chapter 26

nutshell

Mae and Lincoln Taylor, Cat’s parents, have been attempting to contact me over the past few days. I haven’t purposefully avoided them, but I’ve missed their calls and they’ve missed mine—therefore, the last few days felt like a game of phone tag. Honestly, I feel like complete and utter shit for not contacting them sooner. Cat was their only child… God, I can’t imagine what it’s got to fucking feel like to lose the center of your entire world. I sure as hell can’t imagine my life without Grey. Lately, my mind has been all over the fucking place. I’ve been spending so much time filing for all of Grey’s benefits and it’s been aggravating beyond belief. When I first started, I had no idea it’d be such a nightmare. That stress, combined with my job-related stress, as well as my most difficult job of all—raising a baby—I’ve had little time to think of anything or anyone outside my own bubble.

As much as I loved my brother, I was never extremely close to his wife or her family. I liked her well enough. I thought she was my brother’s perfect match, but I was never around long enough to really get to know her. She always seemed to like me well enough, too. Hell, she must’ve liked me more than I’d originally thought since she left me to care for her son. We became “friends” through Dean, and sometimes she would play the “big sister” role in my life—which used to annoy the hell out of me when we were in high school. I’ve only met Mae and Lincoln once at my brother’s wedding two years ago. They seemed nice enough, but I know I didn’t make a good impression by any means. I hadn’t been drunk at his wedding, but I had gotten to the point where my drinking became almost inappropriate. I was fine, but only the people who really knew me could tell. Looking back, I wish I hadn’t had my head so far up my ass back then. I should’ve spent more time with my family at that wedding and less time standing by the open bar, nursing my wounds from a fight I had the night before.

This morning was the first time I’ve spoken to Lincoln since the wedding. I was finally able to reach him during my lunch break at work. He’d gotten in touch with me for the reason I suspected—they want to see their grandson. I’ve known this day would come eventually, and I regret not reaching out to them sooner. They’ve gone through so much shit themselves. I can’t help but wonder what he thinks about someone like me taking care of his only grandchild. Our conversation didn’t really give any indication as to what his thoughts were. For the most part, his voice was extremely monotone—aside from the tinge of hope I couldn’t ignore. “My wife’s birthday is coming up this weekend on the fourth, and I know this is short notice, but she really wants to see her grandbaby.” The hopeful note in his voice is what made my decision for me.

Feeling so shitty about having Grey disappear from his grandparent’s lives for so long—I readily agreed to drive him to Carson City, Nevada for a visit. It’ll be a good change of pace for us, anyway. As the weather creeps toward being fucking unbearable, Colorado has become dreary and uncomfortable compared to the California heat I was accustomed to. It’ll be nice to have a change of scenery and be around people who love Grey. While I don’t mind being “settled” now, I do get a bit antsy from time to time. I went from being spontaneous every day—having basically no responsibilities—to waking up every morning knowing of exactly what’s on my agenda. This little road trip will be fun since it’ll be my first adventure with my son. I’d like to invite Ronnie along as well because I know I’ll need a bit of “moral support” on this trip. Thank fuck she’s an editor who works from home and her schedule’s extremely flexible.

I quickly dial her number, always loving to be able to hear her voice on my lunch break. “Babe?” I ask as soon as she answers. I can hear my chaotic son babbling in the background. “How are things going over there?”

“It’s good,” she replies with a tired sigh. “Grey made a mess of himself during lunch, so I’m about to give him a bath.”

I instantly feel bad for her because I know how fussy my guy can get. I wish I could be there to help her. “Well, I’ll make this quick then. I just called to ask you about going out of town with me this weekend. Cat’s parents want to see their grandson, so I was going to drive out to Nevada this weekend, so they could spend some time with him. It’s Mae’s birthday, and I thought seeing her grandson would be a good present for her.”

She pauses for a moment to tend to Grey before finally responding, “I’d be more than happy to tag along, Trev. Are we going to be staying at a hotel? I can make reservations after I get Grey down for his nap.”

I smile at her words. She’s always so fucking organized and thoughtful. “That’d be great.” Looking at the time, I quickly say, “I got to get back to work.” I love you. I’d say the words if I weren’t such a fucking coward. “See you tonight, baby.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it.”

