Chapter Thirteen

 

 

 

 

Megan

 

 

 

 

 

I made it my car before the tears fell. I wasn’t sure what kind of tears they were because so many emotions ran through me. After weeks of keeping the feelings and emotions that I had for Simon in check, I’d completely lost control within a matter of minutes.

I was angry. Angry at myself for kissing Simon when I had a boyfriend and when I knew he had feelings for me.

I was also sad. Sad because I’d probably just ruined the friendship Simon and I had developed.

But most of all, I was disgusted with myself. In one stupid moment, I’d managed to betray one person and hurt another. I’d been so jealous of Simon and Kelly all night and I never should have mentioned it to him. I had no right to be jealous in the first place. It wasn’t fair to expect Simon to stop his life because I couldn’t stand to see him with someone. But did that person have to be Kelly?

I didn’t even remember the drive home but somehow I pulled into my parking spot at the apartment complex. I got out of my car and walked to the front door slowly. I didn’t want to see my sister but I had nowhere else to go so I walked inside and kicked off my sandals by the door. As predicted, Kelly looked over at me from where she sat on the couch.

“Hey. I figured you’d stay over there tonight.”

I shook my head as I dropped my purse on the sofa table. “I don’t stay there when the kids are home.”

“Right. I knew that.” I could feel her eyes on me as I disappeared into the kitchen. She gave me a smile when I reappeared. “Is Simon single?”

Jealousy raged in my chest and I tried to shove it down as I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. You’d have to ask him.” I moved towards my bedroom and held my hand up in a wave. “I’m going to bed. Night, Kel.”

I shut the door behind me and let out a long sigh as my forehead fell against it. I should have stayed in the living room and talked through the shit storm in my head with my sister but she felt like the enemy at the moment. I knew that was irrational and not fair to her but I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t even attended to my poor dog and I just hoped that Kelly had taken him out recently.

I got ready for bed and stared up at my ceiling for over an hour. By the time I finally fell asleep, I hadn’t come up with any solutions but I knew that I needed to have a conversation with Simon. I also needed to decide where I stood with Alex. I wasn’t being fair to either man.

I avoided everyone for the next few days. I made excuses as to why I couldn’t see Alex and I blew Kelly off when I ran into her at home. I spent the majority of my time having long conversations with Simba and I was certain someone would be by to cart me off to a psych ward sooner rather than later.

I didn’t have any answers but it all came back to Simon. I needed to talk to him. I needed to make sure that I didn’t hurt him anymore. I was with Alex and part of me worried that I wasn’t giving him enough of a chance. How could I when I spent a good amount of time worrying about and actually with a third person? Besides, even if I broke up with Alex that day, it wasn’t like I could be with Simon. That would be very unfair to Alex and it would be unfair to the kids. They’d gotten used to seeing me around and now I was threatening to hurt them as well.

I waited until I knew Simon would be at work because I didn’t want to have that conversation in the living room after I’d been with Alex in any way. The Friday after the barbeque, I headed to New Hope Fire Department, Station three, after my half-day of work and parked in the lot. I searched the parked cars and butterflies swam in my stomach when I saw Simon’s truck.

I walked up the station house and through the open garage door. All of the engines were in the bays and I didn’t spot anyone at first. Finally, I saw a young guy reading a clipboard as he walked my way. I recognized him as the one of the guys who had been doing Fill the Boot a couple of months before.

“Excuse me,” I said and he snapped his head up from the clipboard.

“Can I help you, miss?”

I offered him a small smile. “I was looking for Simon Owens. Do you know where he is?”

The young firefighter looked me up and down for a moment, likely assessing my intent, and then he smiled. “Figures. Lucky bastard. I think he’s up in the snooze room. Take those stairs up to the second floor and his bunk is the third door on the right.”

I thanked him and felt his gaze on me as I moved to the staircase. I suddenly wished I’d changed before I left work. I had taken my scrub top off so I was just in a white tank top but my bright blue scrub pants probably looked ridiculous.

I made it to the top of the staircase and about four other men were sitting on couches watching a huge TV. They all groaned when a team scored, and none of them noticed me as I slipped by. I counted out the doors until I got to the third one and I held my fist up to knock but someone spoke behind me first.

“Can I help you?”

I turned to find a woman coming out of a room on the left. She was wearing a white t-shirt that was tucked into navy blue pants and she pulled her long, blonde hair into a ponytail as she stared at me with her piercing green eyes. She raised her brows when I didn’t answer after a moment and I snapped out of it with a shake of my head.

