NIK
ELLIE’S HEART IS IN HER eyes as she stares back at me. It feels like she truly trusts me with it now, and it’s a little less fragile than before. I think she really has done some healing tonight “I love you, too,” she whispers.
My throat threatens to close. I pull her into my arms, and hold onto her for dear life. “Thank you,” I get out in a strangled whisper.
She hugs me, doing her best not to hurt me. “What would you ever have to thank me for, silly? You’ve done so much more for me than I have you,” she murmurs softly against my neck.
I gently push her back, and stare at her sweet face as I brush some damp hair off it, slowly shaking my head at her. “Knowing you love me makes me the happiest I’ve ever been. I never knew it was even possible to be this happy.” That brings a smile to her face I can’t help but return. “That you’re trusting me with your heart makes me even more so, because I know how hard that must be. You’re such an amazing woman, Ellie. Love has been so painful for you, but you’re willing to give yours to me anyway. I’ll cherish it always, I swear it,” I tell her, pulling her lips to mine, and kissing her with every ounce of emotion I have.
Unfortunately, we need air so we have to pause to catch our breaths. She suddenly clings to me desperately. She was so calm a second ago. “Swear you’ll never leave me,” she pleads in a small child like whimper.
My heart seizes in my chest.
Dear God, please don’t let her be tortured again, once tonight was more than enough. If it never happens again it’ll be more than enough.
“I swear it, my love. I swear it,” I promise her, my hands stroking her gently. “I fought death just to be able to see your beautiful face again, and I won that battle. Imagine how hard I’m going to fight now that I love you. I’ll never let anything take me away from you. Not robbers, not heaven, and not even hell will be able to pry me from your side.”
She doesn’t respond, she only keeps holding onto me tightly. I hold her right back praying for all I’m worth that the fear will let go of her.
I’ll be so glad when the day comes she no longer has this pain and fear so her words and cries will stop ripping my heart out.
Will these demons ever leave her alone? I plan to crush them one by one for her until they do.
I hold my breath when I feel her begin to relax. “I love you, Nik,” she whispers, turning her head to kiss the side of my neck. I let my air out in one big gust hearing how calm she sounds.
“I love you more,” I tell her, peppering her shoulder with kisses.
She pulls out of my arms and sits up. There’s only a few tears sliding down her cheeks now. I wipe them away while she smiles at me pitifully and blows out a deep breath. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”
I cup her face in my hands. “Don’t be. I don’t care. I love you. Mess and all,” I tell her, pulling her close and kissing her.
She kisses me back then sighs and tucks herself against my chest. “You’re too perfect for words, Nik Jensen.”
I turn and kiss her head. “No more than you are.”
Then I feel her shake against me. I’m just about to make her look at me when she giggles. “You sounded like something straight out of a fairy tale romance earlier. Willing to fight death, heaven, and hell for me. I love you, my brave, brave knight,” she sighs dramatically, then follows it with more giggles. They’re music to my ears, I’ll trade them over her tears any day.
I slowly creep my fingers around to her side. “Sir Tickles to the rescue, milady,” I purr then proceed to tickle her mercilessly.
Her squeals of laughter fill the room as she jumps, wiggles, and squirms trying to escape my fingers. My heart swells seeing and hearing her so happy because of me and another part of me swells because of her, too. It was barely soft to begin with.
It would be hard enough to ignore my desire for her if she was just sitting on my lap, but my dick still being wrapped in her hot, wet pussy as it twists and grinds around me makes it impossible. So even though I came harder than I ever have not ten minutes ago, I’m instantly hard for her again.
With one more tease to her ribs, making her bounce, and a tilt of my hips to ensure she lands just right, her giggles turn into a gasp.
“Uunhhh, yes.”
“Again,” she whimpers with another bounce.
That could’ve been a question or a request. I supply both by pushing up into her while answering through gritted teeth. “Fuck yes, again.”
Maybe I’ll last more than five strokes this time.
She presses her feet into the floor and her hot, velvet walls try their best to pull my dick off as her hips rise.
Oh shit, maybe not.
She eases back down, taking me all the way to the hilt, then rolls over my swollen head a few times before pulling back up.
“Jesus,” I moan, dropping my head back.
She feels soooooo damn good!
It’s been very rare to have any woman be able to take all of me before, but despite how tight Ellie is she seems to have no problem fitting me like a glove. I want to stay inside of her forever.
“You feel so amazing inside of me, Nik. I’ve never been this full. I want to keep you inside of me and never let you out again,” she breathes in my ear.