As I hang up the phone, I hope Cat’s parents will be happy with the fact that Grey now has two people in his life that love him very much. Although, I know I’m a poor substitute for his father and mother. I’m never going to be able to give him what they could’ve given him—but I can get pretty damn close. I don’t know what Cat’s parents are going to think of me—because I barely know what to think of myself. I know if I were them, I’d be downright pissed at the idea of me caring for their grandson. I wonder if they’re mad it’s not them who’s taking care of Grey… I wonder if they’ll try to take him away from me. Fuck, they could try—but that doesn’t mean I’ll let it happen. If I thought I wasn’t good for him—then I’d might consider giving him to someone who could do better than me. However, I love him more than I love myself, and we’ll never be separated. They’ll see that he loves me, too.

I’ve got to stop this shit. I need to let go of this feeling of always needing to prove something to someone. I’m always feeling that no matter what I do in life—it’ll never be good enough. There’ll always be someone who’s disappointed in me. Well, fuck it. Fuck them. If they don’t like me—that’s on them. I can’t keep beating myself up over the fear of other’s opinions of me. I’m doing my best and they’ll either see that—or they won’t. My actions will have to speak for themselves because I know my words won’t do shit. I can say I love Greyson all day, but unless I show it, they’ll never believe me. Although, how could I not illustrate my love for him? Ronnie says it’s practically written all over my fucking mug. Every time I look at him, I feel like he’s the only thing I could ever need. And the way he looks at me takes my fucking breath away because I just can’t believe I’m someone’s world. It’s too crazy to wrap my head around. To him, I’m everything. I wonder if he knows that I feel the same way. Without him and Ronnie—I don’t know where I’d be. So, fuck what anyone else thinks.

I snort at my mental pep-talk. I want to kick myself for always thinking the absolute worst about everything. I’m afraid of them judging me—so, I’m judging them. How fucking ironic. They could be perfectly nice people, yet I’m already fearing that they’ll try to steal my son from me. I guess I can’t help it. Grey’s always seemed too good to be true. He’s a fucking blessing and the thought of losing him is like a shot to the heart. I close my eyes and pray to whomever is listening that things will go smoothly. When I open my eyes again, I determine that things will run smoothly because I say they will. I’ll go with a positive attitude, and despite what happens there, I’ll leave with a positive attitude. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I can only control my actions; there’s nothing I can do about theirs. However, I can choose how I let their actions affect me. No one can make me feel like shit unless I let them—and I’ll be damned if I let them. I’m doing a damned good job, and if they can’t see it, then that’s their issue.

 

 

“Babe, can you come in here for a second?” I ask as I pop my head outside the bathroom door.

Ronnie smiles before joining me in my cramped bathroom which is still filled with steam from my shower. My skin’s still damp from the water, causing the towel wrapped around my hips to have a tough time staying in place. Ronnie doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, she seems downright pleased with my predicament. Her eyes are filled with lust, but sex isn’t what I want. At least, not right now. I’m too fucking nervous for that. As soon as she sees the anxiety on my face, she understands and her expression changes to one of concern.

“What’s up, babe?”

“Didn’t you say you used to cut your dad’s hair?” She nods with a smile tugging at her lips as she realizes where I’m going with this. “Do you think you could do something about this, then?” I ask, tugging on the ends of my overgrown, unruly hair. She smirks and nods again.

“Let me go to my apartment and grab my scissors and I’ll be right back.”

She turns on her heel and I can’t help but watch her sexy ass as she walks away, mesmerized as it sways from side to side. This only calms me momentarily because as soon as she’s gone my nerves are back in full fucking force. I grab a chair from my room and drag it into the bathroom, placing it in front of my mirror. I want to look my best during this trip and if that means cutting my hair—I’ll do it. Maybe a haircut will boost my confidence. God, I sound like such a fucking girl.              

Ronnie comes back with scissors in her hand and a pretty smile on her face. Grabbing a towel from the rack next to the shower, she drapes it across my chest to imitate those capes at the barbershops. Placing her hands on my shoulders, she smiles at me in the mirror as she assesses my hair.

