Chapter Forty

 

 

 

 

Simon

 

 

 

 

 

I parked my truck along the curb in front of a two-story home. It looked completely ordinary from the outside with its light brown siding and xeriscaped front yard. I knew that inside, though, it would be anything but ordinary. Inside would be Tony’s wife, Pamela, and his teenaged son and daughter, Anthony Jr., and Samantha, and all three of them had their hearts ripped open just thirty-six hours before.

I pulled myself out of the cab of my truck and stood next to the door while I ensured that my red button-up shirt was tucked into my black slacks. I didn’t move again as I waited for the rest of my company.

Jones showed up first. She was wearing black slacks, too, but the purple blouse on her torso was probably the most feminine clothing I’d ever seen her in.

Christos was next and he was in a pair of khaki pants with a black shirt similar to mine. They both stood next to me as two of the others pulled up and parked their cars.

“Even with her door closed and her face obviously in her pillow, I could hear her crying all morning long,” Christos remarked quietly as he stared at the house.

Jones nodded but she turned to glare at me. “You’re a fucking asshole. She’s devastated.”

I didn’t respond to either of them as I swallowed and looked at the black shoes on my feet. Leaving Megan earlier that morning had been the hardest thing I’d ever done. It was better than I leave her willingly so she can recover easier versus leaving her in pieces after being carried away in a casket later.

We waited in silence until all eight of us were standing outside of my truck. Without saying a word, I walked towards the front door and everyone followed. I was nervous as I reached up and pressed the doorbell before taking a step back on the porch. About forty-five seconds passed before the door was pulled open and a sad woman who looked to be in her late thirties answered the door.

I’d worked with Tony for almost six years and had met Pamela on multiple occasions but I still wasn’t prepared to see her like that. Her eyes were red and swollen, her hair was a tangled mess, but the look on her face was the worst part. Her face reminded of my mother’s when my father had died.

She was broken.

“Mrs. Williams. We’ve met before, but I’m…”

She cut me off with a nod. “Simon. I remember.” She glanced behind me at everyone else and a sad smile hit her lips. “Please, come in. All of you.”

I stepped in the door and immediately wrapped the small woman in my arms without saying anything. She returned my embrace with a tight one of her own and did the same to everyone else as they filed in after me.

We spent the afternoon sitting in her living room, some of us on the couch and some of us on the floor, and told her happy stories about her husband. AJ and Samantha joined in at some point, too, and both of them looked like they needed to smile desperately.

When we finally left after three hours, my whole company hugged all three members of Williams’ family. I was the last one to leave and I stood in front of the three of them with my hands in my pockets for a moment.

“He was an amazing man. I’m truly honored that I was able to work with him and call him my friend for as long as he did.” My throat burned as I spoke and I looked directly at AJ and Samantha for a moment. “My father was a firefighter, too, and I lost him while he was on the job when I was twelve. The pain never goes away completely, but it will get better. I promise.” A tear slipped down my cheek and I didn’t bother to wipe it away. “If any of you ever need anything, no matter how big or how small, I want you to call me, okay?”

Samantha rushed into my arms as a loud sob escaped her lips and I held her against my chest for a long moment. After she stepped back, AJ reached out to shake my hand and I tugged him in for a hug, too. Pamela hugged me the longest, though, and I managed to choke back the rest of the tears as I held her in my arms.

“Thank you, Simon,” she whispered as she pulled back. “Tony always spoke so highly of you.”

I gave her a small smile and shrugged my shoulders. “I was lucky to have known him. I mean it when I say call for anything. If you need help around the house, need someone to talk to, the kids have fundraisers or school plays… just call me, okay?”

“I will,” she agreed before squeezing my hand. “Thank you for coming by.”

When I made it back out to my truck, the whole company was waiting for me by my door. I took a moment to look at everyone before I released a long sigh.

“Thank you all for coming. We’re going to need to support this family in any way we can.” I ran my hand through my hair and nodded. “Go home. Be with the people you love. Cap and I will call you when we know the details of our next shifts.”

I stayed where I was as I watched them all leave and soon it was just Christos, Jones, and me.

“I don’t want to talk about her, guys,” I said quietly as I looked at them both. “So if that’s why you hung around, you’re wasting your time.”

“You’re being stupid,” Christos murmured as he turned to head back to his car. Jones just kept staring at me for a moment before she scoffed.

“Life is so short, Owens. Do you think that Pamela would gladly get rid of the years she had with Williams if it meant she didn’t hurt right now?” She didn’t let me respond before she was shaking her head. “Of course not. I bet she’d say that every ounce of pain was worth the time she had with him. And your mother would tell you the same, I’m sure. All you’re doing is hurting Megan unnecessarily and for that, you’re a bastard. I’m ashamed to say that I have a coward for a lieutenant.”

Victoria Jones turned on her heels and walked away, not bothering to spare another glance my way.

