CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Lucas
Brushing my teeth in the steamy bathroom, I checked my face in the mirror to see if I looked any different. Nope. Looked the same. Then why did I feel so different? So… unchained?
I hadn’t been happy last night when Ava suggested the tie me up tit for tat. At first, when I’d been successful at convincing her to let me tie her up, all I’d been able to think was… thank god. But then, she’d turned the table, which turned out to be a Lazy Susan that spun me into some kind of Silhouette Romance novel. And I felt all the feelings. Tender feelings.
I picked up my razor and shook my head so I could see straight again. My mind had been full of fluffy, fuzziness since Ava climbed on top of me last night. I felt like I was walking on a fucking cloud, and it had to stop.
Only I didn’t want it to stop.
I knew from way back when I was a kid that I needed to distance myself from hope and dreams. Try not to like anything too much. Just like the anal play and the Tantric hand job, this had somehow made me let go of a piece of myself I wasn’t willing to part with, and yet, each experience brought me a new awareness of myself.
Common sense told me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Ava was everything I could hope for in a woman. She was funny and smart and sexy and sweet. She ticked every box I could ever want in a companion… but one. A big one.
Could I let that one thing go and be all in?
If I was in, it had to be all the way. She was a singular woman — I’d never find another like her.
If I was out, I’d be minus the risk, never have to experience the pain I’d seen in every single person I knew when the love in their life broke apart for one reason or another.
I was happy to get into the shower and let the water wash away my confusion about what she’d done to me, how she took control and more importantly, how I’d handed it to her.
I scrubbed my skin as if I could scrub the deepening feelings I was developing out of my pores. Last night, Ava was exhausted, and she was asleep the minute her head hit the pillow. Even though I was tired, I stayed up and watched her in the moonlight. Like some fucking sappy chick flick. This funky little fashion designer from Arkansas was stealing my heart. She’d pushed me to new and uncomfortable places more easily than the board of directors at my company ever had.
Before I knew it, I was fantasizing what a partnership — what a marriage — would be like with her. It had my heart palpitating.
Like it was now. She was everything I’d ever needed, and yet… I still needed her to try and accept my way of life. As much as I was growing to love her, I wanted her to love me enough to make some sacrifices for me as well.
My uncle, while often too crazy to comprehend, was a genius. He’d given me the one thing I was never going to find on my own in the current rut I’d been in… a perfect partner.
The steam from the shower was beginning to match the fog in my brain, so I exited quickly.
Only to be greeted with another box.
“Oh look, we got mail,” Ava said sarcastically as she held up the red and white box in the entrance hall.
My heart sank, and I heard myself groan. We had completed two of my tasks already, which meant my third was still dangling over my love-fuzzed head.
I had to give her a lot of credit for what she’d already endured. However, what was to come had nothing to do with love, and I was sure she’d probably — no, would definitely hate it. My only way around it would be to show her how much pleasure there could be if she opened her mind to the experience… and yet, I knew it would be dangerous if she did.
“You never know, it might be something fun.” My voice sounded fake even to me.
“Your kind of fun or my kind of fun? Cause there’s a big difference.” Her eyes were big in her face, her lips pinched.
“Our kind of fun.” I gave her a reassuring smile, and her shoulders relaxed a little.
I folded my hand over hers on the box, and we opened it together and read the card inside.
CHALLENGE #11
For Fun and Sport
A day of snowmobile racing against the other team.
Suit up and meet downstairs at ten o’clock sharp.
Ava’s face lit up, her eyes wide with delight. “A snowmobile race does sound fun.”
A snowmobile race was certainly better than what I’d put down on that card the day I got here. A race would give us some time to play and enjoy each other’s company, which was something I really craved.
It was cold outside, the sky clear, bright, and sunny. My uncle had orchestrated a racing course with manmade hills and obstacles. The smell of exhaust from the snowmobiles had my blood pumping faster.
We met Uncle Harv and Lucy on the snowmobile platform.
“How are our couples this morning?” Lucy asked, taking in the fact that Ava and I were holding hands. Lucy leaned toward Unc and talk-whispered, “Lookie at them, aren’t they just the cutest couple?”
Something in her words made my chest want to puff out in a way I’d never experienced before. I wanted to flex my muscles and strut around like I was some kind of hotshot peacock, to show Ava I was everything she’d ever dreamed of, everything she could ever hope to find in a man.
I hated myself for it, and in that instant decided the snowmobile race was going to be my proof of manhood. I’d win and prove to Ava that I could be her champion in anything thrown at us.
Tossing a glance at Isabella and Mason, I saw they looked exhausted. I wondered how their evenings were going. Isabella seemed very confident with her head held high, while Ava was a little distant this morning. A good fast ride would spike her adrenalin and put her back in the spirit of the game.
Uncle raised his voice to be heard in the wide expanse of snow. “This is another little competition like we did with the skiing. It factors into your overall score. But first, I’m sure you want to know who last night’s winners are from the bondage challenge. Congratulations, Mason and Isabella. You seem to have delighted in last night’s game.”
Shock rocketed through me. How could Mason have done better than me at a challenge focused on tying a woman up? This contest was bullshit. We needed actual recorded footage to know who had really mastered the challenges. Guessing after the fact didn’t cut it. The thought of Ava displayed on a monitor for other people to watch as she came punched me in the gut. Fuck.
Ava took my hand and gave me a hesitant smile. “It’s okay. I thought last night was exceptional.” She was making an effort, but I had no way of knowing what was going on in her head. She seemed happy last night, but this morning I got the feeling she might’ve been dealing with some of her own issues.
Mason and Isabella high-fived then strolled over to us on their way to mount up.