“What were you thinking?” she asks as she runs one hand through my mane.

“I don’t know… something shorter maybe? Something more ‘professional’ looking, I guess.” I sound so nervous I can barely stand it. I roll my eyes at myself in the mirror and throw my head back until it’s resting against her belly. Looking up, I get a nice view of the bottom of her tits, which I allow myself to stare at for a moment before finally meeting her eyes with a smirk.

“I think I can manage that,” she says, smirking back.

I headbutt her tits—because despite my age, it’s fun to be a tad immature—and sit up in my chair so she can go to work. She rolls her eyes at me in the mirror before picking up my comb and begins to work on my hair. I sit in silence as she cuts—mentally preparing myself for what lies ahead.

When I’m not brooding over the car ride ahead of us, I’m anxious over what’s going to happen as soon as we get there and meet Grey’s grandparents. If they dislike me, it’s going to make everything extremely awkward for all of us. However, I know all I should give a shit about is Grey and whether or not he has a good time. If they don’t like me—they don’t like me. This trip is about Grey getting to spend time with his grandparents.

As soon as Ronnie’s finished, she combs through my hair with her fingers and kisses the top of my head. “There,” she says with an accomplished smile, “now you’re perfect.”

My eyes widen as I look in the mirror. I can’t remember the last time my hair was this short. It was probably when I was in elementary school and my parents still determined how my hair looked. I’ve got to say—my girl did an amazing job. I look so much more “put together” as my mother would say. I smile at her in the mirror and reach back to rub my hand up and down her arm in a gesture of appreciation.

“It looks amazing, baby. You’ve got to cut my hair for now on.”

“Yeah, it can be one of the many reasons you keep me around,” she responds with a wink. “I’ll let you finish getting ready. I still have to get your son dressed, and God knows how long that can take.” She gives me a quick peck on the lips before stepping out of the bathroom to retrieve Grey.

Running a hand through my hair again, I smile at my reflection. Despite the copious number of tattoos I’ve acquired over the years, I feel like I look more “professional.” Or at least, what so many of my mom’s friends deem “professional” people look like. I’ve got to say, I feel much more attractive. And my newfound confidence makes me want to go grab Ronnie and relieve some of my pint-up stress. I’m so wound up—I need to do something to release my tension. However, I know we’ve got to get on the road soon, and I’ve never been good about keeping “quickies” quick.

When we finally make it to the car with everything packed and ready to go—it’s just past noon and I’m already mentally fucking exhausted. I just want a cigarette to calm my nerves, but since I’ve kicked that vice, I focus on Ronnie’s lips instead. As soon as Grey is safely buckled in his car seat in the back of her car I crash my lips against hers—searching for some sort of solace before we begin our journey.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive part of the way?” Ronnie asks, as soon as I pull away from her.

I know what she’s really trying to say: “Are you sure you’re going to be okay on this trip?” She has this gentle way about her, where she’ll show her concern without making me feel like a giant pussy for needing her the way I do.

“I’ll be fine, baby. I can drive the whole way without any trouble,” I assure her.

I give her one quick peck before opening the passenger door for her. As soon as I shut the door, I take a deep breath and hope this trip will go fucking well for us. I close my eyes—saying a silent prayer—and open them again to take one final look at our apartment building.

I slide into the driver’s seat and pull out my phone, handing it to Ronnie so she can program the GPS. After giving her the phone, I take a moment to appreciate how fucking hot my girl looks today. With pigtails, a sweatshirt that’s snug across her tits, and running pants that make her legs look miles long—I don’t know how I’ll keep my hands to myself during this trip. Maybe I won’t.

“What are you gawking at?” she playfully asks as she enters the address of our hotel on the GPS app.

“You,” I answer with an unapologetic smirk. “I love these,” I say as I reach out to tug on one of her pigtails.

She grabs my hand and pulls it to her mouth for a quick kiss on the back of my hand before letting go. “I thought you would. You want to stop to get some drinks on the way before we get on the highway?”

