Chloe
It had been a month since I got out of hospital and the only evidence of my injuries was a very small scar on my stomach, that was now healed and pain free. The driver got a fine and driving ban, which was about all I’d expected.
“No,” Jace said into the phone and sighed. “I won’t let her carry anything heavy… Yes, I’ll make sure she takes it easy. Hello? Logan?” Jace made a crackling sound. “I can’t hear you, bro, you’re breaking up, bye.” He hung up and put his phone in his pocket, rolling his eyes.
“Logan’s on form then,” I said as we walked down the Christmas decorated high street. We’d made the trip into the city to do some shopping. After I got out of hospital and we’d sorted through everything we made a pact to do something each week, even if it was just grabbing a quick coffee. Jace was important to me and I loved that we could be friends. It wasn’t always easy but it was getting better.
“Yeah, I forgot how much of a worrier he is. I get it though, you sure you’re okay to be shopping like this?”
“Yes, it’s been a month, Jace, and I’m totally healed. I don’t want to do all of my Christmas shopping online. Plus, you suck at getting your mum presents so I’m here to help you, and her, too.”
“I want to get something for Alyssa as well. Any ideas?”
“I’ve met the girl a grand total of one time and you lived with her for three years. Why are you asking me? Ooh, book her in for that infinity tattoo she wants on her wrist.”
“See!” He pointed to me. “That’s exactly why I asked you. Remind me to call and book that later.”
I was happy that he had such a great friend, most of his old ones had moved on. He had me but it wasn’t the same. We were committed to making a friendship work but too much had happened for us to be best friends that shared everything.
Alyssa and I got along; we’d met briefly at Logan’s house when Jace brought her over for the afternoon. It was after the accident, which put a lot into perspective for us all. Jace had admitted he still had feelings for me but he also admitted that he was happy seeing me and Logan happy. It was all kinds of screwed up but we were making it work for us so at the end of the day that was all that mattered.
“What’re you getting Logan?” he asked.
I shrugged. “No clue. He was chatting about some new rowing machine thing.”
“Why would he want that when he works at a gym and can use theirs whenever he wants?”
“Thank you!” I said, throwing my hands up. “But he wants it so I’ll listen more and see if I can get it.”
“I’ll bring it up in conversation and let you know. It’ll be obvious if you try getting it out of him now.”
“He’ll know anyway, but thanks, Jace.” He was really trying and I loved that. I hadn’t planned to shop for Logan at all today; it was just a little too weird getting the ex to help me pick out my boyfriend’s present.
“So is Alyssa meeting us for lunch?” I asked, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible. We weren’t quite ready for lengthily conversations about mine and Logan’s relationship just yet.
“She might, I’ve got to text her in a bit and see if it’s cool.”
“You’re waiting for me to tell you if it’s cool, aren’t you?”
He shrugged one shoulder lazily. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want her there. I thought you wanted it to just be us.”
“It’s just us, I like the time we spend together, it’s important to me, but we can meet up with Alyssa for lunch.”
“I found that weird at first.”
“Me wanting to spend time with you or Alyssa?”
He frowned and stopped outside in the freezing cold. The icy temperature had turned his nose and cheeks pink, mine, too, probably. “Well, both actually but I was talking about me.”
“You know you’re important. What we had was important and I couldn’t ignore it even if I wanted to. And hey, you want to still be in my life after everything, too.”
“Yeah, I do. It’s not easy letting go of that much history, even if it would’ve been easier.” I was about to question easier when he corrected himself. “Maybe that’s not the right word for it. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“No, I get what you mean, Jace. We’re still feeling our way through this. It’ll get easier with time.”
When he just loved me the way I loved him it would be a million times easier on everyone. I had to be patient with that, I’d had years to get over him and move on, he was only just starting to do it now, but I had no doubt that he would do it and go on to find who he was really supposed to be with.
“Think we can grab a hot chocolate from Starbucks before this starts to get really awkward,” I said, grimacing.
Laughing, he nodded. “Yeah, I’m buying for being the one that started the awkward.”