Apparently, she can read minds too. Or maybe dicks. My dick, only my dick. She can read it all night long.
“Holy shit, Ellie. You’re gonna kill me,” I pant and grab her hips to help her rock back and forth over me hoping the change will help me hold off a little longer. I’m already so damn close it’s ridiculous.
I will NOT blow before she does.
If she hadn’t been just as quick having the three she’s already had tonight I would definitely be embarrassed at how fast she brings me to the edge and pushes me over. The sight of her riding me is not helping my cause either. Her beautiful face is flushed and a mask of pure ecstasy, her absolutely perfect breasts are bouncing and swaying in my face with each stroke, and her breathy moans and whimpers are filling my ears. My balls and thighs are soaked with her juices. Feeling them slide and drip over me pushes me even further. It’s sexy as all hell knowing she’s that wet for me.
If I don’t do something fast there’s no way I’ll hold out.
I sit back as far as the chair will let me, ignoring the pain in my shoulder when it presses into it and run my right hand up her stomach, between her breasts, pressing her back into an arch. She places her hands on my thighs as if we choreographed it beforehand. The new angle her hips take rip another moan from me and her both. I lean forward and latch onto her left nipple, sucking it deep into my mouth while grabbing her hip to help her grind against me. Her walls are fluttering around me within a few strokes so I let go of her hip and reach between us, easily finding her swollen clit with my fingers, then start to rub tight little circles over it.
“Nik!” she yells out, jerking at the contact, but seconds later she’s grinding against my fingers as hard as she is my dick. “Ah yes! Yes, Nik! Yes!” Once, twice, three times more and her walls clamp around me like a vise as she screams and writhes.
I’m powerless to hold back a second longer, and my orgasm slams through me like a fleet of Mack trucks. My hips take over forcing my dick impossibly deeper inside of her. There are lights flashing behind my eyelids, and nothing but a high-pitched ringing in my ears. Groaning and shuddering underneath her is all I’m capable of.
Sweet Jesus Christ almighty! I’ve died and gone to heaven. It sure as shit couldn’t be any sweeter up there than it is here right now.
The aftershocks seem to go on forever, making us shiver and shake. Finally, we collapse against each other again, blissed out and panting heavily.
Sex with Ellie has been by far the most intense and amazing sex I’ve ever had, and I haven’t even properly made love to her the way I want to yet. Watching her cum…that’s actually grasping what the word magnificent truly means.
It’s fucking breathtaking. When she came on my fingers earlier, I was one second away from shooting my load all over her luscious pussy and thighs, then she let out that keening wail. My dick did a one-eighty so fucking fast I got a head rush right before my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. That, unlike her pussy–which I want to experience over and over–I don’t ever want to experience again.
She says it helped her to release some of her pain–not that I even remotely understand how the hell it did. I guess I need to be thankful something good came out of it, but I’d rather get shot again than see her like that one more time.
I’ll need months of therapy if it keeps happening. I doubt I’ll ever get the sound of her heart wrenching sobs out of my head, or feel her clinging to me as if I was the only thing between her and demons trying to drag her to hell. All I could think was that I did that to her, I caused it and if I ever found a way to bring her out of it, I knew without a doubt she would hate me forever once she woke up. I would’ve gladly traded places with her, and let the demons drag me to hell as punishment. I deserved nothing less for doing that to her.
Maybe I already need therapy.
I would have done anything for this amazing woman before tonight. I had already sworn to myself I would never let her go, but now? Yeah, that heaven and hell not being able to pry me away from her statement I made earlier is even more true. She’s mine now. I’m never letting her go. Whatever she wants or needs, it’s hers. Come hell or high water, she’ll have it. I’ll slay demons and dragons all day and night or move any mountain that gets in her way. She’s my queen, and I’m her faithful knight.
“Did I knock you out up there?” she asks bringing me out of my cum drunk ramblings. At my grunt, I feel her cheek pulling up into a smile against my chest.
“Pretty damn close,” I sigh, smiling into her tousled hair. My hands have made a mess of it. Poor thing is gonna have a time brushing all the knots out. She sits up and looks at me, her smile is as satisfied as I’ve ever seen it. She’s never been more beautiful, sex hair and all. I probably look like a goofy drunk to her, I’m so sated and happy.
She leans forward and places little kisses from my lips, to my jaw, then over to my ear. “Speaking of thank you notes, get me a list of all those women who helped you practice. Because I’m sure they’re part of the reason you’re so amazing,” she purrs sweetly, then lifts herself off me and stretches at my side.
She might as well have kicked me in the nuts and gut punched me all at once.
She knows. She knows about them.
