Chapter 67
I Need My Mommy
I might be the kind of girl that doesn't take shit, who likes to beat up on boys, and who collects hordes of weapons, but I still need my mom.
I make the drive home the next day. Generally I enjoy a long drive, as it gives me time to think, but right now is not the time I want to be in my own head. Unfortunately, I can't make my brain stop working so by the time I make it to my mom’s, I’m a jittery ball of emotion. I'm not surprised that as soon as my mom wraps her arms around me I begin to sob.
I hate myself at that moment because I swore to never be this girl again. Everyone always says making mistakes is part of life but learning from them is what makes us who we are. How is it that I’ve not learned from my mistakes? How is it that this one boy has the ability to tear down the foundation of the person I've become?
I didn't plan to jump right in to the topic of my wounded soul as soon as I got here, but my blubbering state doesn't allow for any other topic.
Mom and I curl up on the couch for the next hour as I catch her up on everything that’s happened over the past few weeks. Like always, she offers no advice and makes no judgments. She simply listens and sometimes cries when I begin my girly weeping again.
Once I've gotten through the story, and I no longer have the energy to cry, my mom asks her first question.
"What do you think happened that weekend? Do you believe he went home?” She's referring to his trip to his aunt’s that sent this all to shit.
"I do,” I say. "Of all the negative things I can say about Adrian right now, I don't believe he's a liar."
"Okay if you believe he didn't lie, then let's look at what he did say. Maybe he only gave you portions of the truth, and we can attempt to find the real parts and piece it all together."
I pull my knees up onto the couch and against my chest, wrapping my arms around them. I drop my forehead onto my knees as I try to remember what he actually said versus what I meant. I look up when I've got it.
"Okay, he said it was something regarding the boys."
"What else," she prods.
We ran through everything he said, and I tried to recall it as close as I could to the exact words he used. My mom had gotten up, and came back with a notepad at one point, and she’s been writing this all down. I feel like Scooby and the gang trying to solve a mystery.
Mom begins to list off all the important pieces. "Okay, so it had something to do with the boys. When he came back, all of a sudden he was talking about wanting a family." She finishes with her nose scrunched like something smells bad.
"Yes, but that's the part doesn't make sense," I say, as I stand and begin pacing the room. I'm feeling all jittery again. "From the very beginning I told him I didn't want kids. Over the past nine months, we've talked about traveling and how I want to be in the Doctors Without Borders program. So why, all of a sudden, did he decide that he wants kids?"
"No, wait a minute," she says, holding up one finger. "Did he say he wants to have kids? Is that exactly what he said?"
I shake my head. "No, he said he wants a family. Those were his exact words."
"Okay, a family can be a lot of things. I mean some people never get married and have six cats, and they consider that their family. If he didn't say he wants to have children, we have to interpret it the way that he said it."
That brings me back to the idea of him finding out he got some girl knocked up in high school, and he found out he has a kid. If that’s the case, why wouldn’t he just tell me? Fuck, whatever the situation is, why didn’t he tell me?
I press the heel of my hands into my eyes, rubbing. “I just want answers,” I say, thinking how shitty it is that I shortly after I got answers from Jack, about why he left, I’m right back here again—looking for clues to solve some damn mystery of the disappearing man.
Mom tugs at my wrists, pulling my hands from my eye sockets. With a small smile, she says, “Then go get your answers.”
What? Go find him and beat the answers out of him? Huh, why the hell didn’t I think of that?