New Beginnings
The night Mel agreed to marry me was one of the best nights of my life. Because of her story, the whole family was on board, even my dad. I’m not sure he was ever against us. I think it was more like Rory—he felt like someone should be defending Noah’s memory. He came by the day after I proposed and congratulated us. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind he meant it.
The next few months flew by as we designed our house. We hadn’t talked about the wedding too much because we were basking in our happiness. It wasn’t until Mel was about four months pregnant with Noelle that we had a serious discussion about the wedding. We’d just had sex, and I was rubbing her belly. I was still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact we were actually having a baby, but her stomach had become harder recently, and her breasts were already fuller. It was hard to contain my excitement, even if it was somewhat bittersweet. After all, Noah wasn’t here to share it with.
It made me appreciate the time I had with him while he was anticipating Nate’s birth even more. My relationship with Noah had grown so much during that time. Whenever I started feeling a bit sad about it, one particular conversation would pop up in my head.
“Damn, Sawyer, I know Mel’s the one who is pregnant, but I swear this fatherhood stuff is no joke. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy as can be, but I feel so weighted down with life at the same time.”
With a furrowed brow, I looked to him. “That’s not a very Noah thing to say. Care to elaborate?”
“I’ll try, but I think when you’re about to be a dad one day, you’ll understand it more. God, that sounds like such a dad thing to come out of my mouth.” We both got a laugh out of that. “Basically, it’s as if Mel has become my responsibility and that baby inside of her is my responsibility. I know we have Mac and Ryan, but I want to be the one watching over them, protecting them, and tending to their every need. Mel is fiercely independent, and I know I’m bothering her because I’m constantly asking if she needs anything or if she’s feeling all right, but I can’t help it.”
I’m trying to put myself in his shoes, but it is hard to imagine. Mel is doing all the heavy lifting right now; Noah’s job doesn’t start until the baby comes. Or until Mel is large enough to need help up from chairs and shit.
“Maybe you’re just overthinking it. You’ve been so stressed out with your recent fears, it’s probably just making you feel the need to be a bit more responsible than normal.”
“Maybe you’re right. One day, when you find a woman and settle down, you’ll have to let me know if this is a Noah thing, or if this is one of those fatherhood things that no one ever talks about.”
“Deal.” I tossed an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in for a quick hug. “Whatever the answer is, you’re going to be the best dad, Noah. Your kid is going to be lucky to have you.”
“Us, he’s going to be lucky to have us. We’re a pair, Sawyer, and we always have been. Besides, I might need you to help us out with some of those three a.m. feedings. Especially if I ever want to have sex with my girl again the first year or two.”
“Always happy to be your wingman and help you get laid. You missed enough of your sexual prime and need to catch up before it runs out.”
Noah shoves my shoulder. “I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. Mel was worth the wait.”
Mel snaps her fingers in front of my face. “Where were you just now?”
“Sorry, I was remembering a conversation I had with Noah.”
Her tender gaze meets mine. “Care to share?” There isn’t anything I won’t share with her these days. Once I’ve caught her up on my memory, she squeezes my hand. “Was he right? Is it a fatherhood thing? Or was it a Noah thing?”
“It’s a fatherhood thing, or maybe a Weston thing. Who knows? Maybe I’ll ask Darren. All I know is, I’d give my life to protect that baby inside you and we don’t even know the sex yet.”
“I think it’s a girl,” she confesses softly. I think it’s a girl too.
“Any particular reason?”
“Gut instinct? Plus, I’ve had killer morning sickness, and I never had that with Nate. It’s only a guess, but I can’t shake the feeling.”
“Me either,” I admit before kissing the top of her head. “I’ve been thinking if we do find out it’s a girl, we should consider Noelle for a first or a middle name.”
“Noelle …” She repeats it a few times before nodding excitedly. “Like Noah and Belle?”
“Exactly. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. It feels right to honor our two favorite people by naming one of our little people after them, doesn’t it?”
“More than anything, but you know what else feels right?” She caresses my cheek.
“Hmm …” I murmur, thinking about round two right about now.
“Planning our wedding. It’s time we talk about it, Sawyer.” She holds her ring in front of her face and smiles.