I nod and kiss her once more before putting on my seatbelt. I turn on the radio for Grey and look at him in the rearview mirror. He’s babbling in the backseat in what sounds like an attempt to sing along with the kids voices on the radio. As much as I fucking hate pop music—especially the type of shit that sounds like Kids Bop—I can’t exactly listen to metal with a little baby in the backseat. He’s heard my ringtone once when Ronnie called me and had a fit; he cried for ten minutes after hearing a few seconds of a song. Apparently, my little guy really hates the Deftones.

We listen to his attempts at singing as we pull away from of our apartment complex and onto the road. His babbles are beginning to sound like actual words. Well, they’re beginning to sound like some very small words. I wonder what his second word will be. I’ve been trying to expand his vocabulary, but I don’t know how much of it Grey is soaking up. Whenever Ronnie is out of earshot, I try to get him to say “mama.” He’s gotten close on several occasions, but he still stumbles around the word and ends up babbling randomly. Although, he almost did say “mama” last night. Ronnie had fallen asleep on the couch and while I sat beside her, I quickly coached him as he sat on my lap.

“Come on, buddy, try again. Try to say ‘mama,’ ” I quietly coax him as he looks up at me with curious eyes.

I give him an encouraging grin as I watch him move his mouth as he watches mine enunciate the word for him. His little mouth opens and closes in time with mine, trying to imitate exactly what I’m doing. He almost says it, but unfortunately his opened mouth transforms into a tired yawn. Then, much to my surprise, he opens his mouth again and I give him another encouraging smile as I listen.

“Ma ah ah,” he babbles before giving me a proud smile.

He’s so close I can’t believe it. I kiss his forehead and give him some praise, hoping the parenting book I purchased for myself will begin to start paying off. “Good, buddy! You’re so close. Can you say ‘mama’?”

I give him ample time to try, and just as he begins to say it, Ronnie awakens at our side. She rubs her sleepy eyes and gives us a lethargic grin.

“Ma me ma!” Grey screams, before clapping his hands together at his success.

Ronnie giggles at him, obviously oblivious to the word he’s trying to say. “What are you two doing?”

I shrug, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. “Not much. Just trying to learn some new words.”

I smile at the memory as I pull into the parking lot of the closest coffee shop I can find. Grey was so close to figuring it out last night—I’m sure he’ll be saying it any day now. I wonder how Ronnie will react to it. I hope it’ll make her happy, or at least, I hope it won’t frighten her off. It’s just that she’s practically Grey’s mom already and if I’m lucky enough to have her as my wife one day—I’d hope she’d want to adopt him. She loves him like he’s her own flesh and blood and Grey deserves a good woman in his life. I do, as well. I want him to have a real family. I want him to learn how to treat a woman by seeing the way I treat her. I want him to know what love is by watching the two of us as he grows up. He needs a stable environment—and I’ll do my best to give it to him.

As Ronnie goes inside to order us some drinks for the road, I get out of the car to pull Grey from his car seat. I want to hold him for a little while before we get on the highway. He begins to kick his feet in excitement as soon as I open his door and loudly squeals as I take him out of his car seat and hold him close to my chest. It’s cold outside, but Grey doesn’t seem to mind it one bit. He nuzzles his head against my jacket before looking up at me with a content smile.

“We’re going to see your grandparents tomorrow, Grey,” I tell him as if he could perfectly understand me. “Are you excited?”

His smile grows, and he babbles out a response, ending with “dada.” 

“You, me, and mommy are going to stay in a hotel tonight and we’ll watch tons of movies and get some room service,” I tell him, trying to get myself hyped up by the idea. I know Grey will, most likely, be asleep by the time we get to our destination. As if on cue, he yawns in response before giving me another little grin. “Your grandparents are so excited to see you, buddy. I’m sure they have tons of stuff planned.” He giggles and gives me his little version of a hug. “Aw, I love you, buddy.”

I look up to see Ronnie coming out of the shop with a tray of two drinks in one hand and a little bag in the other. “Did you two miss me while I was gone?” she teases as she walks toward us. “I got you a quad-shot latte and a chai tea for myself. I also picked up some food for the road.” She waves the little bag brown at me and grins.

I give her a confused look as I put Grey back in his car seat. “What on Earth is a quad-whatever-the-hell you said? I thought you were just going to get coffee?”

