Chapter 2
Edmund checked his watch fob as he listened to his uncle drone on about every single detail concerning his rounds with the tenants. When he’d first requested that Uncle Joseph fill him in, the man had been reluctant, now however, it seemed he felt the need to overwhelm with details.
“And, then he said . . . Why do you keep checking the time? Do you have a pressing engagement?”
The amusement in his uncle’s eyes indicated what he thought of that. The truth of the matter had Edmund repressing his smile. He did have a pressing engagement. For a week now, he’d been meeting Carolyn at the garden to tend to the flowers. Today was no exception.
“Of course not. Please go on.”
His uncle eyed him with suspicion. “I thought you wanted to hear about the tenants.”
“I do. However, I don’t need to consider it in such accurate detail.”
Uncle Joseph got to his feet and ran his hand along his balding head as he paced the floor. “How do you intend to truly understand the people if I don’t tell you everything? I’m not going to be around forever. And, if you’re this uncaring, I cringe to think of you turning all of this over to Thomas.”
“He will learn,” Edmund replied, irritated to engage in this conversation again.
“There is something off about that boy. His mother—Hannah, my beloved baby sister—didn’t raise him right. He makes a joke of matters that should be taken seriously. Not to mention that I’ve caught him more than once socializing when he should have been listening at church. Can you believe the nerve of the boy? Honestly, Edmund, you should be thinking of these things.”
“Do you plan on dying anytime soon?”
“Of course not,” he snapped. “But, you still need to think of the future.”
Letting out a sigh, Edmund dropped his hand to his desk in order to prevent himself from pulling out his watch fob again. “What will you have me do?”
“Allow your mother to have her gathering.”
Edmund’s eyebrows shot up. “That seems very random.”
Moving swiftly, Uncle Joseph approached the desk, pressed his hands against the surface, and leaned down. “Is it? Don’t you see how allowing people in will change the image they have of you? I’m not suggesting you attend, but the fact you allow the event would be a boon for you.”
Although the idea held merit, Edmund couldn’t stomach the thought of people coming into his home with the intent to catch a glimpse of his deformity. He’d be confined to his quarters until the last guest departed. Even thinking about that outcome brought him a round of fury.
“No. The Duke of Demoon doesn’t host parties. For two generations prior to me, it has been thus, and I will not break in tradition.”
“So, do you intend to be like your father?”
A vein jumped on his forehead as his blood pounded through him, but he managed to keep the rage from spilling over. “I am nothing like my father.”
His uncle’s eyes turned pleading. “Then, let the duchess have her party. You know neither one of us will have peace until she has her way.”
Taking a deep breath, Edmund worked on calming himself while he stared hard at his uncle. The man should know better than to use his mother’s tantrums as a way to bargain. Over the years, Edmund had grown to ignore her as effectively as she’d ignored him.
“Will you at least consider the possibility?” Uncle Joseph pressed.
Not wanting to continue the argument, Edmund stood and left the study. He knew his uncle would continue his attempts to coerce him, and he wasn’t in the mood. In addition, as he hadn’t had many occasions to keep to a schedule, he didn’t relish the idea of being late to see Carolyn.
Each and every day he arrived early and watched her walk through the garden. The look of pleasure on her face had stirred something inside him that he thought long buried. He wanted so much more from her besides the hours they silently worked together.
For once, he wanted to be closer to someone. To Carolyn. To know her. To understand her. To hear her desires. To touch her.
The thought of touching her supple pink lips with his hastened his step. As he mounted his stallion and tore through the forest, it was all he could think about. And, he wondered after her reaction. Would she kiss him back or slap him? Not knowing even something so simple about her drove him mad.
A smile stretched his lips as the wind whipped across his face. Honestly, she’d probably slap him. Regardless of her clothing, no mere maid would have the ability to spend hours at her leisure, nor would she have a mare at her disposal. No. Carolyn was born into privilege.
After leaving his stallion to graze, he pushed through the ivy and gingerly stepped through the aisles, searching for her. When he saw her, hands in the dirt as usual, he froze. A few golden locks had come loose from her bun, and his fingers itched to tuck them back into place. As her hands dove into the dirt to protect her beloved flowers, he remained motionless. The position awarded him with a sight that had his body stirring.
Why did he feel like this with her? He couldn’t marry her, and she was too well bred for anything else. Fate was a heartless bastard. Pulling in a deep breath, he let his body become permeated in the calm of the garden.
“Do you intend to stare at me the entire time, or are you going to get to work?” Not a hint of irritation or disgust entered her tone.
