking words.
"Tell me, Adrian. Look me in the eyes and tell me right now that you’re the next man in my life who is walking away. Tell me that I'm not a priority and you have to leave me behind. I'm asking you to do me the favor of giving me closure for the first time in my life."
"I'm sorry, Keegan.” He visibly swallows and blinks several times as he looks away. When he finally looks back, I think he's going to tell me that this was all a misunderstanding and he just had a moment of freaking out. But then I watch him steel himself and see the resolve as it settles in.
"I need you to know this is never how I meant for this to go. I did always believe this would be it for us. This would be it for me. I don't want you to think this whole time I’ve been with you I've been pretending because I haven't. This has been very real for me. The most real any relationship has ever been."
I want to scream at him and tell him to shut up and take it all back because if he's leaving then none of those words make sense. But because my body is frozen in fear of his next words, I can't move.
"We want different things, things that impact our future. I think ending it now is better than waiting until we are both in too deep."
I take a step back, my eyes going wide. Waiting until we’re in too deep? I thought he was in too deep months ago, and then he convinced me to fall just as hard. I truly thought he was different.
I was wrong. Way, way, way wrong.
“You can go now,” I say in a calm voice. “You’re excused, but first you need to know one thing.” I pause, choking back the sobs. No way am I letting this asshole see one of my tears for him. I swallow hard. “You’re taking the last piece of my heart with you when you walk out that door.” I see him flinch, but I keep going. “My dad took a piece when he left. My brother took another piece. Jack took a little when he left, and my baby boy took some too. But you, you took the final piece, knowing damn well that if you left me, it’d be the last time I’d ever trust a guy.”
That’s the last thing I want him to hear from me. The one thing that replays in his mind all night tonight and all day tomorrow. Hopefully, this will be the one thing he remembers ten years from now when someone says my name and he thinks of me.
I take my ring off and throw it at him, then spin and rush out of his room, out of his apartment, and out of his life.