Chapter 8
Carolyn took another bite of the chocolate and sighed at the wonderful decadence of the treat. The delicacy wasn’t something they’d indulged in often, but she would never pass up a chance to enjoy a taste.
“What is the occasion that we should be gifted with chocolate twice in one week?” she asked Annalise.
“Gordon didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“It came from the Duke of Demoon over a week ago when you had been sick. I understand His Grace also sent a letter.”
Carolyn coughed, nearly choking on her favorite treat. “What?”
Ever the mothering one, Annalise handed her a cup of tea and waited until Carolyn regained herself. Desperate to hear what the duke had to do with them, she waved her sister-in-law on.
“It seems Mr. Avery told his cousin you were sick, and His Grace, having heard chocolate holds medicinal properties, sent a block over here.”
Carolyn’s stomach turned. How could she partake of something else from the Duke of Demoon? She still worried that Edmund hadn’t righted the duke’s hunting cabin. As soon as her brother had allowed her to leave the house after her sickness, she’d gone back to check. The cabin had been locked. Clearly, His Grace wouldn’t make the mistake of leaving it open again.
“Why do you suspect he would do such a thing?”
With a shrug, Annalise popped another piece in her mouth. “Perhaps upon hearing his cousin’s intended has fallen ill, he thought to lend aid. Or, maybe this is a way he can repay Gordon for helping him escape the fire all those years ago.”
“I’m not Mr. Avery’s intended,” Carolyn intoned, hating the fact that she had to remind Annalise this, once again.
“We both know that, but we have no idea what Mr. Avery has told the duke. If he is to keep sending gifts like this, I say we let him.” Annalise laughed.
Discomfort settled between Carolyn’s shoulders. She wished she could talk to her brother for some advice, but he would never understand. Although guilt weighed her down, there was no way the duke could know about her trespassing in his garden, hunting cabin, or his study. Dear God, she was practically a criminal.
If he found out . . . She swallowed. Certainly, he would regret his kindness to her today. The thought of giving up the garden made the chocolate stick in her throat.
“Annalise,” she forced out.
Concern crossed her sister-in-law’s face. “Yes?”
“Do you suppose I could have a small section of the garden to tend to as my own? In the back, perhaps?”
Silence met her request and depression settled upon her. She didn’t know if she could give up the duke’s secret garden and not have another to turn to. But, she would handle it. This was her life now.
“Why do you ask?”
“I don’t want to overstep in your garden, but—”
“Stop right there. First, there is no sectioning off the garden, and second, it’s not just mine. Is that why I never see you out there?”
Although it was only half true, Carolyn nodded.
“You are welcome to each and every part of this house, including the garden.” Annalise took her hand. “I don’t ever want you to feel as though you don’t belong here. Treat any part of the garden as your own whenever you wish.”
Feeling much better, Carolyn removed her hand from her sister-in-law’s grasp and turned the conversation to easier topics. Once Annalise left to tend to Jacob, Carolyn slipped from the manor and set out toward the secret garden.
It was earlier than usual, but she needed to have some time alone in this place before Edmund arrived. Once she pushed through the ivy for the last time, she let her eyes fall on everything, committing it to memory. Pride swelled in her breast. When she had arrived at this place, it had been neglected for a very long time.
“This is much sooner than your usual time.” Edmund’s voice came to her as bittersweet.
She turned to face him, again trying to commit his face to memory. The past few days as she’d recovered from her illness, his help in the garden had been invaluable. She would miss their working side-by-side more than anything.
“Yes.” She looked away, not sure how to say goodbye to him. “Edmund, how long do you intend to remain here for your visit?”
“My visit?” Confusion echoed in his voice.
“To the country. When we met, I could tell you don’t live around here.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I do live nearby, closer than you think, actually.”
“Oh.” The idea that he wasn’t leaving made her decision even harder. How could she handle knowing he lived so close and not be able to see him?
“You were hoping I’d be leaving?” His disappointment was clear.
“Not at all. It’s just that we can’t keep coming here. I thought if you weren’t going to be here, it would make things easier.”
He moved to stand in front of her. “Why can’t we keep coming here?”
“I think we’ve taken enough advantage of the duke. He deserves better than to have us take liberties on his property.”
His jaw clenched. “So, you have another location you’d like to meet me? Or, are you casting me off like you are doing to this place?”
“Regardless of what you think, this isn’t easy for me.”
He scoffed. “Somehow, I don’t believe that. You have what you wanted from me, so you have a convenient excuse to rid yourself of me.”
