chapter 28

sugar

The knowledge that my girl loves me has me completely fucking elated. Never have I been more at peace with myself. I’ve been on cloud nine since hearing Ronnie admit her feelings. Now that she knows how much I love her—I can finally fucking relax. The words have been on the tip of my tongue for so long—yearning to be expressed—and now that they’ve been said I can’t stop repeating them. I’ve spent the entire morning telling her over and over again how deeply I feel for her.

When she says she loves me, too… God, no words have ever sounded sweeter. For her to have any type of feelings toward me is more than I ever could’ve hoped for. I just can’t wrap my head around someone loving me, especially someone who’s not obligated to. My father loves me—but I’m his son. Grey loves me—but that’s because I’m the only father he has. Ronnie could’ve chosen anyone in the world, but she chose me: a struggling, single dad. It’s fucking baffling to me, however, that doesn’t mean I’m not thrilled with the fact. Shit, I’m beyond thrilled to be honest. I don’t think there are words to describe the amount of happiness that’s coursing through my body.

“What are you staring at?” Ronnie asks, looking up at me from over her breakfast menu.

“You,” I answer with a smirk as I feed Grey his oatmeal. Mae and Lincoln are supposed to meet us for breakfast, but so far, they’ve been no shows. I went ahead and ordered Grey’s food. Ronnie and I decided to wait politely until they arrive. “I love you.”

She smiles and takes a sip of her tea. “You can’t stop saying it now, can you?” she sheepishly asks. “I love you, too, Trev.”

I reach across the table to hold her hand, enjoying the warmth of her palm against mine. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying it,” I say, honestly. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long.”

“You did.”

My brows shoot up in surprise. “What? When did I tell you?”

She gives me another sheepish smile before shrugging. “With your eyes. In the way you would look at me. I’m sure I’ve been looking at you the exact same way.”

Now that she’s mentioned it, I know she has. She’s illustrated her love for me in so many ways. I’ve had my head too far up my own ass to notice. I always thought of myself as unlovable—so, I never read too much into the things she did. Thinking back about the way she’d always looked at me warms my fucking heart. She’s loved me all this time and I never allowed myself to believe it until now. “I’m so lucky to have you, baby. I have no idea where I’d be without you.”

“Well, you’d definitely be missing out if I wasn’t in your life,” Ronnie teases me.

My stomach grumbles. I decide to pull my phone out and send a text Lincoln just to touch base and see when he plans on showing up. Right as I begin to type out my message I hear the door chime from the front entrance of the diner. I look up to see Mae and Lincoln walking toward our table. I shove my phone back in my pocket and smile at them. I feel more confident than I did yesterday. Even if they treat me like shit, I’ll be polite because I have my own little family who loves me.

I stand up with Grey to greet them. I’m surprised to find that they don’t seem as cold as they did the day before. However, it doesn’t take long for that to change. As soon as they sit down, they’re not very responsive to Ronnie and me. Fuck it. They didn’t want to see us anyway. I let Lincoln hold his grandson during our breakfast, glad that doing so gives him some sort of satisfaction. I hold Ronnie’s hand and focus on enjoying my morning with her as Mae and Lincoln continue to ignore us. I know one way to get their attention, and I’m feeling a bit spiteful after they spent the entire course of breakfast disregarding us. So, I slip off my leather jacket and rest my arms on the table. I’m wearing a black T-shirt, therefore the majority of my two full sleeves are visible. Their eyes widen in shock, but they refrain from commenting.

 

“So, what did you want to do after this?” I casually ask before taking a sip of my coffee. I look over to Ronnie only to find her smirking at me. It’s obvious she knows exactly what I was trying to do.

Mae gulps, but to my surprise she actually responds with an answer which isn’t oozing with fucking judgement. “I was thinking we could go to the children’s museum nearby.”

“That’s a wonderful idea,” I say with a smile before looking back to my girl. “It’s right by our hotel.”

I end up paying for breakfast, after insisting they allow me to treat them. I do it in hopes it’ll butter them up for the rest of the day. I just want today to run smoothly because it’s going to be a long trip home tomorrow. Lincoln concedes and allows me to pay but insists on paying for the museum. I’m happy to oblige considering how expensive this trip has been in the first place. Thankfully, my dad loaned me some money before we left since I was doing such a “good deed” in his eyes.

We follow their 2011 Chrysler 300 to the Children’s Museum of Northern Nevada. It’s a brick building that apparently doesn’t look very exciting to Grey. However, as soon as we enter the lobby and he sees the interior his face becomes animated. He excitedly kicks his legs, wanting down so he can crawl around the place and explore. The museum isn’t too big—or as impressive as the other children’s museums I’ve visited as a kid—but Grey seems to love it. Although, the other children scare him a bit. The sounds of their laughter cause him to become shy, and he buries his face in the collar of my leather jacket.

