chapter 27

go

Grey’s little foot kicks me swiftly in the stomach, effectively waking me up from my coma-like state. I can’t remember the last time I slept so soundly. I guess seven hours behind the wheel of a car will really wear a person the fuck out. I’m disoriented at first, barely remembering where the hell I am as I cringe at the bright light that’s shining through the hotel windows right into my face. I squint down at Grey to find him happy and wide awake at my side, trying to put his foot in his mouth as he watches me with curious eyes.

“I was wondering when you were planning on waking up.” I hear Ronnie say.

I turn to look at her, appreciating the sight of her makeup free face and messy curls. She looks just as well-rested as I feel. I yawn before reaching over to cup her face, bringing her lips to mine. Fuck morning breath, I just want to feel her as soon as I wake-up. Grey’s babbles bring me back to reality and I look down at my son—who’s eager for my attention and currently pouting at me.

“What time is it?” I ask as I rub some life into my sleepy face.

“It’s just past nine o’clock. Hopefully, we didn’t sleep in too late.”

“No, we’ll be fine. Check-out isn’t until eleven.” I lay back against my pillow while pulling Grey with me, resting him comfortably on my chest. “We should get there around dinnertime and we’ll be meeting them somewhere in town.”

“Will we be staying with them?”

“No,” I say, giving her an incredulous look. I’ve never mixed well with anyone’s parents. Hell, my own parents barely approve of me. “I booked us a hotel room nearby. I thought it would be good to have some separation. Besides, they might not like me.”

“Trev, don’t think that way,” she says while giving me a playful nudge in response to my self-deprecation. “They’ll love you. You’re taking care of their grandchild, after all.”

I shrug. “I’ve never meshed well with their type.”

“‘Their type’?”

“You know what I mean—straight-laced, against practically everything, fearing things that make them feel uncomfortable. Her mom looked at me like I was the Antichrist because I was covered in tattoos.” Well, that or because I was drinking heavily.

“You’ve met them before?”

“Yeah, I met them at my brother’s wedding,” I say vaguely.

“And you didn’t give them a reason not to like you?”

I look up to find Ronnie smirking at me and I feel my whole body relax. “No, no more reason than usual.”

She laughs. “Trevor, stop being so hard on yourself all of the time. They’ll love you. You love their grandson and that’s all they’re going to care about.”

I look down at Grey, who looks just as optimistic as my girl. “Well, if you say so.”

“I know so. Now, let’s get up and get ready. I’d like to get some breakfast before we get on the road.”

I like my girl bossy. “Yes, ma’am,” I answer with a smirk.

She gives me a look before leaning over to quickly peck me on the check. “I’ll jump in the shower first, if that’s okay with you.”

“You’re asking me? I thought you were giving me orders?” I give her a cocky smile and she playfully nudges me again.

“I’m taking a shower first,” she commands with a sexy, little grin. “Don’t fall back asleep.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She winks at me in approval before stalking off to the bathroom. I close my eyes and swiftly fall back to sleep as soon as she’s gone.

“Wake-up sleepyhead,” I hear before I feel the sensation of soft lips brushing against mine. I open my eyes to find Ronnie, now beautifully made up with her hair perfectly styled. She looks so fucking sexy like this, but I wish I could wipe her makeup away and spend the day with her in bed, ruining the curls she worked so hard on perfecting. My eyes drop to her tits—which are popping out of the top of her jean dress just enough to give me a hard-on. Grey being on my chest is the only thing that holds me back from doing what I want to her. She smirks at me, as she bends down to kiss Grey on the forehead.

“You look hot, babe,” I say as I sit up to get a better look at her. Her jean dress makes her tits look so full I want to yank down the top and spend my day with my mouth on them. She’s also wearing a cardigan paired with black tights, which give her that “sexy librarian” vibe. I can’t take my eyes off of her.

“I wanted to look presentable for Grey’s grandparents,” she says shyly as she walks over to grab something from her duffle bag. She pulls out a small string of pearls and clasps them around her neck. “Do you think they’ll approve?”

Well, now she definitely looks like one of my wet dreams growing up. I had a big teacher fetish for some reason—which was based entirely off porn since none of my real life teachers were anything special. It takes me a moment, but when I can finally manage the words, I give her the approval she’s looking for. “Ronnie, they’ll love you.” Just like I do. “It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who’s nervous.”

