CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Xander
I found her on the deck, staring out at the water as the stars and full moon glistened off the waves. She leaned back against me when I came up behind her, and our fingers linked as I wrapped my arms around her waist. It was as if we’d done this same thing a million times before.
“It’s lovely here,” she said, and I heard the truth in her words. I was ridiculously pleased that she liked it there. I’d only bought the five-bedroom house less than a year ago, and it still felt new. Clean. The home had not experienced the fighting with Danielle. The ugliness we’d spewed at each other hadn’t touched this place, these walls.
Just standing here, I felt as if I could breathe again.
It was getting late, nearly midnight now. I’d decided that we should leave under the cover of darkness, when we could slip out of the building, hopefully escape the paparazzi unseen. The bastards had launched themselves at me that morning, and it had taken all of my willpower not to deck another cameraman. But I’d restrained, not even shaking my head or acknowledging their stupid questions in any way.
“How does it feel knowing that Jet Ford has been released on bail?”
“How does it feel that your ex-wife denies these allegations?”
How does it feel?
Such a ridiculous question, and I wanted to shove fire up their asses, then ask them how it felt. I’d restrained because I had better, more important things to do. After leaving them shouting after me, I’d been a man on a mission. I hadn’t been so fired up about life in a very long time.
I’d always gotten shit done, always had people to ensure the completion of every task. But this day was all on me, and I wanted to see to each detail personally. I had a fucking plan.
And it wasn’t just because Madalyn would be staying with us, although that factored into my newfound happiness to a large degree. The simple truth was… I was stoked about being a father again. A real father, not a weekend dad who breezed in and out of my children’s lives.
I wished Kylian hadn’t been put at risk for me to realize how much they needed me — and I needed them — but he had been put at risk. And as much as I wanted to blame only Jet or even Danielle, I was responsible for that too. It wouldn’t happen again.
My only big mistake of the day had been forgetting to call my barber to shear the shagginess from my son. I hadn’t really realized just how much it bothered him until Madalyn, in private, told me about his breakdown over the picture and gently reminded me of my promise about his hair.
I called the barber immediately, and he was happy to stop by the apartment, for a price. I gladly paid it. I would have paid more. Would have paid anything for the look of satisfaction on Kylian’s face when the hair was out of his eyes, off his neck. It made me wonder why he’d grown it that long to begin with, and I’d come to the conclusion that it hadn’t been his choice.
There were so many ways to hold a person, a child, hostage.
Surprising them with the little dog had been one of my main goals of the day. Puppies or no puppies. Hell, a hundred puppies, I didn’t care. I wasn’t letting the creature be prisoner to a fear filled life either. Seeing her clean and brushed had been emotional for me, and a reminder that we each had so much potential living within us, if only someone took the time to look.
My last surprise of the day held no honor in it. It was purely ego driven. Purely for fun.
When we snuck out the back entrance of The Dakota, Kylian had stopped, stared… gaped at the sparkling new Porsche Cayenne S I’d just purchased. It was a thing of beauty. Not practical in the least.
“Still think I’m an old man?” I asked the stunned boy. He hadn’t answered, he hadn’t needed to. Even though it was still an SUV, it was damn sharp, and Kyl had been beyond thrilled with our new ride. To be honest, so was I. I’d been living a tightly contained life, and I was looking forward to speeding it up a bit.
I kissed Madalyn’s hair, pulled her even more tightly against me. Maybe speeding it up a lot.
Her arms were bare, and I wondered if she was cold. It was May, spring, but the wind off the Atlantic held a chill. She didn’t seem to mind as she continued to gaze out onto the water. I wondered if she was thinking of France and if she missed the blue seas there.
“Are the children settled?” she asked. “And CeeCee?”
Although still timid, the dog had made the two-and-a-half-hour trip with surprising ease and was now settled beside Kenzie, both of their heads sharing a pillow. “They’re all asleep.”
“That’s good.” She tilted her head back to look at me. “I’m excited about the puppies. I wish the vet had known more specifically as to when they’d arrive.”
“Me too.” I laughed. “Knowing my luck, she’ll go into labor the second I kiss you.”
Madalyn laughed too. “That does appear to be our luck, doesn’t it?”
“Any regrets?” I asked, and she was quiet for so long that I regretted asking the question, feared that maybe she did.
