Chapter 7
Carolyn stared at the closed door of the hunting cabin. Where had Edmund gone? She didn’t like the idea of him being out in the storm. The urge to go after him struck her, but that would probably anger him. He clearly worried over her being in the rain.
The command in his voice when he’d told her he would remove her clothes for her awakened an ache within her. And, his bare chest. Dear God, she was in a bad state. Never before had she imagined how spectacular the sight of a male chest could be. Her fingers itched to touch him, but he was gone.
When the door slammed open, Carolyn searched his face, but he didn’t look at her. Instead, he marched to the back wall and hefted out a large dressing screen that she hadn’t been aware of. He took his towel and clothing, then disappeared behind it.
She wasn’t sure why he felt inclined to cover himself, but she wouldn’t let that stop her. After all, the storm and the cabin given her an idea. Somehow, she had to convince Edmund to show her passion. She vowed to experience it before beginning her lonely existence at Dailey or at Moonlight Castle, that was if Mr. Avery were to be her future.
Edmund emerged from the screen, dressed with his long blond hair having been dried with the towel. He didn’t look at her, or make any indication he knew she stood there as he collected their clothing and wrung them out in a large tub. She simply watched him work, marveling at the strength of his hands as he completed his chore.
“Have I done something to anger you?” She couldn’t take his silence any longer.
“No.” He let out a long sigh. “I’m not angry.”
“Then, I’ve done something wrong?”
“No.”
Irritated, she put her hands on her hips. “Then, what is it? Why won’t you look at me?”
He hung the rest of their garments then focused his attention on her, his nearly black eyes traveled down the length of her body slowly, then back up. It felt like a caress. Her nipples hardened under his gaze as if he’d touched her. She couldn’t breathe.
“Because, I’m only a man.” His rough voice was strained. “And, I’m not nearly strong enough to resist.”
The knowledge he wanted her as badly as she did him sent a shiver through her. She wanted this, and wouldn’t accept missing an opportunity. The only problem was she had no idea how to ask him.
She recalled her sister mentioning being in a similar situation with Ian, but Claire hadn’t said much. Had Carolyn known the information would be helpful later, she would have pressed her sister for details. To start, she supposed Edmund needed to be closer to her, but he clearly needed some encouragement.
“Do you think you’d be able to help me dry my hair?” She moved her blond tresses away from the shirt to show the water spots on the fabric.
His jaw clenched as his focus trained on her chest.
“As you see, I am soon going to require another shirt,” she pressed.
He stalked toward her, grabbed a towel from the back of the chair, and stopped a few inches from her. “Turn around,” he whispered.
As chills danced across her flesh, she did as he ordered. The intimacy of having him complete a simple task for her took her breath away. Too overcome, she turned back around and placed her hands on his chest.
He closed his eyes. “Don’t.”
Unable to help herself, she ran her hands along the contours of his chest, wishing his shirt miles away. When he didn’t stop her, she grasped the fabric and pulled up.
“Carolyn, stop. You don’t understand what you are doing.”
She let out a sigh. Although she didn’t want to talk right now, she certainly didn’t want to fight him every step of the way either.
“I know exactly what I’m doing. I’ll never have the opportunity to feel anything like this in the future. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life regretting missing out on this while you are here.”
His steely gaze pierced into her. “So, you are willingly giving yourself to me knowing you will be ruined?”
She nodded and pulled his shirt farther up. “Yes, Edmund. Please help me. Show me passion.”
Not another word was required as his lips came down on hers. The contact of his body against hers with only the thin material separating them was unlike anything she’d ever felt before. His hard body pressed into hers, exciting and teasing her.
His mouth devoured hers as his hands fisted in her shirt. She knew what he wanted, for she wanted it, too. There was no reason to wait. She pushed against his chest, and he released her so fast, she nearly fell.
“I’m sorry. Perhaps, I—”
She silenced him with a finger over his lips. “No apologies, and no reason to retreat every time I touch you.”
Grasping the hem of his shirt, she slowly lifted it over his head. When she couldn’t reach, he took over, tossing the garment aside. The bulging muscles that greeted her called out to be touched. Sliding her fingers across his warm flesh, she marveled at the strength of him.
“So powerful,” she whispered reverently. “Upon occasion, I’ve seen the gardeners with their soaked shirts tight against them. None of them compares to you.”