He grinned. “Actually, I had hoped to take a break today. Would you care to enjoy a stroll with me?”
The second the words left his mouth and she shot him a quizzical look, he regretted them. What was he doing? He wasn’t a normal man. Getting to know her better would only lead to disappointment. For both of them.
She stood, wiped her hands on her apron, and surveyed her work. “I suppose we have earned a reprieve today.”
When she took his arm, an unusual feeling worked through him. The tentative way she gripped him, combined with her earthly scent and warmth, made him long to be closer still. He shifted his weight, discomforted by the foreign thought.
“So”—she tilted her head and looked over at him as they moved to the flowers—“what brought this about? You’ve never wanted to stroll before.”
He cleared his throat. “It occurred to me that after all this time, I don’t know anything about you.”
“Wasn’t that the point of not exchanging full names? I thought you didn’t want to know me.”
“No.” He focused on the path ahead of them, trying to sort through his confusing thoughts. “There is a difference in knowing someone, and being aware of their parentage.”
“I suppose. So, what do you propose? Specific questions? Or, are we to ramble on?”
A smile teased his lips. “Specific questions should be sufficient.”
She nodded. “I can agree to a give-and-take exchange, but are we to set topics to be off-limits?”
He thought about that for a while. If they set limitations, she could claim any number of topics to be under that subject in order to avoid his questions. That was exactly what his mother would do. He couldn’t stand the idea of leaving this conversation just as ignorant as when it began. However, any rules he set would also apply to himself.
“I think the better option would be to allow each other the ability to leave any question unanswered.”
“Very well. Shall I begin?”
He couldn’t contain his smile this time. The idea she wished to know more about him made him happier than he cared to admit. He might regret furthering their connection later, but for now, he would simply enjoy it.
“Please.”
“I’m not one to needlessly drag out a question, so I’ll be plain about my questions, if you don’t mind.”
He spread out his hand in invitation.
“Are you married?”
“No.” His smile widened. It had been years since a woman had blatantly shown interest in him. The feeling was heady. “How old are you?”
“I just turned nineteen a month ago.” A sigh escaped her lips. “I don’t suppose I shall mind being on the shelf. It hasn’t been my plan until recently, but I think it’s a solid one.”
Intrigued, Edmund stopped walking and faced her. How could someone so beautiful be unable to find a husband? From what he could tell, she was also loyal and kind. Surely no bad qualities lurked behind the surface.
“Why is that?”
She clicked her tongue. “I do believe it’s my turn to ask a question.”
“Of course.” He inclined his head.
Her eyes bored into his, demanding his secrets and seeing things he wanted kept hidden. The one look told him he had no desire to hear her question. Nor to answer it.
“Why do you hide your face from me? I don’t like that I can’t read your thoughts in your expression.”
Edmund bit down so hard on his teeth, he imagined they would crack under the pressure. There it was. The one question he had no desire to answer. Unfortunately, it was also a question he couldn’t deny her a response. The increase in the wind as of late would provide her with the knowledge, either way. That, or he’d have to begin wearing his mask when around her. Not exactly an appealing thought.
That left him with two options. Either to tell her, or never to see her again.
He cleared his throat and pulled upon every ounce of strength he possessed. “A childhood accident left its mark.”
Her eyebrows rose. “My brother also carries scars from childhood. I daresay yours can’t be worse than his.”
Without breaking eye contact, he debated where to go from here. No one had seen his face since the night of the fire. Not to mention, this woman was the last person he wanted to allow a glimpse of his deformity.
The internal struggle got him nowhere. In the end, he didn’t know how to feel. On one hand, he wanted her to desire him, but on the other, he needed to distance himself from her. No matter what happened between them, he couldn’t marry her. He refused to beget an heir with his father’s blood. The man had been poison.
Without a doubt, he knew her repulsion was what he should strive for at the moment. No more strolls, or talks with the intent of getting to know one another. Or, even gardening. This should end now.
“You’d be surprised. I daresay once you’ve seen it, you shall be insisting I wear a mask to hide my face.”
She shook her head as if the very idea was preposterous. “What happened?”
“Let’s just say, I’ve learned not to get too close when the cook is preparing dinner.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but not the truth, either.
“May I?” She lifted her hand and reached toward his face.
Anxious to have it over with, yet never wanting the moment to come, Edmund remained motionless. The feel of her warm hand sliding along his forehead to brush back his hair set his pulse to galloping. He wanted to lean into her touch or grab her hand to stop her, but he did neither.
