Cole takes my hand in his, lacing his fingers through mine. He’s pulling my suitcase behind him, and I have his. Mine’s twice as big and three times as heavy. He’s a light packer, and we’re only here for a little over twenty-four hours. We got on the earliest fight we could, landing in Kentucky a little after eight a.m.

I’m fucking tired and ready for a nap.

“My mom’s here,” I tell Cole with a yawn. She’s picking us up from the airport and taking us to her house, where my car is. I told her I could pay for a cab to take us to her house, but she insisted. That’s just how she is, and I know she’s excited to meet Cole. “Thanks for coming.” I give his hand a squeeze.

“You’re my girlfriend. You don’t have to thank me. Didn’t you say that being together means doing boring couple stuff?”

I laugh. “Yeah. I did.”

“See? No need to feel bad. And I don’t think this weekend will be boring.”

“I hope not. Though my family can be a little overbearing.”

“Please. You haven’t met my mother yet.”

I like talking with Cole like this, like we both have our sights set on the future and we’re both in it. It feels good. It feels right.

It’s fucking terrifying.

“My family likes to drink wine and then they get loud.”

“They sound fun. Please tell me there will be drunken barn parties.”

“Sophia is way too posh for that. Well, she likes to act like she is. But don’t let that fool you. She was my partner the year we won the hog wrestling competition at the county fair.”

Cole laughs. “That’s something I’d like to see.”

“Just mention it to my mother,” I say dryly, “and she’ll pull out the videos.” I roll my eyes. “She’s oddly proud of us for winning. Of all the things to be proud of, right?”

“Well, you haven’t really accomplished anything else.”

“You’re right. Catching a pig in a big puddle of mud is much more impressive than landing an agent and getting a publishing deal with my first novel.”

“Don’t forget getting the industry’s best editor to work with you.”

“But Lexi had to give up the project,” I tease.

Cole laughs and gives my hand a gentle tug, pulling me close to him. He kisses my forehead and steps forward to hold open a door. We step out of the airport and move down the sidewalk until I see my mom’s truck. She gets out, waving wildly.

“Oh geez,” I mutter.

“Ana!” Mom calls, still waving.

“Hi, Mom,” I call back so she knows we see her. “I hope you don’t mind being hugged,” I warn Cole but it’s too late. Mom’s here and throws her arms around me. I hug her back, setting the suitcase down. “Mom, this is Cole. Cole, this is my mother.”

“Nice to meet you,” Cole says, holding out his hand to shake. “You’re lucky, Ana. You look just like your mother.”

Mom laughs and hugs him, fawning all over Cole for a few seconds. We toss our luggage in the back of the truck and get in the old Chevy. It was Dad’s truck, and he always said it was a lucky charm, and that the angels were partial to American-made Chevrolets and kept a closer watch on him when he was driving.

Cole sits in the back next to me, and I reach up and push the passenger seat forward to give him more leg room.

“It’s a bit tight back there,” Mom says, looking over her shoulder. She starts the rumbling engine. “You can sit up here, Cole.”

“Nah,” I say. “We like making you feel like you’re the limo driver.”

Mom shakes her head, eyeballing me in the rearview mirror. “How was your flight?”

“Early,” I say the same time Cole says, “Fine.”

“Ana’s never been much of a morning person,” Mom says.

“I’ve noticed,” Cole agrees with a laugh, and then looks at me with wide eyes.

“She knows I’m staying with you,” I say quietly, knowing that’s what he was wondering. “I’m a big girl. I can do what I want,” I add with a wink.

I yawn again and rest my head on Cole’s shoulder. He and Mom talk, mostly getting-to-know-you shit, and I doze off for over an hour after failed attempts to converse along with them. When I wake, the sun is out in full force and my heart lurches at the familiar sights of my hometown.

A funny feeling comes over me. I’m back where it all started. Where I was born. Raised. Where we buried Dad. Where I met Steven. Broke up with Steven. Wrote my book. Where I lived.

And it still doesn’t feel like home anymore.

The funny feeling starts to turn into guilt, and my stomach gurgles unhappily. I’m the type of person whose guilt sometimes manifests physically, and nine times out of ten, it’s with some sort of stomach issue.

I look around at the hills and farmland and feel out of place. It’s so fucking weird.

“Morning, sunshine,” Cole says softly.

“I could sleep for at least two more hours,” I grumble, rubbing my eyes. “It’s going to take me a week to recover from this.”

“I’m glad to see you’re still as dramatic as ever,” Mom jokes. “Good thing you don’t have to get up and go to work.”

“I’m lucky, I know,” I say.

“If you went to bed before two a.m. you wouldn’t be so tired,” Cole says, and I give him a look, shaking my head.

“It’s not a problem when I get up after ten. I like the night.”

“A lot of authors say that,” Cole tells us. “And there’s been research on creative people working better at night.”

“And being messy, right?”