As soon as he gets a bit more comfortable I give him to Mae, so she can spend time with her grandson while he’s here. I grab Ronnie’s hand and we do a few laps around the main room of the museum to give Mae and Lincoln some alone time with Grey.

“I can’t wait until he gets a little older—then he can get on the slide and do all these activities.” I comment as we watch some of the older kids run around on all the play equipment. “Of course, I’ve heard toddlers are a handful.” I say, giving her an “oh shit” look which causes her to laugh. From what she’s told me about Harper, I’m sure Grey will be even more tiring.

“We’ll definitely have a wild child on our hands,” she agrees.

Something about her statement makes my heart skip a fucking beat—or two. I know it’s cheesy but hearing her talk about a future with me fucking moves me. She plans on being a part of Grey’s life. I can’t begin to describe what that means to me, or how happy it makes me feel. I won’t be a single father. I won’t have to deal with this all on my own. I want to tell her again just how much I fucking love her, but the sounds of Grey’s cries from across the room grabs my attention. We walk over, finding he’s having a hissy fit in his grandmother’s arms.

“He needs to be changed,” Ronnie says with a slight frown. “I can take him.”

Mae gives her a look which screams, “Who are you?” Although, she knows damned well who Ronnie is. I explained to them yesterday that she’s my girlfriend. So, I don’t understand what their problem is with her right now.

“If you don’t want my girlfriend to change him, I can change him.” I say with a heavy sigh.

Mae looks at me for a moment before handing my crying son to Ronnie. I want to roll my eyes at her. However, I stop myself, knowing my attitude won’t do any good. As soon as the two of them disappear into the women’s restroom the feeling in the room becomes incredibly awkward. This is the first time I’ve been alone with Catherine’s parents. Their dislike for me is palpable. I’m raising their grandson for fuck’s sake! What sort of vendetta can they really have against me?

“I should have fought for him,” Mae says quietly enough to pretend she were saying it to herself.

“Dean and Cat wanted me to raise their son,” I simply say, preparing to stand my ground.

“They weren’t thinking clearly. How could you possibly provide for him, Trevor? Do you really think you can give him a good life?”

Now, I do roll my eyes. “I do give him a good life. I love him as if he is my own son.”

“But can you support him?” Mae challenges. “Can you raise him right?”

Suddenly, I feel bad for her. She’s worried for her grandson—and fuck she’s already lost so much. Because of this, I decide not to act like a complete jackass. Let her rip into me if she wants—if it makes her feel better. She probably knows she’s bringing up my worst fears and insecurities. I wouldn’t doubt it if she’s enjoying throwing them in my face for some sick reason. Hell, perhaps I’m just not understanding her. Maybe she’s endured so much pain she no longer knows how to behave properly. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, let it go, and move on.

“I’m doing the best I can,” I grit out honestly. “Every day I wake-up and vow to do the best I possibly can. That’s the most I can do. That’s the most any of us can do when it comes to raising a child.” This shuts her up for a moment, so I continue. “I can understand why you don’t approve of me, but I’ve changed. I’m not the man I once was. My brother’s death was the catalyst for me becoming a better person. Everything I do, I do for Grey. And if that’s not enough—I don’t know what the hell will be.”

Ronnie returns with a now happy Grey before either Mae or Lincoln can respond to my comment. She must sense my unease because she doesn’t hand him off until I take a deep breath and tell her to. Mae’s face is abashed, but she doesn’t look very apologetic. Lincoln looks exactly like his wife, letting me know that while he didn’t voice his opinion, he definitely agrees with her.

“What happened?” Ronnie asks as soon as they’re out of earshot.

“Nothing,” I sigh, but she nudges me and I know I have to continue. “They were just tearing into me again about being Grey’s guardian.”

“Well, fuck them,” she calmly exclaims, taking me by surprise. Ronnie rarely swears but whenever she does, I want to kiss the hell out of her. It’s so raw, honest, and an insane turn-on.

“I guess I can understand where they’re coming from. They’re just looking out for their grandchild’s best interest.”

“I know, but you lost someone, too. And you’re doing the best you can.”

“Maybe they’ll warm up to the idea of me being Grey’s guardian eventually.” As I look across the room and watch Mae and Lincoln playing with my son, I can’t help but feel happy. I’m glad he has more people in his life that love him. As long as they’re good to him, that’s all that matters. I don’t care if they feel the need to treat me like shit. “Honestly, I’m just happy he hasn’t decided to call you ‘mama’ while they’ve been around. I’ve been paranoid about that.”

Ronnie nods. “I have, too. I didn’t want to have to explain that to the parents of his real mother. It would be terribly awkward for me.”

“You’re okay with him calling you that though, right? I know you love him like your own, so I’m sure it’s only natural he believes you’re his mother.”