“I can’t help it,” she says with a blush. “I guess your anxiety wore off on me.”

“I hope not.” I look down at Grey, who looks like an adorable mess on my stomach. His fuzzy hair is sticking up wildly in all directions. He looks as though he stuck his finger into a wall socket or some shit like that. “Do you think you can help me with Grey? I want him to look perfect for tonight.” I want his grandparents to know I’m doing a good job with him. I don’t say the last part, but from the look on Ronnie’s face I don’t have to.

“Of course.”

I roll out of bed to take a shower, bouncing Grey in my arms as I start the water and bring it to a safe and comfortable temperature, so I can quickly wash him up before I wash myself. Ronnie comes into the bathroom and sits on the countertop to hold Grey so I can undress. She smiles at me when I pull my boxers off as she gently pulls Grey out of his onesie before handing him over. He gasps as the lukewarm water hits his skin, and giggles as I quickly wash him off with the hotel soap. My son babbles excitedly in my arms—splashing the water as it streams down on us. He’s enjoying himself so much. I hold him for a little while longer, allowing him to have some fun since this is the first shower he's ever taken.

“You’re so incredible with him.” I look over to Ronnie, who’s watching us from her perch on the countertop. “He’s always so happy when you’re around. Do you see the way he looks at you?” she asks with a smile, causing me to glance down at my son. “He looks at you like you’re his entire world. It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I love him,” I say softly as I stare down at my little guy. I kiss the top of his head before handing him out to Ronnie so I can wash up.

After my shower, I shave the shit out of my stubble and try to style my shortened hair. I want to look sharp so Grey’s grandparents know that I have my shit together. I grab the outfit I purchased specifically for this trip and drop my towel to get dressed. It’s a button up, which hides most of my tattoos, with a cardigan Ronnie helped me pick out, and we matched it with a nice pair of jeans without any holes or dirt stains. This is probably the most put together I’ve ever looked. I don’t know how it’ll fair in the car for ten plus hours—but at least it’ll give me peace of mind of knowing I look nice for them.

I gather up our things and put them back in my duffle bag before leaving the bathroom. I find Grey’s already dressed in a nice sweater, jeans, and a pair of black Converse. “Look Grey, you’re matching your daddy today,” Ronnie tells him as I slip on my Converse. I look down at my navy cardigan and smile—my girlfriend thinks of everything, apparently.

“You ready to hit the road?”

“Of course, I’m absolutely starving.”

We end up at a breakfast joint close by. We order two large portions of chocolate chip pancakes and a small bowl of yogurt for Grey. He stares at our food in dismay, as I feed him something I know isn’t much compared to a plate of pancakes covered in syrup and whip cream. Despite his pout, he eats his yogurt and finishes it with a nice burp before wildly coloring on his placemat. I wouldn’t really call what he’s doing “coloring,” since he’s scribbling with his crayon all over the paper. He doesn’t care about staying in the lines or even staying on the placemat. I calculate a good tip in my head, knowing our waitress will be annoyed when she’s cleaning up crayon stains off the table after we’re through. As soon as Grey’s finished with his “work of art,” I fold it up and slip it into my wallet, wanting to frame his very first drawing.

Luckily, Grey’s pleasant mood continues as we finally get on the highway, settling in for the long stretch of road ahead of us. I play some classic rock—knowing it’ll be appropriate and calming for Grey—and roll down the car windows a crack to feel the crisp air. Ronnie’s back to reading her paranormal romance at my side, while keeping her phone propped up on her thigh so I can see it as it spouts off directions.

Around the hour and a half mark, Grey starts growing restless in his car seat. I know he probably needs to be changed. I pull off at the next rest stop and take him to the men’s bathroom only to find they don’t provide a changing table. I find Ronnie at the vending machines, purchasing snacks for the road. As soon as she sees the look on my face, she knows what I’m about to say.

“Don’t worry about it, babe. I can change him.” She kisses my cheek before taking the diaper bag off my shoulder—leaving me to select the snacks as she tends to my son. She doesn’t take long and comes back with a very happy looking baby. “I guess that yogurt went straight through him,” she says with a giggle as she hands him back to me. I guess after helping out with Harper, she’s not shy about shit anymore. I give her a grateful kiss and toss her the bags of chips I purchased from the vending machine.