“Someone told me I could find Simon in this room,” I said quietly as I gestured to the door behind me.

She glanced over my shoulder before looking back at me. “Does he know you’re coming?”

“No, ma’am.” I cleared my throat and twisted my fingers nervously.

“Then I wouldn’t knock, just go in. It’s been a long day and he’s probably sleeping.” She offered me a small smile and walked towards where the others were in front of the TV. I watched her retreating figure for a moment before turning around.

I pushed open the door slowly. A man, probably in his late thirties, was fully clothed and reading a newspaper on the bottom bunk. I could tell the figure on the top bunk was asleep as his light snores filled the room.

The man reading the newspaper looked up at me in surprise. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.

“Can I help you?”

I glanced to the top bunk before meeting his eyes and matching his tone. “Sorry to bother you, but I wanted to talk to Simon about something.”

“Well, that’s Owens, not a chainsaw in case you were wondering about the noise.” He smiled at me and his eyes were kind. “He’s been asleep for a bit.”

I nodded and moved to step back into the hall. “I’ll let him sleep. I’ll come back another time.”

“Megan?” Simon’s sleepy voice sounded from the top bunk. When I glanced back up, he was looking at me through half-lidded eyes. “Everything okay?”

I nodded again. “I just wanted to talk to you, but go back to sleep.”

Simon sat up and shook his head. “No, let’s talk.” He moved so his legs were dangling over the edge of the bed and he bent his waist so he could look at the other guy. “Do you mind if we have to the room for a few, Williams?”

The man, Williams, stood with the newspaper in his hand. “No problem. I could use a snack anyway.” He offered me another smile before slipping out the door behind me.

Simon stared at me expectantly and I took him all in. His blonde hair was a mess and his bright blue eyes looked tired, but my own didn’t stop there as I let my gaze trail down his almost naked body. His chest was bare the definitions in his toned torso stood out. When I made it to his forest green boxers, I snapped my eyes up to meet his. He smiled at my obvious inspection and scratched the back of his neck.

“I, um, I need to talk to you about that kiss.” I stammered over my words and felt the blush creep up my neck as I mentioned my moment of weakness from almost a week prior.

“That mind-blowing, earth shattering kiss? What about it?” Simon pushed off the bunk and his feet hit the floor. His hands moved to his hips and his eyebrows drew together.

I let out a long breath and shook my head. “It shouldn’t have happened. It was really inappropriate and I take full responsibility for it. The kiss, the late nights… We’re not being fair to your brother.”

Simon’s face transformed into anger and he stalked towards me slowly. I took a step back until I was up against the door with nowhere to go. Simon moved until his body was just inches from mine and his palms pressed to the door behind me, caging me in.

“I don’t give a shit about being fair to my brother anymore. What about what’s fair to me? To you? You and he aren’t going anywhere, Megs, and you know it as well as I do. I’ve tried my best to ignore this between us, but I can’t anymore. Not after the other night. Tell me it’s not killing you like it’s killing me.” His husky voice made my skin tingle and I could feel the goosebumps rising on my arms. I wanted to speak up and tell him it was one-sided, that I didn’t feel it, but I couldn’t lie so I stayed quiet.

“I may not know your body like he does but I know you. I watch you with my brother and I want to punch something because it’s not how it’s supposed to be. He may have dated you first, but we were made for each. You and me, Megan. I knew it from the moment I watched you change that tire. If you can honestly tell me you don’t feel the same way, I’ll bow out. So right now, you tell me the truth and I will back off completely. We will continue to be completely platonic and I won’t toe the line ever again.”

I didn’t respond at first but instead just stared into his eyes as they seemed to sparkle with passion. I was breathing quickly, so turned on by his words and his presence, and I knew that my attraction to him was blatantly obvious.

“I’m with Alex,” I whispered, the statement weak and barely audible to myself. “So why do I always think about you? I always want to see you, to talk to you, to make you laugh. Right now, I just… I want to touch you again so badly.”

“Then touch me. I’m yours.” Simon moved forward and ran his nose along my cheek. I titled my neck to the side and let my eyelids flutter close as I enjoyed the sensation. My body wanted to cry when Simon pulled back. My eyes opened slowly and they collided with his. We just stared at each other for a moment as the thick tension threatened to drown us both.

Simon moved so his lips could graze my ear and a shiver ran down my spine. “Tell me to stop and I will, Megan, but I don’t want you to tell me to stop.”

“Please don’t stop.” I turned my head so my lips met his and it felt like fireworks had gone off in my body. My tongue touched his quickly and I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull my body closer. Simon’s hands snaked around my waist and his hold was so tight that it was almost suffocating.