She rubs my shoulder before kissing the top of my head. “Stay right there, sweetie, I’m gonna go get your crutch. You’ve done enough walking without it tonight,” she says then walks away oblivious to the turmoil swirling through me.
She knows about them. How the hell does she know about them?
I’ve been calling out to God all night–in pleasure and in prayer–but I think he’s finally decided to punish me for mixing him in with sexy time. That may have been what he was doing three weeks ago when he allowed me to get shot–warning me to quit my manwhore ways.
I cheated death so he probably thought to teach me an even bigger lesson by letting me fall in love–and my dream girl fall in love with me–and now he’s gonna take her away. Because she’s gonna know something’s wrong, and I’m gonna have to tell her what it is. Then she’ll leave me. A good decent woman like her would never stay with a manwhore like me.
“Nik? Earth to Nik?” I look up at her and she’s still smiling at me.
How can she still be smiling? I’m about to break her heart.
“Here, let’s get you to bed. I think you may have overdid it,” she says worriedly, handing me the crutch, and holding her hand out for me to take.
My fear has me locked in a trance. I reach out and pull myself up, taking the crutch from her, before heading to the bedroom. I make it to the bed, sitting down so hard it shakes. My shoulder and leg let me know they’re pissed with me really quick.
“Nik! Be careful! We just got you to the point we could enjoy ourselves, I’ll whoop you if you hurt yourself and mess that up,” she giggles as she walks across the hall to the bathroom.
I look up and see her perfect little naked ass walking away. My heart plummets to the floor.
It’ll be all of her walking away from me soon.
I lay down, staring up at the ceiling as I listen to her moving around in the bathroom. When she starts singing some tune I don’t recognize, but can easily tell is off key, I have to bite my lip to keep from crying. I’ve never heard her sing. People sing when they’re happy and now after declaring our love and confirming it with a long night of amazing sex she’s happy, like she should be.
The way I’ve dreamed of being able to make her.
She’s been sad for so long, and now that I’ve finally managed to give her some happiness, I have to take it all away.
The bed dips making me jump. She’s beside me, wearing nothing but a t-shirt, and a face filled with worry. “Nik, honey. What’s wrong? You haven’t said a word since…” she trails off, biting her lip and looking down at the washcloth she’s holding in her hands.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I hurry to answer, plastering a panicked smile on my face.
She looks over at me, and stares into my eyes for several long seconds. I can almost feel her inside me searching for the lie I just told. Her brows furrow as her lip slides from between her teeth. “Is it me? Did I not… Was I not good enough? I know I don’t have much experience. I’m sorry. You must think me some naive uneducated country bump—”
“Ellie, STOP!” I yell, sitting up to grab her hand.
Damn that hurt. My shoulder and my heart.
I’d just sentenced myself to purgatory, but there was no way in hell that I was going to sit here and let her think I thought even close to that about her. Her eyes are huge as she looks at me, she doesn’t look afraid though, just startled. I close my eyes, taking in a deep breath then let it out and adjust myself on the bed so I can see and reach her better before looking at her again.
“You were incredible, Ellie. Tonight, with you, was the best I’ve ever had, and I would swear that on a stack of Bibles. You made me feel things I never have, wonderful things. You did absolutely everything right. You were amazing,” I tell her, giving her a loving smile before I lean over and kiss her lips softly. My heart is breaking knowing this may be the last time I ever get to.
Her face lights up when I let her go. “You mean that, don’t you?”
“Every word. I swear it,” I promise solemnly.
Her smile stays on her face for a few more seconds then turns into a frown of confusion. “Was it too much, did we hurt you again?” she asks, her voice getting high pitched with concern.
I shake my head. I am achy, but that’s the least of what’s hurting me right now.
She sighs. “Well if it wasn’t me and you’re not in pain, then what is it? Because your ‘nothing’ is definitely ‘something’. You can tell me, whatever it is.” She tries to soothe me, scooting closer to run her fingers through my hair.
I drop my head–too much of a coward to look at her–and try to figure out what to say that’s truthful and doesn’t make me look like a complete dick.
I don’t know how long we sit in silence–it feels like it’s been forever–when she puts her hand around my chin then turns and lifts my face to hers. I force myself to look at her, it’s the least I owe her. I see nothing but love in her eyes as she looks back at me.
“I don’t care about them, Nik.”
What?
“Who?”
She smiles softly, and lets go of my chin to stroke my cheek. “The others that came before me.”
She can read minds.
“How? How did you know?”