 

The next time I saw Megan was at Tony’s funeral the following Friday. She and her sister had come with Mom and Phil. She looked beautiful in the grey dress she was wearing but her face had no light to it. We made eye contact once but she quickly averted her gaze to look anywhere else. Kelly, however, was more than happy to glare at me from where she was and it was me who broke eye contact then. My mother wasn’t too happy with me, either, and she’d called me selfish for what I’d done. She’d also told me all the same things Jones had but it didn’t matter. I knew I was doing what was best for Megan.

When the service was over, I stood from the pew I was sitting in and put my cover back on my head before I moved to the casket. Captain Stevenson stood at his spot in front while the eight of us stood on either side. All of us were in our dress blues as we carried Williams out to our rig. We loaded him on top and ensured he was secured carefully before climbing in the trucks.

Firefighters from all over the area had come to pay respects to our friend. Police cars, ambulances, and fire engines lined the streets as Barthe drove us slowly to the cemetery with our lights and sirens blaring. Williams’ family followed behind us in a limo and over fifty cars followed them.

We slowly unloaded him once we made it to where he’d be buried and we stood behind off to the side while the minister spoke near his grave. I couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down my cheeks as I finally realized that I’d never see my friend again.

I didn’t hear the minister’s words but I knew that he’d read the Fireman’s Prayer when my friends started moving to the casket. The captain removed Williams’ helmet from where it had been on top and the rest of us worked on folding the flag. Once it was done, the Captain presented it to Pamela and her children. The bell rang several times, signifying the end of Williams’ shift, and I distinctly heard Megan’s sob from somewhere in the crowd of cries.

The nine of us stood in a line behind Pamela, AJ, and Samantha as everyone moved to their feet. After they’d offered his family their condolences, the line moved down and people shook our hands, too. I stood second, next to the captain, as I shook hand after hand and thanked people constantly, not really hearing what they were saying. When I saw my family approaching the Williams’ family, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

Megan wrapped Pamela in a long hug and whispered something in her ear that had her nodding. When they pulled back, Pamela smiled and squeezed Megan one more time. She moved on to the kids and they both enveloped her in huge hugs. It amazed me how she had effortlessly involved herself in helping people when it wasn’t even her responsibility.

Phil got to me first and he shook my hand with a sad smile. “Good job today, son.”

“Thanks, Phil.”

My mother was next and I could tell she was still upset with me when her eyes met mine. “I love you, Simon.”

I nodded and hugged her lightly. “I love you, too, Mom.”

Kelly was next and she didn’t say a word as she gave me the quickest and lightest handshake in the history of handshakes. Her glare, however, spoke volumes and I just stared back at her passively until she moved on to Jones.

Megan stepped in front of me and her hazel eyes were sad and tired as she reached her hand out to shake mine. Even through my white gloves, my body burned at the contact and I wanted to pull her to me more than I wanted anything in my life. I didn’t, though, and all too quickly Megan was taking her hand from mine and hugging Jones next to me. The two of them whispered to each other and Megan wiped a tear when she pulled back.

I had to turn away when someone else stepped in front of me with their hand outstretched and I felt sick to my stomach. I reminded myself that it was what was best for Megan and that it would get better as we put time and distance between us.

“You’re an idiot,” Jones muttered under her breath as Megan walked away and I just shook my head.

“Give it a rest.”

We continued shaking hands until the cemetery was empty and then each one of us stepped up to the casket to say our own goodbyes. When it was my turn, I pressed my hand to the smooth wood and cleared my throat.

“I’m so sorry, Tony.” I wiped my nose and shook my head. “Goodbye.”

Everyone kept telling me that I’d made the right call. Captain assured me he would have done the same thing, but I still felt sick when I thought about how I’d put Williams in that truck’s path that night. I wasn’t sure that guilt would ever go away.

The reception was held at the recreation center and I hung back from everyone as they ate and conversed. The big gymnasium was full of tables and chairs and I sat at the table in the very top corner with a bottle of water. My eyes scanned the crowd for Megan but when I saw Mom and Phil, Megan and Kelly weren’t with them.

“She went home,” Christos said as he fell into the chair next to me. “They left after the graveside service.”

I shrugged my shoulders with feigned indifference and looked at the plastic bottle in front of me. “Okay.”

He didn’t say anything else but he also didn’t stay with me for very long. I spent most of the reception alone and my company stayed after it was over to help clean up. When everything was finally done, I hugged the Williams’ family before riding with my company back to the station house.

I murmured my goodbyes to everyone after we’d pulled into the garage and I immediately went to my truck and drove home. Alex and Stacey’s cars were both out front and so I wasn’t surprised when they were on the couch when I pushed the door open.

“Hey,” Alex said as he muted the TV. “Everything go okay?”

I nodded and started unbuttoning the jacket to my uniform. “As okay as a funeral can go.”

I didn’t say anything else as I went to my room downstairs. I took off my uniform and stuffed it all back in the bag before redressing in some sleep shorts. I dropped to my bed and cuddled with my pillow that no longer smelled like Megan and closed my eyes. I wasn’t even tired but I just couldn’t face anything else so I stayed there until I fell asleep.