“Sounds good to me. Don’t forget to text Alyssa.”
We shopped all morning and planned a break for lunch at one. I had pretty much finished getting the presents I wanted, apart from Logan’s rowing… whatever it was.
“Lyss can’t make it, just us for lunch. That okay?” Jace said.
“Of course it’s okay.” I didn’t need a third person to be with us. That would defeat the point of us trying to build a friendship anyway. “Where do you want to go?”
“You choose.”
“Hmm, okay, maybe Giraffe? I fancy a burger.”
With a little nod, he changed direction and we headed to the restaurant. He’d unloaded our bags back at the car so we could eat and get back to shopping. Although I was almost done when we listed the people Jace needed to buy for it was clear he wasn’t.
We were seated quickly, considering the streets were packed with shoppers.
“What did you do for Christmas while I was away?” he asked.
Before he left we spent Christmas morning with our family, then in the evening he came over to pick me up, spent an hour with my parents and then we went back to his until I had to be home.
“Last year I did our usual but before that…” I shrugged. Before that no one felt that festive. “What about you?”
“Me and Lyss made our own version of a Christmas dinner and exchanged presents.”
“Your own version being junk food?”
“Yeah.”
“Thought so.” I was too busy thinking of how awful that first Christmas was especially to think about what it was like for him. He was away from home, knowing we thought we’d never see him again. It was horrible.
“I’m sorry, Jace.”
“Don’t be. It was my fault, remember.”
“No,” I replied, finally getting it. “It wasn’t your fault. You were put in a shitty position and you did what you thought was right. You did what was right. I was selfish to be mad at you for putting the lives of potentially hundreds of other people before me.”
“It wasn’t before you, Chloe.”
“Right, sorry, that was put badly. What I’m saying is I understand why you did it and I’m really sorry for how I behaved when you came back. I guess the shock of seeing you again after going through losing you made me kind of… well, lose it.”
“Wasn’t all you. I could’ve handled coming back better. I could’ve also handled you and Logan better.”
“Yeah, I don’t think anyone can blame you for how you handled that.”
“Cassie’s right about one thing, if I really had died, I would’ve wanted it to be Logan. There was no one else I trusted to look out for you more than him. He loved me so I knew he’d protect you, turns out he protected you for another reason, too, but I can’t blame him for that.”
“Thank you,” I said, on the verge of bloody tears. It meant so much to have him say that and to realise Jace had done what he had to, what I would’ve done to keep the people I loved safe. “God, I’m so glad we did this.”
“Feels good to get shit sorted, doesn’t it?” he replied.
“It does.”
***
I lugged the bags of shopping upstairs instead of one by one like I’d promised Jace. They were more awkward than heavy, and I knew my own body, I was fine. I kicked the door open and immediately dropped the bags. Logan sat on my bed, looking less than amused that I’d carried so much.
“Chloe!” he said, getting off the bed. “What the hell? Why didn’t Jace carry those?”
“He did and he offered to bring them upstairs but I declined. It was just a little too soon for him to be in my room. I promised to take them up a couple at a time but I couldn’t be bothered to make the many trips. I’m fine, Logan. No pain, I swear.”
He walked towards me, fighting a smile. “You’re rambling, sweetheart. You don’t have to explain yourself to me, just please, take better care. You might feel okay but you’re healing still. I need you around and I need you to be okay. You’re kind of everything.”
I walked straight into his arms. “You’re sweet and kind of everything, too. I’ll be more careful until you realise I’m fine. When will that be by the way? It’s been ages, Logan.”
He shook his head in mock horror. “Is that all you think about, Miss Holland?” I rolled my eyes, clinging to him. “I worry about you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t hurt me. I’m fine. I miss you, Logan.”
“You’re on top. If it hurts you stop or it won’t happen again for another fucking year.”
At first I was stunned, both in the way he said it and that he’d actually agreed. I thought he’d wait until the scar was practically invisible before he touched me again.
“Logan, there is no way you could go a whole year.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Fuck me, sweetheart.”
It took only a few seconds for the shock to wear off and my body to burn with need. Well, who was I to say no to that?