NIK
ELLIE SITS DOWN BESIDE ME after the strange little doctor leaves. “You okay?” she asks, rubbing my stomach slowly.
“Yeah, I think so. I could have sworn I was in some crazy dream for a while there,” I tell her, trying to ignore how soft her hand is, and how good it feels running over my skin.
She laughs a little. “I bet you did. I was wide awake, and had to wonder about that, too. She’s a hoot for sure.”
“Yeah, she is. This sounds terrible, but she reminds me of one of those old apple head dolls Mom had when I was little. They were funny, but scary as hell at the same time,” I laugh, but even to my ears it sounds strained.
She’s slowly killing me with each pass she makes over my abs. It’s the first time she’s touched me like this, so familiar and unreserved, besides washing me in the shower earlier anyway. As sex charged as that was, she was still getting a job done, and was nervous as hell.
The way she’s touching me now is different. I can’t really explain it, but it’s like she’s at ease now, or touching me makes her at ease. I don’t think she’s even aware she’s doing it. Whatever it means, I like it, and I don’t want her to stop. I just have to work to keep my dick from letting her know how much he’s enjoying it, too.
“Do you need anything, or do you want to sleep some more?” She smiles, her hand finally stilling. I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed.
“I need to go to the bathroom. If you think Cash is still here, I can get him to help me so you can talk to the doctor,” I suggest.
“I’m sure he is. I can go get him,” she says, rubbing me again. I make the mistake of looking down at her hand. “Oh, sorry,” she apologizes, and starts to pull away. “I didn’t—”
“Don’t,” I say, gently grabbing her hand, and putting it back on my stomach, holding mine over it. “I want you to touch me. I like it. This is me giving you permission. You can touch me anywhere you want, anytime you want,” I tell her quietly, my eyes locked on hers.
Her face flushes, and she bites into her bottom lip as she stares back at me. I wait for her to bolt off the bed, but she surprises me, leaning so close to me her lips are against my left cheek. “You may regret that,” she whispers as her hand reaches for the towel that’s over my waist.
My heart, lungs, and brain decide to take a hiatus. I blame them for not being able to stop her when she stands up, and walks away dragging the towel with her. She stops right after she walks out the door, and leans her head back into the room. I watch dumbfounded as her eyes trail slowly up my body from my feet all the way to my face. “I’ll be back later, pretty boy,” she winks before disappearing, her soft laughter floating into my room.
Fuck. Me.
Maybe I am dreaming, or it could be the morphine messing with me, because the Ellie from before my nap is NOT the Ellie that just teased me like a sexy little minx. I hope it wasn’t a dream, because I want her to do it again. And again, and again.
“What are you grinning at dumbass?” Cash asks as he walks in, then stops in his tracks when he realizes I’m naked and half hard. I was at half-mast the second her warm breath whispered into my ear. “So that’s where the towel came from, huh?” he smirks.
Shit.
I hurry and cover myself as best I can with my hand. “What? Uh, it’s the pain meds. They make me loopy, you know that.” I tell him, trying to pretend I didn’t hear the second question.
“Yeah, I sure do. Funny thing is, Ellie had the same grin on her face when she came to get me just now, and a rosy blush to boot.” I blink at him in mock confusion. He responds by batting his eyelashes at me, smiling sweet as sugar. “You two are cute as pie,” he teases me with a horrible impression of a woman’s voice.
I worry for a second my eyes may get stuck to the back of my skull. I performed an eye roll worthy of my sister’s standards. “Shut up, and find me some clothes, please. I gotta take a piss and we’re not going across the hall unless I’m dressed. Two more people than I want have seen me naked today. God knows who’s gonna show up next to get their cheap thrill,” I grumble.
He laughs and goes to dig around in the dresser. “You don’t mind giving Ellie a thrill,” he mumbles under his breath. I choose to ignore that statement. He finds a pair of boxers and some shorts, and brings them over to me. “Can you do this yourself, or do you need help?” he asks, screwing his face up.