“I’m open to the discussion whenever you are, Mel. I just wanted to give you time to acclimate to the idea, and with the baby coming and the house, I know it’s been a lot.”
She props herself up on my chest and looks at me. “Thank you for being considerate of my feelings, but I think we should start planning unless you’ve decided you don’t want to get married or you want a long engagement?”
“Are you kidding me?” I maneuver us so we’re side by side and I can look her in the eyes while she’s wrapped in my arms. “You said yes, Princess, it’s a done deal. I’m never letting go of you now.”
Her smile lights up the room. “Well then, how soon do you want to get married, Sawyer?”
Right fucking now.
“That all depends on what kind of wedding you want. We could get married down at the courthouse tomorrow if you’d like.”
Her bottom lip puckers into a fierce pout. “Is that what you want?” Her whispered words are laced with sadness.
“I don’t know … Mel, I just …”
“I’m not your dirty little secret, and I won’t be treated like one.”
Ouch.
She tries pulling out of my embrace, but I pull her closer. We are not going to argue, especially not over what should be the happiest day of our lives. “Hey now, you know that isn’t what I think at all. You’ve already done this, and I’m trying to be sensitive to your feelings about that.”
“Sawyer,” she says, brushing her hand across my cheek, “I’m in love with you, and I want us to live the rest of our lives without any regrets and minimal guilt. We’ll figure out a way to have a big family wedding that is uniquely ours. In the end, I couldn’t take that joy away from Noah. I most definitely won’t take it away from you or your family, not after everything we’ve all been through the past few years.”
“Are you sure?”
I’m so relieved to hear her say that. I never really thought we’d have a big wedding. I couldn’t let myself even begin to imagine it being a possibility, not after she had a big Weston bash already.
“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. With Noah, I was in such a strange place in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him with every fiber of my being, but I’d been scared for so long. Scared of love, of letting people into my life, and from the first day it was like our relationship was in fast forward and I was constantly running to catch up. It was exhilarating and amazing but scary and confusing at times.”
“And now?” I ask, afraid to even exhale at what she may be thinking.
Leaning forward, she brushes her lips over mine. “And now … I’ve matured, and I’ve come to realize that, while time is precious, life doesn’t have to be a race. One of the biggest blessings of my life has been falling in love with you, Sawyer Weston. We always had a spark, but our story is one best lived slowly. I relish every second with you, and I cherish each moment we’ve spent with each other. I’ve learned to hold on to these moments and lock them away in a special place in my heart. I carry your love with me wherever I go, and we deserve to have a big wedding filled with our loved ones to celebrate.”
Her words bring a peacefulness to my soul, one I didn’t realize I desperately needed until now. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”
“And I with you. We’ll make it a day all our own. Noah will always be in our hearts, but even I know he’d want this for us.”
I’m not sure who sheds a tear first, her or me, but as we each reach to swipe the other’s tears away, it’s another reminder of how completely in sync we are. There will never be another woman who could fill my heart the way she does, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Mel and I decided to wait to get married until after the baby comes. She doesn’t want to be a pregnant bride twice, and I can’t blame her. She wants our wedding to be different than her first, and she simply wants to enjoy herself. Weddings should be fun, and Mel wants to have a few drinks and dance the night away with her husband without swollen ankles and exhaustion kicking her ass.
Delaying the wedding gives us the best possible outcomes. Now we’ll be able to have Noelle with us and we decided to get married in our new home, truly making it a new beginning for our family.
We’ve discussed all the ways we can honor Noah and Belle—or if we even want to. Not having my brother at my wedding is weighing heavily on my heart.
One of the things we decided is to have the wedding at night under the stars in our new backyard. Us Weston kids had some of our best childhood memories in that yard, under the stars, and in the treehouse. It seems fitting the wedding will be somewhere Noah would have been happy and at home.
Honoring Belle is a little harder. Mel decided to leave her matron of honor spot open, having only bridesmaids instead. Cadence is going to be the flower girl and Nate the ring bearer. Mel and I decided the little things we’re doing to honor them on our day are nothing in comparison to having their kids with us. Noah and Belle’s very essence lives within their children.
