Snowed In
By the time morning rolled around we were officially snowed in. To make matters worse the roads aren’t expected to open for two more days. Nate isn’t even disappointed about not being able to fish since we can now build snowmen and make snowballs and snow angels. Last night I fell into a fitful sleep but woke up determined to figure out the perfect proposal for Mel. I’m proposing when I get home, but in the meantime, I’ve decided to let her stew on my ultimatum a little bit longer. I sent her an email letting her know how much I love her, but I want the element of surprise on my side when I get home. I’ve also decided even if she tells me no right off the bat; I’m not giving up. No guts, no glory, or so they say.
The one thing I wasn’t expecting was for her to reply to my message and include pages of a new book she’s writing. It felt like my heart skipped a thousand beats when I noticed the attachment. I carried my computer into the kitchen with me because that’s where everyone is gathered.
“You’re abnormally pale, Sawyer. What’s going on?” Wyatt asks, but all eyes quickly lock on me.
“It’s Mel. She’s writing, and she sent me pages. It’s our story … I think. She doesn’t outright say it, but it has to be, right?”
“Holy shit, that’s awesome!” Eli exclaims, and there’s a chorus of similar encouragement.
Darren looks up at me with an expectant glance. “What are you waiting for, Sawyer? Go read it. I’ll keep an eye on Nate.”
Warren hands me a cup of coffee, and Sam places a bagel wrapped in a paper towel on top of my computer. “Let me know if it’s good. Mel won’t say anything, but SOS will always want anything she writes. We’ll encourage her together if you think it’s something she should pursue.”
“You got it,” I say absentmindedly as I turn around and head to my room.
Once I’m comfortable on my bed, I reach for my coffee and take a few sips as the document opens. I’ve got no idea what to expect from her right now, but the fact she’s writing at all fills me with pride. This has to be one of the last steps of her coming back to us completely. Writing has always been her passion, and she’s avoided it for two years. Deep down, I’ve always thought she’d never move past the accident until she started writing again. I’m glad I didn’t email her last night and grovel. She might have quit before she started.
From the opening line, I’m sucked in, and it reminds me of the night we met and how I got lost in her world as I read The O Factor. Fuck, I’m so damn proud of her. All I want to do is pick up the phone and tell her, but I can’t. Something inside me is telling me that isn’t the right move.
When I’m about an hour into the story, there’s a knock at my door, and Darren pokes his head inside.
“Well?” He quickly ducks in and closes the door behind him.
“It’s our story. I don’t think it’s the one she was supposed to write. This is something different. It begins with her and Belle getting ready to come to our show that night. So far, it seems like a recap of everything that’s happened from that night forward.”
“Hot damn, she’s really doing it. Maybe you were right and this was the best thing for her.”
“Or maybe she’s going to realize it was all a mistake of epic proportions and she’s going to reclaim her pre-Bastards and Dangerous life.”
Darren leans against the door. “You don’t really think she’s going to do that. How much do you love her, Sawyer?”
“More than I ever thought possible.”
“Right, and how well do you think you know her?” His question gives me pause. “Don’t think, just answer.”
“Better than she knows herself right now.”
He steps forward and grabs my coffee mug. “If that’s the case and someone asked Mel right now if she loved you, what would she say?”
“She’d say yes.”
Darren grins. “I’m going to get you some more coffee. You keep reading your love letter.”
“My what?”
He shakes his head. “Damn, you’re dense, but since you’re new to this love shit, let me help you out. You write songs to express your emotions. Mel writes stories. You gave Mel an ultimatum, and in return, she’s writing you a love letter. Believe me or not, you’ll see I’m right soon enough.”
I read for hours until there are no more words on the page. She must have started writing the second we left the house, and she’s still going if her email is any indication. These pages end at the shooting, and I can’t imagine how she must be feeling right now. It’s time to call in the cavalry.
Do you think you can go by and check on Mel?
Mom: Is that such a good idea after the way you left her?
You heard about that already?
Mom: I have my sources.
