Chapter 6
Edmund adjusted the mask on his face for the twelfth time since he’d put it on. It felt uncomfortable against his skin. All the time he’d been with Carolyn he hadn’t been concerned over his scars, and the freedom from being trapped by his mask had been liberating. It was strange how aspects of his life changed so drastically in such a short time.
“I’ve decided to have a few ladies over for tea tomorrow.” His mother’s tone indicated she’d accept no argument. “Although I’m certain a number of them have sent in their agreements in hopes to peer at the beast, I’ll expect you to keep your distance.”
Edmund ground his teeth together. Again, she’d gone from being protector to attacker. Did she even realize that?
“Keep your guests away from me, or I shall ensure they receive their opportunity to see the beast, as you say.”
She huffed, then continued on her needlework. Not many occasions saw the two of them alone together. Resentment burned hot in his chest at the fact she used their time to argue with or ignore him.
It had been years since he’d taken the time to think on their relationship. Carolyn had him dredging through his past and bringing up a lot he had no desire to deal with. At present, he couldn’t decide if it was a good thing or not.
“This evening has been frightfully dull. I do so hope your uncle gets rid of his illness soon. I swear, that man has no idea what his retiring early does to me.”
“Is it his presence you are missing, or are you regretting me being here?”
A haughty eyebrow rose, but she didn’t look at him. “Even Thomas chose to abandon us. I don’t know what’s wrong with that boy. We both know he cares nothing for that Ashford chit. I can’t see why he wastes his time.”
“Do you remember what you used to tell me when Father was in one of his rages?”
She looked at him then, and he saw fear in her eyes. The sight surprised him. That was something he hadn’t seen in a long time, and honestly, he’d hoped to never experience it again on his mother’s face. Was she afraid he’d be exactly like his father? Edmund gritted his teeth. He’d send himself to the grave first.
“Of course, I remember.” Irritation replaced her fear. “Why would you bring up such a thing?”
“Is that what you are doing when you see me?”
He stared at her wounded expression, and in her face he could see the mother who once loved him. Her words from years ago echoed in his head.
Close your eyes and hear the ocean in your mind, Edmund. The waves crashing on the shore. Hear them, nothing else. Keep strong. Just know, the bad will be washed away with the waves before you know it.
“No. Never. Edmund, I . . .” She squeezed her eyes shut, then looked up at him with hard eyes. “You are just a walking reminder of what I lost. What that man took from me.”
The child inside him wanted to tell her he was still here, but he crushed the thought. Instead, he stood and left the room. If she wanted company tonight, she could keep her own.
Grabbing his greatcoat, he threw it over his shoulders and shoved his hands in the pockets before heading into the night. Not bothering to rouse the groom, he slid the bridle over his stallion’s head, deciding not to saddle the great beast. They’d been together long enough that he could ride bareback.
Without thinking of any particular destination, he gave the horse his lead. The cold of the evening bit into his face, but he didn’t care. When his stallion slowed, he wasn’t surprised by their destination. The setting sun provided enough light for him to see the charred remains of his father’s hunting cabin up ahead.
He dismounted and walked his stallion to the burnt structure. The mystery of the fire occupied his thoughts. Had it truly been a childish prank to set the fire? Or, had the fires of hell come to collect his father’s soul? He wished he knew the answer. But, that was something he would always be denied.
As Edmund walked through the charred remnants of his painful past, he was stuck with the sight of the devastation. Fire was unforgiving. But, he had survived it. Although he knew he should have had the thing removed long ago, times like this made him glad it still stood.
The physical proof of the fire reminded him how easily he could have lost his life. It was also further confirmation that his father was gone. At times, seeing the evidence helped him see his situation differently.
His stallion nudged him, telling him it was time to leave. He had what he came for, anyway. Strength. He didn’t need his mother, or anyone else for that matter.
This weak side of him was unacceptable, and he wouldn’t stand for it any longer. The women in his life wouldn’t be allowed to turn him into this again, he’d make sure of that.
~ ~ ~
Carolyn laughed as Mr. Avery twirled her around the dance floor. Although she’d been irritated at first by all the new events to attend, she’d since amended her opinion. Dancing all night was a good way to get her mind off Edmund. Too many nights she’d lain awake with thoughts of him.
“Would you care to take a stroll with me?” Mr. Avery arched a brow as he led her from the dance floor.
She nodded as she glanced toward the doors. The chilly air would feel nice after the crush of people dancing. However, Mr. Avery’s answering smile didn’t put her at ease. It seemed he had something on his mind.
