I roll my shoulders and stretch my neck, back tense and tight from being hunched over my computer all afternoon. Maybe I should buy one of those posture braces to make me sit right. My mind flashes to my horse showing days when my trainer would make us ride with broomsticks behind our backs, slipped into place in the crook of our bent elbows. It was uncomfortable, and probably dangerous, now that I’m actually thinking about it but it made me sit up straight.

I order Cole’s food, take my number, and go back to my table. I stick my ear buds back in my ears and pound out another five hundred and fifty-three words before the food comes. I close my computer, sneak a bite from Cole’s plate and waste time on Instagram until Cole comes in. He smiles when our eyes meet, but he looks stressed.

“Bad day?” I ask, standing so he can embrace me. He pulls me tight against his chest and puts his lips to mine. The kiss is welcome but takes me by surprise. We’re in the middle of a public place, after all. He pushes his tongue into my mouth and holds me tight against his chest, not letting up. I wrap my arms around him, taking solace in his kiss.

“It just got much better,” Cole says, slowly breaking away. We take seats at the table and he picks up his fork but doesn’t start eating. “How was your day?”

“Fine,” I say with a shrug. “I didn’t really do anything. I’m still not totally used to this being my job. I feel like I’m not doing anything productive and it’s all fun,” I admit with a laugh. “When will it feel like work?”

“Once your book is out,” he tells me, forcing a smile. Something is up with him, and he doesn’t seem to have any intention of telling me. “That’s what I hear from a lot of authors. Or when you’re chasing deadlines and the words aren’t coming. That can get stressful, and will definitely feel like work then. Oh, I talked with Melissa from marketing today about your book. She’ll be emailing you soon, probably tomorrow. She’s impressed with Quinn Harlow’s review.”

“I’m still fan-girling over that. Like, is this real life? Seriously.” I shake my head, thinking back to the late hours I kept while writing my first book. I always wanted to publish it, but found writing to be cathartic and helped me deal with all the shit that was going on.

Losing my dad.

Breaking free from Steven.

Dealing with the repercussions of that asshole.

Lost friendships.

Damaged self-esteem.

Writing my characters going through similar shit and getting out and becoming happy in the end gave me hope that I could do the same. Though I didn’t really believe in it…until I met Cole.

“I’m glad I get to be part of it,” Cole says, and his smile is genuine again. It makes me feel better almost instantly, and I realize just how much his honesty matters in this relationship. “Nothing out of the ordinary happened today?”

I reach over and take his hand, knowing what he’s hinting at. “Nothing. And don’t worry about me.” He turns his hand over and laces his fingers through mine. “Cole, I know you don’t like hearing this, but I’ve been through this before. And it taught me that I can’t live my life scared because that’s not living at all. And even my mom brought it up over the weekend.”

“She did?”

“Yeah.” I shake my head, feeling a bit of color rush to my cheeks. “She and my sister both really liked you, by the way. I’m not sure if that’s important to you or not.”

“Of course it is.” The smile is on his face again, and his brown eyes are sparkling. Some of the stress leaves him and his shoulders relax. He’s in need of a back rub. As soon as we get back to his place, I think a dip in the hot tub and a massage is just what the doctor ordered. “Family is important to me, and I know it is to you too. Having my girlfriend’s mom and sister like me is a pretty big deal.” He rubs his thumb in little circles on my wrist.

“What’s even more impressive,” I start, trying to sound serious, “is that Thor approves. He gets the final say, and if I’d listened to him before, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble.”

“He slept on my chest and was purring. Does that mean I pass the test?”

“Shut up. No way.”

“Yes, way. When I went to bed that night, after you’d already passed out, he very slowly came over and laid on my chest and let me pet him.”

“No fair!” I laugh. “That asshole cat hardly lets me pet him.”

“He must have exceptional taste.” Cole laughs. “My mom and stepdad are coming to town in two weeks. It’ll soon be your turn to be judged,” he jokes.

“Ha, I think I can pass this test. But shit—I’m actually nervous thinking about it.”

Cole gives my hand a squeeze. “If anyone doesn’t like you, there is something seriously fucking wrong with them.” He looks into my eyes for a moment, and the things we don’t say are louder than the words spoken. God, I’m falling so hard for this man.

“What did your mom say to you over the weekend?” he asks.