“Sorry man, but you’re gonna have to help. I’ll keep junior covered while you pull them up. Put the boxers inside the shorts and you can do them both at once, save us both some humiliation,” I tell him.
He groans, and I apologize again, but we get through the awkwardness and get me dressed, then up and into the wheelchair without causing me too much pain. I look down the hall at Ellie and the doctor, who are sitting at the dining room table, as we head to the bathroom. Ellie looks up and smiles, then waves her fingers at me adorably. I can’t help but smile right back.
Cash parks the wheelchair close to the toilet, and sets the brake before helping me up. I know Dr. Schultz told me not be standing up, but it’s too much work to sit down to take a leak. I do it the old-fashioned way, just very carefully balanced on one leg. Once I’m back in the chair, Cash rolls me over to the sink to wash my hands.
“You can take me to the living room. Dr. Schultz wanted to wrap my arm up. I might as well get it over with before I go back to bed,” I say while I dry my hands.
“I will, but we need to talk first,” he says steering me quickly back into the bedroom, and shutting the door behind us.
“What the hell?” I chuckle up at him.
“What happened in the shower?” he whispers while his eyebrows go to his hairline.
I roll my eyes again. “Are you serious? Are we teenage girls now? I’m not going to disrespect her like that.”
“Well, I already know you kissed, so you can do the telling now.” He gets a devilish smirk. “All of us know something happened.”
“How the hell do you know that?” I ask, my brows pinching together hard.
“I asked. She told me.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, before sitting down on the bed.
“Bullshit. Not unless you hounded her until she cracked,” I accuse. He doesn’t deny it. “I’m gonna kick your ass as soon as I’m able,” I growl at him. If he really upset her I may do it now. I’ll wind up back in the hospital, but maybe if I do it right he will, too.
He huffs out a laugh. “That’s what I told her you’d do.”
“Cash, you need to lay off. I mean it,” I warn him in a tone that brooks no argument, while pointing my finger at him. “I love her.” A slow smile spreads across his face. I’m about ready to jump out of this chair, and knock it the hell off him.
“‘Bout time you admitted it.”
“What?” I scowl hard.
“Nik, you’ve been in love with her since you laid eyes on her. I knew it when you woke up in the hospital by the way you looked at her, and how badly you wanted her around. She loves you, too, even if she’s not ready to say so,” he tells me.
My anger evaporates.
He thinks she loves me.
“Since when did you become the love guru?” I smirk at him.
He laughs. “I’m not by any stretch. You know how I feel about it, but you two are screaming it so loud it’s hard to miss. I never believed in that ‘love at first sight’ crap, but it’s hard not to after seeing the two of you together. If you could, I think y’all would sit and stare at each other with goofy grins on your faces forever,” he laughs. His smile softens, and from the way he’s looking at me I know he means what he’s about to say. “I’m happy for you, bro. She’s an amazing woman. You’re a lucky guy, and she’s just as lucky.”
“Thanks, man,” I tell him with a big smile, but then an undesirable thought crosses my mind and wipes it away. “Do you really think she loves me? What if it’s only physical?”
He shakes his head making my heart lurch.
Two seconds ago, he said she loved me, now he doesn’t think she does?
“Who’s acting like a girl now?” he laughs. “She loves you, Nik. Can’t you see the way she looks at you? I know you’re hurt, but you’re not blind. I think she fell for you as fast as you did her. I’m sure there’s lust involved, but I’m guessing y’all have only kissed a few times so far, right?” he asks, entirely too interested in the answer.
“We’ve had one real kiss so far, okay? In the shower, this morning. Other than that, it’s just been pecks and some cuddling.”
He grins like a Cheshire cat. “Well then, you can’t say it’s all lust, can you?”
I shrug. “I don’t want to, but I’m the first man she’s spent any time around since her husband died. Maybe I’m her first fling, you know?”
“Quit thinking like that. You can’t possibly be the first man she’s been around in the last two years. She stayed at that place in Atlanta for a long time. I’m sure there were men there. She didn’t fall instantly in love with them or me, or Scott, or even Hank, and we spent more time with her than you did those first few days at the hospital,” he says trying to convince me. “And don’t you think if she only wanted to sleep with you she would have left by now? It’s not like you’re able to do much fucking with the shape you’re in.”