Once outside, she took a deep breath, enjoying the cleansing feeling on her throat. “Now that you have me out here, what are you hoping to discuss?”
He shot her a sly smile. “You know me so well.”
“No. I’m simply adept at reading people. If I knew you well enough, I’d already know what you wished to speak about.”
His laughter relaxed her. “Come on, let’s see if Lord Abernathy’s gardens are worth our time.”
“From what I can see, we shall be disappointed.” She took his arm and allowed him to lead her into the unimaginative foliage.
As they wandered through the well-lit garden, Carolyn was appalled by the care—or, lack thereof—the garden had received. Specimens requiring light were placed too far into the shadows, whereas the ones requiring indirect sun had been placed where the rays would overwhelm them. Not to mention the amount of weeds threatening to overtake most of the beds.
“This isn’t so bad,” Mr. Avery commented.
Her mouth fell open as she stared at him. “Clearly, our opinions differ when it comes to the acceptability of care to a garden.”
He shot her a sheepish look. “Honestly, I know next to nothing about flowers. I brought you out here to talk about something different.”
“Of course.” She put the tragedy of the garden behind her. “You have my undivided attention.”
His grin was infectious. “I’ve been thinking about what you said regarding love and marriage. And, I’ve come to a decision.”
“Yes?” Hope filled her breast. She would love nothing more than to have his reason for inviting her out here be to tell her he had found someone else. After all, he was a likable, handsome man.
He stopped walking and faced her. “I’ve decided to see if I can love you.”
“What?” Her incredulous tone rang between the two of them.
“All I ask is that you try, too. It would be perfect. You will have security and love, and I’ll have a wife I can stand as well as the heirs I need.”
The ridiculous situation made her laugh. “Oh, Mr. Avery. It doesn’t work like that.”
“Won’t you call me Thomas? Perhaps that is the beginning.”
She swallowed. Making the small concession seemed harmless, but she didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. Especially since she never had any intention of accepting his suit. Ever.
“I’m not sure that is such a good idea.”
“Then, perhaps a kiss.” His eyes fell to her lips, but he looked as though she would bite him.
“Excuse me?”
“Kiss me.”
Memories of when she’d been given the same command from Lord Starsen entered her mind. That was one of the moments she realized a marriage for stability would be more difficult than she had hoped. She had decided that if she couldn’t stand to kiss a man she felt nothing for, procuring heirs would be next to impossible.
Then, thoughts of another kiss assaulted her. With Edmund, his kiss made her want so much more. It wasn’t that she loved him, but she did desire him. The idea of engaging in activities reserved for a husband and wife with him didn’t distress her. If she were being completely honest, she’d admit it excited her.
“I’ve tried this before, and it didn’t work.”
His mouth fell agape. “You kissed a man trying to fall in love with him?”
“Not exactly, but I learned a lot from a kiss. I also had a unique opportunity to study love. As it turns out, you can’t simply throw two people together and expect them to fall in love.”
“Then, perhaps you were doing it wrong.” Amusement lit his eyes.
“I don’t believe so. There has to be something else, like lightning.” Her gaze turned far away as she saw Edmund in her mind. “When he looks at you, you feel it all the way down to your toes. Then, all your wants and desires become solely focused on him.”
Mr. Avery cleared his throat, and Carolyn blinked, returning to the present. Heat flooded her cheeks. She had completely forgotten herself. She never should have admitted something so personal to Mr. Avery. However, seeing the longing on his face, he hadn’t thought badly of her admission.
“I’m sorry. My mouth seemed to run away from me.”
“Don’t apologize.” His voice was thick and tinged with sadness. “I can understand you yearning for that. Unfortunately, for me at least, I shall never be able to experience such a thing.”
“Of course you will. You simply need to look out for it.” An idea hit her, and her eyes widened in excitement. “I can help you. Tell me what type of wife you are looking for.”
He laughed, but the sound came out forced. “I sincerely doubt you could offer any assistance.”
“Don’t discount me so easily. I helped the Earl of Starsen find his wife. I daresay the two of them would never have come together had it not been for my efforts.”
The memories from last spring brought a smile to her face. Watching the love blossom between those two stubborn individuals had been quite interesting. Had she not spent time at Avange Manor, no doubt she would have been stuck in a loveless marriage to a dullard this very moment. And, she’d never have met Edmund.
“I’m sure Lord Starsen appreciated your efforts. However, I am not in need of similar treatment. Thank you for the offer, but I prefer to marry a friend to keep my life and duties in order.”
She nodded slowly, feeling sorry for him.