Still smiling, she shrugs her shoulders. “Deduction. You were fine before I said anything about the thank you notes, you weren’t after. You’re such a good, tender hearted man I figure you’re worrying about hurting me, or me judging you.”
“I’m not good. I’m a heartless bastard who uses women.”
Her laughter fills the room. “Oh, my Lord, Nik! You are so far from a heartless bastard it’s pathetic. And I guarantee that no matter who those women were, however many, they were using you right back. I know you’ve seen yourself in the mirror before. You’re sex on two legs. I’d bet every dime I have that you had to beat them off with sticks everywhere you went. Some of them probably fainted at your feet with one look at you. I know I almost did,” she says, still laughing.
I’m so dumbfounded I can’t seem to make my mouth work.
She shakes her head, still smiling. “Did you ever rape any of them?”
Oh, it fucking works now!
“No!” I yell. “I always made sure they consented first, and if they were drunk all bets were off,” I tell her defensively.
She’s still smiling. “I thought not. Were any of them minors?”
Okay, the first question shocked me, now I’m pissed.
“For God’s sake, Ellie! No! What kind of man do you think I am?” I growl.
Her smile turns sweeter. “I already told you, a good one.”
“Then why would you even ask—”
She holds her hand up. “Did you ever pay for sex, or have someone pay you?”
“NO!”
I’m fucking fuming. And she’s fucking smirking at me!
“Did you always use protection?” she asks, like she’s asking about the weather instead.
“Yes! Every. Single. Time,” I snarl, biting out each word through clenched teeth.
“So, you never raped anyone, never had sex with a minor, always made sure you had consent and protection, and were never paid, nor paid for sex, correct?” she says, still smiling and calm.
I nod and sigh, my flash of anger dwindling. “Correct.”
Her smile gets bigger and her eyes twinkle at me.
That sneaky little...she just played me like a harp.
“Ellie.”
“No.” She shakes her head again. “As long as all of that is true, and I have no doubt that it is, what happened between you and whoever before we met is none of my business. They have nothing to do with us.”
I look at her, wondering if she’s lost her mind.
How could she not care?
“Not even how many?”
Why the hell did I ask that? Do I want to maneuver her like she just did me, or was it my self-loathing coming to the surface? Does it really matter? Only her answer does in my book.
She shrugs. “No, not even how many. I don’t need to know. I’m fine with not ever knowing that, but there is one thing I would like to know.”
“You can ask me anything you want, I swear I’ll tell you the truth even if it may hurt us.” She’s been so unbelievably cool and calm about this I owe her no less. Not that I would ever lie to her anyway.
For the first time since this conversation started she looks nervous and unsure, her head down and her hands fidgeting in her lap. I already feel the dread building in my heart.
I am so not gonna like this question.
“Did you ever tell any of them that you loved them when you really didn’t?” she finally asks, barely above a whisper.
I take her chin in my hand, pulling her face up to look at me. “No. Never. Not even once. Not even close. This is what I was most afraid of, that you would think you were just another notch on my bedpost, and that I didn’t really love you. You’re not one of them, Ellie. You are so much more than that to me, so much more,” I swear to her with every ounce of feeling I have.
She gives me a small unsure smile and reaches out to rub my fingers between hers.
Not nearly good enough.
“Listen to me, please? All those women? There wasn’t a single one of them that could even hold a candle to you. They all pale in comparison. I never spent more than a few hours with any of them because I didn’t want to. I didn’t even let them spend the whole night with me, I always made them leave, or I left them before morning. You? I don’t ever want to leave you. When you were gone today I was an anxious mess. Ask Cash, he gave me shit for it the whole time.” I manage to smirk thinking about how much he ragged on me. Her smile reaches her eyes this time, so I keep going. I’m not nearly done.
“I felt like half of me walked out the door when you went shopping. I knew you were coming back, but it didn’t stop that hollow feeling in my chest from gnawing at me for hours. That only vanished when I saw you walking back through the door. When you’re near me, when you touch me, I feel whole. I never knew I wasn’t until finding you. I never loved anyone other than my family before you came along either. I feel like I finally have a home again when I’m in your arms, like I am home. That’s not because I’m living in this house with you right now either. You are my home. I love you, Ellie. I meant it when I said it earlier tonight and every time I’ve said it since. I loved you before I even said it. My heart is yours. One hundred percent. Now and forever if you want it.”
“Nik,” she whispers, her eyes filling with tears.
I wipe one away and brush her soft cheek with my fingertips. “I was willing to give my life for yours when I barely knew you. Now? I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
“Nik, no,” she whimpers.