When her hands smoothed his hair behind his ear, he held his breath. No hint of what she was feeling shown on Carolyn’s face. She tilted her head to the side as her fingers ran across his marred flesh.
Although not as sensitive as it once was, he felt her touch burn into him. The sensation was heaven, and he never wanted it to end.
“This is nothing to be ashamed of.” She drew her hand away, and he mourned the loss, but the connection between them still sizzled.
His plan had resulted in the opposite effect, and he couldn’t even force himself be upset about it. He had shared a part of him with her that he hadn’t even awarded himself. And, she hadn’t rejected him.
It was too much for him to bear. This was a mistake. This whole thing had been a huge mistake. In the beginning, he should have barred her from entering his garden and been done with her.
Desperate for some distance between them, he spun around and headed to his stallion. Although he didn’t check behind him, he knew she didn’t follow. It was better this way. Now, he needed to discover a way to keep himself from returning to the garden in the future.
~ ~ ~
“Very nice.” Thomas Avery stood as Carolyn entered the room. “Didn’t I tell you lavender will bring out your eyes?”
Shaking her head indulgently, Carolyn patted him on the arm before taking a seat next to her friend. “I must admit, you are always right.”
He grinned. “Don’t you ever forget that.”
“I still don’t see why you take such offense to my other clothes. You know I intend to change as soon as our visit has concluded.”
A pained look crossed his face. “I don’t know what bothers me more, the fact you plan to put those rags back on, or the fact you will be covered in dirt within seconds of my departure.”
Although a sensitive subject, she forced out a light laugh. “You are not the only gentleman to feel thus about my hobby.”
Instantly, her mind moved to the one man who didn’t appear to be deterred by her desire to garden. The memory of touching his face brought a tingling sensation to her fingers.
As she’d smoothed the red, rough flesh of his cheek, she hadn’t felt embarrassed. However, now, she fought her body’s urge to turn crimson. She never should have touched him. His rash departure made it clear she’d taken liberties with his person.
Mr. Avery’s eyes softened. “You don’t speak much about your time in London. Was it so terrible?”
Forcing her thoughts from Edmund, she faced Mr. Avery and the equally disquieting conversation.
“No. I simply came to the realization that London isn’t for me.”
“I must admit, I was very glad to see you return . . . unattached.”
Carolyn pasted on a smile, hoping he didn’t intend to bring up the subject of marriage. Again. “I’m glad to be home, too. I missed the country.”
“If you married me, you’d never have to leave.”
She groaned. She should have known he would come back to this. “My answer hasn’t changed.”
Mr. Avery grabbed her hand and searched her face with pleading eyes. “We’ve been friends for over a year now. Surely, you know me well enough. Gordon said friendship was the key.”
Pulling her hand from his grasp, she crossed the room, wrapping her arms around herself. “I’ll admit that my brother is right in some respects, but friendship isn’t what I’m looking for in a husband.”
“I know. You made that very clear months ago. I may not be able to offer you a household to run, but Moonlight Castle will provide you with numerous other activities to engage in. I can offer you stability and wealth. Not to mention, your children will provide an heir to the dukedom.”
She let out a long breath. At one time his offer had been tempting, but not any longer. Her visit with her sister-in-law’s family taught her there could be so much more out of life. Her brother, Gordon, had found it. So, had her sister, Claire.
“You make an appealing offer, but I don’t love you, Mr. Avery. And, I’m just as positive that you don’t feel strongly about me.”
The groan he let out told her exactly how he felt about that. She wasn’t surprised. After all, Mr. Avery had already made it clear he was incapable of loving her in that way. She didn’t mind, but she would never marry him due to it.
“What do you intend to do if you don’t find someone you love? I care for you. Doesn’t that count for something?”
“It counts for a lot. However, I’m friends with the head groom as well, but you don’t see me looking to marry him.”
Mr. Avery shot to his feet. “I don’t like being made fun of.”
“That wasn’t my intention, and I apologize. I merely wanted to prove a point.”
His shoulders sagged as he dropped his gaze to the floor. “You are forgiven. I just want you to know, I won’t be around forever. At some point, I’m going to need to marry.”
“I don’t want you to wait. There is no need. Likely, I will never marry, and that suits me fine.”
After one last long look at her, he took his leave. Carolyn turned to the window that provided her a view of her beloved garden. Her sister-in-law, Annalise, was out there now. She could see her working the dirt. A moment of envy filled Carolyn’s breast. These grounds belonged to Annalise now.