“I’m okay with it,” Ronnie says a bit shyly.

We skipped lunch, except giving Grey some snacks to tie him over so we can stay at the museum for a few more hours. We finally decide to head out for an early dinner before we say our goodbyes. Neither Mae nor Lincoln ever really warmed up to me, but by the end of dinner they both seemed at peace with the fact that I’m Grey’s guardian. This seemed to be their first steps in accepting their daughter’s decision. They were sad to see their grandson go—but I assured them that we’d try to visit as often as possible. We snapped a few pictures of them with Grey, so they’d have something to remember this trip by. It’s nice seeing him in the loving arms of his grandparents. I’d been close to my grandma. She’d always treated Dean and me equally. She was one of the few people who always made me feel truly cared for. I’d been a mess for a long time after she died.

Before we leave the museum to head back to the hotel, I text Lincoln the pictures. I hope it’ll be something for them to hold onto while their grandson is hours away in Evergreen. As we begin to walk to the car Lincoln stops me, asking if he could have a word before we take off. I’m wary at first because the last time they had a moment alone with me they reminded me just how shitty they thought I was. However, the look on his face tells me this conversation will be different.

“Look, Trevor,” he starts off as soon as we’re out of earshot from everyone else. “I know we haven’t been too kind to you on this trip, but we really want you to know that we appreciate you. We appreciate you taking the time to drive all the way here to bring Greyson for a visit with us. I’m just hoping the way we’ve acted hasn’t scared you away. Mae can’t travel… and I hope you know how much we love our grandson and I hope the way we treated you doesn’t hinder your decision when it comes to allowing us to see him again.”

I can’t tell if he’s apologizing to me, or merely bullshitting me so I’ll feel bad enough to bring Greys back for another visit. “Is this an apology?” I question incredulously.

Lincoln’s quick to nod. “Of course, we’re very sorry, Trevor. I know my daughter would’ve been mortified if she were here to see the way we’ve treated you and your girlfriend.”

I take a deep breath, still not completely buying it. “It’s all right. I know how hard things have been and I understand.” I begin to walk away, but Lincoln remains where he is, standing on the edge of the parking lot. I turn, not wanting to stoop to their level by treating them the same way they’ve been treating me. “We’ll come back as soon as we can, Lincoln, I promise. You’ll get to see your grandson again. I want him to have as many people who love him in his life as possible.” Lincoln seems satisfied with this and I give him one final wave goodbye before walking away.

“What was that about?” Ronnie asks as soon as I slide into the car.

“He just wanted to apologize and wanted to ask if we were going to bring Grey back to visit.”

“What did you say?”

“I accepted his apology and said we’d come back as soon as we could.”

“So, he apologized for his behavior,” Ronnie says with a disbelieving laugh. “After the way they were looking at us all night I would’ve never imagined.”

“Well, it wasn’t much of an apology. But I didn’t want to stoop to their level and get all vindictive.”

“You’re a great person, Trev. Much more patient than I would’ve been.”

“Yeah.” I chuckle. “I saw the looks you were giving them.”

“Well, I have to protect what’s mine,” she says without shame.

“Is that what I am? ‘Yours’?” I ask, unable to keep the huge smile off my face.

“Of course. And I’m yours.”

“You’ve been mine all along,” I tease her, before holding her hand over the center console.

 

 

The next few days are long and tedious. I’ve never been so eager to get back to Evergreen. As soon as we arrive home at our apartment, I practically kiss the ground. I’m so thankful we made it back safely and tonight I can sleep in my own bed. We don’t bother unpacking our suitcases and merely changed into our pajamas. I order take-out so we can veg out in front of the television and relax after a long, hard drive home. I have to go back to work bright and early tomorrow morning. I wish I could just take another personal day and spend the day in bed with my beautiful girlfriend. Too bad I’m an adult with responsibilities.

Ronnie spends the night at my place and makes love to me before I pass out shortly before midnight. I wake-up before my alarm clock goes off. I groan before sliding out of bed, careful not to wake her. I jump into a hot shower with the hopes that it’ll wake me up. To my surprise, I hear the bathroom door open and close and I turn to look just in time to watch my girl strip out of her pajamas through the clear shower curtain. I’m already smiling at what she has planned before she joins me under the hot water. She doesn’t say anything, merely kisses me and drops to her knees before me. Now, I’m fully awake. I gasp as her lips wrap around my cock and brace myself against the slippery shower wall as she sucks me off. As soon as she rolls my balls around in her hand, I come. She swallows every bit before standing up to hold me.

“I love you, baby,” she says simply before kissing my shoulder.

“God, I love you, too, Ronnie. So much.” I pull back, wanting to do something to please her despite my exhaustion. “Now, it’s your turn.”