A small smile curled his lips. “There was a time I was weak and helpless, I vowed to never be such again.”
She couldn’t imagine him ever being any less than he was right now. “Kiss me.”
He shook his head, then took her hand, leading her the few steps to the bed. Nerves gripped her for the first time since she’d entered the cabin. She was truly going to do this. It was such an uncharacteristic thing for her to turn her back on society’s strictures, but this would be her only chance.
Edmund seemed unaware of her thoughts as he stood behind her, hands at her waist. His lips caressed her neck as he slowly pulled up her shirt. Her heart pounded against her chest. In one swift move, her shirt was gone.
When he pressed his bare chest to her back, she leaned against him, loving the contact. Then, a moan ripped from her throat as his hand closed over her breasts. He massaged and teased the stiff peaks until she couldn’t take it any longer. Need danced in her body, centering between her legs. She wanted him there.
Pulling his hands away, she spun around and threw herself into his arms. He caught her to him and kissed her with the same fury she felt. The dusting of hair on his chest tickled her breasts, and she squirmed against him, desperate to feel more.
Before she could think twice, she tugged on his breeches, anxious for nothing to be between them. He chuckled, then gave in to her silent plea, shucking them and tossing them onto the pile they’d created on the floor.
Amazed, she stared at the very obvious proof of his desire. Curiosity overwhelmed her, and she leaned forward to take a better look. Edmund groaned, and that part of him twitched.
She reached out to touch it, but he grabbed her hand. “Not this time. It’s been much too long for me to handle it.”
When she opened her mouth to question him, he closed his lips over hers and pushed them back against the bed. His body settled between her legs, and she ripped her mouth away, moaning at the contact.
His lips traveled down her neck until closing over her nipple. Pleasure sped through her, and she pressed her hips against his, feeling so desperate. The pulsing desire drove her mad. She knew what would happen, and she couldn’t wait any longer.
“Edmund,” she pleaded. “Please.”
In response, he touched her most private place, and instead of shock, more pleasure speared through her. But, it wasn’t enough. Her hands bit into his shoulders, silently demanding he give her more. Then, his finger slipped inside of her, and she cried out.
As his hand moved within her, she felt pressure building, but release remained just out of reach. Perspiration built on her forehead and a tear fell down her cheek.
“Let go,” he whispered against her wet breast. “Give yourself in to the sensations. Give yourself to me.”
As if in response to his command, pleasure took over and exploded throughout her body, wrenching a scream from her throat. She had understood the act should be pleasant, but she never expected the mind-numbing feelings overwhelming her at this very moment.
When she returned to herself, Edmund was looking down at her, madness lurking beneath the surface, and she understood his plight. She braced herself, ready for the next step.
“So beautiful,” he rasped before taking her lips once again.
Feeling confident, she wrapped her arms around him, shuddering when he positioned himself at her entrance. His large girth stretched her, but she gritted her teeth, prepared to handle whatever necessary in order to give him what he gave to her.
The one thrust that broke her innocence brought pain, but she bit her lip to push through it. Memories of the pleasure she’d experienced remained with her, helping to ease her. Then, with each thrust she began to feel better and better until her desire began to build once again.
She clung to him and met his thrusts, becoming more desperate as he pounded into her. So close, now. She could feel it happening again. Closing her eyes, she screamed his name as she once again fell off the precipice of bliss. Her body hummed with a more intense reaction than the last.
Before she could fully recover, Edmund jerked out of her and groaned as he rested his face against her breasts, his body rigid. Shocked by his sudden withdrawal, she stilled, holding her breath until he lifted his head.
“What happened?” she asked once the pleasure dimmed from his face.
“I told you, I’ll sire no children. Bastards or otherwise.”
Carolyn swallowed. She’d been so overcome she hadn’t even thought of the possibility. The idea that she could be so careless disturbed her. All the pleasure drained from her, and she shoved at his shoulders.
“What’s wrong?” His voice was cold as he pulled away from her. “Your plan didn’t work, did it? You had hoped to become with child to trap me into marrying you?”
Her mouth fell open. How could he believe such a thing of her?
“You found me out,” she spat back as she got off the bed and collected her sodden garment before moving behind the dressing screen. “I truly believed a man who doesn’t even tell me who he is would do the honorable thing and marry me once I forced him to give me a child.”