Her secret garden called to her, but she cast it from her mind. The place didn’t belong to her, either. After yesterday, she couldn’t even be sure that Edmund hadn’t gone straight to the duke to tell him about her dealings in the garden. A fitting punishment for her lapse in propriety.
She took a deep breath. There was only one way to find out. Besides, the flowers shouldn’t suffer for her mistake. In the future, she would have to act with a more acceptable amount of restraint. She could hardly believe she had lost herself in the moment. Touching people wasn’t something she normally did.
Too easily, she recalled the look on his face as she’d run her fingers across his cheek. Although he hadn’t given much away, she noticed how his jaw had relaxed and the lines on his forehead had smoothed. He may not want to admit it, but he had enjoyed her touch.
Swiftly gathering her tools and loading them into the saddlebags, she made her way over to the garden. In her haste to see what would befall her inside—or, if Edmund was there—she left her gardening supplies on her mare.
As she rushed through the rows, she looked down each one, then as she rounded a corner, she met up with something akin to a brick wall. She sucked in her breath, the scent of sandalwood and roses filling her nostrils. Warm hands gripped her shoulders, but didn’t set her aside.
“In a hurry to get somewhere?”
The amusement in Edmund’s voice brought heat to her cheeks. She tilted her head up to look at him, and their proximity struck her.
Without thought, her eyes fell to his lips. So close to hers. She couldn’t breathe. In the past, she’d always felt kissing was much too personal, but something inside her was desperate for him to touch his mouth to hers.
Those mesmerizing lips parted. “No response for me?”
The throaty quality of his voice helped bring her back to herself. She pushed at his overly muscular chest, thrilled, yet disappointed, when he easily released her. The truth was, she didn’t want to kiss him, or anyone for that matter.
She cleared her throat. “Well, after the way you disappeared yesterday, I wasn’t sure if the duke himself would show up to toss me off his property.”
“I’m sorry about that.” Edmund’s gaze drove into her. “I haven’t shown my scars to anyone in a very long time. Ever actually. It was . . . too much for me.”
Guilt pricked her chest. “I owe you an apology as well. I shouldn’t have pressured you or-or touched you.”
A smile twisted the corners of his mouth. “Well, I’d be lying if I said I completely disliked the latter.”
Tingles of awareness raced across her flesh, discomforting her. She straightened her back. “So, did you come here to tend to the garden?”
Disappointment crossed his face before he masked it. “Truthfully, no. And, I see you didn’t come to garden, either.”
Her eyes widened in embarrassment as she realized her blunder in leaving her tools with her mare. “I-I . . . well—”
“Don’t fret.” Edmund took her arm and led her through the garden. “I’m flattered that you were anxious to see me. And, in honor of the mutual feeling, I say we finish our stroll from yesterday.”
Carolyn swallowed, but allowed him to lead her to the flowers. “I don’t see what you hope to gain from this.”
He halted them abruptly, and whipped around to face her, his blond locks fanning around his face. “I see. So, your curiosity has been satisfied. One look at my face, and you are done.”
The cool, emotionless tone stoked a fire in her. The idea that he would dismiss himself so easily, and that he assumed she would do the same, irked her. She lived with a man who held scars—physical and emotional ones. Of all people, she would be the last one to judge.
“How dare you accuse me of being so superficial? Your appearance has nothing to do with my confusion over our relationship.”
“Our relationship?” He took a step back from her, concern chasing away the previous lifeless emotion.
“Perhaps that isn’t the correct word.” She thought for a moment. “You see, we are simply clouds. Briefly taking in the stretch of scenery together, until a strong wind blows us in opposite directions. There is no reason for us to get to know one another better.”
His face relaxed as he moved closer. “Such a lonely existence.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m surrounded by people every day.”
A wry smile twisted his lips. “But, nonetheless lonely. It doesn’t matter how many people you have in your life if no one understands you. That is definitely something I can relate to.”
The look on his face, combined with his words, broke her heart. She understood his predicament as he understood hers. Having someone to know her—to really know her—was something she would never enjoy.
“What do you propose?”
He shrugged. “Perhaps while the wind is steady, we take in the scenery together.”
“And, afterwards?”
“We let the wind blow us as it will.”
Without responding, she allowed him to take her arm again and lead her down the path through the flowers. An uncomfortable ache opened up in her stomach at the idea of their time coming to an end. If she felt this way now, she could only imagine how hard it would become once she got to know him better.
She feared this would prove to be more difficult than she could handle.