“Nice try,” Mom quips, turning around. “Though I have heard that too. Artists thrive in chaos.”

I watch the landscape pass by, becoming more and more familiar the closer we get to Salt Creek. It’s not that I don’t like this place anymore. I do. It’ll always have a special place in my heart, and I think I’ll always feel a little protective of this place and the people in it. I had a good life here, surrounded by good friends. My good memories outweigh the bad by the thousands, yet I feel like I’m done with it.

Is it possible to outgrow a town?

“Hey,” I say to Cole. “Cows.”

“There’s so many,” he says, looking out the window.

“Cole was born and raised in Manhattan,” I explain to my mother, who’s giving him a weird look. “This is going to be a culture shock for him.”

“I’ve left the city,” Cole tells me, raising an eyebrow. “I’ve traveled a lot.”

“Yeah, but isn’t most of your travel for work?”

“It is.”

“And you go to other big cities around the world, in office buildings.”

He can’t help but laugh. “Fine. Though I have gone to Gregory Lawrence’s farm before.” He grimaces. “Think of the release party and multiply it by ten. That’s how drunk he was.”

“Celebrity ‘farms’ are a lot different than a backyard barn and free-range chickens all over the lawn,” I say with a laugh. “I’ve seen pictures of Gregory’s estate and it’s super impressive. But don’t worry, I won’t have you feed the chickens or the goats.”

* * *

“I like your family,” Cole tells me. Sophia and Jason’s engagement party is winding down, and those remaining have moved outside and are crowded around a bonfire, drinking beer and laughing. Cole and I are on the back-porch swing, covered with a thick fleece blanket. I’m on my third glass of wine, and it’s making me sleepy.

“I’m glad.” I snuggle closer to Cole. “They’re good people.”

“They seem like it. And you turned out all right.”

“Just all right?”

“Yeah. You like country music.” We both laugh and he leans forward to kiss me. “You don’t see the stars like this in the city.” He lifts his eyes to the sky and pushes off the porch with his foot, making the swing rock back and forth.

“No, definitely not.”

“It’s quiet here. Is it offensive if I say it’s kind of creepy? It would be all too easy for some crazy inbred hillbilly family to kidnap us and keep us as entertainment in their basement.”

“Funny you should say that. Salt Creek has been the inspiration for every B-grade, made-for-TV horror movie, you know.”

“I knew it.”

I close my eyes, the rocking of the swing lulling me to sleep. “But, no, it’s not offensive at all. It’s true, too. Not so much about the inbreeding, though a kid I graduated with did marry his cousin. But we’re very…rural.”

“Tired?”

“Just a little.”

Cole pulls the blanket up over my shoulders. “Want to go inside?”

“Will you come with me?”

“Of course.”

“Then yes, but you have to help me up.”

Cole puts his feet down, stopping the swing, and helps me to my feet. Taking the blanket with me, we go inside and up to my old bedroom where our suitcases are. “I didn’t intend to stay here,” I remind Cole. “I have my apartment in town.”

“You said it’s a bit of a drive, right?”

“Yeah, like forty minutes, but it’s okay. We don’t have to stay with my mom.”

“I don’t mind,” Cole says. “You’re tired.”

“I am,” I mumble.

He sits on the bed and pulls me down with him. I kick off my shoes and snuggle up against his chest. I hear Cole’s shoes fall onto the floor at the foot of the bed and he brings the blanket up over me.

“Thanks for coming,” I whisper.

“I’m glad I came. It’s fun talking to people who know you.”

“Yeah, I guess it is. You can get the dirt on me.”

Cole kisses my forehead and I close my eyes. He runs his fingers up and down my arm and right there, squished together on my childhood bed, snuggled under a My Little Pony bedspread, is the best place in the world.

Wherever he is, is where I want to be.

* * *

Sunlight streams through my window, strong and bright, and much too hot for my liking for October. I’m already missing the cooler air on the east coast. Cole is still cuddled up close to me, stripped down to just his boxers. Thor is sleeping on the pillow above him, paws outstretched so he’s touching Cole’s hair.

“So you approve?” I whisper to my old cat.

Thor responds by blinking and looking away, which is either a ‘yes’ or a ‘fuck you’ in cat language, though it doesn’t really matter. Seeing my asshole cat kind of loving on my boyfriend is pretty much as sweet as all those photos of muscular men holding babies, if not sweeter. I smile and slowly get up, grabbing my toothbrush and face wash from my suitcase, and go into the bathroom.

Cole is still sound asleep when I get back, and Thor has moved into his coveted spot—my pillow—so I go downstairs to find something to eat. I can hear my mom and sister talking and want to get as much as possible out of this visit since I’m going back to New York with Cole this afternoon.

“Hey,” I say, coming into the kitchen.

“You passed out early,” Sophia quips, raising her eyebrows. “Have enough to drink?”

“I always have enough,” I shoot back and go to the fridge, getting out orange juice. “How much later were you guys up?”