Mel’s writing mom, please go be with her. I don’t want her to be alone through all the emotions she must be feeling.
Mom: Well, I do always sleep better at the beach. Don’t think this means I’m going to defend you though.
What? What does that even mean? I’m your son, why wouldn’t you defend me?
Mom: It means when you love someone you stick around and talk things out. You don’t run away and give do or die decisions that can push someone over the edge.
Mom: It also means Amelia needs to find her way without any judgment or feeling like I’m picking sides. I’ll be there for her, but I won’t be singing your graces.
It’s complicated Mom.
Mom: It’s always complicated, Sawyer. If she chooses you what are you going to do next? I hope you’ve thought about it.
I pull out the rings and take a picture of them for her.
I’m going to ask her to marry me. Please don’t say anything to anyone. I’m trusting you with this and only you.
Mom: They’re gorgeous Sawyer, and I hope with my whole heart she says yes. You have my word I won’t tell anyone.
Me too. Please let me know how she is. I’m keeping my distance, but I’m worried.
Mom: If something is wrong I’ll let you know, otherwise assume she’s fine. I love you, Sawyer.
Love you too mom, and thanks.
The next few hours, we all hang out, shoot the shit, have a couple of drinks, and play with the kids. Normally, being snowed in wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, but I’m dying to get home to Mel.
After the kids are asleep, I take a minute to email her. I’ve got some ideas I want to talk to the guys about, but I have to take care of this first.
Hey,
I read your pages and they’re incredible. All your thoughts and your feelings … How come you’ve never been able to convey them to me that way? I guess this is you doing that now. I’m proud of you for making this effort. For putting your family’s needs first. For putting your own needs first. I know you didn’t see it before, but maybe you do now. I don’t just need your answer, Mel. I need you with me in every other way. It’s time to let the past go as best we can and live for tomorrow. Please send me the next part when you’re done. I love you, and I’m so fucking proud of you.
After a quick shower, we all sit down to a late dinner. Wyatt and I fed the kids chicken nuggets and mac ‘n’ cheese earlier, and they were happy as can be. Sam and Warren made chili and cornbread, and it smells amazing. It’s been cooking for hours, and I think we’ve all be counting down the minutes until it was done.
“How is the book?” Sam asks.
“I’m not positive it’s a book yet … I’m sure she’ll tell you guys, but keep it here until she does, please.”
When they all nod in agreement, I continue.
“It’s her story … I think. It starts with the night we all met, and what she sent me ended with the shooting. She’s still writing, and I guess there are more pages to come. Maybe she’s purging her system or recapping things to help put things in perspective, I’m not quite sure.”
“Maybe it’s her way of journaling … like you,” Mac offers. “That woman has a lot of things to process. She’s lost her parents, grandmother, Noah, and Belle—that’s a lot of loss for anyone. Plus, she never got the chance to be a normal kid or have a home to call her own. If you’ve never had a home it’s probably hard to make one with someone else. I’d probably write it all down to make sense of it too, but that’s just me.”
Mac has an interesting take on it. The home part especially has me thinking, but Darren isn’t buying it. “It’s her love letter to Sawyer. I’m telling you guys, the romance author who doesn’t believe in romance is making the biggest romantic gesture of them all.”
“I’m with Darren,” Wyatt replies. “Sounds like love to me.”
“I’ll withhold my opinion until I can read the story.”
Warren lovingly puts his arm around his husband. “I agree with Sam. I’m going to need to read it to decide. I do think whatever it is, it’s a good sign.”
Tony passes me a beer. “Whatever it is, my wife will buy it. Whenever I mention Amelia, she asks when her next book is coming out. She’s got a built-in fan base if she decides she wants to release another book.”
“What about the two of you?” I point to Jordan and Eli. “No opinions?”
Jordan shrugs. “I’m just hoping it’s good because if you start moping again, we’re stuck with you with no escape.”
Eli laughs. “My thoughts exactly. Regardless of what Mel writes on those pages, we all know she loves the fuck out of you. Whatever shit you’re going through right now is just a blip in your relationship. The one thing I know for sure is that Amelia Triton-Greyson was meant to be a Weston. Take that how you choose.”