We kissed frantically, as if we needed to kiss as much as possible because it would all be over soon. I let one of my hands drop so my fingers could trail down his bare chest, exploring all of the different muscled contours that I could. Simon’s fingers found the hem of my undershirt and he pulled it over my head quickly. He used one hand to pull on the tie to my pants and with a gentle tug, they pooled at my feet easily. I toed off my shoes and socks hurriedly, kicking him in the shins twice in the process. His hands moved to my backside before lifting me and pressing my back against the door. I wrapped my legs around him and moaned in pleasure when I felt his rigid erection press against my center.

As we continued to kiss, I wiggled my hips to rub against him again and Simon groaned before walking us back to the bottom bunk. He laid me down gently without separating our lips and I dug my fingers into his back. He unhooked my bra and pulled it down my shoulders, his hands immediately covering my breasts as he did. They ached with need until his attentive fingers squeezed both of my nipples simultaneously, causing me to cry out in pleasure.

“The noises you make are so hot,” Simon mumbled against my lips before pulling back to look at my face. His eyes trailed down my body deliberately. Under his appreciative perusal, I felt like the most attractive person in the world.

Simon reached up to slowly drag down the pale pink underwear I was wearing, a small hiss falling from his lips as he did. As soon as they were off, he stood back and admired me again but I shook my head at him.

“I need you, Simon.”

He sucked in a sharp breath and pushed his boxers to the floor as quickly as he could. He moved to me before freezing in his tracks. “Fuck. I don’t have any condoms in here, Megs.”

I bit my lip and shook my head. “I’m on birth control and I use a condom with everyone else. Are you…?”

He nodded. “Yeah, of course. I’ve never, uh, had sex without a condom.” The look on his face was so sheepish and endearing that I couldn’t help but smile.

The smile disappeared when Simon slowly covered my body with his own and positioned himself between my legs. “Tell me to stop and I will. But tell me you want this and I am going to make love to you right here.”

His words felt like a thousand volts to my chest as I slammed my lips against his and gasped when he slowly pushed himself inside of me. The feeling was exquisite and I knew that Simon would ruin me for everyone else. Every slow thrust made me want to sigh in happiness and moan in ecstasy at the same time.

“I dream about you, Megan,” Simon said breathlessly as he continued to move inside of me, his fingers gripping my hips. “You consume my thoughts and desires. It’s so hard to not touch you when I’m near you.”

“Simon,” I moaned in response, not able to gather my thoughts for a more articulated reply. He shifted my body under him, causing each thrust to hit perfectly.

The sex wasn’t gentle, it wasn’t savory. It was a culmination of months of pent of feelings and desires. It was perfect.

He increased his speed and with my tipped hips, I felt the sexual tension in me build until I couldn’t take it anymore. My body exploded in pure bliss. I clawed at Simon’s back and called out his name until I felt completely spent. His fingers squeezed my hips almost painfully as he came with a husky moan and collapsed on top of my body without actually putting any weight on me.

I reveled in the feeling of him above me and refused to let the guilt flood my brain. It definitely would later but for one minute, I just wanted to enjoy a something I wasn’t sure I’d get again. Simon feathered light kisses along my neck and chest before meeting my lips with his in a tender kiss. I let my fingers run though his messy hair gently and realized that, despite how wrong it was, it felt completely right.

I don’t know how long we laid like that, pressed against each other in silence. We probably could have stayed in our bubble for hours but somewhere an alarm sounded and red lights started flashing on the ceiling. Simon sat up quickly and shook his head.

“Shit.” He stood, pulling me up with him, and started handing me random pieces of clothing. “Get dressed, gorgeous. I’m going to have to run out on you here.”

We both pulled on clothes as quick as possible. Less than two minutes later, I was redressed and Simon was wearing dark blue pants and a matching t-shirt. He reached out for the doorknob but stopped to smooth my hair and give me a quick, but passionate, kiss. “Can I call you later?”

I nodded and gave him a small smile as he turned around and pulled me out the door. We moved down the stairs hurriedly to where everyone was already suited up, and Simon gave me one last kiss before going to join them. Throwing my hand up in a small wave, I quickly walked out of the station house and wasn’t back to my car before the guilt that I had been anticipating hit me. I was a terrible a person.

I climbed in my seat and started the car but didn’t leave. I waited until both trucks left the station with lights and sirens before pulling my phone out of my purse. I had two missed calls from Kelly, one from Alex, and a text message from him reminding me of the plans we’d made for later on that evening.

I really was a terrible person.