“Just like an hour or so. Cole’s still sleeping?”

“Yeah, and Thor was loving on him. I didn’t have the heart to wake either of them up.”

Mom slides a pan of cinnamon rolls into the oven. “He came down here after you fell asleep.”

I look up from the glass of orange juice I was pouring. “Oh. Why?”

“To help us pick up. He washed all the dishes.”

A smile pulls up my lips. “That was very nice of him.”

“It was!” Mom beams. “I really like him, Ana.”

“So do I,” Sophia says. “Jason didn’t even help pick up. He’s still passed out on the couch.” She rolls her eyes. I’ve always liked Jason. He’s a good guy, a little nerdy but it’s fitting for my sister. I know he doesn’t drink often, so when he does, it hits him hard. Lightweight.

“Good, because I like him too.”

“Don’t sound too happy,” Sophia mumbles.

“What?” I raise an eyebrow. “I am happy.”

Sophia looks at Mom and then at me.

“What?” I ask.

“Last night,” Mom starts, “Cole told us how much he cares for you.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Oh, no. Of course not. But he lives in New York and you…you don’t.”

I take a drink. “I know. And I think it’s pretty safe to say Cole knows. Though if he didn’t before, he does now. You know, since he’s here and all.”

“Diana,” Mom says softly. “We all know you can be a bit impulsive and that’s gotten you into trouble before.”

The trouble she’s referring to is the shit-storm with Steven. And a handful of other things I did out of impulse.

“I’m not going to move in with him anytime soon if that’s what you’re wondering. I’ve been staying with him, but it’s only because a hotel is pointless when we’re…well…you know.”

Mom rolls her eyes. “I’ll pretend I have no idea what you’re talking about. But that’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Then what are you worried about?” I take another few sips of my orange juice, feeling a headache coming on. I didn’t drink that much last night, and waking up slightly hung over is making me feel old as fuck.

“That you’ll end up going in the complete opposite direction.”

I look down at the counter, not knowing what to say to that, which says something in itself. It’s rare when I don’t have a witty comeback or am able to deflect things with humor. But right now…I got nothing.

Because it’s true, and it’s making me feel like there’s something wrong with me. I’m either one end of the spectrum or the other. I go in too hard, too fast, and end up falling on my ass, looking stupid and hurting bad. Or I play it so safe I don’t even try.

“I don’t want to see you give up on something that I think will turn out to be great in the end. I know I’ve only met Cole once and it was for a short amount of time, but he came down here to help. He made an effort to talk to us and get to know us when he very well could have stayed upstairs. I can tell he really cares.”

I nod, not trusting myself to look up and make eye contact.

“Ana,” Sophia begins. “After meeting Cole for like five minutes, I told Jason he needs to step up his game, and he just freaking proposed.”

“Cole is pretty great.”

“He is,” Mom and Sophia say at the same time.

“Which is why I think you should spend more time in New York,” Mom tells me, and once again, I’m speechless. “This last year you haven’t been living. I know what happened isn’t something you’ll ever get over, and I can’t blame you for becoming guarded. Heck, even I am when I meet new people. I worry about you girls constantly and locking you both in a tall tower, safe and away from danger still seems tempting.”

“The witch in the Rapunzel stories always dies in the end,” Sophia reminds Mom.

“I won’t make the same mistakes she did.” Mom winks. “But your father always reminded me…” She trails off, tears filling her eyes. The waterworks will go around; it’s hard for any of us to talk about Dad without getting emotional. “He always said there was a difference between living and surviving. That having a life isn’t the same as being alive. Getting away from here…away from him…it’s good for you. And I think you’ve landed a good guy along the way.”

I blink and a tear escapes, falling onto the counter. Mom is right, and my father’s words ring true in my head. The sicker he got, the more optimistic he became. It pissed me off at first. He was dying. His time was limited. Why the fuck was he so full of life? So determined to make the most of the shitty situation and act like everything was okay.

Then he told me that he knew how shitty everything was. That it sucked more than anything to know he would be leaving us, that we’d have to see him as he deteriorated. Take care of him. Bathe him. Feed him. Watch him die. He didn’t want to be a burden, but until that time came, he could inspire us and make sure we lived the life he wished he had.

Dad was right. Living in fear, constantly guarding my heart to keep it from breaking is not really living at all. Cole and I have a good thing going, and it would be downright stupid to call it quits out of fear.

But Mom was wrong about one thing. I can’t go to New York and be away from Steven. No matter where I go, he follows, and that’s not fair to Cole. It’s not fair to anyone. Maybe I’m wrong, but my gut tells me if I really care about Cole and the people in his life, I won’t get them involved with Steven, which is bound to happen in a matter of time.

Lexi.

The girls.

The other people at Black Ink.

All are fair game to Steven if he knows I have any sort of emotional attachment to them.

And that is a reason to walk away. Not to protect my heart, but to protect Cole’s.