She turned in my arms, and instead of answering, she slid her glasses off her nose, placing them on the railing beside us. That finished, she hooked her hands around my neck and pulled my head down to hers. Our lips met, hers as hungry as mine. As desperate. Pulling her tighter against me, I wrapped her hair around my hand, controlling her head to give me better access. Our tongues met, danced, and nothing had ever been so sweet.
When it came to being with a woman, kissing wasn’t one of my favorite things. It was always awkward, and it didn’t normally stir desire in me. It was simply part of the process of seduction, a necessary step to please my partner.
With Madalyn, it had come easy. Our noses hadn’t crashed together. Our tongues seemed to know the other’s rhythm. Kissing her was like dancing with a partner I’d danced with many times.
When our lips separated, her nails raked through the hair on my face then up to the hair on my head, and I closed my eyes at the sensation.
“I was just thinking of all the events that have led me to this place right here.”
I looked into those incredible eyes again. “They say that when one door closes, another opens.”
She nodded, her fingers moving back down to my beard. “It does. The challenge is being brave enough to step through it, to trust that what’s on the other side is exactly what you needed.”
“You’re a brave woman, Madalyn.”
Her gaze dropped to my throat. “No. Bravery is a recent trait for me. I haven’t always been. I allowed…” She pressed her face to my chest, her arms dropping to wrap around my waist.
I tipped her face up. “You allowed what?”
Her brow furrowed, and I waited for her to find the words. “I allowed the path of my destiny to be predetermined. I didn’t fight for what I wanted, and I told myself that I didn’t have a choice. The truth was, I did have a choice. I just didn’t like the consequences of my choices.” She sighed and pressed her cheek to my chest again. “I…”
I waited but she didn’t say more. “Who are you, Madalyn?” I asked, stroking my hands up and down her back.
She looked up, her chin on my chest. “I think I’m just figuring that out. Can I let you know when I know?”
It was a reminder of just how young she was. Twenty-two, fresh out of school and with her life, and many open doors, ahead of her. Did she really want to be harnessed to an older man with two children?
Taking her face in my hands, I needed to probe that question, even as much as the answer might hurt. “Are you sure, Madalyn, that you want to be here with me and the kids? It’s a lot to take on, as you learned today.”
She swallowed, and moonlight shone off the tears pooling in her eyes. “You were my open door, Xander. My escape. I ran through that door willingly. I’m here willingly. And I don’t want to leave.”
“What were you running from? Or should I say who?”
Her gaze lowered to my throat, and she became very still. To be so young, her ability to be so self-contained was remarkable. And unsettling for some reason.
“Can I leave my past in the past?”
I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to tell her that I needed to know everything about her, each detail that had made her the woman she was today. I didn’t. She had a right to her secrets. She barely knew me, after all.
But she’d know me better tomorrow, and even better the day after that. In a week, two weeks, a month… a year. In time, she’d grow to trust me.
Time.
Pressing my lips to her forehead, it surprised me at how vividly I could see us growing old together, and I didn’t know why I felt so certain that we would.
I wasn’t so foolish to believe I was in love with her, but I knew I could be. Would be. I could already feel how enduring that love would become. How fierce. Strong.
I’d fallen in love instantly with my children. The moment I witnessed them slide from Danielle’s body, it had been over. With Kylian, I had thought… this is it, I’ll never love anyone as much as I love this little boy. Then Kenzie arrived, and like the Grinch, my heart grew two sizes that day.
Now, Madalyn had slipped into my life, and I could feel my heart begin to expand again. But with her, I had the societal pressure that came with any blossoming relationship. The societal rules. My own rules. The jaded part of me that didn’t believe love was in the cards for me. The part of me that believed I was happier as a bachelor. Alone.
That was changing, and as Madalyn’s fingers began to stroke my back again, I could feel it changing fast. And I wasn’t afraid of it. I welcomed it.
Madalyn wasn’t the only one to walk through a newly opened door.
I’d walked through one too.
“Come to bed with me.” It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t a demand.
“Yes, take me to your bed.”
She was grinning as she said it, and I narrowed my eyes. “Is that what Nellie told Jacob?”
Her grin grew bigger. “How did you know?”
Sweeping her bangs back from her forehead, I kissed her there. “Because I’m beginning to know you, Madalyn.”
“Xander?”
“Yes?”
“Can we stop talking now?”
