Hey, Slammed Family!
This late-night post is more for me than you. However, you are all my lifeline to Belle right now so there is no one I wanted to share it with more.
Today, our mama got married and Belle wasn’t here for it. Yeah, it’s been one of those days. Time is a strange thing, an infinite loop of happiness and sadness. Today was one of those strange times. Watching someone get married is one of the best feelings in the world, especially when it is someone you’ve hoped would find their happy ending for a long time.
Our mama deserves to be happy, especially after these past few difficult years. Next month will mark two years since we lost them. Can you believe that? In some ways it seems like yesterday, and in others it seems like a lifetime ago.
Tonight, I missed Noah more than I have in a while. His loss hits me at random times but at the wedding—my first wedding since ours—it hit me hard. It hit Darren and Sawyer hard, too, but for different reasons.
Darren went to his mother-in-law’s wedding without his bride. Even though he and Belle never officially tied the knot, Darren is family in every way. The last wedding he went to was mine, with Belle by his side.
And Sawyer, well … this is a bit more complicated and I hope you all will bear with me because I have some explaining to do. Today was also Sawyer’s first wedding since my wedding to Noah. The memories and guilt plagued us both just below our happiness. You see, it’s time to come clean with you, Slammed Family. Sawyer and I are a couple now.
This may surprise some of you, probably most of you, because we keep our relationship extremely close to the belt. For those of you who think it’s wrong and we’re assholes, join the club. There are a few family members who are right there with you. And at times, Sawyer and I are with you, too.
The rest of the time we are happy. We’re in love, and no matter how wrong it may seem, I would have never made it through the past two years without him. Sawyer is an amazing father to Nate and loves him purely, in a way no one other than Noah or I could. Nate has the love of a father, an uncle, and someone who keeps the memory of his own father alive daily all wrapped in one incredible package.
Why tell you this now in a midnight confession after half a bottle of wine? Because I just saw something that broke my heart and I don’t know how to fix it. I thought maybe, by telling the world my secret, it could somehow help ease the hurt both Sawyer and I carry around.
If any of you have ever walked in total darkness and had to find your way to the light, you’ll understand my post. Losing Noah and Belle was the darkest time in my life. Having Sawyer with me to not only walk me through but understand my pain makes getting to the light almost bearable. I’m still not out of the dark completely, but I’m working my way through as best as I can.
On a lighter note, I want to personally thank all of you for your support with the launch of The Noah Weston Foundation for Kind Acts. Your donations continue to pour in, as do your notes of love and support. You made the release of his EP beyond amazing. I used to struggle with releasing his album to me—to the world—but now, every time I hear one of those songs, it makes me happy to know his fans are experiencing the joy that was Noah Weston. He had the purest heart of anyone I’ve ever known.
I’m pretty sure his son will be a close second, followed by Sawyer. These Weston men are a caliber of their own. I consider myself blessed to be a part of their world. In closing tonight, I leave you with a picture of the ring bearer and the flower girl. Could these kids of ours be any cuter?
Much love to you all.
Mel