He’s building off our conversation from last night, and I take the opening. “After dinner, we all need to put our heads together. When we get back, I’m going to ask Mel to marry me.”
“About fucking time!” Wyatt exclaims, and the rest of them concur.
Warren leans forward, eyes alight with excitement. “What do you need our help with?”
“See, you’re such a closet romantic,” Sam teases, and Warren blushes.
“It’s not that, but we all know Sawyer isn’t the most … well-versed in love.”
“Good save,” Darren quips, and I toss a napkin at him.
“Besides,” Warren adds, “I’ve known Amelia since she was a little girl, and after reconnecting, I feel like I owe it to Joey and Iris to make sure she’s okay and to help make this special if I can. This time, she’s going to get those fifty years of marriage she deserves.”
I couldn’t agree with him more.
While Mac and Jordan are cleaning up from dinner, I get an email from Mel.
Hey,
I miss you. I didn’t think I would miss you this much, but I do. The house is lonely without you guys, and tonight is the perfect night for wine, fire, and cuddling. Your mom is here now; thanks for sending her my way. She’s always a comfort when I’m stressed, but you already know that. Writing this book makes me feel like I’m in a dark, padded room trying to find my way to solid ground. It’s hard, so fucking hard, but the only way out is through, right? I’m working my way through for you, for me, and for us. I love you, too. Come home to me safely.
Her words are like a dagger through my heart and a warm hug all at the same time. I fucking hate she feels trapped in the darkness, but she’s trying to fight for us, and I couldn’t be happier about that if I tried. Knowing she loves and misses me is the icing on the cake. Her email has my determination in full gear. I’m going to figure out the best way to ask her to be my wife, and when she says yes, I’m never doing anything this risky or stupid again. I will drop to my knees and beg at her feet before I ever leave the house angry in the future.
After dinner, we’re all gathered in the living room. A fire is burning, Sam and Warren are enjoying a bottle of wine, and Darren has poured whiskey and tequila for everyone else.
“A toast …” Darren lifts his glass, and the rest of us follow. “To Sawyer, for finally pulling his head out of his ass and realizing it’s time to put up or shut up.”
“Haha,” I reply dryly as I drink with the rest of them.
“I’m not sure I ever thought I’d see the day,” Mac muses. “Do you know how many women I’ve had to throw out of his room?”
“We know,” Wyatt quips.
“Those were some good days. Don’t knock it till you try it.” Darren smiles fondly.
Groaning loudly, Wyatt replies, “Says he who actually put a sign on the bus that said, ‘If this bus is rockin’ don’t come a-knockin.’”
“Damn straight! Like I said, good times.” Darren tosses back a shot and refills his glass.
“You guys are lucky. I miss having bandmates to fuck off with like this, but then again, we were never as close as you guys seem to be.”
I’ve never asked Eli about his band because I had a feeling it was a sore subject, but that doesn’t stop Darren from taking the leap. “What the fuck was all that about anyway? One day you were the biggest pop sensation out there, the next, Eli Watts was a solo artist.”
“I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors.”
Wyatt shakes his head. “Dude, you should know that no self-respecting artist ever listens to rumors.”
“Or journalist, for that matter,” Warren tosses in. “That’s how we ended up with Belle and Slammed. Even though Slammed falls under SOS, Sam had nothing to do with us choosing Belle. That was all research and integrity on her behalf.”
Eli refills his glass before answering. “There isn’t much to say. We were five guys from the U.S. who could sing and dance. Our label was our puppet master. We all got along well enough and check in with each other every so often, but there won’t be any reunions in our future. Out of the five of us, I was the only one could play an instrument, who could write music, and who didn’t blow through his money the second it hit my bank account.”
“What was the last straw?” Jordan asks.