“No, baby. Don’t worry about that. This morning was about you. Besides, you’ve got to be at work soon and I don’t want to make you late.” She kisses my cheek before slipping out of the shower. “Get ready and I’ll make you some breakfast and coffee.”

“Fuck, I love you, baby.”

“I know you do,” she utters coyly before leaving the bathroom.

 

 

I roll up to work, whistling a merry fucking tune. Something which I’ve never done in my entire existence. Jaxson gives me a knowing grin as soon as he sees me and pats me firmly on the back as I walk by.

“You look like a man that’s just had an amazing lay this morning,” he says, fucking with me.

I roll my eyes and punch his shoulder. “No, man, it’s not that.” I laugh and continue, “Well, it is that, but it’s also so much more than that.”              

Jaxson gives me an expectant look and takes a chug of his water.              

I feel embarrassed about bringing this shit up at work because I don’t like getting all mushy with these guys. Besides I rarely talk about my feelings. In spite of myself, I’m so fucking happy I can’t contain it. With a shit-eating grin, I tell him, “My girl and I exchanged ‘I love yous.’ ”

Jaxson’s face lights up like a fucking Christmas tree and he slaps me jovially on the back again as he says, “That’s amazing, man! I knew Ronnie loved you. I mean, I figured she must with the way you talk about her all of the time.”              

I laugh, unable to wipe the smirk off my face. “I know I do, man. I just can’t help bringing her up all of the time.” All I do is think about her, so it’d make sense if all I do is talk about her, as well.              

“You and Ronnie should come out with me and my girlfriend sometime,” Jaxson suggests.

I’ve never met his girlfriend, but he talks about her a hell of a lot, as well. Maybe she could become a good friend to Ronnie? “That’d be awesome, man. It would be nice hanging out with another couple.”

He promises to make plans soon before he heads back to work. The day goes by quickly. I spend most of my time thinking about how good it will feel to get home to Ronnie and Grey. After spending every second with them over these past few days, it’s odd being on my own—even if it’s just for ten hours.

I call Ronnie before leaving work, just needing to hear her voice because I can’t wait another twenty minutes until I arrive home. “How’s your day been, babe?” She sighs, and I know she’s spent, too. Watching a baby all day can be more exhausting than working under the hot sun.

“It’s been fine. Grey’s been really active today,” she says with a tired laugh.

“Aw, sweetheart. Let me grab something to eat on the way home. I don’t want you to have to worry about dinner tonight.”              

“As long as it’s no trouble for you...” Ronnie trails off. Although, she obviously doesn’t want to admit it, I know she needs a break. She works from home while taking care of Grey. I know how difficult that must be.

“It’s no trouble,” I assure her, as I make my way to my truck. “I’ll just stop by a sandwich shop and pick something up.”

“Sounds good.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “I love you.”              

This is the first time she’s said it over the phone. It causes my breath to catch in my throat. With a giant grin, I respond, “I love you, too, baby. I’ll be home soon.”              

“Drive safely.”

I end up at a nearby deli, which is packed with the five o’clock crowd. To occupy my time while I’m waiting in line I swipe through pictures of Ronnie and Grey on my phone. As I’m deciding what to order in my head, I see a face I recognize. It’s the older, beautiful woman from the supermarket; she’s waiting for her order at the pick-up counter. I can’t help but watch her. It’s not because of an attraction I have for her or any shit like that. I’m too invested in my girl to think about anyone else in that way. I stare at her because I’m trying to fucking place her. Why the fuck does she seem so familiar?

I continue to observe her, hoping she doesn’t notice me. Her auburn hair has been freshly cut and styled, and her slim figure is dressed in—what looks to be—a very expensive outfit. She doesn’t look much different than the other women in town, yet, there is something about her that stands out to me.              

“Sir?”

My eyes dart to the counter, where a teenager standing behind the cash register is giving me a confused look. Feeling fucking embarrassed for gawking at a stranger for so long, I step forward and quickly place my order. As I grab my ticket and move down to the pick-up counter, I feel compelled to talk to this woman. I don’t know what’s possessing me, but I manage to hold myself back and keep my mouth shut. The woman’s order is up, which consists of two large coffees to go. She grabs them while quickly thanking the barista before heading out. My eyes follow her as she leaves.

She’s greeted by a man as soon as she exits the deli. A man I know all too fucking well. My mind is reeling, and I’m paralyzed with shock. He greets her warmly—too warmly—as if she’s an old friend. He doesn’t see me because if he did notice me, I can’t imagine what the fuck he’d say. What could he say? It’s obvious there’s something going on between them. He laughs at something this woman says. I watch in shock as they walk away, hand in hand, until they’re out of my sight.              

“Sir?” A different teen asks, holding up my order.

I hand her my ticket and take my food, feeling completely numb as I leave the deli. What the hell did I just witness? And why the fuck did it make me feel so sick? I’ve got a bad fucking feeling about this.