ELLIE
RACHAEL ONLY LETS SCOTT AND I stay with Nik about fifteen minutes before she comes back and gently leads us out. I hate to leave him, but know I need to rest so I can see him again later. By the time I walk out of his room, the weight of everything that’s happened today hits me like a bus–a very emotional bus.
I lean against the wall outside his doorway, and let myself sink to the floor with a sob. There is no stopping the tears this time. My brain and body are in the midst of a serious meltdown. Scott hurries to sit down with me, but I wave him off as nicely as I can. Thankfully, he walks away giving me some space.
Wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my face between them, I let the sobs rack my body. I cry for my family and Josh’s family, already lost to me. I cry for Nik, because he’s been fighting to live all day, and because he’ll have to fight for months to get his life back like it was before. I cry because I want to die, because I almost did, and because I want to live.
There’s no telling how long I’ve been sobbing, when Rachael squats down beside me and rubs my back. “Oh sugar, bless your heart. You have held up so well today, and have been so strong. Why don’t you come with me? We’ll get you off this floor, and find somewhere for you to lay down, okay, hon?”
I take a deep shuddering breath, and nod my head at her. She helps me up, offering a hand full of tissues, which I accept gratefully. Once I get my face somewhat cleaned, I look around to see how badly I’ve embarrassed myself, but the other nurses are all busy with their patients, and Scott is pacing outside the ICU doors on his phone.
“I should...probably...talk to Scott...before...he leaves,” I choke out, and drawing in another shaky breath. I hate how crying this hard makes our bodies react, choking and gasping for air like a child who believes their world has just been crushed. Even if I tried really hard right now, I wouldn’t be able to breathe normal to save my life.
She wraps an arm around my waist and gently pulls me towards the nurses’ station. “Let’s get you settled back here, and I’ll go get him for you, all right?”
“Okay.”
I’m still trying to catch my breath as she leads me to what turns out to be a room with a couple of sleeping cots, lockers, and a small kitchen.
“This is our break room, and even though you’re not supposed to be back here, we’re gonna make an exception today.” She helps me sit on one of the cots, then walks over to the lockers. “There’s a bathroom over there you can use to wash up in, and here’s a pair of my scrubs you can put on,” she says, handing me a bright blue pair. “I’m sure you want outta those bloody clothes. Then you can get some rest. I’m not letting you drive home as tired as you are. You can rest first, visit Nik again, and then we’ll see if you’re up to leaving.”
“Leaving? Drive?” I jump up, screaming, my heart pounding at her words. A terror I can’t control begins to fill my body, threatening to smother me. “I don’t have my truck! My truck’s still at Starbucks! My purse, my phone! They’re all still there! I can’t leave! I can’t leave him! I can’t!”
Rachael grabs me by the arms, and sits me back down. Kneeling in front of me, she takes my face in her hands. “Ellie, look at me. Look at my eyes. I need you to breathe for me. Take a deep breath, and let it out. That’s it, take a deep breath, and let it out slow. Good girl. Look at me. I’m not going to make you leave him. You can stay right here. Keep breathing, Ellie. In and out. In and out. You got it. One more time, honey. In and out.”
I do my best to focus on her voice and words until I finally get my fears somewhat back in their cage. I close my eyes and take another deep breath. When I open them I only see the sympathy and concern written all over her face. The tears take over then. “I’m sorry,” I sob. “I’m such a freak!”
“No, Ellie. You are not a freak, honey. You have just been through hell and back today.”
I collapse onto the cot. “I can’t...do this again,” I choke, causing a coughing fit.
She gets up, and comes back with a cool cloth that she uses to wipe my face. “Can’t what, sweetheart? What can’t you do again?” she asks softly, brushing my hair back from my wet face as I continue to bawl.
“I can’t...lose anyone...else. It’s my fault...they died. It’s my fault...Nik’s dying too!”
“Shhhhhhh, it is not your fault. Nik is not dying, sweetheart. He’s gonna make it through this, okay? I promise you. You need to rest now, honey. Your body is so tired and your mind needs to slow down so your heart can have some peace, too. Let yourself sleep. Everything will be all right soon. I promise. Sleep now,” she coos at me, still playing with my hair.
I don’t want to sleep, but it’s all too much. I can’t fight the fear and exhaustion anymore. I let my eyes close, and concentrate on her calming voice until sleep takes me.
I wake up with a start, my heart pounding and sweat covering my face.
Fabulous. Another nightmare to add to my playlist. Not only do I get to relive my usual one over and over again, now I get to see Nik get filled full of bullets, too. Fuck my life.