“When it came time to renew our contract, I wasn’t in a great headspace. It was about a year after Mel and I broke up and I’d spent that entire year writing music. That was also the year Joey died. I took his death hard. He was Mel’s dad, but fuck, that man was a good friend of mine. He mentored me and spent time with me. Hell, maybe that’s why I’m so into helping Shawn, paying it forward I guess.”
“You left your band because of Joey?” Now it’s my turn to step in and ask, but part of me is still in awe he had a relationship with the guy. I’ve always idolized Joey, and I was pretty pissed I never got to meet him, especially now.
“No, I just had a snowball effect that year, and I wasn’t feeling being part of a boy band anymore. I was almost twenty and the guys in my band were only in it for a paycheck. Things got tense, two of them were in a relationship and one of them was quite the homophobe. Then, Darius knocked up three girls in less than a year. He and I are the closest, and it was a bad scene for him. He needed to get out and figure himself out before he had more kids or worse. Breaking up the band was the best thing I ever did. Maybe if we’d been close like you guys, I would have thought differently.”
The room falls silent. No wonder Mel and Eli were close and she toured with him. It sounds like she and Darius were his only friends. That would suck in a touring situation even though I’ve heard similar stories more often than not.
“Seriously, I didn’t mean to fuck up the vibe. You guys asked, and I answered. Can we get back to what we’re supposed to be doing? How do you want to propose to Mel, Sawyer?”
“Last night, Eli made me realize I’ve been asking a lot of Mel without giving her anything in return. I just assumed she knows I want to marry her and build a life. We’ve talked about kids and family enough, but I’ve never actually made any concrete promises to her. That changes now.”
“About fucking time,” Jordan calls out to a chorus of laughter.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Here’s what I’m thinking. Anyone ever watch The Dating Game?”
Wyatt, Darren, Jordan, and Tony all laugh, but Tony is the one who speaks up. “Only all the time because you used to watch the reruns on cable.”
“Sawyer did? Mr. Anti-Relationship?” Mac teases good naturedly.
“All the time,” Jordan confirms. “In his defense, he thought it was hilarious that people who didn’t know dick about each other would go on T.V. show and try to win prizes.”
“Which is true, and yesterday Darren asked me a question. What would Mel say if someone asked her if she loved me? It got me thinking. I’ve been a lot of talk and not a lot of action. I want her to know I acted before we ever got home. So here’s what I’m thinking, and I’m going to need all of your help to pull it off.”
Over the next few hours, we put our heads together. The plan is to go home tomorrow if the roads clear instead of staying that extra day. The guys are going to go back to the house with me so everything will look normal, and once they leave me, they’ll go to the house by the creek and set up everything I need to propose to Mel, including all the cards we made tonight.
For the first time, I’m glad I let Rory and her friends use the house to prepare for a rally last year. They left all the poster boards and supplies in the closet. Even if she’s mad at us, Rory just helped me pull off my proposal to Mel. Maybe someday, if we get past our riff, I’ll tell her.
As I’m about to crawl into bed, my phone rings.
“Is everything all right, Mom?”
“Calm down, Sawyer, everything is fine. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute.”
I know that tone. She’s about to butt into my life, but she wouldn’t be my mom if she didn’t do it every once in a while.
“Okay, what’s up?”
“Honey, I read Mel’s story. I just finished the first set of pages.”
Wow … I’m surprised she let her read them.
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Sawyer, that’s why I’m calling. No matter how old you get, you’re always going to be my son. Nothing within these pages is going to change that, nothing. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner. I knew you had feelings for Mel the first time you mentioned her to me. The same way I knew Noah did as well. Perhaps I should have talked to you both back then and brought your issues to light. I’ve always wondered if anything would be different if I had.”
I can’t stand the sadness in her voice.
“It wasn’t your responsibility, Mom. We’re grown men, and we had to work it out. It was … God, Mom, at times it was really difficult, but ever since we lost Noah, I know I wouldn’t change a thing. Maybe I would have been nicer, made more of an effort to not be so moody, but I’d never change the two of them. Imagine if we didn’t have Nate or Mel in our lives. However, it all happened the way it was supposed to. Except for losing Noah … I’ll never understand that.”