Laughing, I scooped her up and strode across the long deck and into the master suite, kicking the door closed behind me. Her dress was a puddle on the floor with just two movements of my hands. Her bra was next, urgently disposed of so I could see every inch of her golden skin.
“Don’t move,” I instructed, and practically ran to the door to lock it. I said a silent wish that Kylian had a dreamless sleep. Feeling immediately guilty, I added for his benefit, not just mine to the end of it.
When I turned back to face her, I stood were I was, taking her in. She looked so regal standing there. She exuded a strange sense of calm I wanted to crack, eliminate. To be so vibrant, she could be so quiet and contained… almost invisible.
“Do you know how very beautiful you are?” I asked as I approached her.
Her nipples tightened, drawing my eyes back to them. “I feel beautiful around you,” she said, her voice whisper quiet but also strong, certain. The contradiction was appealing.
Reaching into my bag, I pulled out a new box of condoms and ripped the clear cellophane off. As much as I wanted to be with her skin on skin, I wasn’t stupid. That measure of control hadn’t been completely lost to me in her presence, at least.
When I stood in front of her again, I ignored the primal part of me that wanted to toss her down on the bed and sink into her warmth, batter our bodies against each other’s until we were both exhausted. Shattered.
My mouth came down on hers, and she moaned against my lips. The electricity was back. That sense of rightness I’d never experienced before, especially not with my ex. Not with anyone. In fact, I hadn’t thought this type of attraction was possible until I met a girl in the park under the oddest of circumstance.
My angel.
The sounds she made as my hands trailed up her ribs to cup her breasts were so damn sexy. The little whimpers. The little gasps for air as I rolled her tight nipples between my fingers.
My mouth began to water as I thought about tasting her again. She was so sweet, everywhere. And I was hungry for her. I wanted to feast of her flesh, drink my fill. Fuck until neither of us could move.
Her eyes popped open in surprise when I pushed her backward onto the bed, and I made quick work of my shirt, tossing it to the floor. I watched her watch me unzip my pants, felt her close examination of my every movement. When my cock popped free from the boxers, I was ridiculously pleased when her eyes widened.
“Take off your panties,” I ordered, and her breathing hitched but she did as I asked. I didn’t take my eyes off hers though. “Open your legs, Madalyn. Let me see you.”
She blushed but did as I asked, and it was only then that I lowered my gaze, taking her in fully. Damn.
I’d seen her naked before, but my reaction now was even stronger than the first time. Maybe because I now knew how sweet she tasted. I knew her scent. I was more familiar with how responsive she was, the sounds she made. And I wanted it all, everything, again.
Rosy pink, her sex glistened with her arousal.
Grabbing her ankles, I pulled her down the bed, not stopping until her ass was nearly hanging off. Still holding her ankles, I pushed until her legs butterflied open before lowering to my knees.
“Watch me, Madalyn. Watch me eat you. Watch how much I love it.”
Her breath was coming in sharp pants as she raised onto her elbows, licking her lips as I dragged a finger up through her honey-slick folds. The petals of her sex opened before me. With my thumbs, I spread her swollen flesh even wider, watched one layer at a time be revealed.
Madalyn squirmed, probably from the intensity of my gaze. When I blew on her folds, her eyes closed, but I waited until she opened them again to do more.
She cried out at the first touch of my lips, then keened as I raked my teeth over her clit. Her eyes rolled back, and she writhed, crying out as I sucked the tight bundle of nerves into my mouth, feeling it pulse and swell under my ministrations.
Pushing her thighs even farther apart, the sweet pucker of her ass was tempting, and she jolted when I ran a thumb over it. I grinned. “One day,” I promised, before plunging my tongue deep inside her sweetness.
She fell back onto the bed, her hands fisting the sheets as I sank a finger into her warmth. Damn, she was tight. I added a second finger, scissoring them to make her ready for me.
Her body tightened as I stroked her deep inside, curling and pumping my fingers with increasing speed. Her breath grew more ragged, mine did too, as I licked and sucked around her sweet opening.
Her fingers found my hair, pulling me harder against her, and I happily obliged. She keened as I focused on the rough patch of nerves under her pubic bone. Pulling a pillow over her face, she screamed as she came.
It was a beautiful thing to watch, this woman who was so normally self-possessed come unglued under my hands. And I wanted to unglue her again. And again. And again.
Pushing to my feet, I reached for the box of condoms. And froze.
There was blood on my fingers.
I’d hurt her.
Damn.