“You didn’t buy Bugles?” she asks with a pout.

“You actually like those?”

“They’re essential for road trips,” she explains, as if this fact should be obvious to me. Even when I was stoned, I didn’t bother with those chips—but if my girl wants them, that’s all I need to hear. I dramatically roll my eyes, which earns me a giggle from her, as I return to the vending machine to purchase a bag of Bugles for her. “You’re my hero,” she teases as I toss them to her.

“Anything for you, babe.”

We stop five more times over the next few hours. Never have I wanted a cigarette more in my life. As much as I love Grey, spending several hours in a car with him—traveling to a place that I’ve never been—was definitely an experience I’m not looking forward to repeating anytime soon. Halfway through the drive Ronnie had to move to the backseat to placate him, leaving me in the front seat trying to navigate myself. I suppose it wasn’t a complete disaster because we did make it to Carson City in one piece.

“Do you mind if we stop by our hotel first?” Ronnie asks as I pull off the highway. “I want to freshen up a bit before we meet them, and I’m sure Grey could use a few minutes to relax and stretch his legs.”

She’s right. If Grey meets them without a break from this car, he’s going to be grumpy and miserable. He manages to delay his hissy fit until I park outside our hotel. His cries become hysterical pretty quickly, causing me to jump out of my driver’s seat and pull him from his car seat as quickly as possible. I hold him close, resting my head against his cheek so he can benefit from the skin to skin contact. He grabs hold of my thumb and grips it as tightly as his little hand can as he continues to cry.

“Come on, buddy. Daddy’s here. Everything’s okay.”

He looks up at me and his cries begin to slow down. I breathe a sigh of relief, and help Ronnie grab our bags before we enter the hotel lobby to check-in. It’s already getting dark, but I intend to call Mae and Lincoln as soon as we settle into our room to let them know that their grandson has arrived in one piece.

Now that I’m holding Grey, he won’t allow me to hand him over to Ronnie. He must’ve missed me from being in the backseat because even as I check-in, he demands my attention. The woman behind the counter gives me an empathetic look; I know she must have children of her own and deals with this sort of a thing on a daily basis. We head to our room on the first floor and settle in immediately. After two long days behind the wheel, I’m beyond thankful to finally be in Nevada. Despite wanting to stay in and pass out, I grab my phone and dial Lincoln’s number. I know he’ll probably want to see us as soon as he possibly can. Well, I should amend that statement to he’ll want to see Greyson because I know he couldn’t give a fuck seeing about me.

He answers on the second ring. “Trevor? Did you make it into town okay?”

I almost chuckle at his eagerness, but I refrain. If I hadn’t seen Grey in months, I’d be fucking eager, too. “Yep, we’re all here. We just checked into our hotel. Is there someplace specific you wanted us to meet you?”

“Actually, Mae’s not feeling too great today. I was thinking we could order in and you could have dinner at our home.”

I’m relieved to be honest. The thought of going out to a busy restaurant after the entire day stuck in a car isn’t in any way appealing to me. I’m sad to hear that his wife is feeling ill again, though. They’re over a decade older than my parents, but Lincoln explained that his wife has been struggling with her health for a while now. I wonder if Grey would’ve been left with them if Mae had been in a healthier state. Although, my dad assured me I wasn’t second choice in being appointed Grey’s guardian. I’d always been Dean and Cat’s first choice to care for their child. However, that’s never seemed very believable to me. Why would they pick me if there were other people who were better qualified? It never added up in my mind.

“That’s perfect actually,” I finally say. “The ride really took it out of us. What time should we arrive?”

“Is eight-thirty all right with you? We still have to order the food,” he explains.

“That’s perfect,” I assure him before saying our goodbyes and ending the call. Lincoln sends me a text message of his address, and I enter it into my phone as I take a seat on the bed—joining Ronnie and Grey as they watch television. “We should be leaving in thirty minutes or so. Their house is about twenty minutes away according to my phone’s GPS.”

Ronnie pouts at this and reaches to grab her purse off the floor, fishing out a bag of half eaten chips. “I’ll just have a snack then.”

I sit in silence beside my little family, already growing weary of the night’s events which lie ahead. It doesn’t take long for Ronnie to notice my discomfort. She rests her head on my shoulder after she settles Grey so he’s sitting on my lap.