“Noah would say that was fate. None of us like it, but your brother did the best he could to prepare in case his worst fears came to fruition. There isn’t a day that passes I don’t miss him, but I also thank God for keeping you here with us. Someone on the other side knew losing two children in the same crash would have irrevocably changed me.” She pauses, and I wonder if she’s crying.
“Losing Noah didn’t change you?”
“Of course, it did. I work hard each day to push through, and I do it for all of you. Mostly, I do it for Noah because I know it’s what he would want. With both of you gone, Sawyer, I don’t think I’d have the will to fight. Now, this conversation is turning morbid and depressing, and that’s not at all why I called.”
I chuckle lightly, mostly to ease her pain. “Are you still at the house?”
“I am, Mel had a rough night. Tomorrow is going to be difficult for her.”
“Why?”
Mom sighs, and I can picture her looking out her window at the ocean. She loves our house almost as much as Noah did. “She left off at the crash tonight before she cried herself to sleep. I haven’t read her new pages, she hasn’t offered them to me yet, but if you didn’t get them, that’s probably why. Between the wine and her grief, she passed out.”
Dammit. What I wouldn’t give to drive home right now. If it weren’t for the road closures, I would. “I should have never left.”
“If you want my opinion, I think you did the right thing. Mel loves you, and she’s fighting for you and for the family I think she envisions with you. I’ll make sure she’s okay, and I’ll stay here until you get home. Your dad loved that photo of you and Nate fishing you sent earlier; he said it was the highlight of his week. He’s sorry he couldn’t be there, but he wanted to be here for Diane.”
Thinking of our fishing adventure brings a smile to my face. I hope it’s the first of many adventures together. “It’s okay, Mom. I know he wanted to come. Next time, we’ll all make a weekend out of it and take the boat out.”
“That sounds like a plan,” she says with a yawn.
“Hey, Mom … so you really could tell I had feelings for Mel way back then?”
She laughs. “I could tell, but I’m not sure anyone else could. Even reading Mel’s pages, I’m not sure she even recognized there was something special between the two of you. Her words brought it all home for me.”
“And you’re not upset at any of it?”
“No, and let me tell you why. For some reason, people are conditioned to think love is something you can do or not do at will. In my eyes, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Nothing in the world is more natural than love. Sure, some lines shouldn’t be crossed, but sometimes, even when you know it’s wrong, nothing that can stop the feeling. I like to think people find love on a cellular level, that you’re drawn to people you’re compatible with, maybe even your soul mate from past lives. The only thing I know for sure is, love will find you when you least expect it and you never even have to be looking for it.” Mom yawns again, and when I see it’s after two in the morning, I understand why.
“Get some sleep, Mom. Thank you for the advice and for staying with Mel. Most of all, thanks for loving me, even though I’m a fuckup most of the time.”
That earns me a genuine belly laugh from her. “I don’t think it’s quite that drastic, but even if you were a fuckup, I created you. How could I not love you? As Nate gets older, you’ll understand.”
Her words silence me, and I have no idea how to respond. I know she wants me to raise Nate, but I never expected her to consider me his parent. She speaks again as if she’s reading my mind.
“Biology doesn’t make a parent, Sawyer. I know a thing or two about raising a sibling’s child. It took me a long time to come to terms that Jordan is as much mine as he was Carol’s. He might be my nephew, but he’s one hundred percent my son. You are just as much Nate’s father as Noah, and don’t let anyone take that away from you.”
“Goodnight, Mom. I love you.” I barely choke out the words as tears sting my eyes. I’d never really thought about what she and dad went through. Jordan was seven when he came to us, and he was emotionally damaged. My parents never hesitated to step in. Now that I think about it, there was a lot of arguing between Mom and Javier’s side of the family over custody.
“I love you too.”
After hanging up with Mom, I check my email and find one from Mel. She must have been wrecked when she sent it because it simply says, “Part Two.”
I reply back with a link to “Hard Love” by NeedToBreathe and then dive into her pages.