“So? How’s it been going for you guys?” Mason asked with a hint of the privileged pretty boy in his voice. There wasn’t much pain in the tone as I’d been hoping, just fatigue and satisfaction. I’d wanted to know I’d gotten to him with my challenges. Searching his face for animosity, I found none. Had he enjoyed the challenges? Had I unwittingly introduced him to something he’d discovered he liked? And now, thanks to my overinflated ego, we were tied again.
“We’re golden,” I answered like a dickhead, unable to stop my kneejerk reaction to his question.
Mason’s eyes flicked over me then to Ava, and he shifted his weight to his heels. “Not yet, you aren’t.” His eyes went back to Ava and a hot flame of jealously seared through my chest.
“You won’t win this one, Mason.” His eyes locked with mine and he knew I was talking about more than the race. Before he could say another word, I pulled Ava to the snowmobile I wanted.
“I’m sore,” she huffed as I yanked her on behind me.
“Me too,” Isabella sighed from the snowmobile beside us with an exasperated expression, making me wonder if they were really doing so well or if the challenges were too much for her to handle. They looked like the perfect couple, as Mason mounted and her arms wrapped around him from behind, but I knew from the websites my Uncle ran that looks could be orchestrated completely.
When I caught Mason’s eyes on Ava again, I turned over the engine and revved it. “This is a Hedon game, people, you’re supposed to be sore,” I growled, feeling heat flare up my neck. “You gotta be able to take it.”
“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but these Hedon games have me a bit raw.” Ava shot them her goofy smile and rubbed her ass.
Everyone laughed. Except me. Was there something I was missing? A strange vibe was floating through the air.
“Well, Luke,” I hated when Mason called me that, “get ready to get your ass wiped all over the course!” He engaged his engine and slung snow our way as he took his machine to the start line.
I envied them for a moment. Did they have something Ava and I didn’t? I knew he wasn’t into the lifestyle, but was she? Maybe I was the only freak at the party. I had to come out on top here. And I would.
Ava’s warm gloved hands slipped around me, and her arms locked around my waist.
“You ready to fly?” I loved anything fast — cars, motorcycles, anything. I squeezed her hand and took us side-by-side with my opponent. We put on our helmets as I gave her a wink which she returned with a shaky smile.
Just then, Uncle Harv stepped between us in fashionable ski attire with a black and white checkered flag. “Riders, get ready!” he yelled as he raised the flag above his head.
A flood of adrenalin race through my system. Yes! I knew Mason didn’t care for speed, preferred life to move at a slow pace. This was a sure win.
As Uncle Harv waved his flag one, two — Isabella dismounted and got on the front of their vehicle, Mason taking the backseat. What the hell? I was going to be racing Isabella? Oh hell no.
Mason gave me a snarky glance, and I realized this must’ve been their strategy… a trade off or something.
Suddenly this all didn’t seem as much fun. I’d win hands down, no challenge. Switching gears, I focused on giving Ava a thrill ride, maybe just scare her a bit for fun.
Harv slung his flag low, and we opened up the engines and were off. I hit full throttle and flew up the hill, powdered snow flying behind me as Ava’s grip tightened. I powered forward after grabbing some air over the first hill.
I was in the lead, this was so easy.
We went around a tree with Isabella hot on my ass, then divided into two sides of the course to complete separate obstacles. Mine and Ava’s was a series of bright orange spikes we needed to maneuver through, theirs had piles of snow and intermittent trees.
The spikes were harder than I thought they’d be, and we skidded out and almost tipped over on the last dodge. Ava squealed like her life was being handed to her, which got my testosterone pumping, and I revved the engine again. Maybe a little too much because the front bucked and dove upwards as gravity pushed Ava right off the back end, despite her death grip on my coat.
Fuck!
I righted the bike, and she hopped back on, looking pale and scared, but bless her, she flung her arms around me, and I hit the accelerator. We were off again, to the first finish line.
As I was going in for the second round, Isabella was already completing the obstacle portion of their side of the course. I wasn’t going to lose to them, so I hit the gas, barely avoiding another wipeout. Zigzagging around the obstacles, I took some pretty horrible risks, considering I had Ava on the back, but I wanted to win. Throwing caution to the wind, I flew through the rest of the course to slide into home.
When the cloud of powdery snow cleared, the truth was revealed. Isabella and Mason were hugging each other in victory.
I’d lost.
My pride fell off a cliff, and all that was left of me was anger. I dismounted in a haze of white cold, dusted the snow off myself and chanced a look at Ava, who was wild-eyed and kind of green after the crazy ride.
I nodded congratulations to Isabella, who was beaming with joy. She and Mason were both looking so fucking smug, I wanted to—
Ava smoothed her hand over my shoulder. “It’s just a game, Lucas.”
“No, it’s not,” I snarled, “it’s my life.”
I needed some time away from all of this, or I knew I’d do something I’d regret. I stomped toward the chalet, wanting to be anywhere but here, but stopped just inside the door at the sound of Lucy’s voice.
“Are you sure about this choice? It seems to me Mason would be more appropriate for Ava and vice versa.”
What? Mason and Ava?
“And Isabella and Lucas.” My uncle cleared his throat, and she fell silent.
Ava and Mason?
I put my hand on the wall to steady myself as I took everything in. Ava and Mason. For sure neither possessed my type of appetite, my type of needs. They were both normal and nice, nothing like me.
Lucy had a point.
I’d seen it before but had been too selfish in my desire for Ava to delve deeper. Mason and Ava were much better suited than Ava and me.
Shook to my very core, I began walking, my legs like weights as I made my way to the suite. As I went, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was the way it should be.