“Oh, uh,” I start and shake my head. “Basically, that she can tell you make me happy.” I bite my lip. “Because you do. And she knows that it’s been a while since…since I was happy before because of all that happened.” I stop and wave my hand in the air. “The past doesn’t matter. I’m really liking the present right now.”

Something flashes over Cole’s face for a millisecond, but he recovers fast. “I like it too. I’m glad you had a good day.”

“I got so much written. I’m going to have this thing done in a week if I can keep this pace up. I don’t know why, but I write faster and faster the more I get into a book. Can I tell you a spoiler?”

Cole laughs, looking like himself again. “Yes, you’re allowed to tell me spoilers. I actually like to know how a book ends before I start editing. The ending can impact things along the way. As a reader, it sucks. But it’s important for editing since there are times when we have to talk through things.”

“Great. Because I like revealing spoilers about my books.”

Cole picks up his fork and starts eating as I talk about the book. The stress leaves him, and things seem back to normal again. Cole finishes dinner, I pack up my stuff, and we get up to leave. It’s chilly but sunny outside, so we decide to walk instead of getting in a cab. Cole puts his arm around me, and I lean in, inhaling his cologne, wanting to remember everything about him. The way he smells, the way he feels against me…it’s all so perfect.

Which fucking terrifies me as much as it excites me. Things don’t typically go my way.

“Want to see a movie this weekend?” I ask Cole. “There’s the new superhero one coming out Thursday.”

“Yeah, I want to see it too. It’s gotten great reviews.”

“Should we invite Luke and Lexi?” I ask carefully, knowing how Cole feels about his brother from time to time. I love my alone time with Cole, of course, but the social part of me is coming back to the surface and a double date sounds fun.

“I think they have the girls this weekend, and when they do, they usually do something with them.”

“I didn’t even think of that. That must be weird for Harper to see her sisters leave like that, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. I’ve wondered about that too. She’s too young to really understand what’s going on. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if the weekend visits stopped happening as the girls get older. Lexi’s ex-husband isn’t very involved.”

“I don’t understand that. I can’t even imagine being away from my children, and I don’t even have any.”

“I agree. My biological father was that way,” Cole says softly. He mentioned his stepfather before but has never brought up anything else about his upbringing. “I haven’t spoken to him in over twenty years. I have no idea where he is or if he’s even alive.”

His words hit me hard. “Wow. I’m so sorry.”

He shrugs. “It’s okay. Ed, my stepdad, is a great guy. He’s been married to my mom for I think fifteen years now. Sixteen? I don’t remember. Is that bad?”

I laugh. “No. I only remember my parents’ anniversary because it was three months before I was born. My mom still wore white. I imagine it was quite a scandal in our town. It was even smaller and more backwoods than it is now.”

Cole chuckles. “The whole everyone-knows-everyone thing weirds me out. I like my privacy.”

“God, you’re telling me. Which is why I love it here so much. Yeah, there’s a ton more people, but most people here don’t seem to care about one another. Which sounds really bad when I say it like that.”

“I know what you mean. It’s easy to blend in here.”

“Exactly.”

“And I’ll ask Luke,” Cole says. “About the movie. If Grace and Paige are at their dad’s, Lexi’s mom or sister should be able to watch Harper. Though that means we might have to catch an early show so they can get back before it’s too late.”

“Oh, right. I keep forgetting that people with kids can’t just leave like people without kids. That has to be such a huge adjustment.” I shake my head and look up at Cole. Things are going well between us. I’m not expecting a proposal anytime soon, but I am debating on having a few of those Big Talks couples are supposed to have to know if things are compatible in the end or not. “Do you want kids someday?” I ask, biting the bullet and getting it out there.

“I do,” he says. “Do you?”

“Yes. I always imagined myself getting married and having at least one baby. I always imagined a little girl, and she’d look just like me. That’s probably weird, isn’t it?”

“Nah. I imagined a boy who was like me, looks and personality. Only better,” he adds quietly.

His words tug on my heart and I tighten my arm around him. “It’s weird to think about, isn’t it? How our traits get passed down. I hope my kids get all my good ones and none of my bad ones.”

Cole raises an eyebrow. “You have bad traits?”

“Only one. Other than that, I’m practically perfect in every way.” I smile and look up at Cole. “So, girls—or at least the ones in my class—would play these stupid games and pick out wedding shit and kid’s names, and I was convinced Willow was the most beautiful name in the world. My best friend Jess and I would fight over who got to name their daughter Willow.”

