Chloe
I met Nell outside the library at the end of my lecture. The whole uni was buzzing with end of year exam nerves. Mine started next week and I was quietly confident. One thing being a practical hermit for three years did for me was boost my grades. I’d spent a lot of time studying because I was determined that while the rest of my life had been thrust into the unknown, my education wouldn’t be.
It wouldn’t be long until exams were over and I’d have a long summer to look forward to. Then it was back to uni for just one more year and I would’ve finally finished my Events Management course.
“Hey,” I said as she stomped outside, slamming the library door open. “Problem, Nell?”
She huffed and her leafy green eyes darkened. The girl was gorgeous with cheekbones that look liked they’d been sculpted from stone, big bright eyes and rosebud lips. Her hair was the darkest shade of black I’d ever seen; everything about her stood out in the most striking way against her porcelain skin.
She was also very angry about something.
“They don’t have the book I need to study for finals,” she replied, shouting the last part at the door.
I grabbed her arm, leading her towards the car park. “Okay, let’s calm down. Why are you only just getting books to study for finals?”
She threw her hands up. “Is that the most important part, Chloe?” Well, yeah. “They don’t have it and now I’m going to have to go into town or order online. This is wasting valuable time and that whore of a librarian doesn’t care.”
Wow. “Aaaaand we’re going to town,” I said. Who only sorted their revision books less than a week before the exams?
“I’m going to fail, Chlo.”
“You’re not. You just need to get these books and spend the rest of the week reading them. No Damon.”
She rolled her eyes. “As if I want to talk to that prick.”
I didn’t even want to ask why he was a prick now. I was pretty sure last week they were getting in each other’s pants again. They gave me a headache.
“Well, that’s good then, you’ll be able to concentrate.”
I drove us into town and followed Nell as she headed straight for the bookshop. My phone beeped with a text as we looked for the book she needed.
Rhys: Fancy dinner tonight?
“Who’s that?” Nell asked, not being one to worry about something not being her business.
“Rhys,” I replied. “He wants to know if I want dinner tonight.”
“You look thrilled he asked,” she said sarcastically.
Wasn’t I? “He’s nice and we have a good time.”
“Nice and good. If Damon used either of those words to describe anything about me I’d kick him in the balls.”
“Ugh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because we’re getting to know each other outside work. We’ve only had two dates.”
“Exactly! You’ve only just started dating, you should want to see him, your face should have lit up when he just texted you.”
“Yeah, maybe. Or maybe I’m expecting too much. Maybe I’m looking to feel about Rhys the way I felt about Jace.”
“You’ll love someone as much as you did Jace but not right away.”
“I know. I fully appreciate that but how do I know if that person is Rhys? What if I break things off and it turns out that I would’ve loved him?”
“Jesus, Chloe, you analyse things to death, girl. If you’re not feeling anything now you’re probably not going to. You should at least want to go on this date and right now you look like you could take it or leave it.”
I could, that was the problem. I don’t think it would bother me if Rhys said at lunch on Monday that he didn’t want to go on another date. But I wanted it to bother me.
“Look, he’s the first guy you’ve been out with since Jace and I get that you want it to go somewhere so it wasn’t pointless or meaningless but you shouldn’t feel bad for that. You made the decision to date again so stop second-guessing it. You’re not doing anything wrong.”
Was that what I was doing? Seeing someone new was a big deal to me and I didn’t want it to mean nothing. I couldn’t force things with Rhys though, that wasn’t fair to either of us.
“Yeah, you might be right.”
“Of course, I’m right! Go on the date and if you still just think he’s a nice guy that you have fun with then ditch him.”
“I will.” This would be date number three; I couldn’t let it go past tonight if it didn’t even have a chance at going somewhere.
“Ooh, here’s my book. Text him back while I pay thirteen pounds to fail my exam next week.”
I rolled my eyes and replied to Rhys, setting up dinner.
***
I wasn’t feeling it. Not even a little bit. When he kissed me it was nice but there was still no spark. I didn’t want to deepen the kiss, to have him touch me and take me back to his. It was just… nice.
We were supposed to be going to the comedy club at the weekend. I couldn’t go on that date. I wasn’t even sure what had happened, our first date was good but it was my first date since Jace and it had gone well. I think I was over enthusiastic because I’d come away not feeling horrible but feeling hopeful.
Rhys smiled from across the table. “Know what you want yet?” he asked.
Yeah, I did – excitement. I wanted to get a thrill every time I even thought about him. I wanted to want to be around him all the time, but I didn’t and it was nothing he’d done, I just wasn’t into him.
“I’m not sure yet. You?”
“Steak,” he replied.
My phone rang in my handbag. “Sorry,” I said, reaching for it. “I thought I’d put it on silent.”
“That’s okay, answer it.”
I shook my head and pulled the phone out – it was Logan. I bit my lip, I wanted to answer but I wouldn’t. I’d call him back later.
“No, it’s fine. I’ll ring him back tonight.” I hated when people answered calls and texts when they were at dinner with others. It was rude and there was no way I was doing it.
He smiled and ran his hand through his dark copper hair. He looked like he was trying to think of something to say. We’d reached the point where we were forcing it. If we’d have come out as friends we’d probably be chatting away.
By the time dessert was brought out I think Rhys knew this was the last date, too. I dug into my chocolate cake and couldn’t hold it in any longer. It was becoming painfully hard work.
“Rhys,” I said.
“Don’t. I know what you’re about to say. At lunch yesterday you were distant and today you’re even more distant. I’m getting the brush off, aren’t I?”
I squirmed in my seat. This is so awkward. “I’m sorry.” Breathing deeply, I managed to stop myself churning out all the clichés like ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ Truth was, it wasn’t really either of us. He was great and I liked him but there was nothing romantic between us at all.
“It’s okay. Not gonna lie, I had hoped this would go differently but I get it. For the last few years at work you’ve kind of been like a zombie, it was nice to see you back to your old self for the last six months. Even though this isn’t working out for you I hope, and my God, this is going to sound so cheesy, that we can still be friends.”
“I’d like that. I’ve missed messing around with you and the other guys in the kitchen.”
Smiling sadly, he replied, “So have I.”
Dessert flew by since we decided to be friends and I finally relaxed with him again. He didn’t mention wanting to give it another go or hoping it would’ve worked out again so that led me to believe he wasn’t really into me either. We were definitely supposed to be friends.