Unable to stand him thinking badly of her, she grabbed his arm. He didn’t move away. Hope infused her. Perhaps, he wanted to understand. To believe her.
“Listen to me, the duke—”
He shrugged her off then, fury darkening his face. “I don’t understand your obsession with Demoon. If I didn’t know better, I would think you have designs on the man. However, I don’t suspect he would give in to your wiles.”
Glaring, she clenched her fists. “Perhaps it is you with the obsession. You found this place just as I had, but you were the one to bring me into his study, and his cabin.”
“That was for convenience. If the duke doesn’t protect his property by leaving everything unlocked, he is just asking for trouble.”
“And, you will ensure he’s found it?” She shook her head, her fury exploding as she thought about the duke’s gift of chocolate. “He deserves none of this. For all you know, he’s the kindest, most generous gentleman out there.”
Shock seemed to melt Edmund’s fury. “Are you defending him? A man whose reputation you maligned a number of weeks ago?”
Heat infused her cheeks. “I was simply relaying idle gossip. It wasn’t very well done of me. We just don’t know anything about the man.”
Edmund took a step toward her. “Would you like to know more? To sit down with the Duke of Demoon and get to know him? Become his friend?”
Her cheeks were on fire now. The way he’d said it was a caress, and it did strange things to her insides. How could he want her to feel thus about another man? She didn’t understand him at all.
“Someone should.”
He reached her then and ran a finger down her cheek. She shivered.
“I agree, but I can’t help but feel a little jealous. I’d rather you reserve your time for me. If you’d like, I can ride to Moonlight Castle right now and request an audience. Once I told His Grace what you’ve done here, I’m certain he’ll insist you visit as often as you’d like.”
Although she wasn’t sure if he was jesting or not, a hint of fear crept across her skin. “What if I am wrong, and he is angry. I couldn’t stand the thought of you being punished for what I’ve done here.”
His hand cradled her jaw, tilting it up toward him. “I know you just want to be friends, but I want to kiss you right now.”
Her heart pounded. “How convenient, for if you don’t kiss me right now, I’m afraid we can’t be friends.”
As his lips came down on hers, Carolyn gave into the sensation of him. Although she hated herself for being weak, she knew she would always give in to him. She wanted him too badly to resist.
For the time being, she would put aside her concern, continue to tend to the garden, and to see Edmund. After all, if the duke hadn’t caught her yet, surely she could steal another month or so.
~ ~ ~
Edmund laughed and clapped his cousin on his back as they made their way to the stables. “You’re right. Women are confounding, but trying to understand them can be quite entertaining.”
“For some.” Thomas pulled his coat closer against his slender frame. “I don’t know why you keep going on all these rides. The weather doesn’t exactly make me think of spending time outdoors.”
A smile took over Edmund’s face as he thought about the warmth of having Carolyn in his arms. Although she’d refused to join him in the cabin, he made sure to kiss her senseless every time he saw her. After these weeks of denial, he’d begun to believe he’d go mad before long.
Thomas snorted. “Since when are you allowed to be this happy while I remain miserable?”
“What has brought about your misery this time?”
“My mother wrote again.”
“Ah, I see. So, what does Lady Dane want this time?”
“She has given me two more months before she forces me to marry someone like her.” Thomas shuddered.
Edmund shook his head at the countess’s antics. “Then, my gift to Miss Ashford didn’t help soften up the girl?”
“Good God, no. She made it very clear how she didn’t appreciate me bothering you with something so small.”
Surprised, Edmund stopped and faced his cousin. “Small? I understand the lady was greatly ill. What did you tell her about me? That I’m a monster as everyone believes?”
“Of course not. Actually, we don’t talk about you. With the rumors going about, I didn’t want her to dwell on the fact that she’d be living in your house.”
Edmund shook his head and continued toward his stallion, once again. Thoughts of how Carolyn had defended him filled his mind. Her passion for his cause had struck in deeply at the time, and hadn’t left him since. If only Miss Ashford would believe the same. Perhaps she could sit and talk with him as Carolyn had suggested.
“I think it’s past time you did talk about me.” He took his stallion’s reins from the groom. “Invite her to the castle. Let her talk to me, get to know me. Perhaps once her fears are relieved, she shall agree to your suit.”
“If it’s this you that greets her, perhaps. What am I supposed to do if the old you returns?” Thomas demanded as Edmund mounted his horse.
“Pray for that to never happen.”
With that, Edmund set his stallion to a gallop. Anticipation welled up inside him. With the threat of snow approaching, he knew his days of seeing Carolyn would be numbered, but he refused to dwell on that now. He needed to live in the present.