The last part pisses me off. I have no plans to fuck her, as he so crudely put it. Ellie isn’t just a fuck to me, she’s so much more. If and when the time comes I’ll make love to her, for hours if she’ll let me. The first part of his little speech does make me feel a bit better, but I would love to hear her say it instead of him. I groan, closing my eyes and runninh my hand through my hair.
“I just… I’ve never been so knotted up in my life.” If I could, I’d be pacing the floor I’m so worked up all of a sudden, but I can’t so I’ll vomit my feelings to my best bud instead. “For the first time in my life I actually care how a woman feels about me, and not how I can convince her to get in my bed. I love Ellie. I want her to love me back, but she’s so afraid of risking her heart again. I get that, I really do, but it makes me afraid that no matter how much I love her it won’t be enough for her to take that jump. Even if she loves me, I’m afraid she won’t let herself feel it, that she’ll run to protect her heart. If I could guarantee her nothing would ever happen to me I would, but there’s no way to do that,” I sigh loudly. When I look at Cash he just shrugs.
“Sorry, bro. Wish I knew what to tell ya, but I don’t. Give her time, I guess?”
“Yeah, there isn’t much else I can do.” I look down at the floor, shaking my head, my lips pulling up at the corners of their own accord. “It’s torture, but it’s the sweetest torture I’ve ever experienced. It’s like being in a fire and a flood at the same time, or being lost and found all at once, but I already know she’s it for me. I didn’t realize it until she came along, but I’ve been waiting for it to happen and a woman like her only comes around once in a lifetime. I’d be an idiot to walk away from her now. There’s really no way I can, she’s got my heart so wrapped up in her I’ll never get untangled anyway.”
The last several days have went by like a slug stuck in syrup as my mom would’ve said. I think it’s Tuesday or maybe Wednesday.
Fuck, I don’t know, my days are so screwed up.
Whatever day it is, I doubt it will go by any faster than the last ones have. Other than spending so much time on my ass it hasn’t been bad though. I’ve had her beautiful face to look at almost constantly.
How on earth could that be bad?
She has hardly left my side since our shower, which we haven’t tried again. It’s been sponge baths only. They have been somewhat less arousing than the shower was, but not much. We’ve tried to make them quick and painless for each other.
She’s been sleeping in my bed at night since then, too, but not without the dozen pillows she insists should be between us so she doesn’t kick my leg during the night. Waking up next to her every morning is amazing. I could stare at her forever she’s so beautiful with the morning light laying on her skin. She looks like something out of a dream in those early hours, so soft and peaceful. This morning is no different.
I’m awake before her again. I’ve been doing so much resting I really don’t need much sleep. She, on the other hand, has been working her ass off taking care of me, so she always seems to be tired. I hate it, but no matter how much I fuss at her to sit down and rest, she rarely ever listens. I just lay here and watch her sleep knowing she’s getting the rest she needs.
I know I’ve gotten some of the best sleep of my life the last few nights. I think it’s probably because she’s beside me. I’m sure Dr. Schultz would say it’s the meds she gave me. She’d be wrong.
There’s something about laying down watching and listening to the woman you love get ready for bed then having her beside you all night.
I’ve never done it before Ellie, never spent the whole night at a woman’s house, or let them stay all night at mine. I’m so thankful I never did, because it makes these nights with her even more perfect. Listening to her brush her teeth, watching her brush her hair, and feeling the bed move as she climbs in next to me is its own special drug.
She likes to talk before she goes to sleep, too. After giving me a quick good night kiss she’ll turn off the light then settle beside me. We’ll find each other’s hands to hold, and talk about any and everything thing until we fall asleep. She’s turned me into such a sap, but I don’t care. Usually she’ll talk about whatever we’ve done that day and plan to do the next, or talk about the show we’ve been binge watching on Netflix.
