Chloe
The sharp morning air felt good as Logan and I jogged one of our routes. It was easier now and I felt incredible again. I loved exercising, although that could be because of the company. Working out was never boring with Logan. It definitely didn’t hurt that he was nice to look at. Or that my insides turned to mush when he smiled at me.
I’d missed it, missed him over the last few days. My illness excuses were running thin and I knew I couldn’t keep it up. I didn’t want to avoid him but I didn’t want to feel so guilty whenever I was around him.
“I wish summer was over,” I said. “I prefer running in winter.” The clouds were grey and it looked like it would rain soon but it was still bloody hot.
“So do I,” he replied, stealing a lot of not so subtle looks at me.
Logan loved running as the sun started to rise. It was one of my favourite times too, but there was no way I was getting up at five in the morning to do it. I couldn’t wait until late mornings.
Logan gripped the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head, never faltering his steps. I did. I almost fell over. I’d seen him shirtless too many times to count before but it always took my breath away. Flawless, soft skin covered defined muscles in a way that made almost every woman do a double take. And he had the V. The one that sent girls into a frenzy. He worked hard for that body and the female race was grateful – myself included.
I looked away, feeling a deep stab of guilt. I shouldn’t look at Jace’s brother at all, but it wasn’t completely wrong to appreciate a physique so bloody spectacular it made my heart go a little crazy, right?
Stupid, bloody moment last week. I hated that a couple of seconds where nothing actually happened could change things so much.
Logan was too important for me to let things change. I didn’t want awkwardness between us. We’d been through too much to let staring at each other a fraction of a second too long do any damage.
I stopped dead just as the sky started to drizzle. This needed to be addressed so it wasn’t in my head, driving me crazy. I had to know nothing was going to change or get too weird. Logan halted and spun around. “You okay?” he asked.
We’ll see in a minute.
“I think so. Are we okay?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?”
I knew he’d pretend he didn’t know what I was talking about.
“Come on, Logan. Last week we…”
“We?”
If he bloody makes me say it!
“Chlo, forget it if you want. I don’t want you feeling shitty for something that never happened. That’s pointless.”
Forget it if you want to? What did that mean?
“Have you forgotten it?” I asked.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does.”
“I’m not the one stressing over it, Chlo, so it doesn’t.”
And what did that mean?
“Logan, you’re doing the head fuck thing right now. I don’t like it.”
Frowning deeply, he took a step closer and we were almost chest to chest. “What? How am I doing the head fuck thing?”
He is actually going to make me say it.
“You basically just admitted that you haven’t forgotten it and now you’re trying to brush it under the carpet. I don’t want there to be something hanging over us. Not us, Logan.” I couldn’t let anything happen that resulted in me losing him. Any other friend I could just about handle but not Logan or Cassie or Nell
His topaz eyes clouded. “Nothing will ever come between us, Chloe. There is nothing that could happen that would ever make me leave you.”
His words hit me like a sodding tsunami. He took my breath away. “Promise.”
He took that tiny step closer and our chests touched. Brushing a lock of my hair behind my ear, he very slowly swept his fingers down my jaw. I couldn’t look away, I stared at him like an idiot as my heart tried to escape out of my chest.
What was he doing?
Why wasn’t I running?
“I promise you will never lose me. I will be here forever.”
“Just forever?”
“Alright.” He smiled, brushing his thumb under my bottom lip. “Forever and a day.”
My body burst to life. Blood scorched in my veins. Longing pooled between my legs. I was going to kiss him. I wanted him. I was going to fucking kiss my dead boyfriend’s brother and as his eyes rooted me to the spot I didn’t even want to attempt to stop it.
Logan lowered his head a fraction. This was it. I shouldn’t want this. My body shouldn’t be screaming for his lips on mine and hands all over my body. I knew it was wrong but it didn’t feel wrong. It felt like coming home, like we should have been doing this all along.
He didn’t look torn, not at all. He was one hundred per cent in this. I wanted him even more.