“Well, this’ll give you more energy. It’s four shots of espresso,” she answers with a perky grin.

“Okay,” I respond, still not sounding very convinced. Since when did ordering coffee become so fucking difficult? Maybe I’d know more about these sorts of drinks if I could afford to get them. As soon as I’m buckled back into my seat, Ronnie hands me my quad-coffee-thing and gives me an eager smile as she waits for me to take a drink. I take one exaggerated sip as I try not to laugh at her.

“It’s good, okay,” I confirm. “Hopefully, this’ll keep me awake.”

“Just let me know if you want me to drive, babe. I’m perfectly capable.”

“I know you are, but I’d like to do it.”

It’ll help me keep my mind off things. If I’m fucking lucky.

 

 

As we pull onto I-70, I roll the windows down and allow the crisp, November air to flow through the car. The scenery is picturesque and absolutely beautiful. I’ve forgotten how incredible Colorado could be. Since I’ve gotten back, I haven’t really had the time to appreciate it. This is going to be a long fucking stretch today. We’ve got a seven-hour drive ahead of us before we reach our hotel in Emery County, Utah. Grey’s already growing a bit restless in the backseat. I wish Ronnie had one of those cars which had those television screens on the back of the headrests of the front seats, so he’d have something to watch and keep him distracted. The radio can only do so much for him. When his cries become hysterical—I know I’ve got to pull off. With the amount of times I’ve stopped for Ronnie to use the bathroom so far, I wonder if any restaurants will be open by the time we make it to Emery County. Maybe we really will have to order room service, after all.

I pull off to the nearest rest stop; it’s just as shady as the last few were. Every time we stop, there’s always some prick eyeing my girl. I don’t get it. Can’t they see she’s with a man and a baby and put two and two together? I can’t help but stare the random pricks down, giving them a look, which screams, “She’s fucking taken!” Eventually, they get the picture and look someplace else. I was never possessive before I met Ronnie, but every time a man looks in her direction—it drives me bat shit fucking crazy. Luckily, my fighting days are in the past. Otherwise, I’d be tempted to lash out every time I see red if it weren’t for Grey settling my ass down.

As soon as we come to a stop, Ronnie’s quick to hop out of her seat and grab Grey from his. He’s crying so hard that his little face is all red and soaking wet with tears. My heart breaks seeing him like this. I wish I could be the one suffering and not him.

“Dada! Dada!” he cries between sobs.

“I’ll take him, baby. You go ahead and pee. We’ll be waiting right here.”

I rock Grey in my arms and kiss his forehead, whispering into his ear until I feel him begin to relax. I know he hates being stuck in his car seat for so long; I don’t blame him. I knew this trip would be difficult for him. If Lincoln hadn’t sounded so desperate—I wouldn’t have even considered making this trip simply because of Grey’s young age and my inexperience.

I notice a group of guys talking around the bathroom and leering at my girl as she walks by them to get to the women’s restroom. Feeling uncomfortable, I quickly shut the car door, lock it, and jog to catch up with her. “Grey and I will be right here,” I tell her, standing right outside the restroom door. She gives me a thankful smile and disappears into the bathroom. As soon as she’s gone, I shoot the guys a meaningful glare.

I continue to bounce Grey, kissing his wet cheeks as I say repeatedly, “It’s okay, buddy. Daddy’s got you.” His cries turn to hiccups and he reaches out to wrap one of his little arms around my neck. “Daddy loves you, buddy,” I whisper into his fuzzy head of hair. “I love you,” I say, practicing the phrase aloud, hoping I’ll have the courage to say it to Ronnie soon. “I love you,” I say again, now imagining my girl is right in front of me. As I hold my little buddy in my arms—absorbing the moment—my happy thoughts are interrupted by the sound of some prick’s voice.

“You’re a lucky man,” the prick says, staggering toward us.

Jesus Christ, what is it with fucking rest stops?

“Your lady there is pretty fine. I wish I could find me a piece of tail like that.”