She didn’t know about the wonder of Netflix before Leia told her about it the other day on the phone. She’d called to check on me, and let us know she wouldn’t make it ‘til next weekend. We started with Lost because it was one of the few I hadn’t watched before. She let me pick because she hasn’t watched TV in years. “I was too busy before, and then after I didn’t care,” she’d told me quietly.
She breaks my heart at least a dozen times a day.
I’ve learned a few more things about her as we lay in the dark talking, too. She seems less afraid to talk to me when she can’t see my face. Her birthday is May 24th, her favorite color is blue, she’s never broken a bone, and she never went to prom either.
I plan on fixing that as soon as I’m healed up. I’ll rent out a whole place for us if I have to, hire a band and decorator, the whole nine yards. I’m sure Leia will help with the dress. Keeping it a surprise will be the hard part.
She’s told me all about her aunt, and what little she remembers about her parents and sister. Also about how hard school was for her, because all the kids treated her differently after they died, and because she never had all the new things the other kids did because her aunt couldn’t afford them. I think I may be able to forgive her friends Anna and Brandon for basically giving up on her after hearing about all the times they didn’t.
I told her about all my great memories of Mom and Dad. Growing up with Leia for a sister, and all the shit Cash and I got into during high school. She laughed her ass off when I told her about the party we had at Cash’s house our junior year when his parents were out of town.
It was only supposed to be us and a couple of other guys, but just like in the movies about a hundred and fifty kids showed up. Some college guy brought tequila as a gift for us for throwing the party. Cash and I had never had more than a beer or two before that night. Needless to say, we wound up drunk off our asses dancing around in our underwear while we serenaded the crowd with our version of ‘I’m Too Sexy’. The cops showed up about the time the tequila decided it didn’t want to be in our stomachs anymore.
We were told it took a good hour before the cops loaded us up, because we were puking so much they didn’t want us in their car. My dad made us stay in jail overnight, but bailed us out the next morning then he made us clean every inch of Cash’s house and yard while we were still hung over. It took two days and nights to get it mostly back to normal. We kept having to stop and puke, then waste time cleaning that up before we could get back to the original mess. We were both grounded for a month after that.
Hearing Ellie laugh like she did when I told her made it worth it. Her laugh is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. If I hadn’t already loved her before, I would’ve been a hopeless case after hearing it.
Only one of our peaceful nights has been fractured so far. The night before last she had another nightmare. I woke up hearing her crying pitifully for that Lucas guy again, but then she quickly began to scream for me. It hurt like a bitch, but I threw as many of the pillows as I could reach off the bed then pulled her to me. She only fought me for a second before melting against my side. She cried for a good twenty minutes after that. I held her close, and tried my best to soothe her. Thankfully, she didn’t bolt this time, and let me help her through it.
I reach out and lightly stroke her cheek with the back of my fingers. Her skin is so damn soft it’s hard to keep my hands off her. She hasn’t complained about me playing with her hair, rubbing her back, or arms and legs yet, thank goodness. I want more, but I’ll definitely take what I can get. I feel certain if my body wasn’t screwed up she’d be fine with more, but she’s afraid she’ll cause me to get hurt again, I think. We’ve went back to cuddling, hand holding, and PG-rated kisses, but I can live with that. I love her more with each day that passes, I can be patient.
“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” she asks, turning to face me and giving my fingers a kiss with a sleepy smile.
I smile back. “Good morning, Hummingbird. How long have you been playing opossum?”
“Mmmmm, not too long, but long enough to know you’re a creeper,” she teases me with a wicked grin.
“You wound me, woman. I can’t help being stuck in this bed,” I defend myself. “And it’s not my fault you’re so beautiful either,” I smile, brushing some of her hair off her face.
She blushes adorably and rolls her eyes at me. “I’m sure I look ravishing with no makeup on, bed head, and morning breath. Maybe I should’ve had Dr. Schultz check your eyes when she was here,” she grins.
“There is nothing wrong with my eyes, they work fine. You’re the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen,” I whisper, leaving out any trace of teasing in my voice. Her blush deepens, and her grin fades into a softer smile.