Cole laughs. “Is Willow still the most beautiful name in the world?”

“I do like it, but I think I’d go with something else now.”

“Naming kids is stressful,” he muses. “They’re stuck with it for the rest of their lives.”

“Having a name that can be shortened is nice. I’ve gone by Ana for pretty much my whole life. I got irritated with people asking me if I was named after Princess Diana.” I shake my head. “Don’t get me wrong, I love princesses, but not every little girl wants to be a princess, ya know?”

“I’ve wondered about that, actually. My nieces are all about the princesses right now. I think I told you my mom lives in Orlando and goes to Disney World all the time. She loves getting the girls princess related—”

Cole cuts off and comes to an abrupt stop. His jaw tenses and he narrows his eyes, looking across the street.

“Cole?” I ask, trying to follow his gaze. The street is busy, full of cars and people dodging them. “What is it?”

He shakes his head and let out a breath. “Nothing. I thought I saw…but it wasn’t.”

“Steven?” I ask and feel an instant chill. It’s all I can do not to look around wildly, making sure he’s not here.

“Yeah. Him. I’m on high alert after…fuck, Ana. I have to tell you something and I wanted to wait until we were back at the house.”

My blood runs cold. “What is it?”

“He emailed me. On my personal email, which I guess isn’t that hard to find, but it’s not like I have it advertised.” Cole and I keep walking, trying to keep up with the steady flow of people on the busy sidewalk. I blink, watching the ground pass by beneath me. “He was watching us, Ana. Last night. He knew you burned the spaghetti.”

All the happiness that was building inside me comes crashing down. Because of Steven. Suddenly I feel like I’m being sucked down into a dark spiral, below the street and into the sewers. I sway on my feet and feel giant sewer rats rip into my skin. It’s been over a year, and this nightmare is still going on. I’m hyperaware of everything, and it’s making me sick. The wind that’s constantly blowing my hair in my face. The rumble of cars and buses on the street. The low, indiscernible chatter surrounding us. People bumping into my shoulders annoyed that I’m stopped in the middle of the sidewalk but not bothering to go around.

It’s all too much.

Cole’s arms wrap around me, steadying me. “Ana, are you okay?”

“No,” I say, voice breathy. “I…I think I should go home.”

“I’ll get a cab. We’re close.”

“I don’t mean your house. I mean I should go home to Kentucky.”

Cole’s brows furrow. “Why?”

“I can’t keep doing this to you. It’s not fair. I’ll go home, Steven will follow me, and you can have a chance to live your life again without having to watch over your shoulder constantly.”

“I am living my life,” he says slowly. “With you. And it’s the best my life has been in a really long fucking time. I’m happy with you.”

“But you could be happier. I know what it’s like, how disrupting it can be. Living every day wondering if he’s watching, when he’ll show up…it’s no way to live. I’ll go back to Kentucky for a while, let him follow me there and then…and then…”

“Then you’ll be right back to where you started and I’ll be without you,” he tells me. “I’m not going to let him scare me off. He’s not going to take you from me.” Cole cups my face in his hands. “Ana. I told you, you’re worth it. I’d walk through hell and back for you because…” His eyebrows push together and he looks at me with desperation. “Because I love you.”

Everything around me fades, and I can breathe again. My heart floats to the top of my chest and I can’t get close enough to Cole. I love him too. I’ve known it for a while, even as I tried to resist falling. He’s everything I want in a man.

In a friend.

In a lover.

A partner.

Yet, I’m scared. Hearts are such fragile things. Taking it out of the safety of my chest and putting it in his hands is dangerous. Stupid, even. It’s easy to break a heart.

I look into Cole’s brown eyes and feel my own well with tears.

“I love you, too.”

* * *

“You should go to bed,” I tell Cole, eyeballing the clock. “You’ll be tired tomorrow.”

“You’re right.” Cole rests his head on my shoulder but doesn’t make any attempt to get up. “How much of this episode is left?”

I pick up the remote to check. “Thirteen minutes.”

“We can watch the end of it.”

“And I thought you weren’t into this show?” I tease, running my hand through Cole’s hair.

“I wasn’t,” he says. “The first episode didn’t grab me, but you were right. Now I can’t stop watching.”