When he arrived at the garden, he saw her bundled against her mare. Guilt swamped him. His hunting cabin was so close, and here she was in the cold, waiting for him.
Jumping off of his stallion, he hurried to her and pulled her into his embrace. When her freezing arms slid inside his great coat, he sucked in his breath. This was getting ridiculous. He couldn’t join her in the drawing room, and she wouldn’t join him in his cabin.
“How long have you been out here?” He cradled her as close as possible.
“Long enough to cover the flowers,” she replied in a muffled voice.
“By yourself? I told you to wait for me.”
She slid her hands up and down his chest. “I can think of a better use for our time.”
He groaned. “Me, too, but you have to come to the cabin with me.”
“We can’t. It’s locked.”
“What?” He froze. Had she gone to the cabin by herself? Why?
“After our time there, I went back to make sure the place had been put back to rights. I think the duke realized someone had used it, and locked the door. Didn’t you fix it like you promised?”
“Yes.” He couldn’t believe she found her way back there. Honestly, he was glad he had locked the door. If she’d gone back before he’d done away with the sheets, he imagined she would have been overly distressed with the obvious bloodstain.
“Then, perhaps we’d simply been lucky that day.”
Feeling his opportunity slipping away, he rubbed his face against hers. “I’m sure I can find my way back inside. The duke will not—”
“No. We will simply have to stop meeting like this until the winter is over.”
The thought of months without seeing her made his throat thick. He couldn’t handle it. She was the light of his day, and he didn’t want to be cast back into his dark existence before her.
Desperate to communicate his feelings to her, he captured her lips, pulling her tight against him. Her arms were trapped between them, but he didn’t care. He’d rather keep her close to him without giving her the ability to escape him. Not right now. Not while his emotions were high.
When she moved her hand, he realized his mistake, and he let out a low groan. He didn’t think she was aware of it, but her efforts to dislodge her arms had rubbed against his aching member. Unable to stand it, he loosened his grip.
“Did I hurt you?” Her voice was breathless. And, curious.
“No. It—” He sucked in his breath as she slid her hand along his length. He swelled to the point that he threatened to break free of his breeches.
“Interesting.”
“Carolyn, I’m warning you. If you don’t stop right now, I’ll have you on your back right here, the cold be damned.”
“As threats go, that’s not very good,” she purred as she continued to stroke him. “You’d never do such a thing.”
The challenge sat between them, and he refused to allow it to go unanswered. “There are other ways. Don’t push me, or you are going to find out exactly what I mean.”
She laughed as her hands moved to the top of his breeches. “You act as though I’m a virginal maiden, but if you recall, I’m a woman of experience.”
“You may no longer be an innocent, but you are far from experienced.”
As he watched her, he silently begged her to touch him. To give him a reason to take her right now. His body was so tightly wound, he would perish if he couldn’t sink inside her. The cold had no effect on his desire, for he was as hard as he’d ever been.
When her finger dipped inside his breeches and grazed the top of him, he growled in triumph. Before she could protest, he nudged her knees apart and hefted her into his arms. As her legs straddled him, he ground his hardness against her sensitive flesh. She let out a moan that set him on fire. He captured her lips as he walked her forward until he had her against a tree.
Lust overwhelmed him as Carolyn clung to him. Bracing her against the trunk and his knee, he slid his hand up her leg and found her warmth. As he sank his finger into her slick folds, he lost control. She was ready for him.
He couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to be inside her right now. Freeing himself, he thrust inside, enjoying the moans escaping her lips. Denied passion overruled all of his senses as he mercilessly pounded into her.
Watching her face was blissful torture as he fully entrenched himself again and again. He couldn’t hold off any longer, then she screamed his name as the evidence of pleasure bathed her face.
The sound, as well as her spasms around him, pushed him over the edge as his release drove him deeper. He nearly cried out as the mind-numbing sensations altered his entire being. Never before had it been like this, and he didn’t want it to end. His thrusts stilled and his breath mingled with hers. Then he froze, still dazed by the most intense experience he’d ever had in his life.
His eyes shot open as the full reality came crashing down. What the hell had he just done? Fury rushed through him, so strong he felt he would burst from the pressure.
Without a word, he set her down and righted his clothing, still staring at her with his jaw clenched. He wished this had never happened.
Her eyes widened as she looked down at her skirts, then back up at him. Of course she would have noticed. She gazed upon him with questions, but he had no answers.
