Chapter Thirty-Five

 

 

 

 

Megan

 

 

 

 

 

I was surprised at my lack of tears. Maybe I was too angry for them to form but I was sure they would come later. I was so pissed off that I really wanted to turn the car around and head back so I could slap him. I knew the second he’d found the chain because he’d started calling my phone, probably to apologize, but I didn’t want to hear it. If he had just had enough trust in me to let me explain myself, to not jump to conclusions, it could have been solved without any fighting. The fact that he could so easily believe that I’d be with anyone else was jarring.

I declined his calls three more times before shutting off my phone completely. When I got back to work, I used my key to let myself in the side door and I found a few of my co-workers in the lounge. As I grabbed my lunch out of the fridge, Raquel frowned from she was sitting at the table.

“What are you doing here? All we’ve heard today was about how excited you were to see that hunky boyfriend of yours.”

I took the seat across from her and opened my pasta salad as I shook my head. “I decided to come back.”

Lisa, one of the medical assistants, raised her brows. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it. If he comes by, just ignore him. Don’t bother paging me, okay?”

No one pressed me about it but I noticed the glances they gave each other. I ignored them all as I ate my pasta quickly and went back to my desk to busy myself for the remaining thirty minutes. When I had all of the charts uploaded and I’d cleared out the voicemail, Katrina paged me to let me know Dr. Michael’s first afternoon appointment had arrived. I pushed open the door to the waiting room and wasn’t surprised to see Simon sitting in waiting room, too. We locked gazes briefly before I smiled at the man a few chairs away from him.

“Mr. Turner. Come on back.”

Howard Turner stood and as I stepped back so he could walk through the door, Simon stood, too.

“Can we talk? Please?”

I stared at him for a beat and shook my head. “I’m working. The time for talking has passed. Please leave.”

I pulled the door to the back shut and plastered a smile to my face as I led the patient to the scale. Over the next four hours, I brought patients in and walked them out and Simon didn’t leave once. He didn’t attempt to talk to me anymore and I avoided looking at him. I heard Raquel and Katrina whispering about us when I came up behind them, both of them waging guesses on why we were fighting, but they immediately stopped when they heard me behind them.

I walked the last patient and his mother out, smiling at them as they went to the front window to check out and I crossed my arms as I looked at Simon.

“We’re locking up. You need to leave.”

He shook his head and stayed in his chair. “I need to talk to you and I can’t leave until I do.”

“Simon,” I said in a low tone as I stepped towards him, aware that we had an audience. “There is nothing for us to talk about. I warned you not to say something you’d regret. You can’t take any of it back and I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to see you. You need to leave now.”

“Megs.” He stood and reached for me but I stepped back. “Please. I was tired, stupid, and I had a moment of panic. I didn’t realize I was as insecure about the whole Alex thing as I really am. Please. Can we just go somewhere and talk?”

I looked at him for a moment. His face was unshaven, his blue eyes were tired, and there was so much remorse in his features that it was heartbreaking. Everything he’d said to me earlier echoed in my mind and I shook my head slowly.

“I need you to go. Please.” I stared him down until he finally nodded.

“I love you, Megan,” Simon said quietly and I shrugged my shoulders.

“Love is nothing without trust and you obviously don’t trust me.” I turned around and headed into the back office to clean up and put stuff away. I rushed through my final duties and left without saying much to anyone. Simon was gone when I pushed through the door and I walked through the dark parking lot to my car.

I tossed my bag into the front seat and noticed a piece of paper tucked under my windshield wiper. I grabbed it before closing my door and turning on the dome light.

 

I do trust you. I trust you with my life and I trust you with my heart. I’m sorry that I’ve made you doubt that. I’m going to do whatever I have to in order to prove it to you.

I love you.

 

I ran a hand down my face as the tears threatened to finally make an appearance. After a minute of deep breaths, I started my car and turned towards home. With my music turned up as loud as I could stand it, I tried to drown out my own thoughts. I needed to talk to someone before I exploded and I was relieved to see my sister’s car in its spot when I pulled into my own.

I pushed through the front door and she sprang from the couch with a look on her face that told me she’d spoken to Simon. I dropped my keys to the sofa table and looked at the dog.

“Has he been out?”

“Yeah, about twenty minutes ago.” She gestured to the coffee table where a few take-out containers were arranged. “I got us food from Dos Amigos and nice, cold beer.”

“Both sound great.” I hung up my coat, kicked off my sneakers, and pulled my scrub top off so I was just in my long-sleeved shirt. I fell onto the couch and grabbed the to-go container that was on my side of the table. “Did he call you or come by?”

Kelly grabbed her own container and offered me a small smile. “He called to confess his fuck up. It was a pretty big one. I’ve heard his version, tell me yours.”

So I did, and Kelly reacted appropriately by gasping and threatening Simon’s appendages under her breath. When I was done, she nodded.

“His version was basically the same, although he just generalized what he said.”

“Am I overreacting by being hurt by this?” I asked quietly as I took finished off my first beer.