“Come.” He offered his arm. “If you refuse to kiss me, there’s no reason to remain out in the cold. Let’s return to the ballroom. I imagine your next dance partner will be bereft without you.”
~ ~ ~
The next day as Carolyn walked into the secret garden, she breathed in deeply. She loved taking in the scent of the fall flowers and the cold air, mixed with a hint of moisture from the overcast day. The serenity of the place had always comforted her, but not today. Mr. Avery’s insistence on marrying her wouldn’t leave her mind.
When she thought about it hard enough, she realized Dailey didn’t feel like home anymore. Although she cared for Annalise like a sister, the household and gardens were hers now. With Mr. Avery, Carolyn would have somewhere she belonged.
She wouldn’t own anything personally, but at least as a mother of the future heir, she would have every right to come to this very place. In addition, she imagined the gardens at Moonlight Castle would benefit from her hand. The duchess didn’t appear to be interested in such things.
Should she marry Mr. Avery? Her time with Edmund would end, but that was only a matter of time, regardless. An ache settled in her chest. She longed for the day she thought to marry for a household and didn’t have a care for anything more.
“I’d give just about anything to know what you were thinking of right at this very minute.”
She smiled upon hearing Edmund’s voice. Although she knew she couldn’t tell him of her predicament, she would like nothing more. Especially with the burden weighing more heavily on her today. Considering their similarities, she knew he would understand.
“Moonlight Castle,” she answered honestly as she gazed over her shoulder at him.
His eyes widened, and he took a step back. An odd reaction. Curious, she turned around to fully face him. Suspicion danced in his eyes, and so did anger. What was wrong with him?
“What specifically about the place are you thinking on?”
“The gardens. If the duke allowed this place to become overgrown, I wonder if he has anyone tend to the one at the castle.”
Immediately, his face relaxed, and he smiled. “I’d imagine he has not thought on it one way or another. Likely, the head gardener sees to the maintenance.”
She nodded and looked away. “I suspected as much.”
Her sadness caught her off guard, and she turned around to look back at the space. Would that be her life? Days filled with no duties, simply tending to someone else’s garden? She lightly shook her head. That was exactly what she had now.
Warm hands cupped her shoulders. “Are you well, Carolyn? I didn’t take the time to look upon the garden during my last visit to the castle, but I’m certain the place is kept up to the best of the man’s ability.”
She spun back around. The concern on his face made her feel special. She didn’t want to think of her future anymore. It was the present she needed right now. It was him.
Sliding her hands over his chest, she could feel the power of him even through all of his clothing. She didn’t stop her movement even as her arms twined around his neck. Using the advantage, she pulled his face down to hers, thrilled when he didn’t hesitate to kiss her.
No matter how many times their lips touched, the rush of desire swamped her with each and every one of them. She clung to him as he deepened the kiss, wanting so much more. As usual, he seemed to be right there with her. One of his hands rubbed her back while the other gripped her side. She felt so desperate for more, she wished they were back in the study. How she longed to feel his weight on top of her again.
When his hand grazed the underside of her breast, she pulled her face back, gasping for breath. His jaw was tight as his eyes burned her with blazing blue fire. He didn’t break eye contact as he cupped her through her corset. Pleasure spiked through her, and she let out a moan.
Edmund growled and took her mouth again, more forceful than before as his hand massaged her. She clung to him, overcome with need so great, she thought she would expire.
Excitement flooded her as his greedy mouth moved to her neck, and he tugged her gown off her shoulder. They were moving much too fast, yet not fast enough.
With thoughts of the bleak, cold life ahead of her, she longed for this. To feel true passion at least once in her life.
“Edmund?”
Before she could find the words to voice her request, the skies opened up and pelted them with freezing rain.
~ ~ ~
Edmund cursed as the frigid droplets washed over them. He quickly shed his greatcoat and draped it over Carolyn’s shoulders. It completely swallowed her, but it would offer her at least a small amount of protection.
Leading them out of the garden, he located her horse. Then, he let out a whistle for his stallion as he untied her mare. The wise thing to do would be to send her on her way, but he couldn’t stand the thought of her making her way back to God knew where in this weather. No. They needed shelter. Now.
“Follow me!” he yelled through the loud rain, then helped her into the saddle before mounting his stallion.
Without hesitation, he turned them toward his hunting cabin. The place had been built to his specifications and was intentionally close to the garden. Over the years, he’d used it as an escape from the more trying days. The best part was that there were only a handful of people who were aware of its existence.