“It’ll be okay, Trev. I promise. Tonight won’t be as bad as you’re imagining it will be.”

“I don’t know what I’m imagining—but things like this never seem to go well for me.”

“Well,” she says, squaring her shoulders to look at me, “that was before you had me in your life. And I’m going to make sure things run smoothly tonight.”

“What are you going to do? Force his grandparents to like me?”

“No one’s going to make you feel bad about yourself while I’m around.”

She looks so fucking sexy when she’s all sassy like this. I lean forward and give her a kiss, wishing I could deepen it, but Grey puts his hand on my face and quickly demands my attention.

“You don’t like watching daddy kissing, do you?” He cocks his head to the side and laughs at me. “Well, one day you’ll be older, and you’ll realize how annoying being cockblocked is,” I tease because I know he can’t understand a word I’m saying anyway.

After a half hour of silently watching television—mentally preparing myself for the night that lays ahead—I’m finally ready to head out. Ronnie held my hand and didn’t pressure me to talk about anything—knowing I needed time to myself to gather my thoughts. Going into any situation where I feel like I’m being judged is always fucking hard for me. I manage to calm myself down, but as soon as I slide into the driver’s seat of Ronnie’s car, I’m anxious all over again.

The drive is short and consists of me repeating the mantra of “it’s all going to be okay” over and over again in my head. It doesn’t really help, but it keeps me from being too tense and irritated. Ronnie keeps a comforting hand on my thigh, wanting to show her support without interrupting my thoughts. The car is filled with the sounds of music softly wafting from the radio, Grey babbling to himself, and the GPS on Ronnie’s phone sounding off directions to our destination.

I take a deep breath as soon as I’m parked outside of a home, which looks like it was built in the 1970s and hasn’t been renovated since. It looks like something straight out of The Brady Bunch—which I find comical enough to ease my nerves just a bit. Ronnie runs a hand through the short hair on the back of my head before unbuckling her seat belt.

“Are you okay, honey?”

As soon as the question escapes her mouth, I notice how tightly I’m gripping the steering wheel. My knuckles are white and begin to ache when I finally release my hold. I shake my hands out and rub my face and feel the stubble of hairs that I must’ve missed shaving this morning. Fuck!

“I’m fine,” I say unconvincingly.

Ronnie rolls her eyes but doesn’t comment. She knows me too well to push me. Instead, she kisses my neck and gives me a bright, reassuring grin. I hold her to me, until I feel ready to get out of the car.

Ronnie gives my cheek a quick kiss before sliding out of her seat and going to the back to grab Grey. He’s clapping his hands as he sees her moving to unbuckle his seatbelt. “Ga!” he exclaims as she unfastens him and picks him up from his car seat. “Ma, ma, ma! Mama!” Grey squeals with an excited giggle.

I freeze as soon as I hear the words leave his mouth, fear prickles my spine as I worry what Ronnie must be thinking. This shit is probably too soon, and it was foolish of me to try to teach him to call her his mother. Honestly, I have no idea why I did it. Maybe, deep down, I really wanted us to be a family and I thought if Grey thought Ronnie was his mommy, it could all be real for us. Her body is just as still as mine. I can’t bring myself to look at her face to try to read her reaction. I can feel the tension coming off of her curvy frame from where I stand a foot away. God, I hope she isn’t mad. I can’t deal with her being mad at me tonight of all nights. I look at my son, who’s smiling at her and playing with her hair as she holds him in her arms. He calls her “mama” one more time before reaching out to wrap his chubby, little arms around her neck.

“Ronnie?” I question, growing more worried by the second. I move until I can see her face. My stomach drops to find she’s crying. I stare at her, not knowing how to handle her tears. Part of me wants to hold her in my arms and comfort her, the other part is just confused as fuck. Out of all the reactions I planned on, this hadn’t been one of them.

“Mama!” Grey exclaims again as he continues to play with her hair.

Her posture is unchanged, and I finally reach out for her. “Ronnie? Talk to me, baby.” She gives me a weak smile and holds him closer to her body, finally hugging him like he’d begged her to. Tears fall from her big, green eyes, but now I know they’re not from sadness. A giggle escapes her mouth and she kisses every inch of Grey’s face until he’s squealing with laughter. “Ronnie?” I ask again.