Sitting up, I swing my legs over the side of the cot, and groan. My entire body feels like it’s been beaten with a baseball bat. Everything hurts. I slowly stretch, trying to work out some of the soreness, but it doesn’t help much. I look around for a clock. The one over the kitchenette says 8:34. I’m gonna assume it’s P.M. since I feel anything but rested.
The scrubs Rachael gave me are still lying at the end of the cot. I pick them up, and head to the bathroom. I really do need to get out of these clothes.
I sigh when I get to the bathroom and see the shower stall. A hot shower sounds heavenly right now. I shut the door behind me, locking it. My plan is to let the water warm up while I relieve my angry bladder. It takes a minute to figure out which knob is for the hot water. I heard someone say once that you’re only smart until you have to use someone else’s shower. I agree with that statement.
Thankfully, I figure it out pretty fast, and leave the water to do its thing. I strip out of my clothes, biting into my bottom lip so I don’t cry. They’re covered in Nik’s blood. I stuff them in the trash can so I don’t have to see them anymore. Once I’ve made my bladder happy again, I step under the hot water, hissing as it hits my skin.
Before long, I’m groaning in relief. The aches and pains in my body begin to lessen, the knots loosening. I could very easily give in to the idea of staying in here. The need I feel to sit down under the spray, and let it wash my tears down the drain with it is fierce, but I fight it and the tears, too. I’ve cried enough today.
I hurry through the rest of the shower, and dry off. I put my underwear back on before slipping on the scrubs. They’re a little big, but I tighten the drawstring, and they work fine. I don’t see a brush anywhere, so I towel dry my hair, then run my fingers through it as best I can.
Now let’s see if I can get up enough courage to face Rachael and Scott again. I’d be okay with it if Scott has left already. He’s a nice guy, but he may have changed his mind about me after seeing my meltdown.
I make my way out of the break room and to the nurses’ station. The one nurse who’s sitting there gives me a kind smile. “Hey, there. Look who’s up,” she says, a little too cheerfully.
I smile back weakly. “Hi.”
“Your fiancé is resting, and still doing well. I just checked on him. Rachael is out in the waiting room with his friends giving them an update, if you want to join them,” she tells me.
“Thank you,” I say, heading that way. She said friends. I’m not too keen on the idea of meeting more people right now, but I don’t have a choice. I slip through the ICU doors, and down the hall. I’m almost to the waiting room when I hear a deep male voice coming from inside.
“Ellie? Who the hell is Ellie?”
I stop in my tracks, just outside the door.
“I don’t know much about her, Cash.”
“Seriously, Scott? You haven’t checked her out yet?” this Cash guy asks.
“I’ve been a little busy, but I was with her for hours today, and she seems like a decent person. She’s very concerned about Nik, and feels like him getting hurt is all her fault. She’s staying around to make sure he’s okay, which is completely reasonable given the situation. You need to chill out,” Scott fusses at him.
“Chill out? Did you not tell us a few minutes ago that she faked being his fiancée to get up here?” Cash again. He is awful growly.
“Yes, I did, but I also told you that she fessed up immediately when she met me. I don’t think she’s trying to hide something, or get anything out of this. She only wants to know he’s going be all right. He saved her life today for heaven’s sake. Why wouldn’t she?” Scott asks.
“How do we know she wasn’t in on the robbery, huh? She could know about Nik’s money, and be using this ploy to cover up her scam to rob him blind. Don’t forget the little crying fit and panic attack she performed for you, probably to get your sympathy. I bet she talked to one of Nik’s flings, and decided to take him for a ride. It’s no secret how easily he caves for a pretty face. I can’t think of any other reason for him to be so stupid, risking his life like he did,” Cash spits out.
OK, I’m getting mad now. This asshole has no right to assume that of me. He doesn’t know me from Adam’s housecat!
“Cash, you’ve been watching too many crime shows, man. We all know how stubborn Nik is. Do you really think some tiny woman could have stopped him from taking those bullets for her if he decided he was going to protect her?” someone else says.
“Hank, shut up! I’m looking out for Nik. Nobody else here seems to be.”
“He’s right though, Cash. Despite his tomcat ways, deep down Nik is a man of integrity and honor. Pretty or not, he would have kept her safe despite the risk to himself,” Scott says.
“Sir, I really think you’re wrong about Ellie, too,” Rachael cuts in. “The crying and panic attack she had were not fake. I’ve worked with soldiers home from the war. They have episodes like she had all the time. I think she has a type of post-traumatic stress disorder, and not only from what happened today. She’s been through something really bad. I can only imagine how much today stirred things up for her. You need to give her a chance. I truly believe her concern for Nik is genuine.”
I’m gonna have to buy her something nice as a thank you for all she’s done for me today. She’s such a good soul. Scott needs a hug for being a good friend to Nik, too.