She heard him moving about the room.
“So, you are saying I’m not honorable?” Anger swam in his voice.
Tears pricked her eyes. She didn’t cry. She never cried. How could he ruin such a perfect moment between them? Did he not know her at all? That thought hurt her worse than the others. She covered her face with her hands.
“You can just . . .” He let out a sigh as his tone softened. “Carolyn? What’s this?”
He pulled her into his arms, her resistance not fazing him. Unwilling to let him see how much he hurt her, she bit down on her bottom lip to keep the unwelcome emotions at bay.
Although she hated it, her traitorous body softened in his embrace. “Let me go. I don’t like you right now.”
He released her. “As far as I’m concerned, you have no reason to be angry with me.”
Ignoring him, she quickly dressed, and headed to the door. Then, she looked back at him. “Just so you know, I wanted nothing from you beyond what you just gave me.”
She slammed the door and set out into the rain. As the freezing drops seeped into her gown, she couldn’t bring herself to care.
~ ~ ~
“I think I’m cursed.”
Edmund snorted at Thomas’s laments. “Why is that?”
“Everyone is in such a foul mood, and I seem to have caught it. Furthermore, the only person capable of helping me has only added to the misery of my situation.”
Shaking his head at his cousin’s theatrics, Edmund poured another glass of brandy and slid it across the desk. “Drink. It might make you feel better. Or, if you don’t like to here, you can just leave my study. Go bother your Miss Ashford.”
“I would be happy to—trust me—but the lady has gone and gotten herself sick. Lady Dailey wrote to me this morning telling me Miss Ashford’s fever finally broke, but the girl is too weak for visitors.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. I do wish her a speedy recovery.”
“Me, too. It’s been a difficult two days.”
Guilt weighed Edmund down. He’d been too consumed in his own confusion and anger over Carolyn that he hadn’t noticed his cousin’s plight. He closed his eyes. And, to have the trouble being in the baron’s family made him ill. He would happily endure any discomfort to take the pain from that particular family.
“I will write to the baron. If they need anything, anything at all, he should know he can count on Demoon to come to his aid.”
“Thank you. It was rather distressing for a while there, but I think she will make a full recovery.” Thomas cleared his throat. “Now that I have told you my problem, it is your turn to unburden yourself. What has brought about your foul mood?”
Edmund rolled his eyes. His cousin should know better than to think he would confide in him. They were too different, and where Thomas didn’t understand Edmund’s choices, Edmund didn’t understand Thomas’s.
On the other hand, part of him wanted to ask Thomas if he knew a petite blonde named Carolyn. He hadn’t seen her since she had left him in the cabin, and he knew he couldn’t handle too much waiting. That day, he’d been too angry to realize he knew her better than to believe she would do such a thing. But, her disappearing again pushed him beyond his limit.
“My mother is having her tea today,” Edmund intoned.
“Ah, yes. I had arranged for Miss Ashford to attend. Unfortunately, considering her circumstances, she had to cancel. My hope was for her to see what Moonlight Castle would hold for her.”
“If she’s anything like that gaggle of women my mother has with her today, I’m the only thing she’d see, or rather, try to see. I saw them in the garden with their faces pressed against the windows.”
“Truly?”
Edmund shrugged. “They might as well have been.”
“Perhaps I should give up on Miss Ashford and marry one of them.” Thomas tapped his finger against his chin. “I get a wife, and they’d get their dream of being able to see you. Every single day. You are a handsome fellow, I may even get lucky and have my wife turn her attention toward you and leave me in peace. It would serve you right.”
“With your luck, you’d find the one who would fall madly in love with you.”
Thomas let out a sigh. “Yet another reason why Miss Ashford is perfect. She doesn’t love me, and although she claims she wants it, I don’t think she’s capable of feeling that emotion.”
Surprised to hear such a negative comment about the girl from Thomas, Edmund studied his cousin. “Why do you say that?”
“She analyzes everything. I doubt the lady has ever done anything where she hasn’t calculated the next ten steps first. That kind of mind doesn’t allow itself to fall in love.”
The more Edmund heard about Miss Ashford, the more he wasn’t sure she would be a good choice for his cousin. Not to mention the girl had a weak constitution which caused her to catch a fever. Thomas could do much better.