“I’m sorry,” she finally says with a little smile. “I just can’t believe he said that. I know he doesn’t know what it means, but it’s still crazy to hear him call me that.”              

“I’m sure he does know, baby.” I smile at her, content with the fact that she’s happy.

“Where do you think he picked it up?” Ronnie asks while giving our son little Eskimo kisses.

“Probably from Harper, most likely,” I suggest, obviously not wanting to explain that I’d been the one who coached him. “Are you okay with him calling you that? I know it’s kind of out of the blue.” I can’t keep the nervousness out of my voice.

Ronnie’s silent for a bit, just looking at Grey as he stares back at her with big, loving eyes. I can understand her discomfort about all of this, but who on Earth wouldn’t want to have this little guy for a son? She wipes the tears from her cheeks and finally answers, “I’m fine with it. I love him so much, Trev.”

“He loves you, too, Ronnie.” I love you too.

Ronnie’s face radiates happiness as she smiles at me, looking so beautiful she takes my breath away. She wipes away the tears from her cheeks and gives me an embarrassed look. “Sorry, I was just so overwhelmed at the moment.”

“I understand,” I say, chuckling at how flustered she is all of a sudden. “I was just as bad when he called me ‘dada.’ ”

“Let me take a moment to fix my face,” she says as she hands Grey to me. “I don’t want to look like I’ve been crying.” She jumps into the passenger seat and fixes her makeup in the small mirror.

While she’s reapplying her mascara, I look toward the house and see a couple staring at us through the window. The woman is slightly taller than the man, who’s standing at her side with his arm wrapped around her. She’s quite frail looking, or maybe it just looks that way because the man at her side is treating her as if she were the most fragile piece of glass. Cat resembled her mother very much besides her father’s same stubborn chin. I can’t tell if they look excited to see me. Their eyes are wide with disbelief; it doesn’t take long for me to realize what they’re staring at. I had rolled up my sleeves so I could be more comfortable in this long-sleeve shirt. Inadvertently showing off the tattoos that cover every inch of my visible skin down to my wrists. I mentally kick myself for not covering them back up. I had intended to do so before meeting them. Fuck it. It’s too late now, and frankly, I don’t give a damn what they think. I’m taking good care of their grandson, and that’s what counts.

“Is something wrong?” Ronnie asks as she steps back out of the car and gets a good look at me.

“No, it’s nothing. You ready to meet them?”

“Yep,” she says with a comforting smile as she takes my hand in hers.

As we walk toward the door, Cat’s parents move from away the window. I suppose in an effort to look as though they hadn’t been watching us moments before. The front door swings open before we can reach it, and they both give us a lukewarm welcome. I didn’t expect much from them, but I’d at least thought they’d make small talk or some shit. They go right for Grey, as if Ronnie and I weren’t even here.

“There’s my grandson,” Mae says with a bright smile. When she smiles, she looks exactly like her daughter. Although, I can already tell that aside from her looks, there isn’t much about her personality that resembles Cat. While Cat and I weren’t extremely close—she’d always treated me like I was her little brother. Even before she married Dean, she treated me like family. Her parents, however, obviously don’t feel the same connection.

As Mae reaches for her grandson, I don’t make any attempt to deny her and hand him over to her eager hands. I wonder what sort of relationship they had with Grey before Dean and Cat died. I wonder if they’d been really close or if they barely saw him at all. As soon as he’s in her arms, he begins to cry and kicks his legs, searching for an escape. “Dada!” he wails as he reaches for me.

“Buddy, it’s your grandparents,” I say in an awkward, but comforting tone.

“You don’t remember me?” Mae asks him in a sugary tone. “It’s Nana, Greyson.”

Her comforting tone must’ve done the trick because he calms down and stares up at her with inquisitive eyes. I don’t know if he remembered her, but I’m sure that deep down, he knows who she is. Lincoln steps forward and greets his grandson with eyes that are tired and weak. I know this must be difficult for him. Grey has to be a living reminder of their late daughter. I look away, feeling like an intruder on their special moment. They invite us inside, but turn away, pretty much leaving Ronnie and me standing at the door like an afterthought.