“Not at all,” Kelly replied quietly before taking a bite of her food. She chewed for a moment before speaking again. “The question is, is it unforgiveable?”

I put my food down and used my fists to rub my eyes. “Let’s just forget that he basically called me a cheating slut for a minute. He doesn’t trust me. At all. If he trusted me, he wouldn’t have jumped right to me sleeping with Alex. And if doesn’t trust me, how can we be in a relationship? I don’t want to live thinking he doesn’t believe me when I say I’m doing something or that he always has these nagging doubts about my intentions in the back of his mind.”

The tears finally fell and I swiped at them irritably before opening a brand new beer. Kelly nodded, a look of sympathy on her face as she drank her own.

“Can I play devil’s advocate?”

“Please do.” I angled my body so I was facing her on the couch.

“Well,” Kelly started as she inhaled a deep breath. “You two obviously had a connection from the very beginning, starting from the moment you blew your tire, right?”

I nodded, letting her know I was following and that I wanted her to continue.

“And then the next time he sees you, you’re with Alex and whatever connection the two of you had, in his mind, wasn’t strong enough to justify you leaving Alex. It was easily ignored.”

“It wasn’t easy,” I argued but Kelly held up her hand to stop me.

“I know but look at it from his perspective, okay? From his side of the ocean, you blatantly chose Alex over him. Simon worked hard to make you realize you loved him and that you two should be together. He swallowed a lot of hurt while you continued to pick Alex over him. That insecurity doesn’t go away overnight and maybe not ever.”

More tears ran down my face and I looked at my fingers while shaking my head. “But if I’d found that ring in your bed…”

“You would have let him explain,” Kelly said simply. “It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, Gan. I’m pretty sure Simon trusts you more than anyone in the world. It’s that he doesn’t give himself enough credit. So when he saw that ring while he was overly exhausted from fighting a fire for ten days straight, it only amped up his insecurities by a thousand. Everything he’d ever been scared of bubbled to the surface.”

We sat quietly for a few moments as I absorbed her words. I’d just assumed that Simon’s fears had melted away over the past five months, especially as we watched Alex and Stacey get closer. The fact that he still felt like I’d pick Alex over him made my stomach hurt.

“So,” Kelly said slowly, breaking the silence between us. “Are you ready for my opinion?”

“Yeah,” I whispered as I wiped my face.

“He fucked up but I don’t think it was a big enough fuck up to justify throwing away the amazing relationship you two share. It does warrant some conversation but if you love him as much as I know you do, you’ll work on it. Make it stronger. Reassure him that you are it for him and metaphorically kick his ass for ever doubting you.”

I finished my third beer and set the bottle on the coffee table before laying my head in my sister’s lap. “I love him so much. I’m not ready to talk to him yet, though.”

“And that’s okay, too.” Kelly’s fingers ran through my hair gently. “That was just my advice and opinion. You should take all of the time you need to decide what you want to do.”

I didn’t reply but I didn’t move either and I eventually fell asleep as we watched something stupid on Lifetime. I woke up when Kelly shifted under me as she stood with her phone to her ear.

“Hey… She’s okay. Are you?” She paused as she listened to the other caller speak, and I was glad that Simon felt comfortable going to Kelly. “I don’t know. She obviously loves you, Owens, but you fucked up. I’ve been called a slut many times in my life but it would really hurt if someone I loved said it to me seriously… Yeah, I’m sure. Get some rest and let her come to you. No stalking her at her job tomorrow… I will… Goodnight.”

Kelly let out a long sigh as she moved back to the couch and I stayed still. She wasn’t fooled, though.

“He’s miserable, in case you were wondering.”

I yawned as I sat up and nodded my head. “Glad I’m not alone. Misery loving company and all that, you know?”

“True love right there.” Kelly laughed as she dropped her head so it was against mine. “I’m going to have to abandon you. I have a few charts I need to finish before work tomorrow.”

I pressed a kiss to her cheek and moved to my feet. “That’s okay. I’m just going to walk the dog and head to bed. Thank you for everything. I have no idea what I’d do without you.”

“You did get pretty lucky in the sister department,” she replied with a wink. “I love you, Gan.”

“I love you, too, Kel.” I pulled on my jacket and blew her a kiss before taking Simba outside. We walked slowly through the dark, cold complex and eventually headed back inside.

Kelly had disappeared into her room so I went into the kitchen to grab a drink. I was just turning off the light when I noticed the masonic ring that had started this whole fight on the counter, a white piece of paper under it. I picked up the ring and ran my thumb over it for a moment before I grabbed the paper with my other hand.

Megs,

This is yours. I hope that you’ll accept it.

I love you.

Simon

 

I clenched the ring in my fist and tucked the note under my arm as I went to my bedroom. I put the ring on my dresser with my earrings as I got ready for bed and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of it. As I laid down in bed, I tried to sleep but eventually ended up crawling out so I could pick it up. As I settled back on my pillow, I slid the ring on my thumb and l dozed off not too long after.