I laugh and pull him into my arms. Cole yawns and comes toward me, resting his head in my lap. I keep running my fingers through his hair for the rest of the episode. Thinking he fell asleep, I go to turn the TV off.

“You can’t stop it now,” he says sleepily. “I need to see what happened.”

“Pretty much every episode ends on a cliffhanger. Even the season finales.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have started this show.”

I laugh again and lean over to kiss Cole. “I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”

He rolls over and grabs me by the waist, kissing me before getting up. He stretches his arms over his head and then takes my hand. We go through the kitchen—all the blinds are down tonight—and take the back staircase to the master bedroom.

By the time we’ve showered, brushed our teeth, and gotten dressed for bed, we’re both wide-awake again. I’m used to late nights since I get to sleep in. Poor Cole has to be up in a little over four hours.

“So, this Halloween party Black Ink puts on,” I start, watching Cole pull the comforter back and toss all the fancy pillows on the ground. I love the way a made bed with lots of pillows looks, but it’s so impractical. Why put half a dozen pillows on a bed every morning when you’re just going to take them off a few hours later? Or in my case, when you stay in bed most the day anyway?

“Does everyone dress up at it?” I ask.

“Most people do. I never have.”

“You’re so lame. Dressing up is fun, and when it’s a costume party and you’re not wearing a costume, you stick out, you know.”

“Oh, I know. I get told that pretty much every year. I’m guessing you like dressing up?”

“Heck, yes. As an adult, there are only a select few times when it’s appropriate for me to wear a costume. I tend to take advantage of it. If I wear a costume, will you?”

Cole makes a face and we get into bed. “I suppose so. Though I have no idea what to dress up as.”

“Me neither. Not yet at least. I’ll search Pinterest tomorrow. We can go as something together.”

“Together? Like the ass and head of a horse?”

I laugh. “No, like a themed costume. Like Bonnie and Clyde, but not that because it’s too overdone. Something kind of matching without being way too lame. A couple-costume.”

Cole’s face tightens. “Couple-costume?”

“Too lame?”

“Uh, a bit. You can look though, and run ideas by me. See if you can force me into a costume.” He looks away, totally uncomfortable with this.

“I won’t force you,” I tell him. “But I’d be really happy if you dressed up with me. And I think I’ll have to get a special costume for your eyes only.”

That piques his interest. Cole moves closer and slips his arms around me. “I do like the sound of that.”

“What’s the overall feel? Do people dress slutty?”

“I’ve seen a few questionable costumes over the years, but most aren’t too bad. Tasteful, I guess you could call them.”

“Do they have a costume contest?”

“Yes,” he says with a laugh. “There are awards for best costume. I don’t think it’s anything worth winning, though.”

“The prize is getting to brag for the rest of the year that you had the best costume, duh. Just like that time I won the hog wrestling contest. I got shit for it but love telling anyone who will listen that they are in the presence of a hog wrestling champion.”

He laughs and puts his lips to my neck. “I’ve dreaded work parties for the last five years.”

“Why?”

“That was the last time I had a date to one,” he admits.

I roll over and hook a leg over him. I’m curious about Cole’s past but don’t want to push it. He told me he loves me and I don’t want him to regret saying it.

“You didn’t date anyone for five years?”

“No.”

“So, before we got together, you hadn’t had sex in five years?”

“No.” He closes his eyes and a tremor of pain goes across his face.

“Can I ask what happened?”

Cole nods but doesn’t open his eyes, and then I remember that it’s late and he has to be exhausted. “It’s a long story. One I’m not proud of.”

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“I want to. As strange as that sounds. I don’t want to hide anything from you.” He looks at me for a moment before taking my hand and closing his eyes again. “I was with the same woman on and off since high school. I thought we were going to get married and everything. Then she broke up with me and said she was in love with someone else the whole time.”

“I’m sorry, Cole,” I whisper.

“Don’t be,” he whispers back. “Things were never that great with her, to be honest. I wanted it to work more than it was working. And I wouldn’t have met you.” His eyes open and he looks at me. “You have a part in your book where your characters talk about all the shit that happened in the past, and how it made them who they are today…it’s true. There’s more to that story, the parts I’m not proud of, the parts I wish I could take back. But it happened and no matter how much I regret it, it made me who I am now. Or maybe that’s all bullshit we tell ourselves to feel better about the bad choices we’ve made.”