The night starts off with them practically ignoring us. Which, on some levels, I really do understand. It’s been months since they’ve seen their grandson, and I’m sure they want to focus all of their energy on him. On the other hand, though—it feels almost rude. Ronnie and I are nothing to them, but I thought they’d at least show some interest in us. Grey seems happy enough with them. I know from the looks of it that they must’ve been close at one time, but he still reaches for me, as if I was the one he’s been missing.

His eagerness to get back into my arms is what causes Mae and Lincoln to finally turn their attention to me. I thought they’d thank me for driving two days so they could see their grandson, but nothing they say to me is that pleasant. Suddenly, I feel like I’m a teenager again, back to the days where I was lectured by every adult in my life. I hated it back then—and I hate it just as fucking much now. I try to tell myself they’re only asking these questions and digging into me because they have Grey’s best interests at heart. If that were true, at least it’d be a good reason. I feel like so many people rip into others just because they’re unhappy with the choices they’ve made in their own lives. Now that they’ve reached the end of the road, all they have left is the chance to be condescending to make themselves feel better. God, I hope I’m never like that. I couldn’t imagine treating someone like shit just for the hell of it.

Ronnie holds my hand as they practically cross-examine me and manages to speak up for me every now and then. I appreciate her, but I can speak for myself. I answer all of their questions, assuring them that I do have a job and a decent apartment. They seem skeptical, but don’t say anything else. It’s not what they say, or the questions they ask that really get under my skin, but the tone they use when they speak to me. I tell myself, once again, that it’s just because they’ve lost their child. I can’t even wrap my head around how fucked up I’d be if I were to lose Grey.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch with you sooner,” I say, trying to extend an olive branch in hopes it’ll lighten them up a bit.

“I understand,” Lincoln answers, this time his tone is softer than it’s been all night. “You’ve been busy.”

“Yeah,” I agree, not knowing what else to say. “Look, I’m so sorry about Catherine.”

As soon as I say her name, I wish I could take it back. The silence in the room becomes painful, and Grey begins to cry in his grandmother’s still arms. She’s staring off into space, as if none of us were in the room with her. I reach for Grey, taking him from her arms, worried when she doesn’t move or seem to notice he’s no longer there. She and her husband must never talk about their daughter because the mere mention of Cat causes them both to become catatonic in their seats. Ronnie gives me an apprehensive smile, and Grey continues to cry as I rock him. As I think about Cat, the daughter they tragically lost and the mother Grey will never know, I begin to tear up, as well. The thought of him not knowing his biological parents will always be hard for me. The pain in the room is palpable. Everyone here has experienced the tragedy of losing someone so important in their life: they lost their daughter; I lost my brother; Grey lost his parents; And Ronnie lost her mother. We’ve all experienced the same pain, yet, we can’t seem to come together.

As if breaking the spell, Lincoln finally speaks, and his voice seems to bring Mae back to life at his side. “Thank you, Trevor. We’re sorry for your loss, as well. Dean was like the son we never had.”

And they lost them both. “Thank you, Lincoln. Dean was more than a brother—he was my best friend.” I look down at Grey, feeling choked up as I trace the lines of his face with my fingers, knowing he’s all of my brother that I have left.

We eat dinner, but the awkward vibes in the room never dissipate. Our visit with them seemed to have left them both exhausted and heartbroken. Apparently, seeing Grey didn’t have the effect they’d imagined it would. It seemed to only reopen wounds that were not fully healed. The drive back to our hotel is quiet and solemn. My mind is occupied with thoughts of my brother. Images from the past flash through my brain before my mind settles on the very last image I have of him. I’m glad the last image I remember of him is after he returned from his honeymoon, tanned and blissfully content. I’m glad I couldn’t bring myself to look in his casket; I knew it would fuck with my head. Just thinking of him and Cat reminds me of how fucking fragile life is. We act like we have all this time, but we never know when our last day could be. Everyone I know will die someday—and that’s why I shouldn’t take anything in my life for granted. I don’t know what I’d do, if I hadn’t had the chance to tell my brother I loved him. I’m so thankful for his last phone call, so thankful that the last words I ever said to him were, “I love you, too, Brother.”

I know I need to tell Ronnie how I feel. God forbid something happened to her before I got the chance to express my feelings. Or what if I died tomorrow without her knowing how I felt? As scary as it is for me to express my emotions—I know that it’s scarier not to.