My jaw clenches as I stop myself from giving this fucker an earful. If I wasn’t holding my son, this scenario would be playing out very differently. Instead of telling the guy to kindly “fuck off,” I give him a tight smile and ignore him. How dare he speak of my girl like some piece of meat. She’s so much more than a piece of ass. She’s the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. Apparently, my response isn’t good enough for this jackass because he continues.

“Maybe I can borrow her sometime?”

I give him a menacing smile and the man stops in his tracks. “Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. My. Family,” I spit out through gritted teeth, making sure to enunciate every word with venom.

The guy takes a step back just as Ronnie comes out of the restroom with a worried look on her beautiful face. The jackass has the nerve to look at her in appreciation, and because of that, I’m about to lose my fucking temper. I’m so on edge—it’s not even funny. I don’t want her to ever see that side of me. I haven’t been that guy in such a long time. I give the jackass one final scowl before he decides to turn away and stumbles back to his group of dumb-fuck friends. I grab Ronnie’s hand and stalk off.

“What was that about?” she asks, as soon as we’re a good distance from the group.

“It was nothing,” I assure her. Although, from the look on my face, I’m sure it’s obvious that what just happened was anything but “nothing.” Thankfully, she doesn’t press the issue and allows me to lead her to the car.

I help her into the passenger seat before getting Grey secured in his car seat in the back. He’s reluctant to let go of me and, considering the remainder of the trip we’ve got ahead of us, I definitely don’t blame him one bit. We’ve got a long stretch of road ahead of us and Grey isn’t accustomed to the lack of attention he’s getting. As soon as I slide into the driver’s seat, I adjust the radio, finding some relaxing jazz music to listen to so I can cool off and focus on the drive.

As we head down the open highway, my body relaxes and the tension in my muscles slowly begins to dissipate. Grey’s taking a nap and Ronnie’s reading some paranormal romance book as she’s reclined in the passenger seat. She insisted on driving for a while, but I’ve been on enough road trips to be comfortable behind the wheel for hours on end.

It’s dusk by the time we reach our exit for Green River—where we’ll be staying for the night. I’ve never been to this city, but Ronnie made us reservations for the hotel with the best online ratings. She insisted on paying for it since I was paying for the majority of the trip, and I let her, despite wanting to handle everything myself. I hear her stomach grumbling, so before heading to our hotel I decide to stop and try to find a bite. Grey’s awake and desperate to get out of his car seat, as well. I know if I don’t grant him his wish soon, I’ll have another tantrum on my hands. I drive around for a bit before choosing to pull in at a restaurant called Tamarisk. I’ve never heard of it, of course, but the exterior looks promising and it’s near the river—so maybe it’ll seem romantic to Ronnie.

Since it’s dinnertime the restaurant is fucking packed. So, I pull up to the front entrance to let Ronnie out. “Why don’t you run inside and get a table, ba—”

She’s already out of the car before I finish my sentence, and I have to try hard not to chuckle. She nods and gives me an adorable fucking smile before shutting the car door and hurrying into the restaurant. Per usual, I watch her ass bounce with every step before going to park.

The restaurant is packed with patrons. The aroma fucking incredible. My stomach groans in appreciation and I hear Grey’s stomach make a noise. Ronnie, being as quick she is, already has secured a booth in the corner of the restaurant. I’m glad it’s family friendly because I know Grey can be a loud little thing when he gets fucking excited. I begin to make my way over to Ronnie—but I’m stopped by a young hostess with a flirty smile. I quickly explain that I’m joining to go to my girlfriend as she’s already seated at a booth. Without missing a beat, she asks if I’ll be needing a highchair, which makes me feel bad for being so dismissive moments before. She grabs a highchair and a coloring book for Grey before ushering us to our booth.

Ronnie is already looking over the menu, but that doesn’t stop the hostess from explaining everything to us as if we couldn’t read. She’s looking at me the entire time she’s talking; I think she’s completely unaware of how fucking uncomfortable it’s making me. As she continues to rant on and on about the different options, I riffle through the diaper bag to retrieve Grey’s food and I can’t suppress a chuckle any longer. The sound of my laughter snaps the hostess out of her trance and the haze leaves her eyes as she looks at me, and then to Ronnie—who’s giving her a challenging smirk. The young girl blushes before she quickly retreats to her hostess stand by the door.