About a month before the wedding, Noelle and I take a road trip. There is something I need to do, and she’s an integral part of my plan. When we arrive, she’s bright-eyed and wide awake. It’s like she knows something important is about to happen. Once I take her out of her car seat, I carry her to meet Noah and Belle. I’ve wanted to do this from the moment they placed her in my arms, but weather got in the way, and her safety came first. Mel wanted her as close to home for the first six weeks as possible. Now that we’re here, I’m not even sure what to say. Balancing flowers and a baby isn’t easy, but I manage to drop each bouquet on their respective graves without making too much of a mess of the flowers.
“Hey, guys, long time no visit. I’m sorry about that, but I’ve had my hands a bit full lately. I’d like to introduce you both to my daughter, Noelle.”
Noelle grasps my finger as if she knows I need some reassurance right now.
“We named her after the two people in our lives that we miss beyond words. I’m almost positive you’re both aware of who she is. It’s like I feel you with us at times, and I hope one day, far in the future, I’ll find out you were with us all along.”
The wind blows, and I tuck Noelle’s blanket tighter around her.
“Mel and I wish you two were here to meet your niece. She’s got lots of aunts and uncles, but none of them could ever take your place. Although they’re great in their own rights, they’ll never be you guys.
“By the way, Noah, you were right. It’s definitely a fatherhood thing. I wish more than anything you were here in person for me to tell you that. Not having you there for Noelle’s birth was hard, but not having you there for my wedding next month is going to kill me. The days are easier now, but there still isn’t a day I don’t think of either of you. We’ll forever carry your love in our hearts, and now you both have a new little namesake who will always know how special the two of you were and how lucky she is to be named for both of you.”
When I prop Noelle up in my arms so she can see more than just me, a huge smile spreads across her face. Anyone else would probably say it’s gas, but as I blink back the tears, I know somehow she sees them or feels their love. As a sense of calm comes over me, I realize that’s why I brought her here today. I wanted them to all meet, and I think they just did.
“Next month, Mel and I are getting married in grandma and grandpa’s old house. We’ve had it remodeled, and we’re making it our home. I’m sure I’ll still come to visit because I’ll never stop missing you, Noah, but if the two of you ever want to know where to find the kids, check the old treehouse first. I’m having it expanded. It’s going to be like a mini mansion for kids in that old oak tree. I had the tree examined, and it’s got the green light to carry the weight and hold up to the new construction.
“The beach house was great for our twenties and our rock star lives, but the creek house is where you raise a family. I haven’t told anyone yet, but the house next door went up for sale last month, and I bought it. When Darren is ready, or when Cadence wears him down enough because she misses Nate and wants more sleepovers, I’m hoping they’ll move in next door. I think it will be good for them to get a fresh start too. Mel doesn’t even know. I’m hoping it will be a good wedding gift for her. She’s not happy about losing time with Cadence when we do finally move. Now maybe she won’t have to.”
Noelle begins to fuss, and it’s starting to get cooler. After tucking her pacifier in her mouth, I release a deep breath.
“It’s time to get your namesake home. I hope you enjoyed meeting our newest addition to the family. We love both of you so much.”
“How did it go?” Mel asks when we walk in the door.
“Daddy! Noelle!” Nate runs up and hugs and kisses us. Everything about this little boy brings immense calm to my soul.
“Hey, Nate, I missed you today. Did you have fun with Grandma Veronica?” Mel and Veronica took the kids shopping today for wedding clothes.
“Yup, I got shiny shoes, and Cady got a new dress.”
“Is it a pretty dress?”
Nate nods. “She’s very pretty.”
Mel grins down at us, and I wonder if this is where their love story starts. After putting Noelle in her swing, Nate sits on the floor and plays near her. He’s very protective of his little sister.
“You writing that one down for their story?” I ask as I pull Mel in for a hug.
“Hm, maybe I should start documenting their story. How cute would it be for them to have it one day if they actually were to get married?”
“I think it would be really special for them to have, and if anyone can pull it off, it’s you.”
“Sawyer, you’re deflecting. Are you okay?” Concern etches her features, and I kiss her tenderly.
“I’m fine, it was … as expected. A bit sad, but I feel at peace. I needed to do it, and Noelle smiled this huge smile after I introduced them. Do you think …”
“I’d never discount it. Stranger things have happened, after all.”