Rain begins to fall on our drive back and it’s practically pouring by the time we reach our hotel. I park as close as possible and jump out of the car, grabbing Grey from his car seat before I get completely drenched. Strangely enough he enjoys the rain and doesn’t even become frightened by the lightening. Instead, he giggles as the constant droplets splash on his cheeks. Ronnie runs ahead, skipping around the puddles as they form on the ground and smiling as the rain causes the fabric of her clothes to mold against her skin. She looks so fucking angelic like this. If the temperature weren’t so cold, I’d love to play outside with the two of them a little bit longer. As soon as we enter the hotel lobby and begin to make our way to our room, I start to rehearse the confession in my head. I love you. I love you, Ronnie. I don’t think a day will go by when I feel any differently.

“Do you want to grab some dinner at one of the restaurants inside the hotel? I saw you weren’t eating much earlier.”

“I couldn’t stomach food with the way they were looking at me,” I say honestly as soon as we reach our room. “Maybe we can grab something later. I just want to change out of these stuffy, wet clothes.”

“Me, too. You were great today, Trev. You were so patient with them—even when I wanted to go off on them for being so rude to you.”

“Thanks, I guess I’m used to it.”

“I hope not,” she responds after unlocking our door and entering our room.

Ronnie runs to the bathroom to change out of her wet clothes, leaving me to smile as I watch her ass shiver before she shuts the door behind her. I set Grey down on the bed and strip out of my wet clothes and into a clean t-shirt and jeans. Grey’s trying to put his foot in his mouth by the time I come to change him. He tries to wiggle away from me at first, but as soon as he sneezes I grow worried and quickly strip him. By the time I have Grey changed into a clean onesie, Ronnie exists the bathroom, looking absolutely stunning in a long, casual navy dress that flows around her feet. She gives me a smile that takes my fucking breath away. I know I have to tell her how I feel. Just thinking about Dean’s death today has made me become so fucking emotional, and I know I can’t waste any more time when it comes to Ronnie. She deserves to know the truth; she deserves to know how deeply I feel for her.

I run a nervous hand through my wet hair, trying to will the words to fly out of my mouth. If only admitting to my feelings were that easy. I set Grey down in the middle of the bed before walking toward her. I must look serious because her smile falters and confusion fills her eyes.

“Babe? What is it?” she asks, her voice sounding worried.

I reach out and gather her hands in mine, taking a moment to gather my thoughts and calm myself the fuck down. This could very well be one of the most important moments of my life. I’ve never told a woman that I loved her before; the waters I’m about to venture into make me feel so exposed. The logical part of my brain knows Ronnie won’t reject me. She shows me that she loves me all the time, even though she’s never said the words aloud. Still, there’s a part of my mind that’s absolutely terrified. I’m putting myself out there—risking the chance of a potential heartbreak. I know I can’t think so negatively. I need to trust in her, and I need to trust in myself.

“I was thinking about my brother on the way home,” I begin, my voice soft and raw. “I was thinking about how grateful I was for getting the chance to tell him that I loved him. Weeks before he died, he called to invite me to come stay with him and Cat. You know, give me the chance to meet Grey for the first time. I knew I wouldn’t be able to come, but I talked to him anyway before whatever I had deemed ‘important’ at the time pulled me away. The last words I ever said to him were that I loved him. I’m so fucking grateful that those were the last words he ever heard from me.

“Life’s so fucking fragile, Ronnie. I can’t imagine dying without getting the chance to tell the people closest to me that I love them. I couldn’t imagine dying tomorrow without getting a chance to tell you my feelings. Ronnie, my feelings for you run so fucking deep.” She gasps, her eyes filling with tears. I take a deep breath before continuing, “Ronnie, I love you so much. I love you more than I can fucking express. I don’t want to go another second without you knowing. I loved you when you were my best friend. I love you as my girlfriend. And I know I’ll love you every single day for the rest of my life.” When she continues to stare at me without saying anything, I pause and emit a nervous chuckle. “I just wanted you to know. It’s been weighing on me for some time now.”

A tear slips down her cheek and before I can reach out to comfort her, she throws her arms around my neck and digs her fingers into my hair. “I love you, too,” she whispers in my ear. “I’ve been wanting to say it for such a long time.”

As soon as she says the words, my entire world seems to stop as I become so happy I can barely fucking breathe. She loves me. This beautiful, perfect girl loves me. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing her just how amazing she truly is.