“I’ve made a lot of those,” I say with a slight laugh. “And I’ve been told the same thing: the past makes you who you are today. Which, I mean, of course it does. You can’t get to today without going through the past first. And if you don’t learn from your mistakes then…then…I don’t know. You just live with regret and guilt your whole life and that’s pretty miserable.”

“It is. Especially when you think you deserve it.”

I bite my lip and push up on the mattress to better look at Cole. “No one deserves it.”

“I haven’t told you the part I’m not proud of yet.”

“I won’t judge you.”

He turns his head and meets my eyes. “I know.”

My heart flutters and I slip my arm around his muscular chest.

“My ex broke up with me because she’d been in love with someone else for years. And that someone was Luke. My brother. She’d been in love with Luke since she met him in high school,” Cole says slowly, fighting against the words. “When she broke up with me, she made me think it was so she and Luke could be together, and that it was under his urging for her to break up with me because he wanted to be with her too. But he didn’t and had no idea she even liked him. I didn’t know that then, and for years, I hated him for it.”

I wait for him to go on, heart beating rapidly inside my chest. It aches for Cole, and now his feelings toward his brother make sense.

“And then Luke was hurt—badly hurt—in a fire. He was unconscious for days and the doctors didn’t know if he had brain damage from smoke inhalation. The fact that my brother could die at any moment hit me hard and I thought I could move past all that happened before and start over fresh with him. He was living in Chicago at the time and when I got there…she was there too. Sitting at his bedside, holding his hand. It was the proof I needed that they’d been together the whole time, but really, she saw our mother post something on Facebook about Luke’s accident and got to the hospital first. Fast forward a few months, and when Luke and Lexi started dating, I tried to break them up. I didn’t think Luke deserved to be happy after what he’d done to me. Like I said, I’m not proud of it. Even after they forgave me…and made me the godfather of their baby…I couldn’t forgive myself.”

I don’t know what to say because ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t seem like enough. A slew of emotions surges through me, and I think of the anger and pain it would cause me if someone I loved told me they’d been in love with my sister the whole time instead…and that Sophia was okay with it and wanted to be with them too. I’d probably beat the shit out of her and never talk to her again. It would feel like the ultimate betrayal.

And Cole hasn’t forgiven himself. I’m not sure how long Luke and Lexi have been married, but going off the fact they have a daughter who’s going on two years old, I’m guessing it’s been at least two or three years. That’s a long time for Cole to hold onto his feelings of guilt.

“You’re not a bad person,” I finally say, and bring my lips to his.

“I’m not good enough for you,” he whispers, voice heavy with emotion.

Tears pool in my eyes. No one ever said that to me before. Steven always told me how he was too good for me, and how thankful and grateful I should be to be with him. I would be nothing without him. Couldn’t function on my own. He got into my head and made me think I wasn’t worthy of love.

Cole is the opposite.

It’s funny how things work out. From the outside looking in, I never thought a man like Cole would be the one. Handsome, rich, living in this huge house with a prestigious job, someone like Cole is the last person I thought I’d fall for. Ever. Let alone after all the shit that happened.

“You are.” We kiss again and Cole pulls me on top of him. “It’s kinda crazy when you think about stuff in reverse. Like everything that had to happen in order for us to meet.”

“It is crazy because a lot of things did fall into place just right. We met because Lexi had one too many projects and had to give up her most recent one. And she had too many because she’s only at Black Ink part time, which is because she has Harper at home. And she wouldn’t have Harper if she and Luke hadn’t met. Fuck, this is messing with my mind. And making me even more glad I didn’t succeed at breaking them up.”

“Weird how things have to happen to make another happen, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is. I don’t know if we would have met otherwise. I might have seen you at a company event, and thought you were hot of course, but actually conversing…I don’t know.”

“You’d be so taken by my beauty in whatever costume I decide to wear to this Halloween party you’d come up to me, drink in hand, stumbling over your words because you’re so nervous to talk to me.”

“That sounds about right.” Cole slides his hands down my thighs and yawns again.

“Go to sleep,” I instruct. “You’ll be tired in the morning if you don’t.”

“Staying up with you is worth it.”

“It’s totally worth it, but I don’t want you to be tired. Even more tired, I should say.”

“You’re right.” He gets comfortable, keeping his arms around me. “I love you, Ana.”

“I love you too.”