Once they arrived, he dismounted, pulled Carolyn off her mare, and hurried her into the small stable. Rain dripped in his eyes, but he didn’t waste the time to wipe it away. Time was fleeting. Once he had secured the horses, he realized he couldn’t allow her to know how he intended to get them inside the cabin.
“Wait here. Let me go see if I can find a way inside.”
She nodded, and he headed back into the storm, retrieved the key from the hidden spot, and unlocked the door. With his soaking wet gloves and freezing fingers, the simplest of tasks became very difficult. They needed to get warm soon.
After he hurried Carolyn safely inside, he set about making a fire. It wasn’t until the flickers of flames began to lick at the logs that he allowed himself to relax. With an apologetic smile, he turned back to the room.
Carolyn stood in the doorway, exactly where he’d left her. She seemed so small with her wet hair sticking to her and his large coat covering her body.
“W-where are we?” Her teeth chattered.
“Come to the fire.” He put an arm around her back to pull her forward, but she didn’t budge. “We need to warm up. Now.”
She shook her head and droplets spattered across the floor with her adamancy. “This belongs to the duke, doesn’t it?”
“Yes,” he replied simply, hating how she was afraid of him, the real him, or rather his reputation.
“We should leave. We have taken enough liberties with His Grace’s property.”
“I’m sure His Grace wouldn’t mind us using his hunting cabin to keep us from catching our death in the rain.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, which looked comical with the too long sleeves. “I’m not so sure. We’ve invaded and transformed his garden. Stolen into his study for private time on his sofa, and now we are watering down his cabin.”
“Carolyn, you are overly worrying.” He pulled the saturated coat off her shoulders, then winced as she shivered. “Come to the fire.”
This time she did as he bid, and he let out a sigh of relief. She didn’t look happy, but he would take her anger over the chance of her catching a fever.
“I just don’t like how much we have used his property.”
He brushed a wet strand of hair from her face. “Would it help if I promised to return once the rain has cleared? I will right everything and eradicate any sign of our presence. I promise he will not even know anyone had been here.”
Her shoulders relaxed as she smiled. “Yes. Thank you.”
Having her agreement was only half the battle, after all, he suspected she would like this next part even less. “We need to get out of our sodden clothes. Why don’t you stay here while I see if there’s anything useful here?”
“We can’t. The fire will be enough.”
Gritting his teeth, he forced his anger away. Previously, he never noticed what a stubborn female she was. Ignoring her protests, he left her by the fire while he pretended to search around for some towels and a pair of shirts and breeches for them to use.
As he looked down at the clothes he had gathered, he fought the lust threatening to overtake him. The thought of Carolyn’s naked body in his clothes nearly turned him into a madman. She was right. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea.
When he turned back to her, he could see the fight forming in her eyes. They’d spent enough time in their freezing clothes. He marched over to her and dropped a towel and one set of clothes in the nearby chair.
“You will take your clothes off and put those on by yourself, or I will do it for you.” He used the tone that always had his staff jumping to do his bidding.
She glared at him. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me.”
They stood there, glaring at each other for a long while until her face softened, and a slow smile transformed her lips. He didn’t like the look of it, and wondered if she would intentionally make a mess of the cabin just to spite him. Honestly, he didn’t care, as long as she got out of the cold clothes.
When she grasped her gown and began to pull it up, his mouth dried. Bloody hell, this was much worse than any punishment she could have come up with. Mesmerized, he stared at her stocking clad legs, bared to the knees, until he returned to his senses.
Spinning around, he tried to take control of his now overheated body. The sounds of her gown hitting the floor, brought him to an even more uncomfortable state. His hands shook as he unbuttoned his waistcoat to rid himself of his own wet clothing.
Then, he stopped. Perhaps he would benefit from another run to the cold water. He shook his head and shrugged out of his waistcoat, allowing it to fall to the floor before taking his shirt from his breeches and over his head.
Carolyn sucked in her breath, and he froze. Was she watching him? The idea further inflamed him. He wanted to turn around and check more than he wanted anything before, but he forced himself to remain strong.
“Carolyn?” he rasped, then he cleared his throat. “Is everything all right?”
“I’m dressed.” Her throaty voice hit him in the chest. “You can turn around now.”
Cautiously turning, his body became granite. She stood in his shirt and nothing else. The droplets from her wet hair made certain areas of the garment transparent. He clenched his fists to keep from mauling her.
She took a step closer to him and the fire behind her shined through the fabric. He could see her every delicious curve. Unable to take it any longer, he rushed toward her, then straight out the door.
The cold water pelting his bare skin was torture, but so much better than what he would face in the cabin.