Rage simmered, and he shook his head, willing her not to speak. He knew if he opened his mouth, he’d regret every word. Needing distance, he turned from her and made his way to his stallion.
After mounting his horse, he rode off without looking back.
~ ~ ~
Carolyn stared out the window at the white blanket of snow covering the beloved garden she’d grown up tending. She’d always hated the cold for forcing her to remain indoors, but this winter proved to be more difficult than the last. As she sat in the drawing room, the conversation swirled around her like normal. They just had no idea how horribly drastic her life had changed. Nor did she want to tell them.
“Miss Ashford?”
Tearing her gaze away from the bleak vision outside, she focused on Mr. Avery. To her surprise, she noticed he was the only other occupant in the room. She swallowed. What had she missed?
“Yes? Where has everyone gone?”
“The baron and baroness have gone for a walk. I think they believe I can help you. Will you talk to me? These past eight weeks or so, you have been distracted and distant. I’ve even noticed you are dressing more appropriately for the day, and without putting up much of a fight.”
She forced a smile. “It’s the weather. When I can’t enjoy my garden, I find myself in a sad state.”
He sighed and took her cold hand in his warm one. “I wish I could help. As I was telling your brother, I leave for London tomorrow. I don’t know when I will be able to return.”
“We shall be distressed to see you go,” she uttered, unable to dredge up any emotion.
He looked down at their hands. “I want you to know that I’ll be returning with a wife. My mother is adamant that I find one, and seeing as I have failed, she will select one for me.”
The terror on his face said so much more than he did. Her heart went out to him, and she squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry. That is horrible.”
“I will ask you one more time. Will you marry me? I will do my best to make you happy.”
She pulled her hand from his and crossed the room, wrapping her arms around her midsection. This wasn’t what she needed right now. She couldn’t marry him even if she wanted to. She let out a sigh. It was time to end this.
“I can’t marry you. And, once you learn the truth, you will not want me in any case. You see, I’m no innocent.”
He lifted an eyebrow as he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “Although I’m shocked, I’m not deterred. I don’t care that you—”
“It’s worse. I’m with child.”
His mouth fell open as his eyes landed on her still flat stomach.
“Surprising, I know.” She chuckled, a mirthless sound. “You are the first that I’ve told, so I expect your discretion.”
“Of course. What about the father? You haven’t told him?”
She pressed her lips tight. Edmund had made his stance on children very clear just as he did his thoughts on being forced to marry. Besides, the way he acted after his blunder made it blatantly obvious. He felt she was to blame.
“He will never know as I have no intention of seeing him ever again.”
As Mr. Avery swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbed. If she didn’t know better, she’d think him to be excited.
“Is your only objection to marrying me your current predicament?”
Caught off guard, she shrugged. “I suppose so.”
“Then, let me help you. Come away with me tomorrow. We’ll go to Gretna Green. If you bear a son, I’ll have my heir. Then, my duties will be done.”
Her brows furrowed. “You don’t wish the next duke to be of your blood?”
“I don’t have a care, and I suspect His Grace agrees with me.”
Feeling as though she were somehow in a different conversation, she sat down. “So, you wish to marry me and allow my bastard son to inherit?”
“No. Your son—my son—shall not be a bastard. Besides, you and I will be the only ones who know the truth about the child’s parentage. You can have everything your heart desires at Moonlight Castle, and I promise to never touch you. We will be married on paper only.”
Her rational side fought to calculate every eventuality. “And, what if I carry a daughter?”
He looked away and took a deep breath. “I require a son. I will only ask enough of you that I have one.”
Glancing down at her stomach, she made her decision. This child was her responsibility now, she would provide for it. “Then, yes, I will marry you.”
A slow smile broke out across his face. “Thank you. I promise you will not regret this. I will be good to you. I can pick you up tomorrow at—”
“No.” She shot to her feet. “I can’t do that to Gordon or Annalise, or even to Claire. Please, I need more time.”
He ran a hand through his sandy blond hair. “I don’t have more to give.”
“Then, I can’t marry you. I must have the time to accustom myself as well as my family.”
“I suppose the duke does owe me for this, I will insist he send the carriage for you. Then, we can meet in London and go on to Gretna Green together from there.”
Although terrified, she nodded. This was the right decision. “Three days.”
He nodded back. “Three days.”
Once he saw himself out, Carolyn cupped her face in her hands. She had no idea how she was going to tell her family, but it had to be done.
In one week, she would be married to Mr. Avery while carrying Edmund’s child. A child who would never know his father and would become the next Duke of Demoon.