Perhaps he should also write to the baron about that. Maybe send along a gift to help along her recovery. After all, he couldn’t have Thomas marry someone incapable of performing her duties.
~ ~ ~
A week after the mistake in the hunting cabin, Edmund once again found himself in his grandmother’s garden. The thought of all the hard work they’d put into this place negated by it freezing in the upcoming winter made him nauseous. However, he knew nothing about gardening besides what Carolyn had told him.
Without her, this place would wither and die, exactly as it had upon his grandmother’s death. The thought of maintaining it himself was absurd. And, he refused to bring gardeners here. This place had been a close secret in his family, that was, until Carolyn had found it.
Then, as if his thoughts had conjured her, there she was. Crouched in her usual position weeding. He froze. Too many times he had seen her in the garden that he couldn’t believe she wasn’t a dream.
“Just keep walking and pretend I’m not here.” She didn’t look at him.
“And, why do you think I’d wish to do such a thing?”
She sat back on her heels and peered up at him. Something seemed different about her. The glow of her skin had dimmed, and if he wasn’t mistaken, she had lost weight. Her normally slender face appeared gaunt.
“You never know if I will attack you in order to get myself with child.”
He cringed. “I shouldn’t have accused you of that.”
After brushing her hands off on her skirt, she stood and faced him. “Then, why did you?”
“The women I know do not hesitate to manipulate men in order to get what they want. Then, when I saw your anger at my confession, I was positive you were exactly like them.”
“And, now?” Her closed expression hadn’t changed. “What made you alter your opinion?”
Running his hands through his hair, he studied her familiar face. Not for the first time, he was struck with how easy it was to be around her. Her eyes never strayed to his scars, and she never treated him differently because of them. Here, they were simply Carolyn and Edmund. He hated how he had forgotten that.
“I realized I knew you better than that. I’m sorry I questioned you.”
She smiled, and the sight awarded him with more joy and relief than he had a right to feel.
“I’m glad to hear that, but you are right about one thing, I was angry, but not at you. It was at myself.”
“Why?”
“The fact that you had remembered to prevent a child made me realize I hadn’t even considered the possibility. That isn’t like me.”
Feeling better than he had all week, he smiled. “It was good I was able to keep my wits about me.”
She frowned. “I suppose so. Regardless, I would like to apologize for my selfish actions that day.”
The idea that she would apologize for what happened between them was laughable. He would gladly allow her to be selfish with him whenever she chose. The experience had been his best to date.
“If you hadn’t noticed, I didn’t mind in the least.”
She rolled her eyes. “Now that we have moved past this, do you suppose we can go back to being friends? I could use help in the garden now that the winter weeds have decided to move in.”
Edmund nodded, and got to work beside her. The last thing he wanted was to be reduced to a friend, but he would rather have any part of her than none at all.
They worked in silence, and although it felt companionable, he wished she would talk to him. He spared a glance at her a time or two. He found her occasionally sitting with her eyes closed or taking a break from working. It wasn’t her usual behavior. He didn’t like it.
“Are you well?” he couldn’t help but ask.
“Very well,” she hastened to respond. “I simply have numerous matters on my mind as of late.”
He stopped working and faced her. Normally, she wouldn’t hold her thoughts back from him. It was something he admired about her. What had changed?
“Care to talk about them?”
She bit her lip and glanced away from him.
“Carolyn?”
After letting out a sigh, she began weeding again. “I received a marriage proposal.”
Edmund clenched his fists as white-hot jealousy burned him from the inside out. It had only been a week since they been apart. He didn’t like the idea of other men becoming so close to her in that time. And, for one to offer marriage meant he’d imagined she’d accept.
“And?” he pressed when she didn’t continue.
“I considered it, but I feel nothing for the gentleman. After what occurred between us in the cabin, I realized I could not do that with just anyone.”
Rage colored his vision and robbed his ability to speak. He couldn’t believe she had considered doing so with another man. And, she spoke so casually about it while he wanted to rip the nameless man apart for simply thinking to offer for her. How could this happen? She belonged to him.
The thought washed him with cold water. No. She didn’t. And never would. He needed to give her up now before matters got too far out of hand. Or, he needed to show her their secret meetings would be enough for her. He didn’t know what he would do if she married and completely disappeared from his life.