The rain came down harder, not enough to soak us but enough that we should probably move. We didn’t. Logan’s other hand pulled me closer, fingers slightly digging into the small of my back while his maddening fingers trailed down my neck.
I thought he was taking it slow so when his lips landed on mine the next second I was a little shocked. It was like he literally couldn’t wait any longer, not that I was complaining.
His lips, soft but hard at the same time, moulded against mine. I sank into the kiss, gripping his hips as he took control of everything, of the kiss, of my heart, of my body.
He moaned and it sounded more like a growl. Walking us back, he pushed me against something and pressed his body flush with mine. My hands left his hips and tangled around his hair, gripping and pulling him closer.
He bit my bottom lip, tugging and then his tongue found mine. I shuddered, nails grazing his scalp. I thought I’d hurt him when he groaned but his assault on my mouth turned wild. I was pinned between him and whatever he’d pushed me against. His desperate kiss made me feel faint. His knee nudged my legs apart and then we were the closest we’d ever been but it still wasn’t enough.
I moaned or whimpered, I couldn’t hear properly over the thudding of my pulse, and he arched his lower body between my legs. Gasping, I bit down on his lip as heat surged through my body. I clawed at him when he arched his lower body against mine. I was painfully turned on and so was he. The kiss was frantic and made me feel alive.
We finally broke apart, gasping for breath, now soaking wet from the rain. I was scared, scared to fall for him, scared to lose him, scared of what people would think, scared that if I didn’t give us a chance I would never find someone I wanted badly again.
“I’m soaking,” I said, pulling my head back a fraction to speak. He didn’t let me go far, I was still moulded to his body, still gripping his hair.
“Yeah, it’s hot,” he replied. His voice was rough and sent a shiver of desire straight down south.
“I bet I look like a drowned rat.”
He brushed my dripping wet hair from my face. “That’s the last thing you look like, sweetheart.”
His use of sweetheart was swoon-worthy but now it was the sexiest thing in the world and made me melt.
“What happens now?”
“Now we go back to mine and get you dry before you get ill,” he said. That was a good start.
I nodded and he moved back, unpinning me from the…tree and his body, and for the first time ever we walked back hand in hand. It was nice – more than nice. “You know what I mean, what happens with us?”
“I want this, a lot actually, and I know things will probably get hard and complicated but I want us to try. No pressure, Chlo, let’s just take it one day at a time.”
“Okay.” That was exactly what I needed to hear. We neared the road and I pulled my hand free. Logan stopped. Biting my lip nervously, I said, “I’m sorry. I just…”
“Don’t want anyone to know?”
“That’s not it.” Not completely. “Look, if we’re trying this I want to do it right. That includes telling your family – Jace’s family – before some busy body calls them as we walk home. You know what this place is like, how you can’t do anything without someone knowing. We owe your family and Jace’s memory better than that.”
Logan took a minute to take that in and the rain started pouring harder.
Finally, after long, agonising minutes, he replied, “Yeah, you’re right.” He looked angry with himself and I suddenly understood why he still felt guilty over Jace every day – me. It was because of me. I bloody knew there was more to it than a stupid argument that Jace would have had a second thought about.
Shit, this just got a lot more complicated. I felt our potential happy ending slip that little bit further away.
“One day at a time,” I said.
“I’m going to take you back to mine, then I need to do something.”
We started walking again, not hand in hand. I missed the contact, it warmed my entire body. “What do you need to do?”
He didn’t reply but he didn’t really need to. He was going to Jace’s grave. To tell him about us? Jace would probably already know. To apologise and ask for forgiveness? To plead for Jace’s understanding and blessing? None of those things he’d be able to get from visiting the place where he slept. Jace already gave us that because it was who he was. But I didn’t speak up because if it helped Logan to feel better and forgive himself, then it would be worth it.
“Do you want to tell my parents and Cass or do you want to wait?” he asked.
“I’m not sure.” I wished we were in the situation where we could shout it out but things were complicated and we had to be sensitive about his family’s feelings.
“We can wait, Chloe, see how things go.”
It sounded like he wanted to wait and that hurt a little. But it was for the best.