Chloe
Me and Cass walked into the gym and I said hello to a few of Logan’s colleagues that I knew.
“You really do come here a lot, don’t you?” Cass said.
I flexed the teeny, tiny almost non-existent muscles in my arms. “Yep.”
She smirked. “It doesn’t seem to be doing anything.”
“I don’t come to lift weights and bulk up, I do cardio to keep fit. Your brother is the one lifting stupidly heavy stuff.”
“I don’t understand how he’s not body builder big,” she said.
“Duh, because he’s not a body builder.” Logan was ripped and looked like he’d been carved from stone but he wasn’t huge.
Waving her hand, she pushed the main hall door open. “Whatever.”
Logan was standing by the spinning instructor, no doubt waiting for us. A few of the women that had already arrived were openly gawping at him. He saw us and a huge grin spread across his face. I’d done enough exercising recently for this not to kill but Cassie hadn’t.
He said something else to the woman with legs that went on forever and strolled towards us. “You ready for this?”
“Yes,” Cass replied, glaring at him.
“Good. I’ll be in today’s class.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Why?”
“Adele wanted help with the equipment.”
Glancing around the room, I pursed my lips, ready to fight back. “Looks like the equipment is set up. Good job helping, now you won’t be needed for another hour so why don’t you go train someone or lift something heavy.”
“But then I’ll miss you and my sister gasping for breath and cursing the bikes, sweetheart.”
“That’s the point!” Cassie snapped, cutting in. “You’re being a crap brother right now and you’re meant to be the supportive one.”
Jace was supportive but I knew what she meant, Logan was a pusher whereas Jace sat back and said go for it from his gaming chair.
“I’m here for support,” he replied.
“You’re here to gloat, Logan.” I pointed to the door. “Out.”
He pointed up to a camera in the corner of the room. “I’ll be watching, ladies. Good luck, Cass.”
Without planning it me and Cassie slapped either arm as he walked past.
“He is so my least favourite brother,” she said.
Smiling, I took my jacket off and chucked it behind one of the bikes. “That used to be the other way around.”
“Yeah, well, since Jace died Logan’s taken it upon himself to make up for Jace’s half of annoy the fuck outta Cassie. I swear if I have a boy first…” She stopped talking as she realised what she was about to say. The likeliness of Cass ever having a biological child was very slim. She had cysts on her ovaries and was told it was almost impossible for her to conceive naturally.
“Hey, don’t do that. You’ll have a child one day.”
“Yeah, I will. And, hey, I can stroll into that adoption centre and pick out the least awkward looking ones from the cages.” She cracked a smile.
“Yep, I’m sure it happens just like rehoming a dog.”
She knew exactly how adoption – humans – worked. She had enough material and books on the subject. Before she found out about Rick cheating she was all ready to approach social services and get the ball rolling.
The impossibly gorgeous and long legged woman – who introduced herself as Amy – started the class. Cassie, bless her, looked so confident as she climbed on the bike. She was kitted out in a long length t-shirt and leggings. I knew how physical it got so I wore a tank top and shorts. Cass was going to bake.
It took all of seven minutes for Cassie to turn from stylish gym goer to hot, sweaty mess. Her hair was damp, sweat dripped down her face, she was beetroot red and breathing like she’d smoked fifty a day since she was nine.
“What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Spinning,” she huffed, wheezing so hard I was sure she’d pass out any second.
My legs and lungs burned but I was nowhere near as bad as her.
“Cass, stop,” I said.
She shook her head, staring at the clock on the wall with a look of pure determination in her eyes. This was because Logan said she couldn’t, or shouldn’t, start exercise with something that was pretty full on. He was right but there was no way she was ever going to let him know that. Cass would collapse from exhaustion before she admitted that and it looked like she was headed right there.
“Come on, Cassie, take a few minutes to get your breath back.”
“If I stop… I won’t… start again.”
“Yeah, maybe that’s a good thing, hun.”
“He will not be… right, Chlo.” She gritted her teeth, wincing through the pain.
Christ, I was carrying her to the car.
I was surprised when Cass kept up until the end of the session. She did, however, slump to the floor as she got off her bike. I took a long swig of water before helping her up, supporting almost her entire weight.
“How you feeling there?”
“Take me to the spa,” she replied, groaning as we took just one step towards the changing rooms. “If I ever, ever suggest doing any form of exercise again, please, punch me really hard in the face.”
Laughing, I guided her to the other exit so we’d miss Logan gloating.
***
“This is a much better idea,” I said as we soaked our feet in the foot spa.
“It really is. I’m coming back tomorrow, my legs are going to kill even more then.”
“Yeah, they really are. So will you admit Logan’s right and you should have started anything else before spinning?”
“Absolutely.”
I laughed. “To his face?”
“Not a chance in hell!” That’s what I thought. “He would love that.”
“He would.”
She groaned and closed her eyes. “Are your legs not hurting at all, Chlo?”
“They ache but Logan’s been training me well. I’m starting to feel like the old me again.”