Someone sighs heavily, I assume that it’s Cash. “Fine. I’ll give her a chance, but don’t think I’m gonna be trusting her blindly like the rest of you. She’s gonna have to earn mine,” he says.
I get that this guy is looking out for his friend, and he should be, but damn he’s a hard-ass. I might as well go ahead, and start earning that trust. Taking a deep breath, I straighten my spine before walking into the waiting room.
Help me, Lord. I’m gonna need all I can get.
“Um, hi,” I squeak, walking in and waving like an idiot. All eyes turn to me. Scott’s look surprised, and maybe a little embarrassed. Rachael’s are full of understanding, and the other guy’s–Hank, I’m guessing–are bright and seem genuinely happy to see me. Cash’s, on the other hand, are dark and brooding.
I have to hold back a nervous giggle when I realize how much he looks like the Brawny man, plaid shirt and all. He’s really big and well, brawny. He has a head full of thick brown hair, and a beard to match. Those brooding eyes that are staring holes into me are actually a smokey green.
Rachael breaks the tension by coming up to give me a hug, which I gladly return. “You feeling better, doll? You sure didn’t rest long.”
“I’m okay. Thank you, for taking care of me. You’ll have to send me your bill,” I say with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood.
She laughs and waves her hands at me. “Nonsense! You can just buy me lunch later.”
“Sure thing.”
“Hey, Ellie, you okay?” Scott asks, his voice a little shaky.
“Yeah, thanks for asking. I’m really sorry about earlier. The stress finally hit me, I guess.”
“Don’t worry about it. I certainly understand,” he tells me, sounding a bit more like himself. He waves towards Cash and Hank. “These are Nik’s buddies I mentioned earlier, Cash Griffin and Hank Baldwin.”
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you both,” I say, keeping my manners up.
“Hey. It’s real nice to meet ya,” Hank says, coming up and shaking my hand like it’s a pump handle. He’s a big guy, too, cute in a boyish way. He looks to be in his early twenties with light brown hair and eyes. His smile is super friendly. He gets my good guy vote. When he steps back I look over at growly man. He nods his head at me, his expression stony.
Ugh.
I swallow down my nerves, and present my case to this hard head. “Mr. Griffin, I heard most of your conversation before I came in here.”
“Ellie,” Scott jumps in. “I’m sorry—”
“It’s okay,” I stop him. “He has every right to question me. I wouldn’t consider him a very good friend to Nik if he didn’t,” I say, keeping my eyes trained on Cash’s. “I understand you being hesitant, but I promise you I’m not here to cause Nik trouble. I had never met, nor heard of him from anyone else before he walked in behind me at Starbucks today.
“I know nothing about him except for what he told me in those few minutes before the robbers came in. He teaches furniture design at SCAD, and seems to really love his job. That, and I know the type of man he is when lives are threatened. A selfless one. I’ve only been in town about a week. I’m from Tennessee. I’m in Savannah to decide if I want to keep my late husband’s family vacation house here, and because I needed away from the memories at home,” I tell him, managing to keep my voice somewhat even. I never see him break eye contact with me, but he and the others all shifted uncomfortably on their feet when they heard the words ‘late husband’s’. I take a deep breath and move on.
“Going to get coffee this morning was the first time I’ve left the house since I got here. I don’t do well in public much anymore since the accident. I heard you mention Nik’s money, too. I have no clue, nor do I care if he’s rich, penniless, or in between. I have my own, so I don’t need his, however much he may or may not have,” I tell him, trying to keep my sassiness to a minimum. I could tell them how much I have, but that’s no one’s business but mine.
Cash finally drops his eyes, along with his head, and runs his fingers through his hair. When he looks back up, his eyes are a bit more forgiving.
“I’m only here for one reason, and that’s Nik,” I tell him. “He saved my life today, in more ways than you’ll ever know, without any thought to his own. The least I can do is sit with him in this hospital while he recovers. Scott said he didn’t have any family other than his sister, and she’s too far away. You both have jobs I’m sure. I don’t. There’s no job tying me down, no family to miss me if I’m not there. All I have is time, and if Nik needs it, I’ll gladly spare it. If he wakes up and doesn’t want me here, then I’ll go and you’ll never see me again. But if he asks me to stay, then I’m going to. I owe him my life. I’ve lost way too many people already, and I’ll be damned if I walk away from one that thought I was worth saving,” I finish with a lot more passion than I had intended.
They’re all looking at me with guilt clearly written on their faces. I turn to Rachael. “May I please see Nik now?”
“Sure you can, sweetie. Let’s go,” she tells me with a smile, and leads me out the door.