“Well, girls certainly do love you,” Ronnie says, obviously a bit miffed.

Now, I finally laugh boisterously, causing Grey to look at me in surprise before laughing, too. “Ronnie, I go through the same thing with you on a daily basis. Men openly ogle you—in front of me—all the fucking time. You wouldn’t believe the amount of fights I almost get into when we go out. This afternoon alone, I can count the amount of fights I fantasized about having on two hands.”

She blushes at my words, a smile playing on her lips as she looks down at her menu. We’re so excited to eat something that’s not a bag of Bugles, that we end up ordering an appetizer, two salads, and two giant entrees: the Butch Cassidy and a Black Dragon. Ronnie laughs at the entrée names, looking more relaxed than I’ve seen her all day. I know the car ride made her anxious—even though I was on my best behavior and going no more than five miles over the speed limit the entire way. Driving like that had been annoyingly painful for me—since I’ve been speeding everywhere since I started driving. As soon as we get our food, we immediately dig in. It’s absolutely incredible, especially on an empty stomach. Grey isn’t as satisfied with his dinner, and stares at my barbeque ribs as if they were the Holy Grail.

“You don’t like your dinner, buddy?”

I know it’s shit. I tried his baby food out of curiosity one time and couldn’t stop gagging. Feeling bad as he reaches for my food, I scoop up a small amount of mashed potatoes and let him eat them. As soon as he’s finished, he rewards me with a huge smile. I can’t help but laugh. I kiss him on the forehead before returning my attention to Ronnie. “You want to order dessert, honey?”

I’ve never called her “honey” before, but she must like it because a pretty smile lights up her face as soon as the word leaves my mouth.

“I’m stuffed,” she responds with a giggle and puts her hands on her stomach as she emits an exaggerated sigh. “I’m ready to go to the hotel and pass out.”

“Well, why don’t you take Grey out to the car and I’ll grab the check.”

“You’re sure you don’t want to split it?”

“Honey, you’re paying for the hotel room tonight, so let me buy dinner.”

She shrugs and gives me an appreciative smile before sliding out of her side of the booth and coming to my side to retrieve Grey. She takes him and his diaper bag and gives me a quick peck before taking the keys and heading out. I quickly pay—leaving a generous tip since I’m in such a great mood—before heading to the car myself. We don’t have much trouble finding our hotel. River Terrace isn’t too far and as soon as we’re parked outside we can finally breathe a sigh of relief. The hotel is definitely a vast improvement compared to the ones I became accustomed to staying at in California. As soon as we make it to our room, I set our luggage down and fall onto the bed. It feels like heaven to stretch out after hours of being cramped up in a car traveling.

“Aw, baby. I didn’t know you were so tired,” Ronnie coos as she comes to stand beside the bed to gaze down at me. Grey’s nearly asleep in her arms, but he keeps bobbing his head around as he tries to stay awake. “You want to go get ready for bed?”

I cringe at the idea of leaving this mattress.

“You can go ahead, I’ll just wait for you right here.”

I hear Ronnie giggle at me before she places Grey on my stomach and walks off to the bathroom to get ready for bed first. All of a sudden, Grey’s wide awake and bouncing on my stomach. I guess he’s just excited to see me. This is what usually happens when he naps during the day—so I can’t imagine I’ll get much sleep tonight. He crawls up my body until he’s right by my face and reaches out to pat my cheeks.

“Dada!” he squeals with a loud laugh. “Mama!”

My eyes widen in surprise. He’s finally fucking said it! He said “mama”! I taught him a new word! My excitement dulls as I wonder what Ronnie will think of this. Hopefully, she doesn’t freak-out. I wonder if my decision to teach him a new word was poorly planned considering the fact that we’ll be meeting his birth mother’s parents tomorrow. If he calls Ronnie “mama” tomorrow, it might not be a good thing. Even if Mae and Lincoln don’t freak-out over it, it’ll still be incredibly uncomfortable. I say a silent prayer for smooth sailing tomorrow. This is the first vacation for us as a family, and I want it to be as enjoyable and stress free as possible. Too bad, nothing in my life ever seems to work out that way.