“I am so glad to hear that. And Logan is the old him again, which isn’t always a good thing, the idiot. You did that, you know.”
I shook my head. “No, he did that. He saw that I wasn’t getting it together and getting me back to the world of the living gave him something else to focus on. He healed himself.”
“Hmm,” she murmured. “I still think you had a lot to do with it.”
“Indirectly, I did. I was in no state to help anyone back then.”
“What was it like? Sorry, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want but we’ve never really had that conversation.”
“It’s fine, I can talk about it. I was stuck, completely stuck and couldn’t see past everything I’d lost. For years I had literally no idea what I was going to do and it scared me. I missed Jace so much and could only concentrate on what we’d never get the chance to do. I’ll always love him but I don’t want to waste another second of my life, it’s far too short to not to live it.”
“We missed you at home.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. We’re all so glad you’re back now, the last five months have been a complete change, mostly for the better.”
“Hey, you’re definitely better off without that idiot. I know Rick hurt you but you’ll find someone that’ll treat you right.” Someone that didn’t think having a biological child right away was more important than their wife. There were far too many kids out there without parents and there were other options available to them to have a child of their own. Rick was just an arsehole.
She smiled. “One day. I’m done with men for now and just want to concentrate on getting my life back on track.”
I could identify with that but now my life was back on track I wanted to get back out there and see if I could form a connection with anyone. Jace had been it for me for so long and he was my first serious boyfriend so I didn’t know how dating was going to go. Would I compare them to him?
“Your perfect man will come along when you least expect it.”
“Did Jace come along when you least expected it? You were friends first.”
I tilted my head and smiled. “Yeah, he was definitely unexpected. Gamers weren’t usually my type but there was something about him, like you could never feel down because he was such a joker, that I was drawn to.”
“Do you ever wonder what it’d have been like if you’d remained friends?” I could tell she was thinking about wishing she’d never been more with Rick.
“No. It would have been a hell of a lot less painful if I’d never fallen in love with him but I would never wish it hadn’t happened.”
“So it really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?”
That was hard but it was right. Losing Jace was unbearable but I had the most amazing memories. “I guess so. I’d go through the pain of losing him all over again to remember him telling me he loves me and generally being a big idiot.”
“Aww. Do you think the next guy you fall for will be enough? It’s hard enough sometimes living up to your new love’s ex but one that has died…”
“I’m not worried. I love Jace but I don’t want a replica. There is no replacing him. It’ll be different but equally as good.” I hope. Honestly, that terrified me. What if I never felt that in love again? I’d have to live the rest of my life knowing my one big love had come and gone and all I had left was consolation love. That sucked on so many levels, especially for the guy. “Is it weird talking about this stuff?”
She laid her head back, tilting it towards me. “Not at all. Why would it be?”
“You’re sitting there, listening to me tell you I’ll love my next… love the same amount as your brother.” Didn’t she feel some sort of loyalty to Jace where she didn’t want me to love anyone as much as him?
“Don’t be silly. You’re like a sister and thank God I have you because I’m left with Logan!”
“You love Logan.”
“Of course I do but brothers are a pain in the neck.”
I wouldn’t know being an only child and all.
Our feet were removed from the spa and the pedicure commenced. It was so nice to be pampered. I hadn’t been to a spa since before Jace died.
“I worry about Logan,” I said.
“That makes two of us but he’s getting there, Chlo.”
He was but sometimes his eyes would drift and he’d get a look of pure agony in his eyes and I had no idea where he was in those moments. I cared about him too much to let him drown in grief, guilt or whisky.
“Yeah, I just wish he’d open up more. All he really says is that he feels guilty over the argument with Jace and that I’m doing fine, sweetheart.”
“He’s a guy.”
“Not a good enough excuse for me. I might have to organise an intervention.”
She laughed, picking out a striking orange nail polish for her fingers and toes. “He’ll probably just laugh his way through that. Seriously, don’t stress over it. He’s alright.”
“He’s holding something back.”
“Isn’t he allowed his secrets?”
“No.”
Laughing again, she shook her head. “You two are like an old married couple.”
I frowned and bit my lip. We were, I suppose, we bickered and leaned on each other when we needed to – although that was more one-sided thanks to Mr I’m Fine, Sweetheart.
“I guess we are.”
That felt weird. Logan, along with Cass and Nell, was my best friend, the person I went to first, so to think we were like a married couple was strange. Not to mention the fact that he was Jace’s brother.
“Poor you!” she said. “Hey, at least I’ll still get you as a sister-in-law, huh?” Her face fell with mine. “’Cause that’s not weird at all.”
“Yeah, little too close to home I think.”
“Hmm…” She looked at me for a second too long and I had no idea what was going on in that blonde head of hers. “Anyway, what colour are you getting? I’m going for this bright orange for the almost beginning of summer.”
“Candy pink,” I replied. Not a colour I’d worn much in the last few years but things were looking up and I was feeling more and more like the colourful Chloe I missed.
“Will it go with your outfit for your date?”
“Yep, wearing a white sundress.”
“Cute.”
I winced. “I hope so.”