“Thank you, but I could say the same thing about you,” she says, leaning over and kissing my lips. She keeps it short unfortunately, pulling back to get off the bed.
I watch as she walks around the end of it only to stop and stretch. My dick twitches seeing her perfect body outlined by the sunlight streaming in the window and through her thin pjs. It allows me to get my first glance of her nipples as they strain against her top.
The blue balls are starting early today.
She gets me up and into the bathroom before heading to hers as we start another day. We have ham and cheese omelets for breakfast, then she helps me onto the sofa while she cleans up the kitchen and gets ready to go get groceries. I tried to talk her into taking me with her, but she wouldn’t budge. I don’t like her being out by herself. I’m worried she may have an attack.
As far as I know she hasn’t had any this week. I’d hate for her have one, and have to deal with it alone. I tried to get her to stay here. Cash could pick stuff up for us or take him with her, but she didn’t like those ideas either. He’s coming to stay with me instead, so she won’t have to worry about me being alone.
He and Carlie show up right on time to keep me company with burgers and fries from our favorite diner.
“Car-Car! What’s up, little lady?” I ask her with a big smile. I always greet her that way and usually get a bright smile and high five in return.
Today her green eyes are looking at me like they never have before–with uncertainty. I pat the sofa beside me. “Come here and sit with me. I’ve missed you.”
She walks over and climbs up, still staring quietly. I let her check me out all she wants. My leg fascinates her the most. Finally, she looks up at me with her cute little face twisted up. “Daddy said some bad men shot you.”
“They did.”
“Well, why’d you let em do that?”
I laugh. She’s only five, but I swear sometimes she’s smarter than me. “I didn’t let them. Bad guys kind of do what they want, and I was busy keeping them from hurting my friend.”
“Daddy said it was a girl.”
“Yep.”
“Who is she?”
“Her name’s Ellie.”
“Are you gonna get better so you can play with me again? Daddy said you couldn’t play with me today.”
“I’m definitely gonna get better, and I can play with you today, we’ll just have to be gentle, okay?”
“Okay. I’m glad the bad men didn’t kill you,” she whispers, her little chin quivering.
I think my heart’s gonna shatter.
“Me, too, sweet pea. Come here and give me a hug,” I tell her, my voice cracking. Cash picks her up and helps her straddle my lap. Her little arms wrap around my neck and squeeze hard. I rub her back, and kiss her head through her dark curls. “I love you, Car-Car. Always and forever,” I tell her, doing my best not to blubber like a baby.
“I love you too, Nik-Nik,” she whispers, then kisses my cheek. “Is that Ellie?”
I crane my neck back, and see Ellie standing at the end of the hallway, wiping her eyes, her nervous smile on her face. “Yup. That’s her. Ellie, come meet Miss Carlie.”
She walks around the sofa and sits beside us, Carlie keeping a very close eye on her. “Hi, Carlie. I’m Ellie. It’s very nice to meet you.”
“Hi. Is this your house?”
“It is,” Ellie tells her, still with the nervous smile.
Carlie looks at me. “Why are you stayin’ here? What’s wrong with your house?”
“I can’t go up and down the stairs with my leg yet. Ellie was nice enough to let me stay with her. She’s taking care of me ‘til I’m better.”
Carlie stares at Ellie for a few long seconds. “She’s pretty. Y’all match, too. Is she your girlfriend now?”
We all laugh. Ellie blushes.
“Such a smart child I have,” Cash says.
“Thank you, Carlie. You are very pretty, too. I love your curls, and pretty green eyes,” Ellie tells her.
“Yeah, I look just like my daddy.”
“Yes, you do. I bet if you look in that cabinet over there you’ll find some stuff you might like,” Ellie whispers, then stands up, kisses my head, and tells us bye before nearly running out the door. Cash gives me a questioning look as she goes out, but I don’t know what got into her either.