“I would, Ellie. I would give everything I have if you needed or wanted it–my life, my soul, anything. I’m pretty sure that’s love, if it’s not, I don’t know what is. Either way, it’s all I’ve got, and it’s yours.”
Her tears are really flowing now. I tug at her arm, and she quickly fits herself sideways between my legs and up against my chest, her head tucked under my chin. I hold her and stroke her hair, letting her cry if she needs to. We have had one hell of a night after all. I don’t think I’ve ever been through so many different intense emotions in such a short period of time. I’m amazed I’m not exhausted.
She wipes at her face and sniffles. “You know you can’t have it both ways. You can’t swear to never leave me, and then an hour later say you’ll die for me. Please don’t ever say that to me again,” she begs quietly.
I rock her and kiss the top of her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to hurt you, but I couldn’t have you doubting me.”
She leans her head back to look up at me and reaches to cup my cheek. “I had very little to start with, sweetie. It’s gone now, I promise.”
I kiss her forehead. “Thank you,” I whisper, then look down at her sweet face. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, you can.”
“You told me how you figured out what was wrong with me, but how did you know about my past to start with?” I probably shouldn’t bring it up again, but I’m curious.
“Cash.”
“I’m gonna kill him.”
“No, you’re not,” she fusses with a grin, reaching over and pinching my left nipple.
I raise my eyebrows at her. She giggles and rubs her fingertips over it quickly as if to soothe it of her offense.
“Not helping,” I tease her, pumping my hips–and hardening dick–up against her naked hip.
She didn’t put any panties on with her t-shirt. With some minor adjustments of our positions I could be inside her again. Her eyes darken and she swallows, then shakes it off.
“I overheard him that first night at the hospital. He didn’t outright tell me. He thought I was one of them trying to con my way into your life and money.”
I sigh. “Yeah, he told me his crazy theory, but not about you overhearing it. I’m sorry you had to find out that way, and that it wasn’t me that told you. I’m mostly sorry there were any to tell you about in the first place.”
She strokes my cheek again. “Hey, I already told you they don’t matter to me, okay? Stop feeling guilty. If they wanted it as much as you did, you didn’t do anything wrong. And look at it this way, you get to teach this nearly virginal country bumpkin all kinds of stuff. I, for one, am looking forward to my lessons,” she grins and waggles her eyebrows.
I throw my head back and laugh loud and long.
She’s so fucking perfect.
She’s still giggling when I smile back down at her. I pull her face up to mine, rubbing my nose over hers. “I love you, you perfect woman,” I tell her before crashing my lips into hers and sweeping my tongue deep into her mouth. She moans, kissing me back for all she’s worth, making everything between my heart and nuts go all warm and tingly.
“I love you, too,” she pants, when I finally release her, then she rubs her hip against my now very hard dick. “Why don’t we go get in the shower, and get even dirtier then I can wash you all clean,” she purrs.
“That sounds wonderful, but there’s something else I need to ask you.” It’s been nagging at me all week, and she’s in a great mood so... Maybe if I ask now, I can keep our happy streak going. We’ve talked about a lot of things tonight, and they’ve all turned out okay so far.
“Okay, ask away.”
“Let’s lay down a minute.”
She flops over to her side of the bed and snuggles down, waiting for me. I scoot back then roll to my side to face her.
“Well, are you gonna ask me or not, silly? I’m ready to get all this sticky washed off.”
“Yeah. Umm....tonight, when you cried? After I—”
“When I had my after-orgasm meltdown you mean?” she asks, smiling and rolling her eyes.
“Yeah. You were...saying things. I couldn’t understand most of it, but I caught a few words. I’ve heard you say them before. When you have nightmares.” Her smile disappears, but I’ve gone this far, I have to ask. “Ellie, who’s Lucas?”
She goes perfectly still, eyes wide and unblinking. I watch as the rosy flush that has colored her cheeks all night drains from her face, leaving her pale, milky skin behind. If I didn’t know better I would swear she just died.
My heart’s in my throat. “Ellie?” I whisper, reaching for her.
Right before I touch her, she rolls over, avoiding me, then gets up and goes over to the chair in the corner. Pulling her robe off it, she slips it on, then walks towards the door.
This is it. I feared half the night she would walk away from me, and now she is because I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut.
I sit up, moving off the bed to go after her. “Ellie? Please. I’m sorry. I just wanted to...”
She stops, keeping her focus only on the floor as if she’s waiting to jump, or to fall right through it. I’m frozen, my heart like a boulder resting at the bottom of my stomach. She looks up, staring through me, her eyes void of any emotion. Eyes like the dead.
“Lucas was my son.”