Carlie keeps us busy for hours, begging to play every board and card game Ellie has stashed in the TV cabinet. I must be distracted and keeping too close of an eye on my phone, checking to see if she’s texted me back, because Cash keeps making a point of ragging on me about it every chance he gets. He’s lucky I haven’t thrown it at him.
She’s been with me so much the past few weeks and especially this last one, that I suppose I’m having a bad case of separation anxiety.
But damn, why would groceries take three hours anyway?
She finally gets back safe, and I feel like I can breathe again. Turns out she wasn’t just getting groceries, she also went shopping for some more clothes since she hadn’t planned on needing many while she was here. Then she says she has a surprise for me. She goes back outside for a minute, and comes back in carrying my baby girl.
“Roxie! Where you been girl?” I call out when I see them coming my way. Ellie almost drops her when Roxie starts to flail in her arms trying to get to me. As soon as Ellie puts her in my lap she goes nuts. She’s always happy to see me when I come home from work, but it’s never been like this. She’s whining and crying like she thought she’d never see me again. I’ve never seen her shake and tremble the way she is. It’s pitiful.
“Aww, girl. It’s okay. I’m so sorry Daddy had to leave you. Shhh, calm down, I’m right here, baby. Yeah, you get to stay with me now, it’s okay,” I try to calm her down before she accidentally hurts me. She calms a little, but has to lick and smell me all over, too. It’s not easy, but manage to keep her off my shoulder and leg.
I look over to Ellie to tell her thanks for bringing her, and she’s wiping away tears despite her smile. “What are you crying for?” I smirk at her.
“Nik! What do you mean, why am I crying? Look at you two. The poor thing is acting like she thought you left her forever. I hate that I waited this long to go get her, bless her heart. It’s so sad, but so sweet,” she nearly wails.
I laugh at her, kissing her cheek when she leans over my shoulder to pet Roxie. “Thank you, for bringing her.”
“You’re welcome, sweetie,” she whispers and turns to kiss me on the lips. Of course, just when her tongue starts to glide across them for the first time in days Roxie decides she needs a kiss, too.
“Ahh! No doggie kisses, Roxie!” Ellie squeals jumping back from us. “I’m gonna go help Cash while you two have your reunion, okay? Y’all can kiss in private,” she laughs as she walks away.
I sigh and roll my eyes, wrapping Roxie’s face in my hands and shaking her gently. “I’m glad to see you, but I’ll send you back to Scott if you turn out to be a cock blocker, you hear me?”
Cash and Carlie left soon after Ellie got home. She stays busy for the next couple of hours, putting up groceries, doing laundry, and cooking supper, too. I feel like such an asshole sitting here doing nothing while she works, but I don’t have much choice right now. I’ll definitely be doing my part to help as soon as I can move around better. I could at least sit and fold laundry.
She picked up a Boston butt from the barb-b-que place I love, and the smell of it warming in the oven is making my mouth water. That stuff is better than sex, and I LOVE sex. Five minutes later she comes out of the kitchen, and sits on the arm of the sofa beside me. “Where do you want to eat tonight?”
“Here’s fine, we can watch some more Lost,” I tell her. I like cuddling with her after we finish eating.
“All right, give me ten minutes, and I’ll be back with everything.” She leans over and kisses the top of my head. “Does she need putting out while we eat?” she asks, pointing at Roxie asleep in my lap. She hasn’t left it since she got here.
“Ummm, you can let her out for a few minutes. She probably won’t run off since she knows I’m in here, and she’s not a big beggar, she knows she’ll get some when I’m done.”
“Okay, we’ll be back,” she smiles, picking up Rox, and heading towards the front of the house.
A little while later we’re finished eating, Ellie has the kitchen cleaned up, and we’ve got the next episode of Lost going while the three of us snuggle on the couch. Despite my broken bones, life couldn’t get much better for me. If I don’t think about it too hard, it’s almost like we’re married. I never even thought about getting married before Ellie came along, not even about being part of a couple period. I guess it just takes the right one to come along before you do.
“Sawyer, you are such an ass! Can you believe he did that?” Ellie fusses at the TV then looks at me incredulously.
I haven’t really been watching, so I just smile and shake my head at her for getting so worked up about a TV show, then pull her close, and kiss the top of her head. “I love you.”
Oh, shit. Did I say that out loud?
As quiet as she is I’m gonna have to go with yes.
Damnit, I didn’t mean to tell her yet. It slipped out before I could stop it.
I don’t know which one of us is more surprised, me or her. She’s still as a statue laying against my side, but she hasn’t run away screaming yet, so I’ll take that as a good sign. After a few seconds, she looks up at me. I can tell by her face she doesn’t know what to say, so I save her from having to respond.
I lean over and kiss her head again, while running my fingers through her hair. “Sorry I sprung that on you, it was supposed to be a secret for a while longer. Apparently, it didn’t want to stay hidden any more. I only realized it myself a few days ago. I felt it from the moment I laid eyes on you though. I didn’t know what it was I was feeling, but I knew you were what I wanted, who I needed. I think I have been waiting for you for a long time, and didn’t know that either.”
She stares up at me, her eyes welling with tears. “Nik…” she starts, but doesn’t seem to be able to find her next word.
I pull her to me. She easily follows my lead, tucking herself into the crook of my neck, letting out a small sob. “Shhhhh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” I whisper, rubbing her back.
Please, God, tell me I haven’t screwed myself.
She clings to me, but stays quiet so I try to fix my word vomit. “You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t say it to hear you say it back, but I want you to know that I meant it. I do. I love you. I’ve loved you for days, for weeks already. Nothing has to change between us, and it’s okay if you don’t love me back yet, or if you can’t ever love me. I’ll still love you just like I did yesterday, and just like I will tomorrow. I don’t want to be anywhere, but right here with you. I’ll stay by you no matter how hard it gets. At least until you tell me to leave anyway,” I confess, kissing her hair.
She’s doesn’t respond for another few seconds, then pulls back to look at me, her face all red and her eyes already puffy.
Damnit, I’m such a dick. My filter is for shit.
“God, Ellie, I’m sorry. Forget I said anything, okay? I won’t say it again, I swear,” I promise her quickly while I brush her hair back from her face and wipe at her tears.
Her big blue eyes are desperately searching mine for something, but I don’t know what. I’m surprised when she reaches up and runs her fingertips over my eyebrow, then down the side of my face to my lips. “Thank you,” she says, barely above a whisper.
Thank you? Thank me for what? For loving her, or for promising not to say it again?
I have to ask, even if I’m afraid of the answer. “For what?”
“For loving me when I don’t even love myself. You’re too good for me,” she whispers, closing her eyes causing a few more tears to fall.
I pull her awkwardly towards my lap with my good arm, but she easily figures out what I want and straddles me, laying against my chest and burying her face in my neck again. My arms automatically wrap around her pulling her closer. I try to ignore how warm her center feels pressed tightly over my dick. It takes a huge effort not to press my hips up into hers, but her heart is much more important than he is. I rub her back with my left arm, and caress her neck with the fingers of my other one as I explain the folly of her words.
“You’ve got it all wrong, hummingbird. You’re the one who’s too good for me, I don’t deserve someone as special as you,” I say, kissing her temple, then cheek.
She pops up, and looks at me with a scowl. “Don’t say that. You’re good, Nik. All the way to your bones. I’ve never known a man any better than you,” she whispers, all traces of her scowl gone, as she leans in and places a feather light kiss on my cheek. “I think I may have fallen in love with you, too,” she whispers into my ear.
I freeze for a second, wondering if I heard her right before I push her back gently so I can see if her face matches her words. She’s still crying, but she’s smiling too. I can’t help but smile back at her. “You have?” I ask, but don’t give her time to answer. “It’s okay if you aren’t sure yet. I don’t you to say it until you’re sure. I’ll wait, however long it takes,” I promise her.
She cups my face in her hands, kissing me softly on the lips before looking at me again. “I know you will, but you don’t have to. My heart’s been yours since I showed you how shattered and broken I was, and you looked back at me like I was still whole, like I’d never been broken in the first place. I’ve loved you ever since. I’ve just been too afraid to admit it,” she sniffles.
I try to keep my heart from exploding out of my chest by pulling her to me until her forehead rests against mine. I take a few deep breaths, then kiss the tip of her cute nose. “It’s okay, I’ve been afraid, too. Maybe we can learn how to not be afraid together.”
“I’d like that,” she agrees, her breathing as shaky as my own.
I close the distance between her lips and mine, kissing her softly. “Say it for me. Please,” I ask, kissing my way from one corner of her mouth to the other.
“I love you, Nik,” she breathes out.
They’re the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard. I don’t waste anytime returning them. “God, Ellie. I love you, too. More than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything,” I pant.
She sucks in a quiet gasp. “Kiss me, please. I may die if you don’t,” she pleads.
Hearing the need in her voice, all the pent-up emotions that have been building inside of me for the last several weeks come rushing to the surface as I crash my lips against hers, my tongue immediately seeking her own. I want to devour her. Worship her. Taste every inch of her luscious body then start all over again.
I try to slow down, so I don’t scare her, but when her hands grip my hair, and her tongue meets mine with as much desperation, I know she’s been fighting this as hard as I have the whole time. Her moans and whimpers are even more proof.
I pour everything I feel for her into it, and some things I didn’t even know about. I feel like I’m drowning, and she’s my only hope of surviving. I’ve never experienced a kiss so intense, or been so overwhelmed with need before. Never have I wanted to give so much of myself to anyone. I think I could kiss her like this forever, and never need it to go any further.
Unfortunately, we have no choice but to catch our breath, but we keep as much contact with each other as we can, our hands and lips roaming everywhere they can reach. When my lips find the fresh tears on her cheeks though, I have to stop. I pull back and look at her, suddenly full of worry. She’s flushed and panting with tears streaming from her eyes as she looks back at me. My heart drops straight to the pit of my stomach. “Ellie? What is it? Did I do something—?”
She shuts me up by pressing her lips over mine. “I swear I’m okay, Nik. Please don’t stop. I don’t want you to stop. I need you,” she whispers, rocking her hips against my straining dick.
I can’t stop the moan escaping the back of my throat. I can almost feel her velvet heat gripping me already. But we’re not going any further until I’m one hundred percent sure.
“Are you sure? I want you more than anything right now, but I won’t until I know you’re sure. We can wait. Technically we’ve only really kissed twice, so I don’t want you to think I’m easy.” I wink, trying to ease her tension.
She lets out a small sob mixed with a laugh, and hugs me for a few seconds. I barely get a chance to hug her back before she sits back up. I will my dick to behave despite her movement, concentrating on her beautiful face instead. She wipes her eyes before taking a deep breath. Letting it out, she finally looks at me again.
“I don’t want to wait if you don’t. If you’re sure of us,” she whispers timidly.
I brush my hand over the side of her face and tuck some hair behind her ear. “Ellie, please believe me when I say this, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. You’re it for me.” I pick one of her hands up to kiss her palm before putting it over my heart. “Do you feel that? It’s yours. It beats only for you now. It’s never been as full as it has since you walked into my life. It skips a beat every time I see you, swells every time you smile or laugh, and when we kiss I swear it’s gonna explode into a million pieces inside of my chest. You rule my heart, Ellie. I love you. I’m yours for however long you want me,” I swear to her.
She’s biting her bottom lip trying to keep herself from crying any harder by the time I finish. I watch her with my heart breaking as she gathers herself with a few deep shaky breaths. I’d give up everything I had if I could keep her from feeling the pain that still causes her to be so torn and unsure.
She wipes her eyes one more time, and straightens her spine and brings her eyes up to mine. “You told me you wanted me to live again, remember?” she asks with surprising strength in her voice.
“Yes.”
A small smile tugs at the right corner of her lips. She crosses her arms over her stomach and pulls her shirt off over her head. My eyes go right to her perfect breasts wrapped in silver satin and lace. Her lips are moving against mine before I even register she’s moved.
“Make me live again, Nik.”